Not sure if I can/should be in a relationship right now. It's story time!

[DownUnderSausage]

First post. Desperately need some advice.

 

Right, the start.

 

I was in a long term relationship from the age of 14 until about 21 (nearly 24 now) I guess we just grew apart and it ended. For a couple of months. In these months I slept with someone else, she slept with someone else. Then we got back together. After about half a year we broke up again and I started seeing the girl I slept with last time we split. Me and my ex were still talking a lot so I could never fully commit to the new girl (bad I know but I was really confused about what I wanted at this time) so it never really progressed into anything real. Then my ex found a new boyfriend and I was in a really bad place for a while (about 2 months) until I was contacted by the girl I was kind of seeing. We started talking and meeting up again. Fast forward a year, we're in a relationship and living together.

 

Now, this girl is really good to me. She doesn't have many friends so she's not out all the time getting drunk like most girls her age, she's gorgeous, does all the things a good girlfriend would do (not that I expect it) but she's also the most paranoid, jealous and controlling girl I've ever met, but that's not the main problem.

 

Lately I've just had a feeling of wanting to be on my own. Pretty much my entire adult life has been spent in a relationship or having to answer to someone in one way or another. I'm not gunna pretend like other women aren't part of the reason I'm feeling this way, but it is by no means the main or only reason. I even think that sometimes I just wanna get home from work put my feet up and just be on my own for the night. Just the little things like watching what I want on tv, being able to play video games when I want. I know it sounds silly but I've never really had that kind of freedom. Not to mention going out with friends (if I have any left) when I want and all the things I missed out on due to being in such a long relationship from a young age.

 

On the other hand I genuinely love this girl, we've been through a fair bit considering the time we've been together. The thought of hurting her makes me feel sick and the thought of her getting over me and being with someone else makes me feel worse. What if I experience being on my own and I hate it? I don't want to spend years regretting ending it only to realise I made a huge mistake.

 

I often think I didn't give myself enough time to get over my ex before getting in to a serious relationship and now that I'm over it, my feelings towards a relationship have shifted.

 

Sorry for the life story but any advise would be truly appreciated.

 

T

[Lilyana76]

I am much like you, I spent most of my life in a relationship with someone.

 

I was married for 20 years, with him for 22 years. Eventually, I had to take some time for me. It was the best thing I ever did. Not only did I get to have some "me" time and do what I want. But I got to discover who I am, without someone else.

 

I would always suggest someone take time for themselves. If you think thats what you need right now, you need to talk to the girl and let her know. And then really stick to taking some time for you.

[DownUnderSausage]

I am much like you, I spent most of my life in a relationship with someone.

 

I was married for 20 years, with him for 22 years. Eventually, I had to take some time for me. It was the best thing I ever did. Not only did I get to have some "me" time and do what I want. But I got to discover who I am, without someone else.

 

I would always suggest someone take time for themselves. If you think thats what you need right now, you need to talk to the girl and let her know. And then really stick to taking some time for you.

 

Sounds like very good advice, thank you. And I'm glad everything worked out for you. Hopefully I can have the same success.

[Redhead14]

First post. Desperately need some advice.

 

Right, the start.

 

I was in a long term relationship from the age of 14 until about 21 (nearly 24 now) I guess we just grew apart and it ended. For a couple of months. In these months I slept with someone else, she slept with someone else. Then we got back together. After about half a year we broke up again and I started seeing the girl I slept with last time we split. Me and my ex were still talking a lot so I could never fully commit to the new girl (bad I know but I was really confused about what I wanted at this time) so it never really progressed into anything real. Then my ex found a new boyfriend and I was in a really bad place for a while (about 2 months) until I was contacted by the girl I was kind of seeing. We started talking and meeting up again. Fast forward a year, we're in a relationship and living together.

 

Now, this girl is really good to me. She doesn't have many friends so she's not out all the time getting drunk like most girls her age, she's gorgeous, does all the things a good girlfriend would do (not that I expect it) but she's also the most paranoid, jealous and controlling girl I've ever met, but that's not the main problem.

 

Lately I've just had a feeling of wanting to be on my own. Pretty much my entire adult life has been spent in a relationship or having to answer to someone in one way or another. I'm not gunna pretend like other women aren't part of the reason I'm feeling this way, but it is by no means the main or only reason. I even think that sometimes I just wanna get home from work put my feet up and just be on my own for the night. Just the little things like watching what I want on tv, being able to play video games when I want. I know it sounds silly but I've never really had that kind of freedom. Not to mention going out with friends (if I have any left) when I want and all the things I missed out on due to being in such a long relationship from a young age.

 

On the other hand I genuinely love this girl, we've been through a fair bit considering the time we've been together. The thought of hurting her makes me feel sick and the thought of her getting over me and being with someone else makes me feel worse. What if I experience being on my own and I hate it? I don't want to spend years regretting ending it only to realise I made a huge mistake.

 

I often think I didn't give myself enough time to get over my ex before getting in to a serious relationship and now that I'm over it, my feelings towards a relationship have shifted.

 

Sorry for the life story but any advise would be truly appreciated.

 

T

 

Lately I've just had a feeling of wanting to be on my own. Pretty much my entire adult life -- You're only 21, for crying out loud! And, of course, you are wanting to be on your own -- it's called "coming into your own". That is a natural part of maturing. You should not be "tied" down by a relationship at your age. The truth is that you have not developed the relationship skills necessary to sustain a relationship into the future that exposes you to new responsibilities, difficulties, trials and tribulations.

What if I experience being on my own and I hate it? -- What if you don't? Forget about the "what ifs". If you are living your life by "what ifs", you are missing the "what's now and what can/should be".

 

And, you should take the opportunity to strike out on your own and become a secure, independent man who can be a good partner for someone. Take that shot.

 

The great, Wayne Gretsky said, "You miss 100% of the shots you don't take . . . "

 

You will be doing her no favors by sticking with it with all these doubts and feelings you have now.

[DownUnderSausage]

Lately I've just had a feeling of wanting to be on my own. Pretty much my entire adult life -- You're only 21, for crying out loud! And, of course, you are wanting to be on your own -- it's called "coming into your own". That is a natural part of maturing. You should not be "tied" down by a relationship at your age. The truth is that you have not developed the relationship skills necessary to sustain a relationship into the future that exposes you to new responsibilities, difficulties, trials and tribulations.

What if I experience being on my own and I hate it? -- What if you don't? Forget about the "what ifs". If you are living your life by "what ifs", you are missing the "what's now and what can/should be".

 

And, you should take the opportunity to strike out on your own and become a secure, independent man who can be a good partner for someone. Take that shot.

 

The great, Wayne Gretsky said, "You miss 100% of the shots you don't take . . . "

 

You will be doing her no favors by sticking with it with all these doubts and feelings you have now.

 

I split with my ex at 21, I'm now 24. Apart from that it seems like solid advice. Thank you.

[kathy64]

As you already stated….you are young and you have already experienced your share of hurtful break-ups. It seems you have carefully considered all avenues! Being single is a wonderful time to explore yourself and search for your life-long soulmate! When you find that “soulmate” …you will know! Perhaps you and this incredible woman could maintain a relationship with a little less commitment? Good luck!