Goondaddy Posted February 1, 2017 Posted February 1, 2017 Hey guys and gals.. My gf of 27 years left me a few months back, we've been civil to each other, and she says the only way we can work our way back currently is for us to date, and see if the fire comes back. We've decided that amnesty for the past is the best way to go since we were both lousy to each other. But we love each other, and somehow, we want to make it work. Since she left me, this is what I have to work with... I/we have never dated, we happened when we were 17 and 19, and we just got together out of nowhere, and have been in each other's lives since. We haven't been good to each other, but we have been good for each other. So, I'm 44 now. She's 42. Neither of us have dated, so I need to know how to put on a good show, let her know that I care, and that I'm for real. I've done a bunch of self-reflection, learned about how love really works, and learned a bunch about communication. Confidence has never been an issue for me, but dialing it back from arrogance has been a task. I'm doing well with my adjustments, toned up, and lost a total of 70 pounds. I look great, feel great, and I'm ready to rock! One roadblock. I've always talked a good game to get her back in the past, only to revert to the same guy she left. I've got myself right, and I have taken the time to do so, but I need to make it known to her that she's the one I want, and I'm not too sure how to make that happen. Enlighten me...
ElizabethIII Posted February 1, 2017 Posted February 1, 2017 27 years of dating? Nothing else? No marriage? Live together? Kids? If after 27 years you need to ask strangers how to make her feel special then I dont know what to say. You know her. 2
RecentChange Posted February 1, 2017 Posted February 1, 2017 In what ways have you been bad to each other? How can you be good for each other but not good to each other? I am not following that at all. Was this a healthy relationship? I am also not really understanding the "no dating" part. Showing that you appreciate someone isn't so much about "dating" but just that, showing your appreciation. Investing time and energy into your partner. My husband and I "date" all the time. This weekend we went to a nearby city. Had a nice meal, got a hotel room, took the back roads home and enjoyed each other's company. It was his idea this time, and I thanked him for making a special weekend. Tonight we are getting cocktails out on the town. We haven't been together 27 years, but it has been over 15. Why weren't you two "dating" all along? 2
Author Goondaddy Posted February 1, 2017 Author Posted February 1, 2017 Man, you guys are a tough bunch... Lol... Long story short, we are both from lousy homes, our parents tried, but we were both wrecked. We've cheated on each other, lied, stolen, and so on. We've raised two beautiful boys 16 and 25, and we've driven and supported each other to be successful. We also believed that if we married, we'd be trapped, whereas, if we were free to come and go as we pleased, it would prove more that we had a choice in the matter, we always said "Why ruin a good thing?"... When she left, she said that she thought that I didn't love her anymore, she was unemployed for years and had time to think, I on the other hand, was gone 60+ hours weekly for work, sometimes not home for days because of work, and I went fishing once a week, which she saw as neglecting her... I've always been kind of distant for one reason or another, but she didn't mention it in the last couple of years. We've been stable for the last five years without any transgressions against each other, and I thought we were ok, right up to the day she said she was leaving. A couple days back, she told me that the relationship wasn't going anywhere, so she did. But all the opportunity she will give me currently is to date her. She's afraid I'll be that same old guy that let her down, and I'd like to prove otherwise. In a nutshell. And yes, the ring is here. Ready to go when she is. I want to show her that of all the women on this planet, I chose her.
Sweetfish Posted February 1, 2017 Posted February 1, 2017 The fire WILL not come back. Are you going to fall for this?
Author Goondaddy Posted February 1, 2017 Author Posted February 1, 2017 The fire WILL not come back. Are you going to fall for this? Why do you say that?
smackie9 Posted February 1, 2017 Posted February 1, 2017 And yes, the ring is here. Ready to go when she is. I want to show her that of all the women on this planet, I chose her. 27 years too late....how about the offer of couples counseling along with that ring....
Author Goondaddy Posted February 1, 2017 Author Posted February 1, 2017 Well, if she's interested, I'll definitely go to couples counseling.. I'd love to!
smackie9 Posted February 1, 2017 Posted February 1, 2017 Well, if she's interested, I'll definitely go to couples counseling.. I'd love to! Maybe put that offer on the table then. It might be what she wants to hear.
Author Goondaddy Posted February 1, 2017 Author Posted February 1, 2017 Maybe put that offer on the table then. It might be what she wants to hear. I'd hope so, she's become so cynical with regards to the relationship, and she honestly believes that she wasn't that far from right.. Which makes things harder, because it's mostly my fault in her opinion..
eightytwenty Posted February 1, 2017 Posted February 1, 2017 Marriage counseling, make plans weekly to go do something together, and the ring. So many people (men and women) go into the same habits, the counseling will help you understand from her point what you need to do to make her feel wanted. even if its taking out the trash daily, and kissing her goodnight everynight.
Author Goondaddy Posted February 1, 2017 Author Posted February 1, 2017 Marriage counseling, make plans weekly to go do something together, and the ring. So many people (men and women) go into the same habits, the counseling will help you understand from her point what you need to do to make her feel wanted. even if its taking out the trash daily, and kissing her goodnight everynight. That's already the plan. She doesn't care right now.
TheTraveler Posted February 1, 2017 Posted February 1, 2017 I would go on other dates since she's probably doing the same thing
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