Is it ever really platonic?

[mikeylo]

Good riddance to those who have opposite sex friends! It's never ended well in the primary love relationship. Especially if one is ' choosing to just talk to the atttactive one ' of the entire lot !

 

Even if in any case, it's platonic, there is always a hidden agenda on one of the sides. Be it looking for easy sex opportunity or making someone jealous or feeling worthy ( if im seen with an attractive person, people will think highly of me ) etc etc. Most times they end up destroying love relationships, if you have one.

[MrDuck]

In all the years of adulthood, and I have a wide circle of people that I know and guy friends, no one ever just brought along a female "friend" on one of our "guy things"...Id think it would be hideously awkward if they did, or the first thing someone would say, is she is only there so he'd have someone to cuddle up with at night.....

 

Sure, I could see that maybe this happens among say....Millenials....but I don't know enough about them and the way they interact among the sexes to say, only to observe that there is much more gender neutrality/ambiguity and mixing among those folks than there is with my generation..

 

Id find it weird if a guy brought a long a random girl "friend", who no one else knew and would be the only girl out with us doing said activity..

 

But I know, and consider friends, plenty of girls that would be part of my pretty mixed-sex circle of friends and I'd be more than happy to have them come along to mixed-sex activities. But i do think you raise a good point, I'd find that totally normal, and I think anyone in my age group would, where as i think other generations have been more 'boys night', 'girls night' focused.

 

I went out for dinner last night, me, one other fella, and 4 girls, all work friends of mine. I have a gf i'm very much in love with. A gf that happens to work at the same place. I'm not looking for anything more than friendship with any of my dining buddies, I was just looking for some good food, some good company and an opportunity to moan about our short staffing problems, and they provided all that!! I also chatted to the waitress about where in brazil she was from, which was very close to where i worked for a while, and I spoke to a guy in car park about my car.

I had a good night, that wouldn't of been as much fun if it had been just me and the other lad, but I go home to my gorgeous gf and i count myself such a lucky guy!

[Purepony]

Haha depends what time of the day it is...

if your excited anything goes and everything's up for grabs

We all know that

[MrDuck]

Lol ! The contradiction.

So you wouldn't talk to a woman who wasn't attractive. Lol

 

Its not a contradiction its the point i'm making.....

 

Id talk to anyone be it an attractive 20 year old, be it a 40 year old women, be it a 85 year old lady... anyone regardless of attractiveness is the point

 

Yes, and first on his list is the attractive 20 year old. Hmmm!

Because lists tend to increase, decrease or at least go in some logical order... The sentence was constructed to increase in age to demonstrate the wide range of people i'll strike up a conversation with, its not a ranking first to last..

 

Lets be honest. If theres a 20 year old woman somewhere and guys are talking to her esp cold approach, its not for friendship.

hmm circumstances.. In a bar, yeah probably hitting on her.. In a park walking your dogs, could go either way.. On a plane when your sat next to each other for 8 hours, then I'd hope a guys allowed to strike up a friendly platonic chat!

I'd of had some damn boring flights if strangers werent up for a chat!

[mikeylo]

 

But I know, and consider friends, plenty of girls that would be part of my pretty mixed-sex circle of friends and I'd be more than happy to have them come along to mixed-sex activities. But i do think you raise a good point, I'd find that totally normal, and I think anyone in my age group would, where as i think other generations have been more 'boys night', 'girls night' focused.

 

I went out for dinner last night, me, one other fella, and 4 girls, all work friends of mine. I have a gf i'm very much in love with. A gf that happens to work at the same place. I'm not looking for anything more than friendship with any of my dining buddies, I was just looking for some good food, some good company and an opportunity to moan about our short staffing problems, and they provided all that!!

 

I had a good night, that wouldn't of been as much fun if it had been just me and the other lad, but I go home to my gorgeous gf and i count myself such a lucky guy!

 

I wouldn't be surprised if this leads to your break up sooner or later ! There is so much wrong in this situation but well, continue !

