kvolm2016 Posted February 2, 2017 Posted February 2, 2017 Yes it does sound suspicious. You mentioned that you invited him to come visit you in the city. What was his response?
elaine567 Posted February 2, 2017 Posted February 2, 2017 On our last day there he messaged me and asked if i was popping into his pub to say goodbye, when i got there with my friend he didnt seem to want to stand near us just walking around and working and only gave me a kiss goodbye in the car park felt like he didnt want his work mates to see, I don't know maybe I am being paranoid but.... I have seen so much dodginess over the years just a feeling. And you know exactly what this behaviour means... He didn't acknowledge your presence in the pub and then gave you a shady kiss in the car park. Yes, we could make all sorts of excuses. He is shy, he hates PDAs, he takes his job/business very seriously... BUT most likely, whether still living with his wife or not, he viewed you as a casual weekend fling, so didn't really want you intruding into his personal life. He didn't invite you to lunch or make any special arrangements for your last day, did he? 2
Zahara Posted February 2, 2017 Posted February 2, 2017 @zahara do you think its fair that you would bring up my 'past' threads which were over 3 years ago? i've only gone on one date with this guy and i came here to ask for help as i have nudge that something isn't right here, i have done nothing wrong. I really think its unfair of you to judge based on my past experience. In a court of law we are not allowed to know a persons past as it makes the jury judge. I've also been single for over 2 years so please keep those kind of comments to yourself. Thanks It's fair in terms on noting a pattern, finding acceptance and wisdom from those behaviors and grasping those lessons so that we work towards creating better and healthier boundaries for ourselves. Our past is a great teacher. Being single for 2 years doesn't justify involving yourself with someone that is married, and yes, he is married. There's no going around that fact. 3
smackie9 Posted February 2, 2017 Posted February 2, 2017 back away from this guy. Never date someone until the divorce papers are signed, but that's just me. I get it, there are people who are separated temporarily because of certain laws, BUT that's usually for about a year, or until property and child custody arrangements are settled. I would be leery, this guy says 3 years...red flags are all over it. To avoid drama, deception and heartache, you are better off avoiding him and anyone else that is only "separated". 3
kendahke Posted February 2, 2017 Posted February 2, 2017 The fact that I am posting on here and asking if it sounds suspect The minute dude stepped to your boy and checked him in front of you by bringing up his wife was suspect. And his response of "things are not good" tells me that he's still quite involved with her on an unresolved, emotional level. He is already front-loading emotional messiness and all you did was exchange pleasantries. 2
VeveCakes Posted February 2, 2017 Posted February 2, 2017 Lots of people even at my work are separated but not divorced and their reasoning is due to cost/stubborness by both partners and not paying for it and waiting for their kids to be older. I don't think in all cases people not being legally divorce is 100% they haven't let go there are all types of reasons Those are BS excuses. 1
Author ozziegal8 Posted February 2, 2017 Author Posted February 2, 2017 It's fair in terms on noting a pattern, finding acceptance and wisdom from those behaviors and grasping those lessons so that we work towards creating better and healthier boundaries for ourselves. Our past is a great teacher. Being single for 2 years doesn't justify involving yourself with someone that is married, and yes, he is married. There's no going around that fact. Zahara No its not fair to make judgement, 2 years is a long time and I have done a lot of soul searching and done a lot of self help. The fact that I am posting on here without having gone there and asking for advice is also proof of that. I haven't been with anyone in 2 years, Id lost my mojo. My father has been sick for the past 2 years and I have a lot of stress with that. I have lost my dating experience and the first guy in 2 years that give's me a bit of attention was flattering but I saw the signs straight up and questioned them even to my friend I was with but she didnt think it was suss at all but I did hence me being on here.
Author ozziegal8 Posted February 2, 2017 Author Posted February 2, 2017 Yes it does sound suspicious. You mentioned that you invited him to come visit you in the city. What was his response? No I told him we live too far away and he was the one that said he comes down to Melbourne a lot and would like to catch up.
kvolm2016 Posted February 4, 2017 Posted February 4, 2017 Sorry I guess I misunderstood your comment. Has he come to Melbourne for a visit or tried to arrange that with you?
