enddeck Posted February 5, 2017 Posted February 5, 2017 Am I looking for a way out? Before this incident I wasn't thinking about breaking up. I wasn't unhappy with our relationship. I didn't even think about breaking up at first when she pissed me off with this. But since that happened I've been thinking about our relationship and the things I dislike. And some of them seem to have something to do with this. we have sex once a month. And it has been like that since the beginning. Probably at first we used to have sex like twice a month. I always felt like that wasn't enough but she constantly said that was totally normal. And I haven't something to compare with. From my friends I've heard they have way more frequent sex with their girlfriends. But you know, I always thought that they were exaggerating. Dude I'm a lot older than you and my wife and I have sex every day,sometimes even more.There is no way she was only having sex once a month with her numerous suitors while dependable old you were waiting patiently in the sidelines. This woman has really pissed ME off and I don't even know her.You need to start investigating because I'm damn sure there is another man on the scene while you get sloppy seconds once a month. If you have the funds get a private investigator to follow her,check her phone,tablet,laptop etc for emails or any message apps she may be using. But dude come on,you wait eleven ****in years for once a month sex,what the hell are you wasting your life like this for. 3
Poutrew Posted February 5, 2017 Posted February 5, 2017 Usually when a woman is giving sex only once a month it is because she is getting fulfillment from other sources (male or female)... she is only putting out the bare minimum to keep you on the hook. If you investigate, you will no doubt find she is lifting her knickers up with someone else. But, be very careful - she will attempt to have sex with you now to get pregnant. She has decided you will raise (and pay) for her future children, and there is only one way for that to happen, so expect her to turn into a sex demon and want unprotected sex with you as often as she can, until you get her knocked up. Then it doesn't matter what you think or feel - she has won and you will be on the hook for the next 18 years... 4
lolablue17 Posted February 5, 2017 Posted February 5, 2017 (edited) Y Then she started crying and begging me to not break it up. In the end I told her we could discuss this today, to calm her down. Not sure what to do. She is all sad now. But she hurt me a lot. You don't stay in this relationship because she is sad. And you don't leave this relationship because she hurt you. This is not the point. She may has hurt you but she hasn't done anything wrong. She doesn't deserve any punishment. The thing is a relationship can last as long as it makes both sides happy. Now, when you know the truth, you can't be happy in this relationship. You have the right to search for happiness. I think your idea of a break (which is a break up) to be with other girls is a good idea. Only after a while (1-2 years) and after experiencing other girls, if you still choose her, then you can be happy with her, but you won't be happy if you stay now without making any change, that won't work. If she loves you, she must understand that. She must want you to be happy and set you free with her blessing. I think you shouldn't hurt her more than needed, so you shouldn't drag this too much, giving her false hopes. Just do it already. Edited February 5, 2017 by lolablue17 1
preraph Posted February 5, 2017 Posted February 5, 2017 Am I looking for a way out? Before this incident I wasn't thinking about breaking up. I wasn't unhappy with our relationship. I didn't even think about breaking up at first when she pissed me off with this. But since that happened I've been thinking about our relationship and the things I dislike. And some of them seem to have something to do with this. we have sex once a month. And it has been like that since the beginning. Probably at first we used to have sex like twice a month. I always felt like that wasn't enough but she constantly said that was totally normal. And I haven't something to compare with. From my friends I've heard they have way more frequent sex with their girlfriends. But you know, I always thought that they were exaggerating. I know it's hurtful, and it's hard for men to understand, but women find sex with a man they're not totally attracted to a humiliating chore. She's doing the bare minimum she's hoping will keep you in the relationship so she can have a family, it sounds like. Or maybe she needed someone to help financially. Only you know what all you're doing for her. But you have to decide if you want to make a life with someone who likes but does not love you and isn't attracted to you and doesn't want to have any sex with you, because that is the case. I just think you could do better for yourself. 2
preraph Posted February 5, 2017 Posted February 5, 2017 Yesterday I gave her a detailed explanation of how she makes me feel with all this. Writing here helped me a lot for doing that. She was in tears and told me she feels like she screw this up. And I told her she's right. And that I need some time to think about this. Then she started crying and begging me to not break it up. In the end I told her we could discuss this today, to calm her down. Not sure what to do. She is all sad now. But she hurt me a lot. I'm sorry if I missed it, but is she financially dependent on you? If so, that's her attraction, I'm afraid.
preraph Posted February 5, 2017 Posted February 5, 2017 Well, that's is what I thought until she said exactly the opposite. My "issues" start the day she tells me she always knew she would end up marrying me. Why? Because I just like anybody else used to think that she was with other guys because she was trying to find the right one. And then she couldn't knew who was going to be the last one. Am I wrong in thinking that most people think like this? I talked to a friend whose girlfriend has had other guys before him. And he has had his own experience too. He told me he can bare with it because she says she wishes she could have known she was going to be with him. And then she would have saved herself for him. Now, of course that's impossible. But I think it's about thinking what she would have done. My girlfriend tells me now that she knew she wanted me for a husband. And still she had sex with these other guys. @TheWoman Let me ask you this: Would you have sex with a guy you find hot, if at the same time you had already decided who was the (other) guy you were going to marry? I'll take that one. Not if I was marrying the guy for the right reasons, and she's not. But if I was marrying him just to survive or for financial stability reasons and I didn't enjoy sex with him, then yes, I'd be looking for sex elsewhere. She's not marrying you for the right reasons.
