butterfly29 Posted July 21, 2005 Posted July 21, 2005 Yeah, so it's been since July 9 when I last attempted to contact him. I will call this the official day because I don't remember when I wrote my last email. And on the 9th I dialed his phone number because I had this strong desire to tell him that I still loved him. I let it ring two times and hung up. That's when I realized that I needed help cause I couldn't do it on my own. I miss him. I really do, even thought I hate him. I miss his family, and by the way I have decided not to call them either. Thanks to some of the advices of the sane people out there. I don't know what to say, but every day a part of me hurts somewhat. Sometime when I have better days it just itches. His birthday will be soon and I am not gonna do anything about it either. But part of me really wishes that he misses me too. That he feels like he made a huge mistake 4 months ago by breaking up with me. I was nothing but a loving, caring girlfriend to him. Was I boring? I don't think so or definately hope not. Well most people, including him, tell me I'm funny. I never cheated on him or even thought about cheating on him. I was always there for him and his f*ked up family when he needed me. Ok, so I like to argue and play the role of a devil's advocate, but so what? Is that so terrible? But the funny thing is, right now it makes me sick to my stomach to think how "good" I was. Part of me wishes that I actually did cheat when I had a chance, or did something terrible that was worth it being broken up with. I feel like I was being punished by being put in prison for stealing a tuna can or something like that. Might as well do something solid now, like punching the cop for being a jerk. Never mind, I don't make sence and this is crazytalk. But I wish I had a chance to punch or slap my ex boyfriend just to give him a solid reason. I did slap him in my dream once and it felt really good. That superself-centered, cheapskate, narrow-minded, uptight, coward, crazy in the head, did I say superselfish (need to add that part twice), dick!
greenhorn Posted July 21, 2005 Posted July 21, 2005 Yeah thats what ppl always think after break up that their ex also feel the same hurt, pain and agony, but tell me what will it achieve. It will just give a soothing feeling and nothing else. Realize that it is over and the person was not worth your love, it is his loss and not yours. Of course these dates and birthdays will always remind you but don't give in and be strong. You lost your love, but that is nothing compared to losing your dignity. Maintain your dignity and don't care for those who don't realise your worth. Well most people, including him, tell me I'm funny. I never cheated on him or even thought about cheating on him. I was always there for him Hey where were you? I was looking for you all these days . j/k
scared shy Posted July 21, 2005 Posted July 21, 2005 I feel your pain, but keep in mind you were an awesome SO, and you didn't cheat or do something asinine and that allows you to walk with your head held up high. It's so hard to wake up one day and just say F*** it and move on, but you do. That's one of the greater feelings in the world, finally being ok with all the bulls*** that may have been, knowing that you survived and are stronger because of it.
Author butterfly29 Posted July 21, 2005 Author Posted July 21, 2005 Thank you for your input guys, One thing tho, please don't tell me "realize it's over", that makes me feel like a dumb a$$ who can't admit what's obvious and still trying to get him back. I don't want him back, I will NEVER call him, I KNOW it's over and it will always be over, even if he comes crawling back. I just want him to be sorry that all. I want to move on and just not think about him at all. But it still bothers me. Most of the time I feel this anger and resentment towards him, then every now and then I feel like I really miss him which quickly turns into more resentment. I don't want to miss him. I want to go out with somebody else, but somehow that thought isn't exciting to me yet.
This_Too_Shall_Pass Posted July 22, 2005 Posted July 22, 2005 I know exactly how you feel. Oh, the need to tell him just how pathetic he is! But sometimes I think he might just not get it, and not be able to even understand why he's pathetic in the first place! Sheeeeesh...why waste my breath over someone who does not have the ability or the will to understand what I'm saying. Anyway, here's the link to one of my posts, in a similar vein as yours... http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showthread.php?threadid=66436
greenhorn Posted July 22, 2005 Posted July 22, 2005 Originally posted by butterfly29 One thing tho, please don't tell me "realize it's over", that makes me feel like a dumb a$$ who can't admit what's obvious and still trying to get him back. I am sorry for saying that, you are doing great. Good Luck
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