 

I hope you are as happy when your gf is on a night out with 4 guy friends , just for moaning about work , lol !

[MrDuck]

I wouldn't be surprised if this leads to your break up sooner or later ! There is so much wrong in this situation but well, continue !

Based on? ..This is why people have relationship problems these days, they get so het up about trying to create hard rules that they end up making problems where there are none!

I work in a female dominated, under 35 dominated, environment. They have always done dinner out every other Wednesday. I don't always go, but I try to catch a odd one here and there.

This has been the case since before I started working there. Since before me and my gf started dating. When exactly does that be some a threat to my relationship? When me and the gf start dating, unbeknownst to everyone else? When we become an official couple? When we've been together a year? When she moved in with me?

 

There's a couple of guys at work that asked my gf out... do I get in a tiz about it? No, because she turned them down back when she wasn't even with me!!

 

I hope you are as happy when your gf is on a night out with 4 guy friends , just for moaning about work , lol !

If they were work friends, I'd sure wonder why I wasn't invited!

[Vinny1951]

I am from a much older generation when most women were viewed as potential lovers. I never had a platonic relationship. Women seemed to want to be my girlfriend or just have sex with me. My wife said that she knew all about me years before we met and even saw pictures of me. I had a reputation as a ladies man or today you would call me a player. If I am with a woman, they know what my interest is in them.

 

When my wife has her conservative girlfriends over to play cards or Mahjong, I stay out of their way, but when I do interact with them they start talking about if I still chase my wife around and basically talk sex. I am known for my double entendres and humorous sex talk but not in a crude way. I make women feel sexy and desirable, not friendly.

 

It helps to have qualities that women are drawn to and find sexy. I was making good money at 21, owned my own home, had an expensive sports car, wore custom made suits, a decorated combat vet, easy on the eyes, co-author, former Jock and had a high level job. A few years later I was seen on the news and interviewed in Newspapers. I was well known by the maitre d's in the top restaurants in the City. The mayor knew me by name and I sat on a few of his committees. Women did not want me for a friend but for other reasons. Some were not very subtle in how they tried to seduce me. When I met a woman, she knew what I wanted and it was not to be her friend, platonic or not. I make no apologies for my lifestyle. Women liked me and while I enjoy talking to women for hours and being in their presence, I never viewed them as friends. Lovers first, friends second. I fall in love easily too so that makes having a female friend difficult anyway.

Edited February 3, 2017 by Vinny1951

[mikeylo]

I am from a much older generation when most women were viewed as potential lovers. I never had a platonic relationship. Women seemed to want to be my girlfriend or just have sex with me. My wife said that she knew all about me years before we met and even saw pictures of me. I had a reputation as a ladies man or today you would call me a player. If I am with a woman, they know what my interest is in them.

 

When my wife has her conservative girlfriends over to play cards or Mahjong, I stay out of their way, but when I do interact with them they start talking about if I still chase my wife around and basically talk sex. I am known for my double entendres and humorous sex talk but not in a crude way. I make women feel sexy and desirable, not friendly.

 

It helps to have qualities that women are drawn to and find sexy. I was making good money at 21, owned my own home, had an expensive sports car, wore custom made suits, a decorated combat vet, easy on the eyes, co-author, former Jock and had a high level job. A few years later I was seen on the news and interviewed in Newspapers. I was well known by the maitre d's in the top restaurants in the City. The mayor knew me by name and I sat on a few of his committees. Women did not want me for a friend but for other reasons. Some were not very subtle in how they tried to seduce me. When I met a woman, she knew what I wanted and it was not to be her friend, platonic or not. I make no apologies for my lifestyle. Women liked me and while I enjoy talking to women for hours and being in their presence, I never viewed them as friends. Lovers first, friends second. I fall in love easily too so that makes having a female friend difficult anyway.

 

At least you are honest !

