Returning to the dating scene when they are still on a pedestal? Too soon?

[iceclimbergirl]

I know there is no hard and fast rule for this. I know everyone has different theories on this.

 

My story:

 

I was with a kind and loving purple heart hero who I identified as extremely rare, and almost alarmingly suitable for me. But he insisted on an inexplicable push-and-pull when things got too real and too intense for him. He told me to "wait for him"... but with no promises made of a different outcome, it as a situation that I reluctantly had to put an end to two weeks ago. A necessary act of self love to save my heart from further agony and my dignity from further erosion. He said he understood my pain, was sorry, and promised he would "let me go" this time. Part of me still wants him to fight...

 

The thing I struggle with most about the "he's an adventurer and a wanderer who will never settle" theory propagated by my friends and the wonderful people on this site, is that he sought me out because I was an adventurer too! I am a mountaineering woman, a skier, and an explorer who travels extensively for pleasure and as a foreign correspondent. In the early stages we would find such solidarity in discussing how we never wanted a traditional wedding, or a conventional suburban existence for "our children". We spoke of both returning to Tibet, to a particular area we both independently fell in love with.

 

I struggle with the thought of finding my kindred again: a climber, diver, academic, philanthropist, poet, well-traveled (and the list goes on). I am not sure where he'll find "his equal" either (his words). Something both our friends reminded us of on a regular basis.

 

Plus... the passion... unrivaled... every time.

 

How will anyone compare?

 

It is the source of much of my anxiety right now.

 

Of course I am putting him on a pedestal, as we all have a tendency to do in the aftermath of a break up. But I cannot discount the fact that his pedestal status is a worthy one for him, independently of how I view him. He has many accolades and a legion of fans to reinforce this.

 

Has anyone been in this position? Will I have to lower my standards or will this adulation erode in time? When will I know it's time to get back on the horse?

 

I joined a dating site... just to see what is out there (this is how we met)... oh dear. Not a good idea.

[d0nnivain]

Your break up is too raw. You're not ready.

 

 

Give yourself some time to mourn the loss of your relationship. Keep yourself busy.

 

 

Revisit the issue of dating in the Spring. If I were you I'd settle in to being by myself until at least Memorial Day. Would you consider doing a summer share in the Hamptons or down the Shore to open up new avenues?

[VeveCakes]

It's been two weeks....way too soon.

 

Take the time to heal.

 

Also, check out the book Attached. Sounds like your ex was avoidant type.... you dont want that again.