Going No Contact is too hard.

[Void22]

I desperately need to go no-contact with my ex and drop him completely out of my life but God is it hard. I can happily say that in 1.5 hours, I'll have gone a full DAY without saying a word to him. It's so sad. Not even a freaking day has passed and I'm struggling.

 

I think it's pretty obvious that this isn't the first time I've tried no contact with him. We were quite off-and-on for the past 4ish months we've known one another. See, it hasn't even been that long and I'm completely hung up over him. I know he's probably out banging some chick right now as I type yet the thought of another guy touching me makes me sick. I sincerely wish I could just hook up with some random to get over him but I've no desire to be with anyone but him.

 

I feel like it would help so much if I had someone to talk to about this but... we were each other's only friends. And I don't want to go into details but he's the reason I lost the few "friends"(basically acquaintances) I did have...So letting him go would make me feel like the biggest loner and fool ever. This may be the main reason I still want to contact him.

 

I know I can do way better than him. Without going to much into detail... he's a very screwed up person mentally and emotionally. He suffered a lot of hurt and abuse growing up and got into a lot of immoral shenanigans as a result. His last girlfriend broke his heart in an awful awful way which he said "made him not respect women and unable to feel love ever again". I guess I wanted to "save" him. I never thought I'd fall into that stupid trap but here I am.

 

As you can imagine, I was treated like crap. He used me for company (everyone else was smart enough to stay away) and sex. He loved that I was willing (aka stupid enough) to spend time with him and listen to him and be a friend to him when no one else would. He's a very attractive guy and never had a problem getting sex, but it always stopped there. Girls would realize how ****ed he was and rightfully bolt after their escapade. Not me. He loved having someone to call "his girlfriend" but that was all I was. He admitted to never feeling love for me (he lied about loving me for months until finally coming clean yesterday which is why I'm going NC right now).

 

I'm just so hurt and I can't deal. I hate so so much that throughout this "mess" we called a relationship, I fell in love with him. We started out as FWBs and after he realized I wouldn't leave him like everyone else, he asked me to be his girlfriend. I'd developed feelings for him before I ever even slept with him so of course I agreed to this naively thinking he had feelings for me. I should've known this wasn't true when, whenever we were "off" (I broke up with him at least 4 times after being sick of his ****) the first thing he'd do was bang other chicks. Yes we weren't together but to go and have sex with someone else THAT soon? No love or respect was had.

 

I don't want to keep talking to someone who doesn't and most likely never will love me. Who used me and used me when I was the only one who was there for him. But he was the only person I had. he was the only person I opened up to and I feel like he became a part of me whether I wanted him to or not. I have no one else and he's a big reason for that. How can I keep being NC with him when he's all I have and I love him? Please help.

[Blanco]

It gets easier. I lived with my ex for nearly two years. Helped raise her children as my own. Loved them as my own. Desperately wanted to make it work but knew it wouldn't. So I left. She replaced me almost immediately.

 

I've had zero communication with her for nearly a year. It's not always easy. But it gets easier.

[Void22]

It gets easier. I lived with my ex for nearly two years. Helped raise her children as my own. Loved them as my own. Desperately wanted to make it work but knew it wouldn't. So I left. She replaced me almost immediately.

 

I've had zero communication with her for nearly a year. It's not always easy. But it gets easier.

 

Wow, that's rough. I guess if you can do it, I can. Thank you so much for this.

[HeartCease]

I desperately need to go no-contact with my ex and drop him completely out of my life but God is it hard. I can happily say that in 1.5 hours, I'll have gone a full DAY without saying a word to him. It's so sad. Not even a freaking day has passed and I'm struggling.

 

I think it's pretty obvious that this isn't the first time I've tried no contact with him. We were quite off-and-on for the past 4ish months we've known one another. See, it hasn't even been that long and I'm completely hung up over him. I know he's probably out banging some chick right now as I type yet the thought of another guy touching me makes me sick. I sincerely wish I could just hook up with some random to get over him but I've no desire to be with anyone but him.