Author ozziegal8 Posted February 4, 2017 Author Posted February 4, 2017 Sorry I guess I misunderstood your comment. Has he come to Melbourne for a visit or tried to arrange that with you? Was only a week ago that we met. He initiated contact yesterday by sms quite a few actually and more chatty than when i met him
kvolm2016 Posted February 7, 2017 Posted February 7, 2017 Was only a week ago that we met. He initiated contact yesterday by sms quite a few actually and more chatty than when i met him So do you have any indication from these further conversations about what his status really is?
Author ozziegal8 Posted February 7, 2017 Author Posted February 7, 2017 So do you have any indication from these further conversations about what his status really is? No lol, one of the local guy's is coming down to my city in a few week's maybe I should ask him?
kvolm2016 Posted February 12, 2017 Posted February 12, 2017 Probably a good idea to ask him if you are still interested in pursuing a relationship.
Author ozziegal8 Posted February 12, 2017 Author Posted February 12, 2017 Probably a good idea to ask him if you are still interested in pursuing a relationship. He messaged me again a week later, he came down to Melbourne as he is looking at units to buy, he messaged me at 11am asking if i was working that day, that's too casual for my liking i said i was busy, why couldnt he message me the night before saying he was coming down?
TheTraveler Posted February 12, 2017 Posted February 12, 2017 He messaged me again a week later, he came down to Melbourne as he is looking at units to buy, he messaged me at 11am asking if i was working that day, that's too casual for my liking i said i was busy, why couldnt he message me the night before saying he was coming down? you know what? since you're willing to play games move on. If you wanted to see him, you would. Instead you said no. Just move on
Author ozziegal8 Posted February 12, 2017 Author Posted February 12, 2017 you know what? since you're willing to play games move on. If you wanted to see him, you would. Instead you said no. Just move on Not games, its called protecting myself. I also invited him to the football next week so yeah I do want to see him.
Author ozziegal8 Posted February 12, 2017 Author Posted February 12, 2017 Spend a few bucks and do a back ground check on him. So simple and it gives you everything you may need about him. lol ive already used dr google, showed me a few things nothing suss though. I don't have to pay money to check, I know 2 of the locals and one of them is coming down to melbourne in 2 week's, i shall ask then
Author ozziegal8 Posted February 13, 2017 Author Posted February 13, 2017 That's just second hand info. Doesn't show IF the divorce has been filed and when it was filed. it hasnt he is separated and has been for 3 years apparently
Popsicle Posted February 13, 2017 Posted February 13, 2017 He lives too far away for you to verify anything. Stay away from long distance relationships. This is why men who are con artists love LDR's. 2
Author ozziegal8 Posted February 13, 2017 Author Posted February 13, 2017 I dont like how he just text me on the day he in town at 11am why couldnt he tell me the night before he was coming down, just seems weird
elaine567 Posted February 13, 2017 Posted February 13, 2017 If you want to be his "afternoon delight" or booty call whenever he is in Melbourne then great, but if you are looking for a real relationship then you need to pass. Even if he is separated for 3 years, there will be a reason why he is not divorced, it will likely be messy, so best to not get involved. 1
Author ozziegal8 Posted February 13, 2017 Author Posted February 13, 2017 If you want to be his "afternoon delight" or booty call whenever he is in Melbourne then great, but if you are looking for a real relationship then you need to pass. Even if he is separated for 3 years, there will be a reason why he is not divorced, it will likely be messy, so best to not get involved. @elaine567, oh i know about separation and mess. My last bf was also seperated not divorced and was a nightmare, that was 3 years ago and he is still only separated. Yes there are reasons why they are not divorced, i dont want to be the girl wondering when he will divorce her. My friends all said oh you should have caught up with him but no way am i being the yes girl and jumping at his last minute invites 2
elaine567 Posted February 13, 2017 Posted February 13, 2017 I didn't like the way he ignored you, then quickly shuffled you out of the pub for a sneaky kiss in the car park on your last day. Those are not the actions of a decent and honest man. 1
Author ozziegal8 Posted February 13, 2017 Author Posted February 13, 2017 I didn't like the way he ignored you, then quickly shuffled you out of the pub for a sneaky kiss in the car park on your last day. Those are not the actions of a decent and honest man. I agree, something just didn't feel write, just to trying to rush us off and not even sitting down and having a coffee with us (in case his work friends saw) asked me there for a take away coffee too because he had to rush to see his kid. Take away coffee seriously. Doesnt text on weekends either or at night
elaine567 Posted February 13, 2017 Posted February 13, 2017 Doesn't text on weekends either or at night You have your answer. 2
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