filani Posted February 5, 2017 Posted February 5, 2017 @ moebius Dude, you are at a very delicate point in your life , you have invested 7 years of your life on this one girl and she has arrogantly spilled a very painfull truth that most men never know and fewer have the courage to accept. The things she said to you that day are the bitter truth & your instinctive interpretation of them are also true despite the fact that she tried to walk back on them . You are not her First pick , you never will be. https://therationalmale.com/2013/12/03/saving-the-best/ She was riding the cock carousel while you were still holding a torch for her( by the way ,that's on you) https://therationalmale.com/2011/08/30/there-is-no-one/ You are the 'back up plan' , you're the 'Beta in Waiting' https://therationalmale.com/2015/03/24/betas-in-waiting/ You have been strongly advised not to be moved by her tears or to have 'make up sex' with her now as she can see that her slip of tongue is about to make her lose her back up plan ,so an "accidental" pregnancy at this point would tie you down very nicely indeed. Moebius, you are on the verge of breaking free of chains you never even knew were holding you down. You've already given this girl 7 years , don't give her 18+ years more. 4
Lord Humungus Posted February 6, 2017 Posted February 6, 2017 Women freed by the revolution of the '60s couldn't care less that some men would judge them and don't want those men anyway. Trust me, they are a lot happier than the women of the '50s were. Men are just mad they lost power and control. I can't believe you even used the word "chastity." What a hypocrite. Trust is in short supply when your speculative claim is less than elegantly summed up with an accusation of sanctimoniousness. That aside; the empirical data would by all objective standards demonstrate that for the last 45 years women's happiness has declined both absolutely and relative to men. So what did and didn't happen in the 60's certainly hasn't improved anything in the long term.
Lord Humungus Posted February 6, 2017 Posted February 6, 2017 (edited) P.S. People who actually have a social life and date and have sex don't waste much time sitting around watching porn. It's not wasted if you enjoy it. Edited February 6, 2017 by Lord Humungus
Popsicle Posted February 6, 2017 Posted February 6, 2017 Yesterday I gave her a detailed explanation of how she makes me feel with all this. Writing here helped me a lot for doing that. She was in tears and told me she feels like she screw this up. And I told her she's right. And that I need some time to think about this. Then she started crying and begging me to not break it up. In the end I told her we could discuss this today, to calm her down. Not sure what to do. She is all sad now. But she hurt me a lot. Ok well break up with her already. Jeez.
preraph Posted February 6, 2017 Posted February 6, 2017 Trust is in short supply when your speculative claim is less than elegantly summed up with an accusation of sanctimoniousness. That aside; the empirical data would by all objective standards demonstrate that for the last 45 years women's happiness has declined both absolutely and relative to men. So what did and didn't happen in the 60's certainly hasn't improved anything in the long term. That's your biased and sad opinion. Women are much much better off now. 1
Author moebius Posted February 6, 2017 Author Posted February 6, 2017 Thanks again for you advice you all. I don't want to make her feel bad. I feel bad when she's sad even when I'm pissed of at her. The problem is I'm starting to wonder what does she feel for me. I have had tens of opportunities of being with other girls in the past. Both before and after being officially with her. And the reason I've never done that is I always loved her. I always thought that she didn't loved me in the past. And that at some point she fell for me. But now I think that whatever she feels about me now is probably the same she felt in the pass when she was with other guys knowing I was going to be his husband someday. I guess that their feelings haven't changed.
