She knew she would marry me, but she passed me by

[enddeck]

I was thinking about your situation for a while and I've come to the conclusion that you may not be as delusional as I thought.You have been dating this woman for seven years without marrying her and I honestly think that subconsciously you know she just sees you as plan b(or maybe plan z)she has been round the block a few times.I don't see her statement as a compliment,more as her letting you know she always had you under her thumb.I mean ffs you never even had sex for the eleven years she was screwing around.

I don't think you can trust her to be faithful,in fact I would be surprised if she has been faithful to you all this time.She is very sexually experienced and you were a virgin when you started dating,she doesn't strike me as someone who would think twice about getting her needs met any way she can.

I think you are starting to wise up about her and starting to realise that what you are bringing to this relationship is as much if not more than she is.

You will eventually resent her for the years you wasted waiting for her and I honestly think you can do much better.

[Miss Spider]

I dunno, I'm a woman and even I'd be insulted if a guy rejected dating me, I watched him go through many women, then pick me finally to "settle with* Why would anyone settle to be someone's last pick? That's essentially what they tell you when they reject you in lieu of others then come back and say "I knew I'd wind up with you" it's totally gross. No thx I don't wanna be the lucky one to wash your underwear now

[Viking]

The situation is likely that she went out, had her fun and realized she pissed away her youth instead of finding something worthwhile. Now, she's likely pushing 30 or older and realized she has nobody that is stable because she was having a wild time. There's a wall she will hit where her attractiveness and "value" are waning and she realizes it and wants to lock you in.

 

How old are you and her?

[Marc878]

Think long term. Can you live with what you know? Your love isn't enough if she's not reciprocating. If you put too much into a realtionship without balance you'll get taken advantage of. Then lose respect. Better take some time and think this through.

 

What happens when she turns 40ish and wants to sew some more wild oats?

[Fhsjkfjrhsdh3646]

OP do you think you can do better than her? Sure, she settled for you in the end, and thats not always the greatest feeling. But it's something.

 

For how long you've been together, it would be a waste to throw it away because you're feeling insecure about her past 7+ years ago. It shouldn't even be an issue now.

[moebius]

Thank you all guys. So many comments that I just can't reply to every one now. I'll try to address the most common ideas I've read.

 

Marriage: We don't plan marrying but there's no special reason. We've been living together for three years now. I've never doubted of our relationship.

 

Fidelity: I honestly don't think she would cheat on me. I know "you never know" but I'm pretty sure she won't.

 

What she said: some of you asked how sure I am about what she said. She didn't tell me she preferred those guys instead of me. That is just a fact, in the past I tried to date her and all the time she passed me by. And at the same time she dated these other guys. The thing is, even when I never liked that. I took this as a natural thing. Usually your significant other has a sexual past and you can't change that. I always thought that she was trying to find her match and that she dated them thinking they were going to be her boyfriends. Now, knowing she didn't see them as boyfriend pisses me off. That means she was with them only for physical reasons. In other words she was with them for sex. Knowing I wanted to be with her, and knowing she wanted to be with me in the end. That means only one thing: she preferred having sex with them instead of me.

 

Today I barely talked to her and she asked me if I was still mad about this. I explained her that I wasn't mad but sad. I explained her how rejected I feel. And she apologized to me many times. Then she tried to smooth or disguise the meaning of her sayings. But I told her not to fool me. And she end up crying. And I feel bed for that, but I also have been suffering a lot because of this.

[Miss Spider]

Thank you all guys. So many comments that I just can't reply to every one now. I'll try to address the most common ideas I've read.

 

Marriage: We don't plan marrying but there's no special reason. We've been living together for three years now. I've never doubted of our relationship.

 

Fidelity: I honestly don't think she would cheat on me. I know "you never know" but I'm pretty sure she won't.

 

What she said: some of you asked how sure I am about what she said. She didn't tell me she preferred those guys instead of me. That is just a fact, in the past I tried to date her and all the time she passed me by. And at the same time she dated these other guys. The thing is, even when I never liked that. I took this as a natural thing. Usually your significant other has a sexual past and you can't change that. I always thought that she was trying to find her match and that she dated them thinking they were going to be her boyfriends. Now, knowing she didn't see them as boyfriend pisses me off. That means she was with them only for physical reasons. In other words she was with them for sex. Knowing I wanted to be with her, and knowing she wanted to be with me in the end. That means only one thing: she preferred having sex with them instead of me.

