Bamtobla Posted February 1, 2017 Posted February 1, 2017 I was in a serious relationship for 3 years with a man who was nothing like the man I would have built if I could. But this relationship was extremely intense! Emotionally, sexually, intellectually. knowing I was going to come home to him made me so excited to come home, so many nights we spent sitting on the living room with no tv no music just lost in each other's company talking about everything. And the sexual chemistry was like supernatural, I don't even know how to explain it. On a few occasions our sex was so passionate and unreal I seriously cried, and I'm not a cryer. We eventually went separate ways because I was hung up on the idea of getting married and the whole white picket fence thing. 2 years later I began dating my current bf we have been together for 6 months now, he's a wonderful patient loving man, who wants all the things that caused my previous relationship to fail. But that heart racing, breathe taking, heart smiling connection is no where! On top of it all the ex has recently been trying to get together. I don't want to throw away a possible life being happy with this man, but what if I never get that feeling that connection with him as I had/have? With my ex. Or am I just crazy about the connection we had I haven't been able to find any one in my circle of friends who are able to understand.
Sweetfish Posted February 1, 2017 Posted February 1, 2017 I was in a serious relationship for 3 years with a man who was nothing like the man I would have built if I could. But this relationship was extremely intense! Emotionally, sexually, intellectually. knowing I was going to come home to him made me so excited to come home, so many nights we spent sitting on the living room with no tv no music just lost in each other's company talking about everything. And the sexual chemistry was like supernatural, I don't even know how to explain it. On a few occasions our sex was so passionate and unreal I seriously cried, and I'm not a cryer. We eventually went separate ways because I was hung up on the idea of getting married and the whole white picket fence thing. 2 years later I began dating my current bf we have been together for 6 months now, he's a wonderful patient loving man, who wants all the things that caused my previous relationship to fail. But that heart racing, breathe taking, heart smiling connection is no where! On top of it all the ex has recently been trying to get together. I don't want to throw away a possible life being happy with this man, but what if I never get that feeling that connection with him as I had/have? With my ex. Or am I just crazy about the connection we had I haven't been able to find any one in my circle of friends who are able to understand. So left a man you love because of marriage. So now you have found "marriage" but not content. What do you love more... the idea of marriage or who you are marrying 4
KBarletta Posted February 1, 2017 Posted February 1, 2017 I was hung up on the idea of getting married and the whole white picket fence thing. What is it about this idea that you are hung up on it, and why can't your "supernatural" partner deliver, or at least compromise, on these things? Do you want kids and he doesn't? Where is the hangup? You were together for three years, so clearly you were committed on some level. What was the issue specifically that led you to break up? I would tell you - depending of course on what those issues are - you should go with the passionate relationship over the safe one that gives you the white picket fence. Passion will fade - you won't have that electricity forever - but if you are excited to come home to him, that is a huge factor. I was married to a woman for nine years who gave me the "white picket fence" but who I was (I can now admit) never really that excited to come home to. I am now with someone about whom I am excited every time her name is mentioned. That is far more satisfying.
scooby-philly Posted February 1, 2017 Posted February 1, 2017 So left a man you love because of marriage. So now you have found "marriage" but not content. What do you love more... the idea of marriage or who you are marrying If I could give out more than one like I would. You hit the nail on the head. OP, We live in a fabulous time. Despite all the political turmoil in the past few weeks, if you live in most of Europe, USA, Canada, etc - you can make the life you want to make and live the life you want to live. Regarding the reply I quoted above - that's the essential thing for so many people to decide. You had passion, you had chemistry, you had the ability to talk without the TV on - what more do you want? Life isn't perfect. You can't have it all...lol. Now I don't mean that as an insult - but a question you need to figure out your own answer to. Talk to friends about it, to a sibling, to a parent, talk to a shrink if need be if you don't have any "safe" people to talk to. So many people go through life assuming how something is "supposed to be" or "supposed to work". And surprisingly....marriage/relationships are included. People get married and it's not passionate, people don't get married and it's boring. Regardless of what decisions you make, if you can come to terms with yourself - then you will make the right decision moving forward. Did you consider maybe neither of these guys are right? Maybe try finding a guy like #1 but who likes marriage? Or....maybe you come to terms with not having the white picket fence and just find a guy like #1 If you want to describe stuff more, happy to reply more. For myself - my own experience has taught me how to accept certain things - I do not want or need a "big wedding" - I would like a "wife" and a "family" but I'd be okay with a woman who just wanted to go before a judge and if we don't have a family and/or she doesn't one that's fine with me - if we're true partners, true lovers, true friends. What do you want?
Miss Spider Posted February 1, 2017 Posted February 1, 2017 I think youre just not as into the second guy as you are your ex who didn't want commitment. Find someone that gives you both the connection and the commitment. People do it every day. 1
Author Bamtobla Posted February 3, 2017 Author Posted February 3, 2017 I think everyone had some pretty valid points. I tried to find to talk about this with friends and family but everyone has their own opinion so it's hard to get an unbiased comment from people close. i think it was more of an idea of a future I was attracted too than the person. I guess that's a lesson heard the hard way. I came to the decision that even if it's not a typical or "normal" situation if something makes me happy than that's all it is. I'm a single mom so I think that's why I felt so much stress to settle down to give my kid a "normal" life, not to be confused with sugar daddy I do own my own home and pay all my own my bills. I want for her more than anything to have a childhood with good memories. But if I'm happy and she's happy that'll carry over into all different factors of my life. So I really need to quit planning out everything and be happy with where I am, as long as it does really make me happy. The boyfriend is gone. I asked for space for a couple days and he decided to cause a scene so that was the last straw for me. But moving forward I think I learned. 1
OatsAndHall Posted February 3, 2017 Posted February 3, 2017 No matter what you do, you're not being fair to your current boyfriend by having conversations with an ex that you obviously still have feelings for. You can't have your cake and eat it too. I will be blunt; I find it incredibly selfish when a person is in a relationship but staying in contact with someone they're attracted to and basically weighing one against the other. You can spin your former relationship into some cinematic fantasy all you want but you have a boyfriend and you're treating him poorly by talking to your ex. You either need to commit to your current boyfriend and stop contacting your ex or break up and figure out what you want. 1
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