LetMyUsernameBeValid Posted February 1, 2017 Posted February 1, 2017 (edited) My boyfriend and I are both 21 and have been dating for a year. We had a very bumpy start due to several things and should have broken up a while ago, but ended up fixing a lot of it. Now I wrote up 2 lists: Why do I stay with him - he treats me well/ cares for me a lot - we've gone through a lot/ overcome a lot - I love him - I get to be my uncensored goofy self with him - we can share and love some things together - I feel safe with him - I don't want to be alone -I don't want to completely lose him if we break up I don't want to give up on what is now okay but could be great Why do I want to break up with him - I'm losing my attraction to him - I feel like he needs to work on himself more before he should date - I feel like I do too - I feel attraction to another(a friend I was involved with 'romantically' for a short while, REALLY SHORT, until he left for a 6 month trip) - our tendency to be negative among each other is too often - I feel like I can't freely share everything I love with him - We can't have disagreements without at least one of us getting emotional - We often can't seem to support one another well, instead one pulls the other down - I don't like his lack of proactivity in his fears relating to our relationship(if I say something made me feel sad, he either denies it and/or just feels super ****ty about it) - I don't like his occasional outbursts of negative views/complaining My addition to all this is that I want to stay with him but I also want to break up with him, and I'm worried that maybe it's just fear that has me stay with him. Edited February 1, 2017 by LetMyUsernameBeValid
d0nnivain Posted February 1, 2017 Posted February 1, 2017 There is no such thing as a "break". Breaks don't fix anything. They make everything worse. If you want to improve a relationship you have to stay together & work together. IMO your "con" list is far more concrete & significant than your "pro" list. It tells me this relationship has run its course. A large part of your negative list reads like you'd stay if he changed. That is a recipe for disaster. Do the hard thing & end this. You can't stay for sentimental reasons simply because you are a nice person & don't like being the source & cause of someone else's pain. 3
Larryville Posted February 1, 2017 Posted February 1, 2017 - I'm losing my attraction to him and you are only 21? - I feel like he needs to work on himself more before he should date Why you should never settle... Find someone who enhances your life NEVER a "project."
Redhead14 Posted February 1, 2017 Posted February 1, 2017 My boyfriend and I are both 21 and have been dating for a year. We had a very bumpy start due to several things and should have broken up a while ago, but ended up fixing a lot of it. Now I wrote up 2 lists: Why do I stay with him - he treats me well/ cares for me a lot - we've gone through a lot/ overcome a lot - I love him - I get to be my uncensored goofy self with him - we can share and love some things together - I feel safe with him - I don't want to be alone -I don't want to completely lose him if we break up I don't want to give up on what is now okay but could be great Why do I want to break up with him - I'm losing my attraction to him - I feel like he needs to work on himself more before he should date - I feel like I do too - I feel attraction to another(a friend I was involved with 'romantically' for a short while, REALLY SHORT, until he left for a 6 month trip) - our tendency to be negative among each other is too often - I feel like I can't freely share everything I love with him - We can't have disagreements without at least one of us getting emotional - We often can't seem to support one another well, instead one pulls the other down - I don't like his lack of proactivity in his fears relating to our relationship(if I say something made me feel sad, he either denies it and/or just feels super ****ty about it) - I don't like his occasional outbursts of negative views/complaining My addition to all this is that I want to stay with him but I also want to break up with him, and I'm worried that maybe it's just fear that has me stay with him. Everything you said in your list of "Pros" is negated by your list of "Cons".it's just fear that has me stay with him -- I don't want to be alone -- It is far worse to feel alone/lonely and in a relationship that it is to be "alone". Over time you will grow to resent him if the two of you don't communicate well and don't have good conflict resolution skills and a emotional maturity. It's time to move on. Breaks are only useful when the relationship is fundamentally stable.
Lilyana76 Posted February 1, 2017 Posted February 1, 2017 I think if you are making a list of pro's and con's on staying or going, you already know what you should do. Go, don't put yourself, or him, through pain and resentment later.
kendahke Posted February 1, 2017 Posted February 1, 2017 There is no such thing as a break. Either you're together working on your issues or you're not--and neglect never fixes anything but assuring certain death to what is being neglected. 1
smackie9 Posted February 1, 2017 Posted February 1, 2017 Sometimes you just have to acknowledge the fact that it wasn't meant to be. Relationships just run their course and need to end. IMO, move on. Learn from this experience, and use your knowledge to help you with the next relationship. What we learn form dating and having relationships, it that prepares us for marriage. This will not be your last, nor will the next and so on. You are still learning about life, and eventually you will have your expectations in what you want, priorities and goals ready. That's when it will all makes sense.
Fhsjkfjrhsdh3646 Posted February 1, 2017 Posted February 1, 2017 Not wanting to be alone isn't a good reason to be together. You're both 21 so I would hazard a guess neither one of you knows how to be in a proper relationship -- they take a lot of work especially after the honeymoon phase wears off. Break up with him and date more people, your relationship doesn't sound like anything remarkable that is worth saving right now.
lolablue17 Posted February 1, 2017 Posted February 1, 2017 Now I wrote up 2 lists: Why do I stay with him - Never mind... never mind... - Never mind... never mind... - Never mind... never mind... - Never mind... never mind... - Never mind... never mind... - Never mind... never mind... Why do I want to break up with him - I'm losing my attraction to him - Never mind... never mind... - Never mind... never mind... - Never mind... never mind... - Never mind... never mind... Got the picture?
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