brandon26003 Posted February 1, 2017 Posted February 1, 2017 I'm 36 and she is 30. We both work for the same company but different shifts. I work day shift and she works midnight shift. She added me on Facebook one day. I did not know who she was but decided to accept the friend request because I saw that we have several mutual friends and that we work at the same place. We messaged back and forth and agreed to go on a date. The first date went great. We went bowling and had a great time. She also has 3 kids and is a full time college student. She is currently living at home with her mom. We went on a second date the following weekend. We stayed up until 5 am in my driveway talking and having a good time. The next day she asked me if I wanted to meet her and her kids at the park which I did. We were there for a few hours and later that day she messaged saying that her kids really liked me. The following Friday we had plans and I didn't hear from her. I get a message from her 2 hours after we were supposed to meet that she had just woken up and that she hadn't gotten any of her homework done. We cancelled the date. Then over the next week the texts became fewer and fewer and even went 3 days without hearing from her. She messaged apologizing that she was really busy and said that she doesn't have time on the weekends because she is catching up on homework and sleep. I asked her how things would work out if we never saw eachother and she replied that she didn't know and that there weren't enough hours in the day. I haven't responded to that message. I'm frustrated. She expressed interest in me first. She told me how awesome I was and even joked that she didn't want me to get this job a few hours away because she would never see me. It turns out that I didn't get the job. Why would she show interest, introduce me to her kids, and then give me the busy excuse? Why does dating have to be so difficult? I'm always the one expressing interest in women first so I thought this was different. Turned out I was wrong. My apologies for this being such a long post. I didn't think it would be this long.
d0nnivain Posted February 1, 2017 Posted February 1, 2017 She was interested. Something happened on the dates that made her lose interest. Dating can be difficult & I'm sorry you're struggling. But hang in there.
WaitingForBardot Posted February 1, 2017 Posted February 1, 2017 (edited) I don't think anything necessarily happened on the date to cause it, but it would appear that she changed her mind. Not necessarily a reflection on you, it happens all the time. As an aside, I do think meeting someones kids on the third date is a bit fast... Edited February 1, 2017 by WaitingForBardot 5
scooby-philly Posted February 1, 2017 Posted February 1, 2017 Hey OP, I agree with the last poster - given what you described it doesn't appear that anything happened ON the date(s). More than likely, she's hit a wall in her life. A lot of people - both men and women - in their 30's and 40's - if they have kids and work and/or go to school - it's a tough rough. She may have been hoping to find someone to spend time with and to remind her of what a good relationship is, but....based on what you described it does not sound like she's got a routine down and isn't dedicated enough to it to find the time to balance her demands currently with any sort of "dating". Who knows, she may have been in a period of despair or depression, but it doesn't really matter. What matters is that if she was serious about you and more the point, serious about dating in general, she'd get her life together. Now, that's easier said then done and it's not a judgment against her - but if you're looking and able to "date" on your end - she's probably not a candidate for you. And I agree further - the fact that she let you meet her kids on the third date suggests either she doesn't have her stuff together, was acting out of desperation, loneliness, or despair, or god forbid - something worse - because the vast majority of good women would not bring you into the picture to meed their kids until you've become someone she trusts and sees somewhat of a future with.
Fhsjkfjrhsdh3646 Posted February 1, 2017 Posted February 1, 2017 She sounds legit busy, working, school, kids. That is a LOT. I would try to be understanding, **** happens sometimes. The worst thing that you can do is let these events alter your behavior around her. Give her a little bit of space, but reach back out and act like nothing is wrong. Good luck.
