puresoul91 Posted January 30, 2017 Posted January 30, 2017 I was with my girlfriend for 3 years, we was best friends and got on so well in the good times, the majority of the relationship was good. The last 6 months we stopped communicating and everything started to go wrong. We both had things outside the relationship going on and we would have petty arguments that should have been resolved but just seemed to escalate. After one argument she had enough and ended it. After i done all the typical begging and pleading and it got me nowhere. 3 weeks of doing that I eventually decided to try and moved on and done a pretty good job(at least i thought i had)... A a few weeks later she contacted me twice trying to apologies but i replied with "please don't contact me again the damage is done". 4 months after the break up she again contacted me telling me how she loved me and missed me. I replied wishing her the best and that there was no bad feelings anymore but she carried on texting pouring her emotions out in a text...After a few texts of her pouring her heart out we arranged to meet up. We had a good night and ended up sleeping together. During the night she broke down crying twice once at the beginning and again at the end saying how she missed me and still loved me but was confused and hurt from the relationship breaking down. Since then we have spoke a few times over text but i again have gone NC as it has opened up unhealed wounds...she has outlined she isn't ready to get back together but still loves me. its been a few weeks of NC but I'm really struggling to move on again this time. I made mistakes in the last 6 months of the relationship and really do love the girl but like everyone preaches, if she wanted to be with me then she would do everything in her power to get back together right? What do i do now I'm so confused again now!!
preraph Posted January 31, 2017 Posted January 31, 2017 Let her know that you both need to either try it again or stop seeing each other so you can both move on. 1
Lostandconfused12 Posted February 5, 2017 Posted February 5, 2017 She doesn't want to get back. She just feels guilty. Talking to you lessens the blow for her. Think about it, would you ever do that to her? Of course not because you would work through any problem together. Because you love her. She isn't in love with you anymore. Don't beat yourself up over it - she is the selfish one. 3
fromheart Posted February 6, 2017 Posted February 6, 2017 If you keep meeting her, you'll get more push/pull coming from her. Tell her to simply call you if she wants to get back together, but something in between is not waht you're looking for. Then complete NC and move on. Otherwise, wounds will keep getting opened and confusion will follow. 1
Bromeo Posted February 6, 2017 Posted February 6, 2017 If you keep meeting her, you'll get more push/pull coming from her. Tell her to simply call you if she wants to get back together, but something in between is not waht you're looking for. Then complete NC and move on. Otherwise, wounds will keep getting opened and confusion will follow. This right here. I kept chasing, kept trying to meet my ex, kept trying to prove and show her. You did better than I did by going nc. The push and pull from mine was insane, I hadn't seen anything like it. I'll never go through that again. Very, very painful and confusing. I wish I had followed the above, and I recommend you do the same. Learn from my mistakes and save yourself another 3-4 months of pain. Clear, concise, centered communication defeats confusion. Dave 3
Chi townD Posted February 6, 2017 Posted February 6, 2017 I would agree. If she contacts you again. Then, you need to tell her, either we get back together and try to fix things or we go our separate ways. If she doesn't want to get back together.......then you know what to do. 1
mightycpa Posted February 6, 2017 Posted February 6, 2017 I was with my girlfriend for 3 years, we was best friends and got on so well in the good times, the majority of the relationship was good. The last 6 months we stopped communicating and everything started to go wrong. We both had things outside the relationship going on and we would have petty arguments that should have been resolved but just seemed to escalate. After one argument she had enough and ended it. After i done all the typical begging and pleading and it got me nowhere. 3 weeks of doing that I eventually decided to try and moved on and done a pretty good job(at least i thought i had)... A a few weeks later she contacted me twice trying to apologies but i replied with "please don't contact me again the damage is done". That's pretty strong of you. 4 months after the break up she again contacted me telling me how she loved me and missed me. I replied wishing her the best and that there was no bad feelings anymore but she carried on texting pouring her emotions out in a text...After a few texts of her pouring her heart out we arranged to meet up. We had a good night and ended up sleeping together. During the night she broke down crying twice once at the beginning and again at the end saying how she missed me and still loved me but was confused and hurt from the relationship breaking down. Since then we have spoke a few times over text but i again have gone NC as it has opened up unhealed wounds...she has outlined she isn't ready to get back together but still loves me.Sometimes, that sort of thing can be quite healing, except you have to do a lot more talking and a lot less sex. Sex pulls you together. Talking helps you get things out. Did she tell you WHY she isn't ready to get back together? Is it because she can't deal with fights? Was it things you said? Did she accept any blame? This is where talking helps you understand and accept better, whereas sex will not. its been a few weeks of NC but I'm really struggling to move on again this time. I made mistakes in the last 6 months of the relationship and really do love the girl but like everyone preaches, if she wanted to be with me then she would do everything in her power to get back together right?Not necessarily. I've wanted to be with my exes sometimes, and I fought those urges with all my strength until I didn't. You're fighting right now, even though you'd like to be back with her. I don't it works that way, and frankly, she's done a lot of the work with those texts. You both made it about sex rather than focusing on what was keeping you apart. What do i do now I'm so confused again now!!Yeah, tough call. What do you want? What's holding each of you back? What could each of you do to fix it? Do you care if she's had sex with someone else since the breakup? If you really want to fix things, then try to fix things, and I don't mean by boning her one more time. But if you have any hesitation about her whatsoever, then if I were you, I'd prepare a goodbye speech and go give it to her.
Author puresoul91 Posted February 7, 2017 Author Posted February 7, 2017 Thanks for the advice guys...Every comment has literally gone through my head in terms of what to do next...Do i block, delete and move on...Do i reach out with an ultimatum of we either try or we move on...do i just leave it how it is, give her space and time and when she comes back make my decision then. Ultimately it was arguments and communicating that became an issue. We both went through a tough period outside our relationship towards the end of it and it had an affect on how we dealt with things in our relationship. We still cared and loved for each other and had good times but the arguments just became more frequent and the contrast of how we behaved through the good and bad times just became really draining. I want to be back with her and make it work but both parties need to have that mind set for it to happen. I wouldn't want her back just to sleep with her as it made things a lot harder now. I do truly believe we both love each other but is that always enough? I'm at the stage now where i don't want to regret just leaving it but i don't want to open up unhealed wounds and start from square one again as it was so hard...its becoming draining now so i'm contemplating just blocking her and trying to get back to where i was before we met as i feel like that is the easy way out. Whether i regret that is the issue. As you can probably tell i'm very confused and defo overthinking every scenario
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