redheaded-squirrel Posted January 31, 2017 Posted January 31, 2017 (edited) Hi all, until recently, I've never felt that this was a problem and being in my early 20s, I didn't feel the need to address it, but it's become an issue in my love life. I am (and I have always been) attracted to much older men, in their late 30s-early 40s. And I've had flings with them, short-lived relationships that never turned serious. Some were married (I am not proud of that). I don't want to be attracted to this age group anymore. Most men in that age group are married or have kids, or don't want them at all, but I would finally like to have a normal relationship. I feel ready for that, but not with any man in his 40s - that just isn't the appropriate pool to fish in, I know that because I've tried and I am tired of trying. But I find men my age (early 20s) absolutely unattractive, both sexually and mentally. Unattractive, childish, too complicated, always under-delivering and over-promising. Sexually - almost too feminine and not manly enough (compared to older men), so they don't excite me sexually. I am thinking of seeking therapy, but a critical voice in my head is telling that it is a banal issue, not something you seek therapy for, not a legitimate reason. I am afraid of being ridiculed by a therapist... All I want to read here are some opinions of others on this. Edited January 31, 2017 by redheaded-squirrel spelling mistakes
Larryville Posted January 31, 2017 Posted January 31, 2017 You know OP some people don’t realize they have a problem until it’s too late. Awesome that you recognize something is not quite right. You can’t go wrong by following your gut and seeking therapy.
losangelena Posted January 31, 2017 Posted January 31, 2017 I am a big proponent of therapy. I don't think any issue is too banal for therapy, and a therapist's job is to help, not ridicule. Please, if you feel like this is an issue, then go get it professionally addressed. I think you will quickly realize that this is merely the tip of the iceberg, and that there's much more to uncover about yourself.
No_Go Posted January 31, 2017 Posted January 31, 2017 This sounds so good - not my luck with therapists so far. I've gone to 3 over the years: usually I explain the issue of the day, try to give background, they tell me I'm high functioning / managing well, no worries... and the issue remains. I do't know why therapists don't want to dig further - I have a myriad of past issues to address, they just tip on these and focus on the present. Having said that - I have had OP's issue - and still do. Younger men just don't do it for me... And younger people in general - I befriend people 10-50 years older than me... I solved the inappropriateness of the issue by completely skipping dating until I passed the 'unattractive age' (early-mid 20s). Hey now men in their 30s are my age and all makes sense I am a big proponent of therapy. I don't think any issue is too banal for therapy, and a therapist's job is to help, not ridicule. Please, if you feel like this is an issue, then go get it professionally addressed. I think you will quickly realize that this is merely the tip of the iceberg, and that there's much more to uncover about yourself.
Recommended Posts