sadscotsman Posted July 21, 2005 Posted July 21, 2005 Hello I dont care what anyone thinks anymore,I live with my fiancee of 4 yrs and as of yesterday we have split up, basically because i found out that when drunk she got off with one of my closest friends, it was kissing, nothing more and i know that for a fact now, when i found out i was in a rage and said horrid things that i shouldnt have. They tried to hide it as it was the "biggest mistake" of her life, and my mate has a fiancee that he lives with also but i could sense it and i quizzed her until she had to tell me. She basically now knows that i can never trust her again, and has told me that it has to be over as she can never hurt me again like she has this week. The thing is i love her more than life itself and ive told her ive forgiven her, although deep down i know i can never trust her again, but i dont ever want to fall asleep without her, yet she has decided that we split for the best. I am inconsolable, i cant work, i cant sleep, i cant go anywhere as what ever i do and see, the songs i hear just tear me apart. She is going to college in Manchester at the start of next semester and i had prepared myself for only seeing her ever second weekend, and i know now in my heart i cant trust her and i would be a total mess if we stay together as every second of my life i would be worrying what she is doing, who is she with etc. She is staying with me until she works her months notice at the hotel where she works, as i am not cruel and wouldnt chuck her out on the street despite what my best friends have told me i should have done. At the moment i feel nothing but pain, i love her soo much you wouldnt believe it, i see her ever day and we have been sleeping apart, but last night i was so upset i fell asleep next to her as i was in so much pain. I see my crying as a weakness and i hate myself for it, but she seems so calm and that its over and thats it, and we are friends etc, but jesus i cant switch off like that, before the weekend she was the love of my life and i would literally have died for her. Now its like we are flat mates. I have asked her everything, how she feels for me etc and i have made her swear to be honest, she tells me she loves me more than anything but it has to be this way as she can never hurt me again. I feel like she is pushing me to the side, and i am an emotional wreck because of it. If anyone knows of a way for me to stop the pain apart from the bulk box of asprin in my medicine cabinet then please tell me, as i dont know how much longer i can take the pain.....
l2hvn Posted July 21, 2005 Posted July 21, 2005 i can only imagine how you feel. i mean, im here all emotional and crying over a guy i've been with for 3mos. i guess the only way i can tell you is that you have to trust that nature takes its toll. know that in time, you'll feel better again. cry a river if you want. it helps a lot. listen to sappy songs. it helps a lot. just cry until you can no longer cry. deal with the pain. and soon, you'll feel better each day. it may not be today. but someday you will. know that the trust has been shattered. you have been betrayed. know that a future w/ your fiancee is no longer a possibility.... but.. *if* she decides to come back work down the road, you have some serious issues to deal with.
Author sadscotsman Posted July 21, 2005 Author Posted July 21, 2005 I feel like such a fairy, im a 29yr old man, with his own home, and with all his love for one girl, with no room for anyone else, and when ever i talk to her its like my chest is exploding and i have a lump in my throat that hurts to breath. But i love her, and i cant stop loving her, and i want the pain to stop. but with her she is so cold and emotionless, she tells me she loves me more than anything but things have to be the way they are as she doesnt want to hurt me any more. Life hasnt been easy with her, ive put up with a lot of things emotionally, but ive always stood by her and loved her unconditionally, and now i feel like i want to die, the only thing stopping me is my love for life, my friends, my animals and for her.... i am so so sad
sanne Posted July 21, 2005 Posted July 21, 2005 man i'm so sorry to hear all of this. just know that none of this is your fault, you have done nothing wrong. you were perfectly justified to react the way you did and anyone would have done the same if their fiancee pulled a stunt like that. i don't know what advice to give you man, just stay strong and take some time to yourself so you can heal. get away from her for a little while and clear your head.
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