flitzanu Posted July 21, 2005 Posted July 21, 2005 ok, briefly...met a new girl through a mutual friend...we emailed a bit, then she suggest we meet, so i meet her at a bar. we talk, we laugh, etc. we had a couple drinks and then she started inviting me out to do things that night, so, it seemed she wanted to keep me around that evening, so we ended up going to the movies. so...everything was cool, it was comfortable, etc.... then the next day, in emailing i mentioned hanging out again and immediately started getting excuses...the "i dont know what's going on yet" excuse. so i let it slide...then she texts me and asks what i'm doing that weekend, so i tell her and tell her that she is invited...she says ok, and again...will "let me know." so no show, no call...i leave it alone. i've stopped initiating already and i'm leaving it to her. so...she emails me the next day, etc...so i give my last chance invite for the weekend (coming weekend) since it's a week's notice, blah blah...and i get the same..."not sure what i'm doing, i have a lot of landscaping to do at the house." sure...sounds like a load of crap.....but ok, she's an artist...so i can sorta...understand. maybe. then the next day she emailed again and mentioned she was still thinking about the party. so...what the hell? like i said, i gave up on calling her and emailing her, i'm letting her make the moves. sure that's bad too...girls want guys to act! but...i'm not getting any indication she wants me to act, since she derails every attempt i make. help? the few things i've heard are...of course, she isn't interested....she really IS busy......or that maybe she's scared/confused/afraid of a nice guy and doesn't know what to do...... opinions?
alphamale Posted July 21, 2005 Posted July 21, 2005 Originally posted by flitzanu .....but ok, she's an artist... the "creative" types tend to be a bit flakey. Personally, I stay away from 'em.
Marshbear Posted July 21, 2005 Posted July 21, 2005 She's just not that into you unless she has nothing else to do. if she wanted to be with you she would move heaven and earth to do it. I would just ignore her even if she calls and find someone who enjoys your company. Life is to short to waste on flaky women....
JS17 Posted July 21, 2005 Posted July 21, 2005 she sounds confused.....however, i would say that if you are just getting to know this woman then you shouldn't be mixing friends into your time together. she may not want to just get the invite to go out with you and your friends. to be honest, it doesn't sound like you're making much of an effort to show her that she's important enough to get you alone.
greenhorn Posted July 21, 2005 Posted July 21, 2005 Nothing related to women are obvious, watch out for them. Women - 'beyond the obvious'
loony Posted July 21, 2005 Posted July 21, 2005 Move on, she's not worth it. Some people are like this... I don't think that flaky behavior is typical only for women, men are not much better either.
Author flitzanu Posted July 21, 2005 Author Posted July 21, 2005 great input so far, thanks folks. and to JS17, as far as not putting in the effort to have her "get me alone," i'm only doing that so i don't come off as being oppressive. maybe that's my problem though, that i'm not calling her every five minutes and emailing her all day long. i just feel that if i keep contacting someone too much, especially when i'm under the impression that they aren't even wanting to see me, then i just seem desperate and pushy. does that make sense? or am i totally looking at it wrong?
UltimateZen Posted July 21, 2005 Posted July 21, 2005 Is her name Polly? And does she go under the pseudo name Jennifer Anniston?
whichwayisup Posted July 22, 2005 Posted July 22, 2005 Come right out and ask her!! Take the bull by the horns and say,"Look, if I'm wasting my time here, just be upfront and tell me. I don't want to pursue this any further if you aren't interested." She'll give you the bambi look and then (hopefully) give you an answer either way.
loony Posted July 22, 2005 Posted July 22, 2005 Originally posted by flitzanu and to JS17, as far as not putting in the effort to have her "get me alone," i'm only doing that so i don't come off as being oppressive. maybe that's my problem though, that i'm not calling her every five minutes and emailing her all day long. i just feel that if i keep contacting someone too much, especially when i'm under the impression that they aren't even wanting to see me, then i just seem desperate and pushy. does that make sense? or am i totally looking at it wrong? You're right. I have more trouble controling myself when I'm really in love with someone, but if I'm convinced that someone is playing with my feelings, I get angry or irritated and cut them out of my life. I'm not sure if they respect me a lot of after, sometimes it seems more that they are scared of me. (Ok, I overreact sometimes... I have to say though, when you're convinced that your love interest is a jerk it's a lot easier to get over him. ) As you have only mildly interest in her or are at the beginning stage of infatuation, I'd say, cut her off, don't waste your time. Treat yourself like a person who deserves respect and you will get it. We shouldn't let people with their thoughtless behavior bug us, life's too short for this nonsense. Honestly, in your case, I wouldn't care if she was thoughtless or playing games, her behavior would irritate me enough not to initiate anything further. My male friends are less like this, but I have/had some flaky girlfriends and they annoyed the hell out of me sometimes. I stopped contacting them, because being stood up or running after them just made me feel stupid and look like a sissy. It's harder to do with friends that you trust than with people you barely know. When people don't care as much about you as you for them, it hurts, but well, what can you do. Sometimes there is no malice behind it, just thoughtlessness, but that's still not a reason to run after them. In the case of friends it would be a lot better to talk with them about their flaky behavior instead of just cutting them off, but in cases like yours I find that a waste of time. You're at the beginning and if she's not able to find some time for you in her busy schedule, it's not really a good sign. It doesn't matter if it's flakiness, malice or a really busy schedule, you will not get further with someone in a relationship who shows this kind of behavior. A nice side effect of preserving your boundaries is that often people will start to run after you. Give her a chance when her behavior changes, but don't invest time brooding about it.
Author flitzanu Posted July 22, 2005 Author Posted July 22, 2005 thanks loony, that's the path i'm looking to follow actually, so we'll see if my ambivalence brings about a change in her attitude. and no, no brooding.
JS17 Posted July 22, 2005 Posted July 22, 2005 I wasn't trying to say that you should be obsessive about her and call her all the time. I just know that the first few dates with a guy, I want to spend with just him so i get to know if i like HIM without his friends in the mix.
Marshbear Posted July 22, 2005 Posted July 22, 2005 Treat yourself like a person who deserves respect and you will get it. We shouldn't let people with their thoughtless behavior bug us, life's too short for this nonsense. Honestly, in your case, I wouldn't care if she was thoughtless or playing games, her behavior would irritate me enough not to initiate anything further. Good advise, Loony....
Author flitzanu Posted July 22, 2005 Author Posted July 22, 2005 so then what seems to be a reasonable amount of contact from a guy to a girl without seeming over the limit, obsessive, pushy, etc? and especially if the girl is being nonresponsive about said contact?
tegteg Posted July 25, 2005 Posted July 25, 2005 Originally posted by griftymcgriff what you you guys mean exactly by flakey? Sayin you will do something and then not do it, and not even call or let them know... Ugg i HATE that... LOTS of women/girls i know do that and they do it alot, cause they are more into themselfs, then acually thinking bout someone else, other then themself... My ex and her 2 sis are like this, they SAY there not, but i tell them otherwise... They dont like it that i say that, cause they know its true... Guys can tell! Especially if they care about the other person(s) Another flakey thing is when there sayin O i MITE or, ya prob... But they never do when ever you ask... BUT they will when it benifits THEM! Yes sometimes they forget or whatever, but when it happens over and over then i say Theres the door... Peace see ya....
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