 

I feel like it would help so much if I had someone to talk to about this but... we were each other's only friends. And I don't want to go into details but he's the reason I lost the few "friends"(basically acquaintances) I did have...So letting him go would make me feel like the biggest loner and fool ever. This may be the main reason I still want to contact him.

 

I know I can do way better than him. Without going to much into detail... he's a very screwed up person mentally and emotionally. He suffered a lot of hurt and abuse growing up and got into a lot of immoral shenanigans as a result. His last girlfriend broke his heart in an awful awful way which he said "made him not respect women and unable to feel love ever again". I guess I wanted to "save" him. I never thought I'd fall into that stupid trap but here I am.

 

As you can imagine, I was treated like crap. He used me for company (everyone else was smart enough to stay away) and sex. He loved that I was willing (aka stupid enough) to spend time with him and listen to him and be a friend to him when no one else would. He's a very attractive guy and never had a problem getting sex, but it always stopped there. Girls would realize how ****ed he was and rightfully bolt after their escapade. Not me. He loved having someone to call "his girlfriend" but that was all I was. He admitted to never feeling love for me (he lied about loving me for months until finally coming clean yesterday which is why I'm going NC right now).

 

I'm just so hurt and I can't deal. I hate so so much that throughout this "mess" we called a relationship, I fell in love with him. We started out as FWBs and after he realized I wouldn't leave him like everyone else, he asked me to be his girlfriend. I'd developed feelings for him before I ever even slept with him so of course I agreed to this naively thinking he had feelings for me. I should've known this wasn't true when, whenever we were "off" (I broke up with him at least 4 times after being sick of his ****) the first thing he'd do was bang other chicks. Yes we weren't together but to go and have sex with someone else THAT soon? No love or respect was had.

 

I don't want to keep talking to someone who doesn't and most likely never will love me. Who used me and used me when I was the only one who was there for him. But he was the only person I had. he was the only person I opened up to and I feel like he became a part of me whether I wanted him to or not. I have no one else and he's a big reason for that. How can I keep being NC with him when he's all I have and I love him? Please help.

 

 

 

I relate to a lot of what you said. I'd like to believe what Blanco said (that it gets easier). Personally, I'm not there yet. I've been feeling hurt and miserable for a while, and now I just feel angry. It does not seem like an improvement to me, but at least it's a change.

 

So maybe you can at least look forward to feeling different at some point. Try doing something that's just for you. It can be anything from washing your hair to listening to a song you liked before you met that person. It's not that I'm in any position to give advice ... but at least you'll be doing something.

[Hoosfoos]

Intermittent contact with someone who ripped your heart out is even harder.

 

Stay strong.

[BeStronger]

I'm in an very similar situation as you. Even though he never admitted to not loving me, his actions have shown me that.

 

He dropped me like a hot potato last week. I told him how i felt about him going from so much texts, calls, facetimes to LC in a span of 4 days. After that call, we've been NC for 7 days counting.

 

It's hard, but it gets better. I have strong and weak moments. Just letting you know, that you're not alone on this NC train.

[Blanco]

Wow, that's rough. I guess if you can do it, I can. Thank you so much for this.

 

It did not come easily. Once I found out she had started seeing someone, I vowed that I wouldn't initiate contact. I lasted about eight days before I finally cracked, and let me tell you, those eight days were pure hell.

 

After that, I once again vowed not to initiate contact. This time, I stuck to it, though it was still unbelievably hard at times. She would occasionally reach out, but that just made it worse, because I never could get the sense that she had pulled away and walked out of my life for good.

 

Finally, about a year ago, I had enough of this constant wondering if I'd hear from her. I blocked her phone number, and let me tell you, THAT was hard to do. I think the first couple of times I did it, I unblocked it within a couple of hours. But I was determined to do this, and so I finally pulled the trigger once and for all.

