l2hvn Posted July 21, 2005 Posted July 21, 2005 ok, i said i wasn't going to call but i called him after 1 day of NC (today would've been day 2). i was surprised he picked up the phone. i wasn't expecting that. but it sounded like he was in the middle of something (as usual). so: me: hi. are you still mad at me? him: yes. im still a little bit mad at you. (his phone has bad reception). im on top of the ladder right now (i guess he's fixing something in his house) so i can't really talk right now. me: well i just don't want you to be mad at me anymore. him: i think right now, it's best to have a little space away from each other (*not exactly his words, but something to that effect) me: well i know that you're stressed right now. so am i. and i didn't act accordingly to this environment. to the way i was supposed to react. i just want you to realize that. i realize that now. i should've reacted differently. him: ok me: i know you're stressed w/ your family being in town. and it's impt that you spend time w/ them as you hardly see them. but i just feel overwhelmed and uncomfortable. him: well my family went all out to make you feel comfortable. me: no. no. i love your family. i love them. i think they're great people. it's just that... it's been different.. i just feel uncomfortable (i can't really express it in the right words, my voice was cracking). him: well you chose to feel that way. me: i just want you to hear where im coming from. him: i would love to hear where you're coming from. but now right now when im on top of a ladder. i'll call you later. me: you'll call me later? him: yes. me: ok so that's how it went.... in a way, i didn't feel as bad because at least he picked up the phone this time (unlike the other night, he didn't). and his tone of voice was a bit more receptive than before (he was short with me and a little cold). plus... i swallowed my pride. i tried to reach out to him and communicate. and try to deal with it. if he doesn't call, well at least i can walk away in knowing that i've tried. i know you guys are going to give me a hard time on breaking the NC. but let's bring it on.
Author l2hvn Posted July 21, 2005 Author Posted July 21, 2005 what frustrates me though is that i never even had a chance to say what i had to say. like, "listen, i don't want to wait around waiting for you to call b/c if you don't want to be in this relationship, then you've gotta let me know so i can move on with my life." so... if he doesn't call me by tonight, then i will completely forget about him. it's over. i just needed some closure. if he doesn't call by tonight, that's a sign that i need to move on....
upsetnhurt Posted July 21, 2005 Posted July 21, 2005 Ten bucks you call him tomorrow if he doesn't call tonight ?
Author l2hvn Posted July 21, 2005 Author Posted July 21, 2005 Originally posted by upsetnhurt Ten bucks you call him tomorrow if he doesn't call tonight ? haha. very funny! actually, i don't think i will anymore. if he doesn't call, then that goes my answer. it sucks, but i'll get over him in time.... that was my last call and will never call again. i'd like to remain my dignity intact. im cautiously waiting for him to call. let's put it that way.
Addison Posted July 22, 2005 Posted July 22, 2005 I'm curious about what happened with his family and that misunderstanding? Not trying to be nosy but that is where my break up with my ex stemmed from. I'm not even sure completely what happened. He just blurted out that I hated his family and he couldn't deal with that. And it is totally not true. We had all just been on vacation together for a week and my nerves were shot. I just needed some space from them because they are all so overbearing and completely different from my own family. It doesn't mean that I dislike them, I just don't want to spend 24/7 with them. What I can't make him understand is that whether I 100% love his family or not does not effect my relationship with him. His family is amazing and they are extremely nice people. I've never been rude or disrespectful to any mother/father of someone that I dated. I would not do that. So I don't understand why me wanting some time apart from his family on a vacation was such a huge deal. Ok, I'm rambling about my story when I asked you a question! Sorry. If your situation is similar I would love to hear about it. I'm just so confused...
Author l2hvn Posted July 22, 2005 Author Posted July 22, 2005 Originally posted by Addison I'm curious about what happened with his family and that misunderstanding? well your story is sort of similar to mine.. but not really. his family's very welcoming and very warm to me. they didn't make me feel uncomfortable. although one instance that i wasn't comfortable was whenever they talk about the bible and religion, as im not a religious person... but overall, they're good people. it's just that ever since his family came to town, he's been extremely stressed out about accomodating them as he's not used to having 5 people in his house all at once. he's been very busy and i felt that he was being physically and emotionally distant to me. we haven't been affectionate for the past couple of weeks. he couldn't even hold my hand, or something like that... so i felt out of place. i felt like he was pushing me away. and whenever i tried to reach out to him, he would avoid the subject and gets mad at me for being too demanding, etc. so that's the situation... now that we've had this space apart for several days now (im not used to this as im so used to seeing him everyday), i've thought about it more and.. it takes two to tango. i've done and said something to him that i shouldn't have said and done. but i was just more reacting towards the way he was reacting to me... i basically act out based on my feelings as im a very emotional and passionate person.
totallyconfused Posted July 22, 2005 Posted July 22, 2005 judging from your conversation, u dont seem emotionally ready to talk to him yet. it seems he had total control of the conversation and practically tried to make u feel bad. [him talking about bad reception/ladder] then when u tried to get some of what u wanted to say, u began to cave in by trying to appease him [well i know that you're stressed right now. so am i. and i didn't act accordingly to this environment. to the way i was supposed to react. i just want you to realize that. i realize that now. i should've reacted differently.] u need to be strong first before speaking to him, and thats where NC comes into play. u need to clarify your thoughts w/o dependence on someone or distractions. its hard but if u keep at it for AT LEAST a week, u start to think a little more clearly. so many times, we love so blindly and we dont actually see what the ones we love are doing to us, hurting us intentionally. we try to hold on but thats the last thing we should be doing b/c at that point our logic has escaped us. before u start trying to appease him, take care of yourself. remember YOUR feelings count too. the reason u never got to say what u wanted to originally was b/c emotionally, u were not ready, u were not strong enough. i hear ya, i know exactly what your going thru. you REALLY NEED to space yourself from him for more than a week w/o him or any of his distractions. its hard b/c we always want what we cant have. if in a week or so u still feel like maybe it'll work out, or u just want to put a closure on this - then call him, but only if you believe and realize that that will be the last call ever. your options are limitless, who knows u might meet another man in that week. who knows. this man is not the controller of your destiny, YOU are. by calling him over and over, u are just torturing yourself, and going deeper and deeper in dislogic, and also giving him the idea that your gonna be there forever. this man needs to realize u arent gonna be there to wait while he disrespects u like that. [funny i'm trying to tell myself this too! btw, I think the "you dont like my family" reason is a cheap escape/reason as to whats going on. its really his scapegoat b/c he's too afraid to tell u whats really going in his head.
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