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Girlfriend is very unmotivated

patrickstarr

By patrickstarr
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VeveCakes Established Member

VeveCakes

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we have a lot of fun times together, that's what's attractive

 

So when you own a home together some day and have children, and you are doing all the work, making all the money, how fun will that be?

 

I mean, I would like to think I would be really fun too if I never had to worry about money, a job, or housework. My life would be a freakin' blast. She's got it made.

 

Do you pay all the bills?

 

Someone who has no interest in supporting themselves and leaches off everyone around them, will eventually get bored with everything. Bad things happen when people are bored.

 

What about when some day her parents cut her off? Guess who is next in line to pick up the tab...

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patrickstarr Member

patrickstarr

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You love who you wish she would be . . .

 

honestly, yes

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patrickstarr Member

patrickstarr

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Don't think she wants kid

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patrickstarr Member

patrickstarr

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Pretty safe to assume her parents will support her( maybe less if we marry) until they die, then she has her inheritance

VeveCakes Established Member

VeveCakes

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Pretty safe to assume her parents will support her( maybe less if we marry) until they die, then she has her inheritance

 

this isn't always the case....some parents wake up one day and realize - that's enough. Especially if she doesn't want kids and they want grand kids. Thank god she doesn't want kids...

 

Anything can happen. They can lose their jobs, their fortune, etc etc. That money is not always guaranteed for her. The fact that someone would be willing to pay for her education but she is not even interested in getting ANY degree or certificate says a lot.

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patrickstarr Member

patrickstarr

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Part of me does want to push her harder, but, I don't like conflict/arguments, so, I'm freaked out about an inevitable fight. I'll calmly suggest taking a CC course, she'll say it's too hard, too time-consuming, or too boring, then claim I'm trying to make her feel stupid

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VeveCakes Established Member

VeveCakes

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It really isn't your job to motivate her though, nor push her to these things. I think it is great to say it as a passing suggestion, but to get into a fight over it is pointless.

 

She should feel stupid. She is wasting her life away and mooching off everyone around her.

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purrrfectlyflawed Established Member

purrrfectlyflawed

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At 23 and no goals at all, these should be dealbreakers. Are you ok with having to support her your entire relationship? What if you have kids? Are you ok with supporting your family 100% with little financial help from her? What if you divorce? You know her parents will pay for an attorney and try to take you to the cleaners and you will be paying child support and alimony because she refuses to work. Inheritence is not community property in most states. If she and her parents are smart they will keep the money from you, and/or put it in a trust for her.

 

 

Her parents enable her. Either accept the fact she will never financially contribute or move on. Do you live together now? does she pay any of her own bills?

 

 

I don't think not wanting to go to college is a big deal but it does seem a little off she appears to have no self supporting goals. She expects everyone else to take care of her. If you are ok with this then by all means stay with her but you are smart to be concerned.

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VeveCakes Established Member

VeveCakes

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Do you pay all the bills OP?

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patrickstarr Member

patrickstarr

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Do you pay all the bills OP?

 

I pay some and she( with her parents money) pays some

VeveCakes Established Member

VeveCakes

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I pay some and she( with her parents money) pays some

 

and you are comfortable with her parents supporting you also?

M_D90 New Member

M_D90

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OP is pussy whipped.

 

Apparently you can't have fun with people who put effort into life and a relationship.

 

She puts no effort in because she doesn't care....doesn't care about herself, her parents, and you. She has no incentive to change. If you decide to stop spoiling her, she'll find another "boyfriend" who will let her continue doing what she's doing.

 

You are raising an child. You are her door mat. If you are okay with that, then continue on. If not, saddle up and walk away.

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patrickstarr Member

patrickstarr

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and you are comfortable with her parents supporting you also?

 

It takes burden off of me $$$ wise, so from that aspect, I'm fine with it

RecentChange Established Member

RecentChange

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Pushing her isn't going to change what she wants for herself. Pushing her isn't going to make her want it.

 

It's something she has to want for herself.

 

Change comes from within.

 

You mentioned that she says that you are trying to make her feel dumb by bringing up college.

 

What does she do to make herself feel smart? Perhaps she is projecting her own insecurities.

 

We all need to feel valued - what does she base that upon? Looking cute? Anything else?

 

If she really never needs money I would recommend volunteer work as a way to build self worth - but I am gonna guess that would be "too hard".

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VeveCakes Established Member

VeveCakes

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It takes burden off of me $$$ wise, so from that aspect, I'm fine with it

 

You shouldn't be.... what man is ok with his gfs parents paying his bills?

 

If you can't afford the place alone, move somewhere you can afford, or tell the GF to get a real job and start contributing. This is real life, not the Kardashians.

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patrickstarr Member

patrickstarr

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splitting hairs, but, she has pitched in a bit with her bartending money

purrrfectlyflawed Established Member

purrrfectlyflawed

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Ok well clearly this is not going to change.

 

 

Her parents will likely pay for your wedding. All will be peachy and great until a split happens, then it wont be so rosy anymore. Do you make enough to eventually buy a house? Since she doesn't make anything on paper you are going to have to be the financially responsible one and show all proof of income. Her parents enable her so don't plan on anything changing here.

 

 

I assume you live together?

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patrickstarr Member

patrickstarr

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I assume you live together?

 

yes we do live together

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patrickstarr Member

patrickstarr

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house is still a few years away

JamesM Established Member

JamesM

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You shouldn't be.... what man is ok with his gfs parents paying his bills?

 

And what girl is okay with it?

 

yes we do live together

 

In an apartment or where?

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patrickstarr Member

patrickstarr

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Sidenote: she just makes coming home awesome, because she gets so excited that I'm back & can't wait to hear what I did all day & to tell me anything she did all day

Larryville Established Member

Larryville

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Ok well clearly this is not going to change.

 

Exactly!

 

she just makes coming home awesome

 

Ok then I'm here thinking… I’m sure others too. Why did you bother starting this thread? She must be smokin….

 

Her parents will likely pay for your wedding. All will be peachy and great until a split happens, then it wont be so rosy anymore.

 

YUP…..

 

Won’t be too long... you will be back, start a thread wondering why you didn’t listen to the good folks here and why you ignored common sense and your gut and moved on. Good Luck! Cause we all know where this is going :)

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VeveCakes Established Member

VeveCakes

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And what girl is okay with it?

 

Plenty of men and women out there who have no problem having their parents support them for a long time. I see people in my business who are 50 and their mothers still call about their accounts for them, pay them, etc. Its a pathetic way to live.

VeveCakes Established Member

VeveCakes

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Sidenote: she just makes coming home awesome, because she gets so excited that I'm back & can't wait to hear what I did all day & to tell me anything she did all day

 

My dogs do this too.

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olivetree Established Member

olivetree

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Sidenote: she just makes coming home awesome, because she gets so excited that I'm back & can't wait to hear what I did all day & to tell me anything she did all day

 

And are you excited to hear about how she sat around all day and then went shopping?

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While the thread author can add an update and reopen discussion, this thread was last posted in over a month ago. Want to continue the conversation? Feel free to start a new thread instead!
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