 

I'll admit that there have been a handful of times since then where I've unblocked the number because I felt maybe I was "safe" in terms of not hearing from her again. But after a couple of hours, I'd block again after realizing how unnerved and vulnerable I felt that she theoretically had such easy access to me.

 

Bottom line: I still think about her every day, even if I've long since wanted anything to do with her romantically. I still very much miss the children, and so it's natural to think of her. A couple years removed from this starting and I can only reassure you that if you can get through the first couple of weeks, you'll find it much easier to manage day-to-day life. I'd suggest blocking his number so that you aren't easily accessible, not to mention to give you some peace of mind that if you stick to NC, you won't have to hear from him.

[Void22]

I relate to a lot of what you said. I'd like to believe what Blanco said (that it gets easier). Personally, I'm not there yet. I've been feeling hurt and miserable for a while, and now I just feel angry. It does not seem like an improvement to me, but at least it's a change.

 

So maybe you can at least look forward to feeling different at some point. Try doing something that's just for you. It can be anything from washing your hair to listening to a song you liked before you met that person. It's not that I'm in any position to give advice ... but at least you'll be doing something.

 

I think anger would be better than this misery so I'll look forward to that. Honestly I can't even imagine doing much of anything at the moment. All I want to do is sleep so the days go by quicker. I'm sorry to hear you're going through something similar.

[Void22]

I'm in an very similar situation as you. Even though he never admitted to not loving me, his actions have shown me that.

 

He dropped me like a hot potato last week. I told him how i felt about him going from so much texts, calls, facetimes to LC in a span of 4 days. After that call, we've been NC for 7 days counting.

 

It's hard, but it gets better. I have strong and weak moments. Just letting you know, that you're not alone on this NC train.

 

Wow, that's awful. I can't imagine if HE was the one that went NC- I don't think I'd be able to handle it. I'm sorry you went through that.

[Void22]

It did not come easily. Once I found out she had started seeing someone, I vowed that I wouldn't initiate contact. I lasted about eight days before I finally cracked, and let me tell you, those eight days were pure hell.

 

After that, I once again vowed not to initiate contact. This time, I stuck to it, though it was still unbelievably hard at times. She would occasionally reach out, but that just made it worse, because I never could get the sense that she had pulled away and walked out of my life for good.

 

Finally, about a year ago, I had enough of this constant wondering if I'd hear from her. I blocked her phone number, and let me tell you, THAT was hard to do. I think the first couple of times I did it, I unblocked it within a couple of hours. But I was determined to do this, and so I finally pulled the trigger once and for all.

 

I'll admit that there have been a handful of times since then where I've unblocked the number because I felt maybe I was "safe" in terms of not hearing from her again. But after a couple of hours, I'd block again after realizing how unnerved and vulnerable I felt that she theoretically had such easy access to me.

 

Bottom line: I still think about her every day, even if I've long since wanted anything to do with her romantically. I still very much miss the children, and so it's natural to think of her. A couple years removed from this starting and I can only reassure you that if you can get through the first couple of weeks, you'll find it much easier to manage day-to-day life. I'd suggest blocking his number so that you aren't easily accessible, not to mention to give you some peace of mind that if you stick to NC, you won't have to hear from him.

 

The funny thing is, even though I haven't blocked his number, I told him I did the same time I said goodbye. So he hasn't tried to contact me as he thinks he's blocked. I should actually block him but I can't bring myself to. I can't lie, a call or text from him would make my absolute day. I wouldn't respond of course but it's all I've been waiting for. I hate to say this but I want him to somehow realize he does in fact love me and to pour his heart out.

 

I hate to hear that you still think about her a year later. By that time I would like him to be nothing but a distant memory. Of course you two were together for 2 years and children were involved so it's a lot more intense, I reckon.