[mikeylo]

Based on? ..This is why people have relationship problems these days, they get so het up about trying to create hard rules that they end up making problems where there are none!

I work in a female dominated, under 35 dominated, environment. They have always done dinner out every other Wednesday. I don't always go, but I try to catch a odd one here and there.

This has been the case since before I started working there. Since before me and my gf started dating. When exactly does that be some a threat to my relationship? When me and the gf start dating, unbeknownst to everyone else? When we become an official couple? When we've been together a year? When she moved in with me?

 

There's a couple of guys at work that asked my gf out... do I get in a tiz about it? No, because she turned them down back when she wasn't even with me!!

 

 

If they were work friends, I'd sure wonder why I wasn't invited!

 

Honestly , if this is how you are telling your gf , she really has to be very innocent to believe all this. This post doesn't match with what you said before.

 

Anyway, not my problem.

[jennifernyc84]

You know, I think it's confusing.

 

I have guy friends and girl friends. I love them all, right. But I don't want to sleep with all of them.

 

I think we being to love our friends, and enjoy being around them so much. Regardless of whether they're men or woman, we want to be around them more and more.

 

But I think maybe when it's someone of the opposite sex, our hormones get those feelings confused. We might not actually love them in that way but our brains and hearts can't tell the difference.

 

Just my thoughts.....carry on.

[MrDuck]

Honestly , if this is how you are telling your gf , she really has to be very innocent to believe all this. This post doesn't match with what you said before.

 

Anyway, not my problem.

 

Im not telling her anything.. she doesn't need to be told, she knows, she knows the girls (and the guys), she comes occasionally.. there's nothing to believe, it is what it is!! ....what do you want me to say the hidden truth is? Me and this other fella went to dinner with 4 girls we work with, 2 of which are in relationships all of which know and work with my gf, in order to chat them all up in hopes of some kind of sworded sixsome??

 

When I was young, and travelling, sure I'd meet girls in bars and have sex on the beach, I've been there done that, if I wanted to be doing that I'd go back. I don't, I want my gf, I want to be a family.

 

And the gal is far from innocent, or some kind of push over!! Hell, I have a photo on my phone of the way the plates and glasses are "meant" to go in the cupboard cause I know how she'll roll her eyes and tut if I do it wrong!! ...Maybe I'm a little whipped these days.. but I love it

Edited February 3, 2017 by MrDuck

[hotpotato]

Its not a contradiction its the point i'm making.....

 

Id talk to anyone be it an attractive 20 year old, be it a 40 year old women, be it a 85 year old lady... anyone regardless of attractiveness is the point

 

 

Because lists tend to increase, decrease or at least go in some logical order... The sentence was constructed to increase in age to demonstrate the wide range of people i'll strike up a conversation with, its not a ranking first to last..

 

 

hmm circumstances.. In a bar, yeah probably hitting on her.. In a park walking your dogs, could go either way.. On a plane when your sat next to each other for 8 hours, then I'd hope a guys allowed to strike up a friendly platonic chat!

I'd of had some damn boring flights if strangers werent up for a chat!

Ok, but that hasn't been in my experience. In fact, thinking like you has put me in precarious situations in which i was stalked, sexually harassed, etc bc i thought the guy was a friend. Also, i have met such stalkers at parks and bookstores. Soo...I have not experience that theory.

 

I think what goes on in these so called friendships is a lot of projection. "Im not into him, so therefore, he's not into me."

 

Most likely if you're a woman of childbearing age and a man randomly starts talking to her, it's because he's sexually attracted to her.

 

I haven't experienced these platonic chats, not even from men old enough to be my grandfather.

 

Let's be honest...It doesn't take much for a man to want to have sex with a woman. I had a guy tell me he was a man and i was a woman so we should have sex. Chemistry and all that isn't necessary. As someone else said here, there are people who have sex with someone they wouldn't leave their keys with. I watched a video where a man said he didn't like a particular woman but gd he would do everything he could to have sex with her. I have known guys who admitted they had sex with women they weren't even attracted to just because.