Sweetfish Posted February 7, 2017 Posted February 7, 2017 That's your biased and sad opinion. Women are much much better off now. Thats not a bias opinion... This is actually fact if your in the USA and is in line with yhe divorce rate. Its bias to you because you lack the knowledge and data. Womem are much better off... actually better off than men. But thats why the divorce rates keep increasing. Where is your proof women are more happier? 1
olivetree Posted February 7, 2017 Posted February 7, 2017 I think that what she said only matters because of the following: -you said this probably isn't the best relationship in the world -you have sex once a month, always have -you don't think she enjoys sex with you You said you're not unhappy but you don't sounds happy. It seems like you're settling because you really love her and waited a long time for her. Think of all that time invested as sunk costs. Do you want to live the rest of your life like that? 2
Sweetfish Posted February 7, 2017 Posted February 7, 2017 Thanks again for you advice you all. I don't want to make her feel bad. I feel bad when she's sad even when I'm pissed of at her. The problem is I'm starting to wonder what does she feel for me. I have had tens of opportunities of being with other girls in the past. Both before and after being officially with her. And the reason I've never done that is I always loved her. I always thought that she didn't loved me in the past. And that at some point she fell for me. But now I think that whatever she feels about me now is probably the same she felt in the pass when she was with other guys knowing I was going to be his husband someday. I guess that their feelings haven't changed. So you have GIGS... your not happy and this is your ploy to bail... pretty F'ed up in my opinion. Maybe her own Karma caught up to her.. maybe. In all you miss lead everyone here... by playing the victim. Cheers
Sweetfish Posted February 7, 2017 Posted February 7, 2017 What is your story? you sound bitter? what happened to you? people are allowed to write whatever they feel, you have no right to judge someone as to the victim role or not. You can't message someone out of that role either, that's one hard place to be in. It's a dark place, so maybe you should soften up a little or share your own story. Pointing out a fact is not bitter. This thread is not about me and your statement is a double edge statement. People have the right to say what they feel... so you have no right to write how you feel? Is that what your saying. While I don't agree what the GF said and how she approach things.. its equally wrong to stay 7 years with a person and use a single statement to decide you want to have sex with other people. How old are you to think that you have to ask your gf how many times regular people have sex? The O.P. wants advice... but provides very little information... The thread starts out with the O.P. being the victim and didn't have sex for years... and how he was so in love..now he doesnt get sex as much as he wants... now he wants to bail? Its not the S.O. fault he didnt get laid. The real reason is he wants out cause he wants to play. Why not say that from the beginning. Its miss leading. He tried to put the blame on the S.O. He says he gets sex every month... is she slapping his hand. Is she telling him no? 3 years shy of a decade your only getting sex a month and it took a statement which none of the readers knows what context she brought it. I started questioning it because the O.P.s statements are very shifty and passive.
ctd Posted February 8, 2017 Posted February 8, 2017 Moebius, I read the first page of posts, then hurried to the last because I took an interest and feared the relationship had broken off. Earlier in life I was in similar shoes to you. I was in love with a woman who I was sure was in love with me, and though I have no idea where she's gone in life and long ago I "got over it," to this day I still think she was in love with me back then. We had a very deep, involved, couldn't-get-enough-of-each-other-for-years FRIENDSHIP. But she was doing what your love did, dating other guys who were way beneath her and simply not giving me a yes-or-no answer whenever I asked her if she romantically liked me. I think your love spoke awkwardly but that she truly loves and admires you. The fact that she broke down crying when you kind of gave her a taste of her own medicine (I don't blame you at all) proves she knows how she hurt you. It sounds like she wasn't READY back then... perhaps neither of you were? (I'm putting out that idea, only because looking back in my own life, I feel neither the woman nor I were ready for each other back then. It's not a put down. People grow and mature, part of life.) Sounds to me like your relationship can be salvaged. Very best wishes.
Author moebius Posted February 8, 2017 Author Posted February 8, 2017 ...Sounds to me like your relationship can be salvaged. Well, I don't know. The problem now is, even though I'm probably not as pissed off as I was a couple of days ago, I keep thinking about how she felt about me in the past. Could she know she was going to be in love with me? I don't think that's possible. Was she in love with me by then? If that's so how could she sleep with other guys.
olivetree Posted February 8, 2017 Posted February 8, 2017 Well, I don't know. The problem now is, even though I'm probably not as pissed off as I was a couple of days ago, I keep thinking about how she felt about me in the past. Could she know she was going to be in love with me? I don't think that's possible. Was she in love with me by then? If that's so how could she sleep with other guys. She wasn't in love with you when she passed you by. If she was, she couldn't have passed you by. She fell in love while being in an actual relationship with you. My take is that she had a feeling that you were a good guy, and she knew when she got to that place to appreciate someone like you, she would be with you. I think what really matters is if you feel like she is really in love with you NOW. It doesn't sound like you feel that is the case. Your reading on the relationship seems to be mostly based on sex, so I will address that. The amount of sex she has with you could mean one of three things: 1. She is not that attracted to you 2. She has a low sex drive 3. A mix of both Now, before you go thinking that she is just not attracted to you, consider the following: -There is a lot of speculating in this thread about her having wild sex with guys before you but do you actually know if that was the case? -Even if she was having more sex with them, sometimes low sex drive women have more sex with men in the beginning because they are not comfortable showing who they really are. -If the frequency was low from day one with you, it could be because she was comfortable enough to be herself.
Author moebius Posted February 9, 2017 Author Posted February 9, 2017 Now, before you go thinking that she is just not attracted to you, consider the following: -There is a lot of speculating in this thread about her having wild sex with guys before you but do you actually know if that was the case? -Even if she was having more sex with them, sometimes low sex drive women have more sex with men in the beginning because they are not comfortable showing who they really are. -If the frequency was low from day one with you, it could be because she was comfortable enough to be herself. She had only one official boyfriend. Many of the relationships she had were only physical. I mean she was having sex with those guys but she never showed them as her boyfriends. I don't think a person with low sex drive is going to be into this kind of relationship. She's made comments about hex past sex life in the past. I never wanted to know about it. i never asked any further information. But still I'm pretty sure she's been pretty sexual in the past. Including sex in crazy places.
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