Author Fhsjkfjrhsdh3646 Posted January 31, 2017 Author Posted January 31, 2017 5 dates, too soon. Don't bring up the talk. You will know when you have to ... it doesn't even have to be a "talk". When it feels right just let her know your feelings I'm going to wait for when it feels right. I'm not committed to asking on date 5 unless everything feels right. So far everything has been great, and based on our schedules and communication I don't think she's seeing anyone else either. 1
winny Posted January 31, 2017 Posted January 31, 2017 I'm going to wait for when it feels right. I'm not committed to asking on date 5 unless everything feels right. So far everything has been great, and based on our schedules and communication I don't think she's seeing anyone else either. People should want to date only you on their own because they feel so and not because a particular number of dates or months have passed. I would focus on being a great person and bringing my best to the table and if the other person is smart enough they would recognize my value and come to me on their own... And one fine day you would be there...it will all fall into place... no need for any awkward talks or anything... after a lot of dating failures this is the path I am taking
Author Fhsjkfjrhsdh3646 Posted January 31, 2017 Author Posted January 31, 2017 I'm actually leaning towards waiting, we'll see how things go!
GemmaUK Posted January 31, 2017 Posted January 31, 2017 I wouldn't say anything at this stage. 5 dates in and you're only just beginning to get to know each other. There's no need to rush things and label things. You can say that you like spending time with her and aren't seeing anyone else and don't want to but I would leave I at that. Let her either reply or let her go away and think about it. I wouldn't ask her where she thinks it's going. 1
Popsicle Posted January 31, 2017 Posted January 31, 2017 If you are unsure and have to ask (this forum) I'd say it's too soon for you. Although I don't think it's too soon for other couples who feel and know it mutually. I think you should ask when the time feels right for you both. 1
Author Fhsjkfjrhsdh3646 Posted January 31, 2017 Author Posted January 31, 2017 I wouldn't say anything at this stage. 5 dates in and you're only just beginning to get to know each other. There's no need to rush things and label things. You can say that you like spending time with her and aren't seeing anyone else and don't want to but I would leave I at that. Let her either reply or let her go away and think about it. I wouldn't ask her where she thinks it's going. This is how I kind of felt when I thought about it more last night when I was reading by myself. Might just tell her where I'm at, but won't solicit any answers from her. We'll see. Going to just focus on having fun first and foremost. 2
Gaeta Posted January 31, 2017 Posted January 31, 2017 She is probably on a forum somewhere wondering if you are thinking exclusive. Just read threads on here from women. Even I , who considers herself a pretty liberal and live-and-let-live woman, wish to know if I am investing my time in the right deal after 1 month (5 dates). Last boyfriend mentioned being exclusive on our 3rd date. I brought up exclusivity with my current bf on our 5th date. It makes things clear, eliminates all anxiety. You know being exclusive doesn't mean rushing things. In both my cases we were exclusive under 5 dates and I still waited 3 months to introduce him to family. Being exclusive just means you are off that dating app and concentrating on each other. Also, don't ask her where she stands, that's weak....Just tell her you are enjoying your time so much you'd like to date her exclusively and listen to her. Express your position on things before asking her. C'mon, be confident! in who you are and what you want. 3
Author Fhsjkfjrhsdh3646 Posted January 31, 2017 Author Posted January 31, 2017 She is probably on a forum somewhere wondering if you are thinking exclusive. Just read threads on here from women. Even I , who considers herself a pretty liberal and live-and-let-live woman, wish to know if I am investing my time in the right deal after 1 month (5 dates). Last boyfriend mentioned being exclusive on our 3rd date. I brought up exclusivity with my current bf on our 5th date. It makes things clear, eliminates all anxiety. You know being exclusive doesn't mean rushing things. In both my cases we were exclusive under 5 dates and I still waited 3 months to introduce him to family. Being exclusive just means you are off that dating app and concentrating on each other. Also, don't ask her where she stands, that's weak....Just tell her you are enjoying your time so much you'd like to date her exclusively and listen to her. Express your position on things before asking her. C'mon, be confident! in who you are and what you want. Good advice, makes a lot of sense. I'm leaning towards just telling her where I stand, and going from there. I'm not going to script this out any more past that, because there are so many ways she could respond that would just be silly. Just going to try and be myself and have fun with her. 1
d0nnivain Posted January 31, 2017 Posted January 31, 2017 If you are going to bring this up (& it's OK that you do) you need to take the leap of faith, show vulnerability & tell her where you stand before you ask her where she stands. 1
kendahke Posted January 31, 2017 Posted January 31, 2017 Also, don't ask her where she stands, that's weak....Just tell her you are enjoying your time so much you'd like to date her exclusively and listen to her. Express your position on things before asking her. C'mon, be confident! in who you are and what you want. This. Right. Here.^^^^^ If some guy came to me with some mealy mouthed "do you want to date me?" mess, it would turn me off. You need to tell me what you want, not have me tell you what you want.