[Void22]

Welp it's been over a day and I feel sick. I can barely sleep. As much as I shouldn't, a part of me feels guilty. Like I said, I was his only friend, the only one willing to spend time with him. Now I've left him just like everyone else. Even though he never felt anything toward me he was ALWAYS the one initiating contact and hangouts and telling me sweet things. I told him I blocked him (even though I didn't) so he hasn't contacted me and it HURTS. I'm not used to not hearing from him. He was also my only friend so it's incredibly lonely.

 

I know I've got to stay strong. In the end, he's a guy who treated me with very little respect, lied to me for months and used me to fulfill his own issues. Is that really someone I want to keep? I just keep focusing on his positive qualities and the good he did for me though. I hate this. I wonder if he reaiized I was nothing but some dumb lonely girl with no boundaries and is already over me.

[BeStronger]

Welp it's been over a day and I feel sick. I can barely sleep. As much as I shouldn't, a part of me feels guilty. Like I said, I was his only friend, the only one willing to spend time with him. Now I've left him just like everyone else. Even though he never felt anything toward me he was ALWAYS the one initiating contact and hangouts and telling me sweet things. I told him I blocked him (even though I didn't) so he hasn't contacted me and it HURTS. I'm not used to not hearing from him. He was also my only friend so it's incredibly lonely.

 

I know I've got to stay strong. In the end, he's a guy who treated me with very little respect, lied to me for months and used me to fulfill his own issues. Is that really someone I want to keep? I just keep focusing on his positive qualities and the good he did for me though. I hate this. I wonder if he reaiized I was nothing but some dumb lonely girl with no boundaries and is already over me.

 

Exactly my case. I went from not getting used to it, to learning how to accept it, to disbelief (What? You mean you can go 7 days without hearing from me?). He was always the one who initiated contact.

 

I was there to feed his ego. To make him feel loved and wanted. Whenever he needed to share something positive, I WAS ALWAYS THERE. Yet he tells me "I'm always there for you if you need me". What bull**** is that? How can you be there for me if you don't even bother to text me or hear from me.

 

I really hope that he will text me. But you know what's interesting? I'm not sure i miss him - because my feelings are telling me I want that text for an ego boost. That he misses me. That he thought of me. That he didn't just forget I existed.

 

But... I know for NC to successfully work. It's not to have mindsets like these. But its so hard. How can you love someone so much, and just be left in the dumps like this?

 

Stay strong babe.

[Void22]

Exactly my case. I went from not getting used to it, to learning how to accept it, to disbelief (What? You mean you can go 7 days without hearing from me?). He was always the one who initiated contact.

 

I was there to feed his ego. To make him feel loved and wanted. Whenever he needed to share something positive, I WAS ALWAYS THERE. Yet he tells me "I'm always there for you if you need me". What bull**** is that? How can you be there for me if you don't even bother to text me or hear from me.

 

I really hope that he will text me. But you know what's interesting? I'm not sure i miss him - because my feelings are telling me I want that text for an ego boost. That he misses me. That he thought of me. That he didn't just forget I existed.

 

But... I know for NC to successfully work. It's not to have mindsets like these. But its so hard. How can you love someone so much, and just be left in the dumps like this?

 

Stay strong babe.

 

Yes, you said the word I couldn't think of! I was simply nothing more than an ego boost for him. Oh my goodness, 7 days??? You go, girl! I can only imagine the disbelief you feel that he hasn't tried reaching out to you in so long.

 

I think I want that text for the same reason you do. Truthfully, he shattered my pride, not my heart. Shattered it. Finding out that someone you gave everything to, lost friends for, and chose to stick around when everything was telling you "don't!" didn't even love me? It's embarrassing and makes me feel so incredibly stupid and pathetic. I want to at least get an "i know you blocked me but I just have to tell you how much I miss you" text, so I'll have a tiny bit of my dignity. :/

 

Thank you so much, girl. You stay strong as well, you're already doing so great!