Hopefuleddie Posted February 6, 2017 Posted February 6, 2017 Hello, I can imagine how you. Based on how she described her, she sounds nice and HONESTLY BUSY. If she is trying manage all that you said, then she seems like someone with a good head on her, and worth adjusting you expectations to patiently get to know. 1
Author brandon26003 Posted February 12, 2017 Author Posted February 12, 2017 Just an update on this situation. She ended up reaching out to me after a few days. We started texting back and forth a few times a day and it eventually got back to several messages throughout the day. One night she asked me if I wanted to meet up while she was shopping and I agreed. I get to the store and walked around with her and her youngest child. We were there for an hour before she had to leave to get ready for work. The next few days was fine...normal messaging...and then one day she quit responding to my messages. I'm a firm believer in not sending multiple messages without getting a response. I asked her a few days later and asked her why I haven't heard from her. She replied by asking why she hasn't heard from me. She then said she had been sick all weekend and had to call off one night. It was Tuesday when I messaged her, so in my mind, she made a conscious decision not to message me. The messages again stopped and I haven't heard from her in 5 days. IMO, she is trying to get me to chase her. I made it clear when we first went out that I don't chase. I also think that she is subconsciously pushing me away because she is starting to like me. The first two weeks after we went on our first date was great. She told me that she really likes me and then this. In the 5 days we've had no contact she has viewed every one of my Snapchat posts. I'm just going to continue no contact. The ball is in her court now. If she wants to talk to me again, it's on her. I'll continue dating other women. Good luck everyone !
PogoStick Posted February 13, 2017 Posted February 13, 2017 I don't think she's trying to get you to chase. I just think she's to busy to rightly pursue a relationship. All she can manage is to let you walk around with her while she is shopping for an hour. Tell her to call when she has time for a real date. Otherwise, you're right about finding other women. Keep your options open!
Lady2163 Posted February 13, 2017 Posted February 13, 2017 I'm also in the camp that just believes she is too busy. I think she WANTS to see you and is interested, but she just doesn't have the time and probably doesn't have much cash to spare. Your last two get togethers were moments of brief convenience for her. Meeting at the park and grocery store. While it was a bit early to meet her kids, it tell me she was trying to see you and connect. She doesn't have time for just a fling. Sadly, she doesn't really have time to cultivate a relationship. This is what you're life would be like if you were married. Only, you be doing a lot of childcare responsibilities after work until bedtime. This is her life and you have to decide if that's how you see yours.
GoldSparkz Posted February 13, 2017 Posted February 13, 2017 Its interesting how she was happy to make time for you in the beginning but now she decides to start flaking. It sounds to me like she's dating other guys and keeping you around as an option, so I wouldn't waste anymore time with her. You may find that she ends up bouncing back and coming on strong again, which is common with people who multi date. I find it strange and irresponsible that she was happy to introduce her kids to you after barely knowing you. This suggests that she may not be great when it comes to making decisions and acts too hastily. Another red flag. 1
Gr8fuln2020 Posted February 13, 2017 Posted February 13, 2017 She 'sounds' a little over-whelmed with three children and midnight shift. Exhausted. I worked a mid-night shift years ago and believe me, no matter how I tried to adjust my sleeping cycle, I remained tired all the time. And yes, as some else has said, meeting the kids on a third date is TOO soon. I suspect that the only way for her to make time with you was to have the kids along? She realized how cumbersome that is. Just my guess.
Author brandon26003 Posted February 14, 2017 Author Posted February 14, 2017 It's just frustrating. This isn't the first something like this has happened with someone I've dated that I thought was going to turn into something. However, she is the first one that re-initiated contact after going no contact. She is the first one that wanted to meet again after going no contact. I've been burnt so many times in dating that I expect the busy excuse for not meeting up. The problem is I can't tell if they are being truthful or if they're just using the busy excuse as an easy way to let me down. Right now I'm struggling with continuing NC or reaching out to her. We're still friends on social media and she made a recent post about having her daughter at the doctor because she has the flu.
ChatroomHero Posted February 14, 2017 Posted February 14, 2017 Sounds like she was gas lighting you a bit too. When you ask why she stopped responding she turned it around on you. She is too busy to keep contact or do anything serious, but then casts that as your fault for somehow not keeping the communication going. I wouldn't spend any more time on her. Busy or not, there are ways to show interest without investing a lot of time. I expect the next step will be you don't hear from her because she is busy but then see posts on social media showing she has time for other non-school, non-work fun. I have found there are people that may be legitimately interested that suck as someone to date. It basically means they are not relationship material because it involves you constantly chasing the carrot and never knowing where you really stand. One week everything is perfect and the next they are "too busy" to remember you exist, but somehow it is your fault. Save your sanity, move on. If she reaches out to you tell her you had a nice time but you are looking for someone to spend time with, not an occasional texting buddy.
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