 

Today I barely talked to her and she asked me if I was still mad about this. I explained her that I wasn't mad but sad. I explained her how rejected I feel. And she apologized to me many times. Then she tried to smooth or disguise the meaning of her sayings. But I told her not to fool me. And she end up crying. And I feel bed for that, but I also have been suffering a lot because of this.

 

There's a difference between having a sexual past before they met you and turning you down then coming back to after exhausting other options. This sounds more like the latter. That's because of her comment "there are guys you date to settle down with and guys you date for fun". That is a kind of messed up thing to tell the guy shes "settling down with". It'd be like a guy telling his wife " there are attractive girls you enjoy sex with and homely girls you settle down with. " It's also untrue. It's a something lot of women tell themselves when they can't get a "fun" guy to settle for them. Insteadof improving themselves. Sounds more to me like she had fun with sexually attractive guys and they mistreated her and that put the bs in her mind "you can't have it all ' so she is dating "safe" guy(in her mind). Tsk. Best of luck.

Edited February 2, 2017 by Cookiesandough

[txl]

Thank you all guys. So many comments that I just can't reply to every one now. I'll try to address the most common ideas I've read.

 

Marriage: We don't plan marrying but there's no special reason. We've been living together for three years now. I've never doubted of our relationship.

 

Fidelity: I honestly don't think she would cheat on me. I know "you never know" but I'm pretty sure she won't.

 

What she said: some of you asked how sure I am about what she said. She didn't tell me she preferred those guys instead of me. That is just a fact, in the past I tried to date her and all the time she passed me by. And at the same time she dated these other guys. The thing is, even when I never liked that. I took this as a natural thing. Usually your significant other has a sexual past and you can't change that. I always thought that she was trying to find her match and that she dated them thinking they were going to be her boyfriends. Now, knowing she didn't see them as boyfriend pisses me off. That means she was with them only for physical reasons. In other words she was with them for sex. Knowing I wanted to be with her, and knowing she wanted to be with me in the end. That means only one thing: she preferred having sex with them instead of me.

 

Today I barely talked to her and she asked me if I was still mad about this. I explained her that I wasn't mad but sad. I explained her how rejected I feel. And she apologized to me many times. Then she tried to smooth or disguise the meaning of her sayings. But I told her not to fool me. And she end up crying. And I feel bed for that, but I also have been suffering a lot because of this.

 

if she's having good sex with you drop it. but if not move on.

[Sweetfish]

Thank you all guys. So many comments that I just can't reply to every one now. I'll try to address the most common ideas I've read.

 

Marriage: We don't plan marrying but there's no special reason. We've been living together for three years now. I've never doubted of our relationship.

 

Fidelity: I honestly don't think she would cheat on me. I know "you never know" but I'm pretty sure she won't.

 

What she said: some of you asked how sure I am about what she said. She didn't tell me she preferred those guys instead of me. That is just a fact, in the past I tried to date her and all the time she passed me by. And at the same time she dated these other guys. The thing is, even when I never liked that. I took this as a natural thing. Usually your significant other has a sexual past and you can't change that. I always thought that she was trying to find her match and that she dated them thinking they were going to be her boyfriends. Now, knowing she didn't see them as boyfriend pisses me off. That means she was with them only for physical reasons. In other words she was with them for sex. Knowing I wanted to be with her, and knowing she wanted to be with me in the end. That means only one thing: she preferred having sex with them instead of me.

 

Today I barely talked to her and she asked me if I was still mad about this. I explained her that I wasn't mad but sad. I explained her how rejected I feel. And she apologized to me many times. Then she tried to smooth or disguise the meaning of her sayings. But I told her not to fool me. And she end up crying. And I feel bed for that, but I also have been suffering a lot because of this.

 

I read this and it sounds of a man that has been manipulated all the way down to the crocodile tears. I'm going to give you a quick tool to spot out a narcissist because they are VERY hard to spot and its possible you are dealing with one.. Narcissist lack empathy or pretty much have no empathy. Think back to anything that would give you a red flag.

 

Lets be honest... LET BE REAL... she plowed thru all these men with no attachment what so ever.. Not to be mean..not taking a jab.

 

But what makes you so special? Why are you the only man on earth she can see as the father of her kids.

[enddeck]

Thank you all guys. So many comments that I just can't reply to every one now. I'll try to address the most common ideas I've read.

 

Marriage: We don't plan marrying but there's no special reason. We've been living together for three years now. I've never doubted of our relationship.