[fromheart]

Think of the consequences if you remain in contact; more of the same mistreatment. You deserve much more than that.

[d0nnivain]

This is the tough part but you can do it. You must do. It's how you finally heal.

 

 

For you it's a bit tougher because you don't have friends to turn to. When in the throws of a break up I always had a rotation of GF's to call instead of calling him. You lost those acquaintances. So you need something. I recommend posting here, going for a walk, cleaning your house, even calling your mom.

 

 

As the days pass & you feel stronger do try to get out & reconnect with some of those old friends & make a few new ones.

[Void22]

Welp, he just texted me. He works in the Auto Services department at Walmart and always promised me a free oil change (I do need one). He told me to come by so he can finally do that for me. Stupid me turned off read receipts in general but completely forgot that I had to do it for him individually as well. I turned them off immediately after I saw his message but I'm certain it still comes up that I read it. Damn it. There goes my plan of making him believe he was blocked. ****ing iPhones.

 

Now I'm at a loss of action. A part of me believes he sent that to see for himself if I'd really blocked him or not (now he knows I did not). What should I do now? Ignore his message even though he knows I've seen it? Get the free oil change from him that I actually do need? Tell him to leave me alone? Block him for real this time? Ugh I really messed up. I'm too old for this, I know...

[fromheart]

Man, this blocked/they saw the message thing... forget about smartphone land, its a false reality!!!

 

Blocking in real life means that you don't respond to his communication and his attempts to draw you back in to his dysfunctional cycle. Just ignore any communication that comes your way and move on.

[Zahara]

Welp, he just texted me. He works in the Auto Services department at Walmart and always promised me a free oil change (I do need one). He told me to come by so he can finally do that for me. Stupid me turned off read receipts in general but completely forgot that I had to do it for him individually as well. I turned them off immediately after I saw his message but I'm certain it still comes up that I read it. Damn it. There goes my plan of making him believe he was blocked. ****ing iPhones.

 

Now I'm at a loss of action. A part of me believes he sent that to see for himself if I'd really blocked him or not (now he knows I did not). What should I do now? Ignore his message even though he knows I've seen it? Get the free oil change from him that I actually do need? Tell him to leave me alone? Block him for real this time? Ugh I really messed up. I'm too old for this, I know...

 

He's just baiting you. That's all.

 

Block him. The first thing you should do. And yes, even if he knows you've read it, you don't owe him anything in terms of a response. Remember, he treated you like crap.

 

Step one - get your oil change done somewhere else. Stop finding excuses to keep yourself dependent and attached to him.

Edited February 2, 2017 by Zahara

[Blanco]

Oil changes are one of the least expensive things you can get done for your car. It's not like he's building you a new transmission.

 

What you're doing right now is finding ways to justify remaining attached to him. And that's not abnormal given how fresh all of this is right now. Just try to be objective and identify when you're looking for ways to keep him in your life. Him changing your oil is certainly one.

[PrincessWarrior1]

Don't beat yourself up hun. NC for me was just not initiating contact and it worked well. I was able to get back my self-esteem and self-respect, recovery, energy, sound-mind, etc. I also rewarded myself with gifts. When he called that was another story. I was never able to not respond but it was ok. I'd just start the whole process over and I proved to myself that I could do it. Heck if he wants to do you a favor, why not?

 

Just keep yourself together and have a strong frame of mind with no expectations...

[Pumpingiron34]

words of advice, **** this guy(not literally). Dont waste another minute of your life playing games of who loves who. Go hand your phone to a close friend/family member and tell them to hold it for a week. Thats what i did because i went so insane the first week of no contact one minute i agreed to it the next i was a totally different guy like looking for a drug justifying every reason to text. Get rid of the phone. Your lucky enough to have the internet where people are giving you a head start because they have gone through this. Its like knowing the future. You prolly cant trust your self right now so trust every one on this web sight.