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Girlfriend is very unmotivated

patrickstarr

By patrickstarr
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SwordofFlame Established Member

SwordofFlame

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What are your long term dating goals with her? You said she doesn't want kids. Good because she probably wouldn't make a good mother.

 

Going to play devil's advocate here, if you feel that the relationship is unbalanced from a financial and housekeeping perspective. Why not ask her to contribute more? Why not get her to contribute more of her parents' money? I mean you said you were OK with it. Why not even tell her to a hire a cleaning lady with her parents money? From what it sounds like, they'll probably just give her more money if she asks.

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patrickstarr Member

patrickstarr

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They contribute enough & I think asking for more may sour a relationship

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patrickstarr Member

patrickstarr

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And are you excited to hear about how she sat around all day and then went shopping?

 

 

I'm genuinely interested in her day

preraph Established Member

preraph

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You can't be the one to tell her what to do and push her because then you become her parent figure and instantly you are no longer sexy. I am not joking. Nothing is a bigger sex killer than when a couple takes on parent/child roles. You can't make her change. That was her parents' job and now it's really just up to her. All you can do is get out, which I would do rather than having kids with someone like that down the road.

ThisisIt606 Established Member

ThisisIt606

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She's privileged. Is she even interesting to you?? How can you have a relationship with that. Do not even think about procreating with this woman... it would be a nightmare, plus you don't want to add more "baggage" to society like your gf currently is.

 

Dump her, you can easily find a new girl to do fun things with. The new girl will hopefully have a job and function like a helpful human being. You're basically dating a child.

ThisisIt606 Established Member

ThisisIt606

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Sidenote: she just makes coming home awesome, because she gets so excited that I'm back & can't wait to hear what I did all day & to tell me anything she did all day

 

dump your gf and get a dog? Pretty similar reactions.... plus you can train the dog to fetch things for you.

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Popsicle Established Member

Popsicle

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I was not born into wealth but I understand it. I think people who have not been have a hard time understanding it. I mean, would you have a problem dating Warren Buffet's daughter? Bill Gates daughter? She's taken care of, you are not. That is/was her birth privilege. If you want a woman who works hard just because you do, then find another woman.

Popsicle Established Member

Popsicle

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They contribute enough & I think asking for more may sour a relationship

 

So is that the issue? You want more money? You want someone who contributes the same or more as you do?

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patrickstarr Member

patrickstarr

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.I just want her to want more out of life besides sleeping until noon and shopping. I want to successfully put that drive in her without any fighting. I suppose I just assumed years ago that her laziness was just " typical teenage" behavior, but, it's spilled over and that's the frustrating thing. And with the college thing, I told her that I'd help her just as much as I could and all I got back was, " But, it'll be way too hard. I don't have time." So, it gets dropped and we just move on

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patrickstarr Member

patrickstarr

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In an apartment or where?

 

 

we live in an apt. together

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patrickstarr Member

patrickstarr

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What are your long term dating goals with her?

 

long term goals. Hmmm. Haven't given that much thought, we're comfortable where we're at.

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patrickstarr Member

patrickstarr

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as far as the effort being put into the relationship. We both put effort into keeping ourselves in tact, keeping the "fire" alive, and taking an interest into what the other enjoys( i.e. me getting her into football)

MovingOnIsHard Established Member

MovingOnIsHard

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You're becoming more of a parent /coach than a partner to her. And she seems more like a project to you than a partner.

 

All your efforts in trying to improve her is pointless. She has to want it. But why would she change when her parents are there to fork over money whenever she likes?

 

One of my boyfriend's cousins is like this. He is 40yrs old, lives in a house paid for by his parents, 1km away from said parents, with his wife (who doesn't do anything either) and five children. He works when he wants, meaning some days when he is lazy he doesn't show up for work. He has young twins that he just drops off everyday at his parents while his and does whatever (not work). My bf's mom used to get paid by his mom to babysit the twins, up until the time he showed u up and cussed at her. He acts very entitled.

 

Your girlfriend's never going to change when her parents themselves enable her attitude. Even at 40.

 

Please move on from her. You want a girl who is just as driven as you. They exist, you know.

VeveCakes Established Member

VeveCakes

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.I don't have time." So, it gets dropped and we just move on

 

No time eh..

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patrickstarr Member

patrickstarr

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No time eh..

 

 

Yeah, that reasoning didn't help her.

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Redhead14 Established Member

Redhead14

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as far as the effort being put into the relationship. We both put effort into keeping ourselves in tact, keeping the "fire" alive, and taking an interest into what the other enjoys( i.e. me getting her into football)

 

Well, you are only putting in effort that addresses the most superficial and daily aspects of a relationship. A successful, meaningful relationship has a shared vision for the future and goals as a couple and have agreed upon/at least make a compromise about financial goals and responsibilities, parenting styles/attitudes, whether or not they even want children, whether or not they have good conflict resolution skills, ability to compromise, skills to run a household, etc. Like it or not, sex and football aren't enough to sustain a relationship.

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VeveCakes Established Member

VeveCakes

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We can all sit here and say what we would do, how we would feel but basically it's up to YOU and YOUR wants.

 

Are you ok with having a trophy wife?

Are you ok with always carrying the financial weight?

Does your gf fullfill the relationship in other ways? Take care of you? Cook for you? Give you back rubs? Have a great sex life?

Can you picture being 40 or 50 and still having a wife who sleeps till noon, goes out for lunch and shopping all afternoon while you work the days away?

 

There is nothing wrong with that if you are ok with it. Bottom line is - your gf is an entitled privileged girl with no ambition to become anything in life other than a couch potatoe or maybe a shopaholic. You can't change her, she can only change herself.

 

You have to decide if this is what you want in life.

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patrickstarr Member

patrickstarr

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she is a very affectionate person so that definitely adds to our relationship

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patrickstarr Member

patrickstarr

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I think we both share the sentiment that neither of us wants kids

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JamesM Established Member

JamesM

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she is a very affectionate person so that definitely adds to our relationship

 

Yes, it does, but is it enough?

 

Again, you have plenty of advice, and much to think about.

 

The question is...what will you do?

 

Three choices:

 

Live with it, leave it, or fix it.

 

Since you cannot fix it without her help, then you either get her help or...Live with it, which I think you will end up doing as your emotions will override your rationalizing for now...until you become resentful enough to leave it.

 

Or you could leave it now, but unless you have exhausted all hope at fixing it, then I doubt you will leave it...which brings you back to Living with it.

 

A complete and endless cycle. Kind of like that movie...um, Groundhog's Day? :D

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patrickstarr Member

patrickstarr

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Yes, it does, but is it enough?

 

Right now my irritation with her is overriding the mutual affection

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VeveCakes Established Member

VeveCakes

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she is a very affectionate person so that definitely adds to our relationship

 

I think we both share the sentiment that neither of us wants kids

 

These are very basic things you can find with many MANY woman! Including myself...and my dogs :)

VeveCakes Established Member

VeveCakes

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A complete and endless cycle. Kind of like that movie...um, Groundhog's Day? :D

 

haha omg the irony

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patrickstarr Member

patrickstarr

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On the fence about getting her parents to help me, although, they probably don't want to upset their only child

VeveCakes Established Member

VeveCakes

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On the fence about getting her parents to help me, although, they probably don't want to upset their only child

 

You are both adults, the parents shouldn`t be involved whatsoever.

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While the thread author can add an update and reopen discussion, this thread was last posted in over a month ago. Want to continue the conversation? Feel free to start a new thread instead!
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