 

Fidelity: I honestly don't think she would cheat on me. I know "you never know" but I'm pretty sure she won't.

 

What she said: some of you asked how sure I am about what she said. She didn't tell me she preferred those guys instead of me. That is just a fact, in the past I tried to date her and all the time she passed me by. And at the same time she dated these other guys. The thing is, even when I never liked that. I took this as a natural thing. Usually your significant other has a sexual past and you can't change that. I always thought that she was trying to find her match and that she dated them thinking they were going to be her boyfriends. Now, knowing she didn't see them as boyfriend pisses me off. That means she was with them only for physical reasons. In other words she was with them for sex. Knowing I wanted to be with her, and knowing she wanted to be with me in the end. That means only one thing: she preferred having sex with them instead of me.

 

Today I barely talked to her and she asked me if I was still mad about this. I explained her that I wasn't mad but sad. I explained her how rejected I feel. And she apologized to me many times. Then she tried to smooth or disguise the meaning of her sayings. But I told her not to fool me. And she end up crying. And I feel bed for that, but I also have been suffering a lot because of this.

 

She felt comfortable enough with you,confident she had you where she wanted you to tell you the truth.She KNEW all those years that you were in love with her but still screwed around for ELEVEN years.This is not normal behaviour,this is a narcissist showing her true colours.You haven't said it yet but I think you have finally grew a set and realise you wasted years of your life waiting on this woman.My biggest worry for you is if you stay together,she will have a mid life crisis and you will be out in the cold again.The only person that is important in her life is herself,she has no empathy for you or anyone else.

[Lord Humungus]

No point in wrapping it up in cotton wool mate...

 

 

You just told us that she spent her best (most attractive to men) years at the fun fair; where you watched her ride the cock carousel with her conglomerate of thugs.

 

All the while you were there, mop in hand, just waiting to spring into action and clean up the mess after the ride had closed.

 

Well my good man, if the ride hadn't closed she would still be there today. Don't fool yourself into thinking that she had enough fun; she didn't leave the fun fair on her own accord, she was ejected from it when the fresh new supply of young women arrived to take her place.

 

You are nothing but a safety net, you know that...

 

As for sex, well someone with that experience, you should be having porn star style sex; if you are not, then that's just something else she reserved solely for the carousel too..

[TheWoman]

There are some very unpleasant responses on this thread that will destroy your relationship if you believe in what they are saying. All these alpha beta red pill mgtow perspectives. The 'cock carousel' ick, what freakzoid came up with that one?!

 

Your partner of 7 seven years has tried to be honest with you about why her previous relationships did not work out - in retrospect. That is an important word here because life must be lived forwards, but can only be understood backwards (Kierkegaard, not me). She did not know she was going to end up with you, she did what was right for her at the time. She was responsible for herself, not for you.

 

She has been honest with you because she is mature and wants your relationship to work and therefore honestly is essential.

 

Whereas, your issues seem to stem from not being particularly mature and quite possibly jealous that she went out and lived her life while you pined in the background. That was your choice, not hers.

 

Accept her as an individual who you love for her qualities, values and the experience and maturity she brings to your relationship. Or don't, and break up with her and go live the life you think you have missed out on. No need to belittle her for making choices that men do without hesitation in their lives.

[Poutrew]

There are some very unpleasant responses on this thread that will destroy your relationship if you believe in what they are saying. All these alpha beta red pill mgtow perspectives. The 'cock carousel' ick, what freakzoid came up with that one?!

 

Your partner of 7 seven years has tried to be honest with you about why her previous relationships did not work out - in retrospect. That is an important word here because life must be lived forwards, but can only be understood backwards (Kierkegaard, not me). She did not know she was going to end up with you, she did what was right for her at the time. She was responsible for herself, not for you.

 

She has been honest with you because she is mature and wants your relationship to work and therefore honestly is essential.

 

Whereas, your issues seem to stem from not being particularly mature and quite possibly jealous that she went out and lived her life while you pined in the background. That was your choice, not hers.

 

Accept her as an individual who you love for her qualities, values and the experience and maturity she brings to your relationship. Or don't, and break up with her and go live the life you think you have missed out on. No need to belittle her for making choices that men do without hesitation in their lives.

