WaitingForBardot Posted February 1, 2017 Posted February 1, 2017 I have already agreed and owned up to being wrong. I know the constant texts and voicemail were wrong. I own up to it, I know I handled it really poorly. Have you had an instance where one small misunderstanding, one small fight, can ruin everything completely? Also, when you sense a fight brewing (especially a first fight), how do you tell the other person to step back and come back to it later? I want to learn from this. I know what I did was wrong. But I want to know what I could do differently the next time, with him or whoever may come into the picture in the future. Yeah you did, I apologise if that came off as piling it on... In my case I don't tell the other person to step back, I can't control them (nor do I actually want to), I just step back myself. I'm not saying it's easy, it was a hard lesson for me to learn. 1
VeveCakes Posted February 1, 2017 Posted February 1, 2017 I don't want to take fault for the constant texting before this situation. It was a two-way street. I don't see a lot of texting as a bad thing, as long as there is real face to face interaction. And not fighting through text. We both agreed there was a strong connection, and even though a couple of months is a short time, when you text back and forth for that long, you do get to know someone. When people fight, both sides get ugly. And it's even worse over text. I don't know. All couples fight. I know I didn't handle myself well in it. But I wish he would have seen it from my eyes, as well. Not saying it was all your fault for the amount of texts. The issue is you don't think texting 24/7 is a bad thing. Actually, it is when it is a very new relationship. It is a sign of an unhealthy relationship for both of you. You are not ready to date. There has to be some ability to separate from the person you are interested in and go without hours of communication. Psychologists and therapists all agree that is a red flag about a relationship. No, you do not get to know someone by texting them for two months. You just don't. Actions, emotions, body language, etc are all missing. I knew a guy for 17 years, dated him, turns out in the end I didn't know him AT ALL. We spent wayyy too much time together and texting in the beginning. I was unaware of the red flags. Fighting at 2 months when you have hung out a handful of times is also a sign of an unhealthy relationship. These early days are when both of you are auditioning to each other. They should be happy fun times. Not barraging someone with text times because you feel you didn't get heard. This is not a man you have been dating for a long time who is ignoring you. Saying "all couples fight" is you just brushing off what has been said on this thread. No, not all couples fight first of all. Second of all, most HAPPY couples do not fight this early, about something this petty. Spend some time here and read some threads. I think you need more time alone before you can handle a relationship.
hippychick3 Posted February 1, 2017 Posted February 1, 2017 As others have said, when someone is pulling back and not responding, you need to also pull back and give space...a LOT of space. Don't chase anyone through texts and phone calls even if it's trying to explain yourself. He was not in any state of mind to hear what you were saying, so all the explanations in your texts and calls fell to deaf ears. Regarding the months of nonstop texting...that does NOT make a relationship. It does not in any way equate to real face to face time together. It's just filler. While you thought it was bringing you closer, he was not feeling closer to you. Texting doesn't do that for men. The only way for a man to become attached and fall in love is over a long extended period of time that includes face to face quality time together in person. 1
Miss Spider Posted February 1, 2017 Posted February 1, 2017 I'm pretty sure this "unbelievable connection" was one-sided. Should you have left those messages ? Absolutely not. That would put most people off. But there's more here than that. I see threads about people teetering on eggshells, asking how to text someone who left their phone charger without putting them off. It's really sad,because when you feel you have to tiptoe around like that you already know you WAY more invested than the other person and you're hanging on for dear life. Huge anxiety trigger. If this person felt an unbelievable connection, there would be a much wider margin of error than what we see here. He wouldn't have picked a fight over a date for something so small and spent all day riling you up just to break up with you. I'm sorry, just not. But let's say he's just crazy. Could you really continue to deal with someone who gets "extremely insulted" by such innocuous comments? Doesn't hear you out? What about when real issues arise down the road? That should have been your red flag.
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