Found myself in a toxic environment and need to clear my head.

January 30, 2017

Hi, so bear with me please, its a bit complicated.

I met my current girlfriend online a year and a half ago. She lived 2.5 hours away and hated her job, so I said why don't you move in with me.

I live with my parents still (I'm in my twenties).

The main problem isn't her its the fact that she has 5 cats, a dog, 7 rabbits, a hamster and fish. We have two rooms in my parents house and I am becoming very stressed and over-whelmed by all the pets. They make so much mess that it is a daily graft to try and keep the rooms in a fit state. Daily the rooms are a **** hole.

Not to mention my mother is annoyed with it, not to mention me.

The answer of course is to find our own place.

I have further problems however, the same time I invited my girlfriend to stay, I also began my own business. A business which I was happy with and was successful. However the winter months the work died out completely and I am in my overdraft and looking for work elsewhere. My own fault but there we have it. So.. I can't afford to move out at the moment.

Another thing that is grating on me/gf and the family is that my 92 year old nan came to stay and without being mean and insensitive she is a constant handful - constant nagging to do every little job under the sun for her and she is incontinent and has bad hygiene. As you can imagine there is often a lot of tension in our household.

So with me strapped for cash, a house full of animals, adults and a nan who solely relies on me and the family for everything in her day - life isn't too much fun. I am job searching daily.

Our sex life is atrocious, when ever I try to instigate sex (not overly before we jump to that conclusion), my girlfriend says she's tense, she can't relax - this is causing a lot of sexual frustration.

I took us out often during the spring and summer months when business was booming but I can't afford to take us out at the moment - this isn't helping.

My girlfriend is keen on moving to her parents place, as she feels her family are less strict on household rules and cleanliness and she can relax and work/clean at her own pace and without worrying what judgements are made of her. I am concerned we are swapping like for like.

I am often stressed and can't clear my head. I am unsure about this relationship at the moment. Before my current girlfriend I seemed clearer on what I wanted and had more free time and was much more relaxed. Now with all that's going on I am lost.

When work starts coming in I'm sure that'll help, mentally and financially. Then I can begin planning moving out. My worries are that the mess and stress will follow to a new place.

I need some advice.

January 30, 2017

Hi, so bear with me please, its a bit complicated.

I met my current girlfriend online a year and a half ago. She lived 2.5 hours away and hated her job, so I said why don't you move in with me.

I live with my parents still (I'm in my twenties).

The main problem isn't her its the fact that she has 5 cats, a dog, 7 rabbits, a hamster and fish. We have two rooms in my parents house and I am becoming very stressed and over-whelmed by all the pets. They make so much mess that it is a daily graft to try and keep the rooms in a fit state. Daily the rooms are a **** hole.

Not to mention my mother is annoyed with it, not to mention me.

The answer of course is to find our own place.

I have further problems however, the same time I invited my girlfriend to stay, I also began my own business. A business which I was happy with and was successful. However the winter months the work died out completely and I am in my overdraft and looking for work elsewhere. My own fault but there we have it. So.. I can't afford to move out at the moment.

Another thing that is grating on me/gf and the family is that my 92 year old nan came to stay and without being mean and insensitive she is a constant handful - constant nagging to do every little job under the sun for her and she is incontinent and has bad hygiene. As you can imagine there is often a lot of tension in our household.

So with me strapped for cash, a house full of animals, adults and a nan who solely relies on me and the family for everything in her day - life isn't too much fun. I am job searching daily.

Our sex life is atrocious, when ever I try to instigate sex (not overly before we jump to that conclusion), my girlfriend says she's tense, she can't relax - this is causing a lot of sexual frustration.

I took us out often during the spring and summer months when business was booming but I can't afford to take us out at the moment - this isn't helping.

My girlfriend is keen on moving to her parents place, as she feels her family are less strict on household rules and cleanliness and she can relax and work/clean at her own pace and without worrying what judgements are made of her. I am concerned we are swapping like for like.