 

Real good advice, yep. Place it all on the OP> It's his fault...the fact that he could be so easily manipulated by his woman is his fault. The fact that he saved himself for his special lady, heh, what a fool... he should just suck it all up and go through life smiling like a buffoon... what horrible advice

 

OP, This is a problem that men have dealt with since time began. You don't need to throw out the baby with the bathwater, just start taking your baths somewhere else, every once in a while. This is why the word 'mistress' was invented. What you are feeling right now is the profound imbalance in your relationship, mate. Also you are stinging with the realization of how badly this woman manipulated you - again, the magic word is 'mistress'. Perhaps once you feel you have equalized the relationship, you will have no need for outside intervention, but friend, that time isn't now...

[BluesPower]

TheWoman...

 

You have made some really great posts. This however is not one of them.

 

A man, a confident, self assured man, never allows himself to be 55th place. Ever. Further, what she said is the truth, she wanted to have sex with the bad boys while she new OP loved her and would wait for her.

 

Now, that was his foolish choice to wait like that and stay a virgin, I have no idea what he was thinking. This may sound really romantic to a lot of women out there but it is not.

 

What she did was marry a weak man that looked like he had good earning potential, good fatherhood material. She does not care and most likely is not really all that sexually attracted to him, that is not what he is there for, he is boring but safe.

 

The only problem is that she opened her big fat mouth and actually told him the truth. And since he has started to grow a little, he understand exactly what she was saying.

 

He knows that he was the last place safe haven for her. No man, however weak he is should subject himself to that.

 

He needs to dump her and go get laid for a while and if, and I mean a big if, she still wants to be with him in 2 or 3 years, he can check his options.

 

This board is full of women that "Love" the husbands that are great fathers but they just don't get the butterflies anymore. They have sex maybe once a month if that. Why, because they knowingly married the safe beta male to have a family with.

 

I have seen it a thousand times. My wife tried to do the same thing to me, and I was a bad boy. I guess she was at least smart enough to see my long-term potential.

 

When she met me I had finished college and by that time was a touring moderately successful regional rock star. She still picked me so she could have a great paycheck and father for our children.

 

It only took me 26 years to figure out that she never really loved me. Now she is looking for a place to live and a full time job because in a few weeks she is out the door. She now gets to work for a living like all the other people in the world. I however get to party my A** off like it is 1999.

 

OP, dump her and live your life...

Edited February 2, 2017 by BluesPower

[Tribble]

Real good advice, yep. Place it all on the OP> It's his fault...the fact that he could be so easily manipulated by his woman is his fault. The fact that he saved himself for his special lady, heh, what a fool... he should just suck it all up and go through life smiling like a buffoon... what horrible advice

 

OP, This is a problem that men have dealt with since time began. You don't need to throw out the baby with the bathwater, just start taking your baths somewhere else, every once in a while. This is why the word 'mistress' was invented. What you are feeling right now is the profound imbalance in your relationship, mate. Also you are stinging with the realization of how badly this woman manipulated you - again, the magic word is 'mistress'. Perhaps once you feel you have equalized the relationship, you will have no need for outside intervention, but friend, that time isn't now...

 

And cheating is better advise??

 

OP, no-one knows what your gf really meant or what really happened in the past apart from your gf. From what you've said, I didn't interpret it to mean she had you on the back burner all along while she had monkey sex. Nor did I interpret it that you pined away for her and saved your virginity for her.

 

The way I saw it, she knew you had a crush on her (you did ask her out after all). She didn't want to date you at that time. Who knows why. Maybe she wasn't mature, didn't want to settle down yet, had her eye on someone else at the time etc. So she dated other guys. Sewed her wild oats like lots of people (men and women) do in their young years. During this time, you still held a flame for her and didn't date anyone else. I don't know why, but you do. Were you actually waiting for her specifically, or did you not have the opportunity?

 

The thing is, you knew this when you first started dating. You knew she turned you down. You knew she was seeing other people during that time. So why does this new bit of info change anything? It is possible (only possible!) that she was saying this in an introspective way. Looking back, you were the one she should have been with. I find it hard to believe she consciously slept around knowing you'd be there waiting for her when she was done. Who does that? Why would she assume you'd wait and not move on?

 

You know her best. Is she truly capable of this level of manipulation? If you think she is, that is the true issue in your relationship and yep, you should break up. On the other hand, you're reconsidering your entire 7 year relationship based on a couple of off-hand remarks from the past. I've said things to an ex that he wildly misinterpreted because I didn't word it perfectly. It was meant to be a compliment but he took it as an insult. A little like this. We talked through it, I explained myself and thankfully he believed me (not why we're exes!).

