XNemesisX Posted July 21, 2005 Posted July 21, 2005 I'm wanting to know others opinions (preferably from personal experience) on the pros/cons of dating someone with a child/children. The guy I am currently trying to date has a daughter. She's not even 1 year old yet and to be honest, I'm not sure how I feel about it. The girl he got pregnant lied about her age, and also lied about not being able to have kids. I think they had sex 3 times. She dropped the bomb on him and basically didn't even care how he felt about it...said that she was having the baby no matter what...no matter if she lied to get herself there. I know that if I stay with him I'm always going to have to deal with the "baby mama drama" (sorry I know that sounds bad) and also....I am 22 and he is 23 (I think she is 18?) and I can barely take care of myself and my dog much less be around a baby. Given, he has joint custody so he won't have her 24/7. I doubt I would have this much of a problem with it if she was older and could take care of herself a bit...but a small infant child!? That's a LOT of work!!! A lot of my friends have children and I don't mind them...but to be brutally honest I am not much of a kid person I never really know how to act around kids and I have no experience around kids. I like the older ones, but the little ones drive me crazy. I babysat for one of my girlfriends who has a 3 year old and I think I was damn near suicidal by the end of the day. My parents are completely against me dating him because of his kid. They think its shady how it was with a minor and that he didn't even care about her. Also, it sounds like she is a big drama queen. Should I get out of this now? I don't want to like him...but it's happening despite myself. Some of my other friends are also telling me to stay away from him. My best friend is also dating someone with a child but this child is 12 and HATES my friend so she is dealing with that right now. Is it better for a young person to try to avoid dating people with kids unless they have kids themselves? If you are dating someone with children and you don't have any, how do you deal with the jealousy and knowing that the person they had the kid with will FOREVER be in your life? Again, I don't mean to offend anyone I just want to know what I'm getting myself into and personal experiences would be great!
Merin Posted July 21, 2005 Posted July 21, 2005 Well as you know I have 2 Wee Peeps and My BF also has 2 Wee Peeps. I cannot say honestly if this would be a deal breaker for me if I had no Kiddo's of my own (because LOL I do) I can understand you not wanting the Mama Drama though.. I'm lucky in the way that my BF's EX doesn't (or hasn't) caused any drama and my EX has a GF who is also lucky because I don't cause Mama Drama.. but I do think it's rare. Honestly Brooke, I'm not sure this guy is for you anyway... it seems that there isn't a lot about him *really* that you like.. and add this to the list (this is a biggie) I don't know if it's worth all the effort. If you were crazy about him and a little more certain then I would say maybe try things out... but it doesn't seem thats the case. Good Luck with whatever you decide
alphamale Posted July 21, 2005 Posted July 21, 2005 well XNX...i've had a bit of experience with this. probably the biggest downside is that no matter what you do, you'll never be #1 with someone who has kids already. the best u can do is a close #2. if you can deal with that then go 4 it! and with that comment I must bid you all adieu...time to start my 3 day wknd
New_Wife Posted July 21, 2005 Posted July 21, 2005 Brooke, I was a single mother for many many years. There were a few men who told me that the were interested in me, but did not want to date anyone with children. While it may have stung a little, I was VERY grateful for their honesty & wished them the best. In the end, it wouldn't do my children, or the poor guy, any good to try to "settle" in a relationship that wasn't what everyone wanted. I think that you are wonderful to honestly look at how you feel, and how it will effect everyone. If you really don't feel like this is a situation for you - that's not selfish - it's honest. The selfish thing would be to dive in anyway and mess with people's hearts (especially the little person). I can't answer what you should or shouldn't do. But you can. If you don't feel this is the plan for you - don't do it. Anyone who judges you on that has their halo on entirely too tightly.
ConfusedInOC Posted July 21, 2005 Posted July 21, 2005 Originally posted by Merin Honestly Brooke, I'm not sure this guy is for you anyway... it seems that there isn't a lot about him *really* that you like.. and add this to the list (this is a biggie) I don't know if it's worth all the effort. If you were crazy about him and a little more certain then I would say maybe try things out... but it doesn't seem thats the case. Good Luck with whatever you decide I think you hit the nail on the head. I feel the same as you do in this regard. And B, you never called me back, sukkah! You owe me a phone call.
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