I am often stressed and can't clear my head. I am unsure about this relationship at the moment. Before my current girlfriend I seemed clearer on what I wanted and had more free time and was much more relaxed. Now with all that's going on I am lost.

When work starts coming in I'm sure that'll help, mentally and financially. Then I can begin planning moving out. My worries are that the mess and stress will follow to a new place.

I need some advice.

The corner stone of the problem is you.

You found a girl online to pretty much use you free of charge and free room and board and not even get good sex out of the deal. I hate to break it to you... you didn't have a girlfrend.. you have a room mate with "benefits"

I think your crazy as some states will actually give her rights to stay in your house for x amount of months until she finds another place..

Be happy she is leaving and taking the cast and crew of noah's ark.

Your whole thread pretty much goes like this

Cash and prizes= Her Love.

Is this what you want... i suggest you go to a sugardaddy site.

January 30, 2017

she is stressed too. She wants to buy a place together/rent. She pays rent to my family/as I do. And she pays to half of the food/household etc. We are also using a lot of her white goods and furniture.

Thanks for your thoughts. Anyone else have a thought?

January 31, 2017

Sorry man, you lost me at "living with your parents and inviting this chic to move in with you..."

Iv'e always lived on my own so the thought of this, to me, is a recipe for disaster.

February 1, 2017

definitely. Any more advice anyone. Feeling a bit stressed and lost at the moment.

February 1, 2017

not sure if living with just the two of us will help, coz we still have 'noahs ark' as aptly put.

February 1, 2017

The main problem isn't her its the fact that she has 5 cats, a dog, 7 rabbits, a hamster and fish.

Have you considered saying, "Hey, hon. Have you noticed that our current living arrangement is not at all conducive to us keeping all these animals? So, we will need to really thin out the herd; find nice homes for most of them. Perhaps we can keep the hamster and the fish...but, really, that's about it."

You're most likely 100% right that moving to her parents' place will just be maintaining the status quo - only in a different-looking house. Until she has her own place - with a yard (with or without a live-in b/f or roommate), she's severely imposing upon other people through keeping all those animals. Do whatever you can to help her see that.

February 1, 2017

Have you considered saying, "Hey, hon. Have you noticed that our current living arrangement is not at all conducive to us keeping all these animals? So, we will need to really thin out the herd; find nice homes for most of them. Perhaps we can keep the hamster and the fish...but, really, that's about it."

You're most likely 100% right that moving to her parents' place will just be maintaining the status quo - only in a different-looking house. Until she has her own place - with a yard (with or without a live-in b/f or roommate), she's severely imposing upon other people through keeping all those animals. Do whatever you can to help her see that.

Thanks Ronni for a good piece of advice there. I have brought up the animal situation on numerous occasions, my girlfriend sees her pets as family (like children) and would never give them up.

Only solution is to find a rural place of our own where the cats can go outside freely and we have more space for the animals.

Yes, her family have a smaller house too.

I'm looking for work daily and am going to start suggesting dates with her so we just spend time together, just us.

February 1, 2017

Does she work? Earn money?

Honestly, your family sound amazing! Not only have they let your gf move in with you, they also let her menagerie. I can't imagine having that amount of pets. I love animals and have pets of my own but they are an imposition on the people you live with. They are noisy and messy. They also cost so much money. No wonder she has to live with your parents. Without those pets, she'd be able to comfortable live on her own!

I think the best solution her is for her and her pets to move to her parents and you to stay where you are. You're lost and reconsidering your relationship. You need to find your feet and direction again. You can stay together if you want or go your separate ways. Either way, she moves out and takes her zoo with her.

February 1, 2017

Does she work? Earn money?

Honestly, your family sound amazing! Not only have they let your gf move in with you, they also let her menagerie. I can't imagine having that amount of pets. I love animals and have pets of my own but they are an imposition on the people you live with. They are noisy and messy. They also cost so much money. No wonder she has to live with your parents. Without those pets, she'd be able to comfortable live on her own!