[BluesPower]

Ladies, ladies, ladies... Is it just too difficult for you to believe that women actually act and think the way that OP GF has?

 

This type of stuff happens all the time, just all the time. Women like her often times pick safe weak men to have a family with. They are usually hard worked and earn good money. They are safe and usually will not cheat, and usually take what ever is given them in the bed room. Since they don't know any better, they probably think a BJ twice a year is greater than sliced bread!!!!

 

OP, What you think she meant is what she meant. You are last place and safe. You are settling for a woman that really is not all that into you.

 

Please do not do that to yourself...

[WaitingForBardot]

...nor likely would I be even if I were female, but that's a different subject. ..lol..

 

There is what people say, what you hear, and what they mean.

 

Personally, I would not have been offended by her comment in the least. I read it as her telling you she now feels like you were meant to be together. Hindsight is 20/20 and the like. Given what sounds like an otherwise fulfilling relationship, why would you take it as anything else.

 

And no I am not saying that some women can't be lying, deceitful, conniving POSs. (Just like some men, ne?) Only you can judge that based on the totality of your interactions/relationship with her.

[TheWoman]

OP - how old are you guys? You say you have known each other for eighteen years, been together for seven. And she 'knew' from when you met that you would be together one day (very confident of her). You must have been very young when you met. And with all the will in the world, no one can predict they will be with someone in eighteen years time, eighteen months even. You are both lucky it worked out, for many reasons it may not have.

 

I think there is so much emphasis being placed here on this girl somehow tricking, directing or managing the OP to where they are today. But that is not possible, not over that period of time. He chose essentially to wait for her. She was not ready to settle down until she did - it is not mandatory you know. A person can want to date around before settling down. One might even say its a good idea, saves wondering later if you made the right choice, if the grass is greener...

 

OP might have viewed the guys she dated as 'pretty but dumb', but maybe that is not how she felt about it at the time. In my late teens, early twenties I dated people I knew I probably would not marry, but found them interesting anyway. I was learning about the world and people at that time - not trying to settle down.

 

Also perhaps OP is punching above his weight with this lady looks wise? I dont know OP that is your call. But sometimes it take a bit of maturity to start value the less visible qualities. Maybe your lady needed to grow up a bit to see your value. I just do not buy that she decided eighteen years ago to sleep around with bad boys knowing you would be waiting. That is a heck of a gamble.

 

Relationships don't fail because you are 'beta' guy and she 'really' wants an 'alpha' guy. Life is not black and white like that. Relationships do not work out because communication breaks down, because you both stop trying, investing, talking, giving, listening and then loving.

 

Your girl says she loves you and that she has known for eighteen years you are the one for her (I think she might have embellished this slightly for romances sake). Despite this, what you are feeling is based on insecurity. Why are you feeling insecure? Is there anything she is doing now, do her actions not match her words? Or is it something else?

 

If you love each other then you should work through this issue with lots of non-judgmental, honest communication. Its good to face and get through a few upsets before getting married and kids and all that. Put a screaming baby, no sleep and no money into the mix, well lets just say things gets harder after. If you cant get through this, then maybe it is not meant to be.

[elaine567]

This is all utterly ridiculous and if everyone followed this to its conclusion then no-one would marry anyone unless both were virgins for fear of being "settled for".

 

"OMG, he thinks I am "wife material". Better get rid of him pronto.

Who does he think he is?

Having had all that fun with other women and now he thinks he can marry me? NO chance, I am not being settled for...,

Bring me a virgin."

 

Or does it only work when it is the woman who has sowed some wild oats...

 

#doublestandards...

[Sweetfish]

Ladies, ladies, ladies... Is it just too difficult for you to believe that women actually act and think the way that OP GF has?

 

This type of stuff happens all the time, just all the time. Women like her often times pick safe weak men to have a family with. They are usually hard worked and earn good money. They are safe and usually will not cheat, and usually take what ever is given them in the bed room. Since they don't know any better, they probably think a BJ twice a year is greater than sliced bread!!!!

 

OP, What you think she meant is what she meant. You are last place and safe. You are settling for a woman that really is not all that into you.

 

Please do not do that to yourself...

 

Exactly.. women just can't admit when other women are wrong. If the OP was a woman and her man has not married her yet (7 years) and told this woman he was test driving other females and giving them false hopes or beliefs while keeping the said O.P. on the shelf... this thread would be in a total different direction.