Author Fhsjkfjrhsdh3646 Posted January 31, 2017 Author Posted January 31, 2017 Yeah, I know. I'm not going to try and fish for an answer from her. All I can do is tell her where I stand, and go from there. We're going Ice Skating (her idea) so should be a fun time
Author Fhsjkfjrhsdh3646 Posted February 5, 2017 Author Posted February 5, 2017 Update -- date went well for the most part. At an opportune moment I told her that I enjoyed her company and that I am not seeing anyone else right now, she also said she wasn't seeing anyone else either (which I was pretty sure of before anyway). We kind of just left things at that. I did receive some mixed signals though, she wanted to drive herself there because she had to get home early (we met beforehand at my house to eat) -- I was a bit surprised at this, and wasn't sure what it meant, but things still went smoothly. I was hoping for the date to go a bit later. Also no kiss good night (we did the previous 2 dates though), although we were both pretty cold and had runny noses so it would have been kind of gross haha. She did say she isn't the most touchy/feely type of person. Normally I would be running for the hills about now, but I still have a good feeling about things. She legitimately seems to be a very slow moving person. On the positive side - conversation was really good, things were a little flirty and we were holding hands a lot. Also seeing each other two more times this week. Staying positive, but keeping my guard up.
d0nnivain Posted February 5, 2017 Posted February 5, 2017 I agree with you that the date was a mixed bag. I think you handled it well -- telling her that you are not seeing anybody else & getting confirmation that she is not either. Perhaps when both of you are over the colds things can progress. Do something romantic for the upcoming holiday & see where you stand thereafter
Author Fhsjkfjrhsdh3646 Posted February 5, 2017 Author Posted February 5, 2017 (edited) Hmmm, since things haven't flourished quite yet I'm holding off on anything overly romantic. I might send her flowers (not roses) on V day though if things go OK later this week. Next date I'm going to cook for her and we're going to watch a movie. We're also going to an event next weekend with one of my friend couples. Edited February 5, 2017 by barcode88
alphamale Posted February 5, 2017 Posted February 5, 2017 If things are going really well at the end of the 5th date, would it be a terrible idea to ask her "where she sees things going"? dude have you lost your mind? you are already taking it way too fast, you've only spent around 12-15 hours with her and you're already naming the babies?
d0nnivain Posted February 5, 2017 Posted February 5, 2017 Hmmm, since things haven't flourished quite yet I'm holding off on anything overly romantic. I might send her flowers (not roses) on V day though if things go OK later this week.. Flowers are good but not required. No roses is your best bet. Add a box of chocolate that comes in a heart. Get a suggestive card . . . not club her over the head with innuendo & no overly sentimental "I'll love you forever & die without you" crap but flirty. I was actually thinking you do something flirty. . . like dance with her or candlelight dinner, even share a decadent dessert. This is your first V day so silly flirty is best, not too lovey dovey. It's too early for you but I remember one of the better early V day "gifts" I ever got was a pizza that said I love you in pepperoni. It's hard to take a food based declaration all that serious. 2
Gaeta Posted February 5, 2017 Posted February 5, 2017 Glad things are unfolding well. I would not worry too much about her wanting to drive herself home it was probably just more practical for her for reasons she did not need to go into with you. Same with the no-kiss and for the exact reasons you mentioned, cold face and runny nose, not appetizing. As for V day. I would not suggest a big 12 roses bouquet but something more subtle with a few red roses in it, the florist will know exactly what to prepare for you. To me 12 roses is for established official relationships. With that a box of chocolate of course and a candle light dinner? Don't go for a bouquet without roses, your interest in her is romantic so don't pick something you'd send your sister the day she delivers her 3rd child. D0nnivan suggestion is good but for people that have been intimate. If I were you I would not make any type of humor suggesting she is 'yummy'. Keep it romantic. 1
Miss Peach Posted February 5, 2017 Posted February 5, 2017 I agree with the others that I wouldn't worry about her wanting to drive separately. When I do it it's either practical or just because I don't want to go back to a guy's place (which for a lot of guys puts the idea of sex on the table). I think it's sweet you want to get her something but I wouldn't overdo it. A card and some flowers is a nice gesture. I would acknowledge her and write something flirty but keep it light. 1