I think the best solution her is for her and her pets to move to her parents and you to stay where you are. You're lost and reconsidering your relationship. You need to find your feet and direction again. You can stay together if you want or go your separate ways. Either way, she moves out and takes her zoo with her.

They have been very accepting. My mother also has to look after my 92 year old nan, who enjoys being difficult.

My gf has never apologised or shown any thought that its a burden, she just says what should I say 'just get rid of them'. Our situation is in my mind daily.

Regardless of the conclusion, I need to find my own place.

I have been contemplating having her move home too. My gf and I can both be quite stubborn, she is stubborn about her animals.

February 1, 2017

You gotta tell her to move out that you can't handle the animals. If she can rehome them, maybe. But something has got to give.

Meanwhile you need to figure out how to make your business less seasonal. While you have limited work to do & no money, take some free business classes & read books about improving your business & cash flow. Meanwhile pick up anything you can for money, even a minimum wage fast food job or learn how to tend bar. Every little bit helps.

February 2, 2017

My gf has never apologised or shown any thought that its a burden

quidproquo89,

I know that you haven't asked about this...but...this is a level of selfishness and entitlement that you're looking at. You might want to take the time to deeply consider if you want to invite and keep this in your life for any extended period of time. (The idea to stop living together, even if only temporarily, seems like a good one to me.)

It's really not only about 'just now' -- look 12 months and 36 months down the road, as well. You want a mate with whom you are compatible and who wants to help you build a stress-free life for the both of you, and who is willing to adjust and make sacrifices as may be necessary according to the actual circumstances and situations in which you find yourselves.

February 2, 2017

quidproquo89,
I know that you haven't asked about this...but...this is a level of selfishness and entitlement that you're looking at. You might want to take the time to deeply consider if you want to invite and keep this in your life for any extended period of time. (The idea to stop living together, even if only temporarily, seems like a good one to me.)

It's really not only about 'just now' -- look 12 months and 36 months down the road, as well. You want a mate with whom you are compatible and who wants to help you build a stress-free life for the both of you, and who is willing to adjust and make sacrifices as may be necessary according to the actual circumstances and situations in which you find yourselves.

I had a good chat with her yesterday saying that I'd had it up to here with animals and mess. She is going to re home a couple of the rabbits and the fish can go in the pond.

I've started planning reasonably priced (as I'm tight on funds) dates so that I can have some fun with her and try to re-establish what I saw in the first place.

We had a fun evening last night, just with a simple movie night, comedy stand up and a cuddle up.

I am still waking up tense, going to go out together today and have some fun. I also have two interviews over the coming week. Work I find, always gives me a mental boost and helps me see things clearly.. it bucks me up.

My girlfriend rearranged the living room and had a good clean yesterday, it looks good. Bought some storage units for some of our stuff.

February 2, 2017

You gotta tell her to move out that you can't handle the animals. If she can rehome them, maybe. But something has got to give.

Meanwhile you need to figure out how to make your business less seasonal. While you have limited work to do & no money, take some free business classes & read books about improving your business & cash flow. Meanwhile pick up anything you can for money, even a minimum wage fast food job or learn how to tend bar. Every little bit helps.

I am getting close to having that chat with her, but I don't want to fly into anything I'll regret some I'm giving it a good thought.

The best plan is to have a second job for all round income I think. I've been brainstorming over business ideas also - ideas that don't give me as much stress as the full on physical/mental labour that the gardening does (by myself).

Two interviews in the coming week.

February 19, 2017

Tell her to move to her parents place and you get two jobs and save money to move out. The whole problem is you need to move out. Get a job on top of what you're doing and tell her she should work as much as possible too. The animals are the only GOOD thing about the situation, but it's too much for small quarters. Get your own place. Maybe if you tell her to move home, she will be more incentivized to save money for you two to share a place.

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Found myself in a toxic environment and need to clear my head.

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