 

The word insecure nor compliment would be uttered.

 

I wonder HOW many of you will back peddle on this very statement... I wonder how many of you will say... "Oh, no I would give the same advice" male or female. Maybe some I would take their word.

 

Yeah, the O.P. needs to know that if he marries or has a child with this girl she has all the cards. He doesn't have to listen to what we have to say... he just needs to see the knowledge, information, and tools. He needs to hear the toughts and ideas of others and come to his own conclusion. Thats what forums are... a different view point.

 

Just the idea she defused a situation with crying is already a red flag in my opinion. How old is she? How many more conversations will be reversed on him to make him feel bad?

 

To be honest I would like to know more about the dynamics of this relationship.. do they live together and so on.

[Sweetfish]

This is all utterly ridiculous and if everyone followed this to its conclusion then no-one would marry anyone unless both were virgins for fear of being "settled for".

 

"OMG, he thinks I am "wife material". Better get rid of him pronto.

Who does he think he is?

Having had all that fun with other women and now he thinks he can marry me? NO chance, I am not being settled for...,

Bring me a virgin."

 

Or does it only work when it is the woman who has sowed some wild oats...

 

#doublestandards...

 

I agree %100

 

But to actively date, have sex, and use other men knowly know that someone is waiting for you and have them on the back burner is screwed up on both parties...

 

This makes you wonder... Does she love you or WHAT YOU CAN DO FOR HER?

[preraph]

As for sex, well someone with that experience, you should be having porn star style sex; if you are not, then that's just something else she reserved solely for the carousel too..

 

Really? Take it from someone who knows, just because someone has had sex with lots of partners does not mean they are having "porn star sex" or are even good in bed. It just means they met a number of people who agreed they were mutually attracted enough to have sex. This is what sometimes happens when people aren't always trying to date out of their league. They actually get to have dates and sex.

[elaine567]

Ladies, ladies, ladies... Is it just too difficult for you to believe that women actually act and think the way that OP GF has?

 

This type of stuff happens all the time, just all the time. Women like her often times pick safe weak men to have a family with. They are usually hard worked and earn good money. They are safe and usually will not cheat, and usually take what ever is given them in the bed room. Since they don't know any better, they probably think a BJ twice a year is greater than sliced bread!!!!

 

OP, What you think she meant is what she meant. You are last place and safe. You are settling for a woman that really is not all that into you.

 

Please do not do that to yourself...

 

And men do not do the same?

They also play the field and then choose the lovely caring "wife material" woman to settle down with and marry.

Does he want the selfie obsessed narcissist with the loose moral code who he never even knows where she is half the time or does he choose the nice safe reliable woman who he believes would never look at another man, who will look after his children well and take care of him too?

Why wouldn't a man do that? and why wouldn't a women not want a safe man to marry too?

Practically it makes perfect sense.

Or should she choose some sexy "alpha" womaniser and then hope to God that she can trust him with her children, her home, her money, her life??

[Jersey born raised]

Are you J ? Do you hide the fact you are living together from your friends?

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/cheating-flirting-jealousy/570890-she-introduced-him-her-friend-but-he-isn-t

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/mind-body-soul/spirituality-religious-beliefs/566207-loosing-virginity-before-marriage-guilt

[Sweetfish]

And men do not do the same?

They also play the field and then choose the lovely caring "wife material" woman to settle down with and marry.

Does he want the selfie obsessed narcissist with the loose moral code who he never even knows where she is half the time or does he choose the nice safe reliable woman who he believes would never look at another man, who will look after his children well and take care of him too?

Why wouldn't a man do that? and why wouldn't a women not want a safe man to marry too?

Practically it makes perfect sense.

Or should she choose some sexy "alpha" womaniser and then hope to God that she can trust him with her children, her home, her money, her life??

 

 

 

This is false. What men are we talking about? The ones who are put on the side lines or the bad boy desirables?

 

Most average men get with a girl and fall in love with them bad or god. Rich or poor. Educated or uneducated.

 

Obviously, if you keep buying sour grapes... your gonna think all grapes are sour. Thats what a lot of women do average or not .... they keep a lot of "safe men around" and date the most desirable. If the desirable fails they reach out to the safest and next desirable guy.

 

Men rarely do this... men do not have orbiters and if they do they are not what I would call the "average male" most likely he shows some sense of power... a lead singer or drumer of a band or a football or star... he will have tons of female orbiters.