Author Fhsjkfjrhsdh3646 Posted February 5, 2017 Author Posted February 5, 2017 (edited) dude have you lost your mind? you are already taking it way too fast, you've only spent around 12-15 hours with her and you're already naming the babies? Actually we already spent like 10 hours together on one of our dates alone, probably spent closer to 24 hours, and lots of talking on the phone. Anyways I decided I wasn't going to push my luck, all we did was mutually confirm we're not seeing other people right now, and left it at that. :rolleyes: I agree with the others that I wouldn't worry about her wanting to drive separately. When I do it it's either practical or just because I don't want to go back to a guy's place (which for a lot of guys puts the idea of sex on the table). I think it's sweet you want to get her something but I wouldn't overdo it. A card and some flowers is a nice gesture. I would acknowledge her and write something flirty but keep it light. She's been over at my place til 1am before, but we never really talked about sex. Probably some truth that she didn't want me to think it was on the table. Which is fine with me, I'm not really in a rush at the moment. Yeah I'm not going to overdo it. Waiting to see how things go first before I make any final plans. Edited February 5, 2017 by barcode88
Author Fhsjkfjrhsdh3646 Posted February 7, 2017 Author Posted February 7, 2017 (edited) Update- Haven't heard from her for a few days. Last texted her on Saturday. Last date was on Friday. On Friday we made plans for Monday, but she texted me on Saturday saying she had a meeting that evening. The place she works at is connected to my past somewhat, and she said that I should come visit her after work before her meeting, otherwise we could meet up later in the week - I declined and said I was going to go to the gym instead after work, and she offered Friday instead. We made plans for this coming Friday, and also have plans on Saturday as well. The last time we texted things were on a good note, I was the last one to say anything, but it didn't really warrant a response. So far I've been the one mostly contacting her, and decided to back off a bit after some of the mixed signals I got. I hate hate hate playing games, and I always respond to her within a reasonable timeframe. Is it unreasonable to expect her to reach out some too? She has on occasion, but I've always done the majority. Anyways I checked on Match tonight and she went from "Active within 2 weeks" to "online within 24 hours". Might not really mean anything, but i don't know. My profile is Hidden so it doesn't show when I'm on anymore. She is a very kindhearted person and I don't think she is lying or deceiving me at all with ill intentions, but I think there is a possibility she might not be completely forthcoming about her intentions with me. I like to give people the benefit of the doubt sometimes, perhaps to a fault. We shared a really fun 4th date, very nice kiss good night, lots of hand holding & laughing together. 5th date she was a bit more guarded from the start, but things still went good IMO. All I did was let her know I wasn't seeing other people at the moment, and she said she wasn't either. Not sure what happened between then and now. At this point I'm ready to cut my losses, but figure I might as well reach out tomorrow and check in with her. Honestly I could just be overthinking this (scratch that -- I know I am) and she just logged on Match after not hearing from me, to see if I was still logging in? Edited February 7, 2017 by barcode88
Miss Peach Posted February 7, 2017 Posted February 7, 2017 OP - FWIW, I don't initiate contact with a guy until he's my BF. I know not every woman does this but there are many that do. I think it's great she said she isn't dating anyone but IMO that's not the same as being exclusive or being BF/GF. There are lots of reasons people go online. And yes, it could have been to check to see if you're online. It could have been to talk to others. Who knows. You haven't made that declaration yet. You two haven't talked about that yet. You're working with a lot of assumptions right now. I do understand how you feel. My current BF went from disabling his account to reactivating it. It made me really question where he stood with me but as soon as we discussed it, it went off fast.
Author Fhsjkfjrhsdh3646 Posted February 7, 2017 Author Posted February 7, 2017 (edited) Good to know, I think after you've gone on 4-5 dates with someone there should be enough mutual interest where both people would want to keep talking to each other. Otherwise you're just wasting someone's time where they could be dating other people who are interested, and don't want to play games. I text her last on Saturday, and even though it didn't warrant a response, I shouldn't have to keep double texting to keep conversation going. Taking this as a sign that she's not super interested, if her attitude doesn't change this weekend I might just end things before I get strung along any further/get hurt. I know I sound insecure, I usually keep it in check day-to-day, but sometimes i just need to let it all out on here instead of keeping it in the back of my mind. /end rant EDIT: Heard back after I text her this morning, we'll see how the week goes, going to force myself to stay positive. Edited February 7, 2017 by barcode88 heard back
Miss Peach Posted February 7, 2017 Posted February 7, 2017 If a guy contacts me I will always contact him back as soon as I can. But I don't initiate until he's my BF and we've had the talk. It's not a sign of my interest, but I'm old fashioned in that area and it's just how I weed out uninterested and insecure men.
Author Fhsjkfjrhsdh3646 Posted February 11, 2017 Author Posted February 11, 2017 UPDATE - Everything went 100% amazing, I have no concerns whatsoever anymore 2
Popsicle Posted February 11, 2017 Posted February 11, 2017 UPDATE - Everything went 100% amazing, I have no concerns whatsoever anymore Good I'm glad. See, that wasn't so hard.
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