 

 

 

I'm happily married and have a number of female friends and tennis partners with zero drama and games, it's never been a problem.

 

That doesn't mean I haven't met a few women who I've instinctively understood might present issues in a platonic relationship. So discretion comes into play - I don't allow myself to become friends or spend time with them.

 

Lead me not into temptation...

 

Mr. Lucky

Relationship status shouldn't matter.

 

I wouldn't be surprised if this leads to your break up sooner or later ! There is so much wrong in this situation but well, continue !

 

I hope you are as happy when your gf is on a night out with 4 guy friends , just for moaning about work , lol !

Yup! If he thinks those 4 guy friends are hanging around her just because, he's about to have another thing coming.That's not something i would do in a relationship as it seems disrespectful.

[mikeylo]

It would lead to threadjacking if I begin to find the problems in his posts! And there are more than a couple !

 

While he is happy , but is his gf happy with him going out and having fun with other women ?

 

So he won't be upset if she went out with guys who were not from work ? Lol

 

So he uses other women to make the time fun , as spending time with a guy is boring !

 

The list is endless.

 

And his gf is okay with this situation? He is either lying to her or gaslighting. Or she knows and will break up. Who knows ?

 

Anyway, the way he is making it sound, it's all about him having fun at the cost of his gf. A healthy , respectful relationship wouldn't have this. It's all about him.

[MrDuck]

I think what goes on in these so called friendships is a lot of projection. "Im not into him, so therefore, he's not into me."

I don't disagree with this, people often shut there eyes to what they don't want to see and fail to look at others for who they truly are.

 

Most likely if you're a woman of childbearing age and a man randomly starts talking to her, it's because he's sexually attracted to her.

However this is an incrediably sad, close minded way of viewing the world.

 

I get it, I'm going to take a shot that you guys are living in America. America remains an incredibley gender divided country despite decent gender equality. In my very humble opinion it just seems to be deep set in society as a whole, guys sit here, girls sit there, guys play this, girls play that even the whole girls join a sorioty and guys a frat. I get it. I think it's sad.

 

I'm not delusional, if a guy goes up to a girl in a bar or coffee shop and cold approaches YES he's probably hitting on her! Hell if I did that I'd most likely have been hitting on her!! BUT when your in a small group of 10 living in borneo monitoring orangutans, or your taking a 10 hr bus ride with only 2 people who speak English for company, I promise you, you chat to everyone regardless of whether they are male or female. And the even better thing is that more often or not you find something to connect with, in pretty much every other human, which is damn cool.

 

And I don't see women as sex objects, I think that's a very narrow minded view, I see them as humans, with something to contribute to the world in there own right, with something they can teach me because I believe everyone can teach you something AND with something they can bring to a work dinner party!!!!

 

So yeah, I'm the guy that'll strike up a conversation with you on the bus, in the butchers, in the kiddies playground... but it won't be because your a women or because I want to get in your pants!!

 

Yup! If he thinks those 4 guy friends are hanging around her just because, he's about to have another thing coming.That's not something i would do in a relationship as it seems disrespectful.

What 4 guy friends?

[MrDuck]

And there are more than a couple !

What to know why relationships fall apart? It's not because someone dares to speak to someone of the other sex, it's because so many people are so wrapped up in themselves that they take everything and run with it, and twist it into a bigger thing than what it really is!

Everyone would be a hell of a lot happier if they dealt with the problem at hand rather than worrying about a hypothetical problem 10 steps ahead!!

 

While he is happy, but is his gf happy with him going out and having fun with other women ?

If she wasn't happy, I'd know!! Because she's a straight shooter and MY GOD I LOVE THAT!! Because it avoids us having all this stupid much ado about nothing!

 

So he won't be upset if she went out with guys who were not from work ? Lol

A) I trust her

B) This is a totally different scenario from what I presented because you clearly hinting at 4 strangers, guys I don't know in which case

C) I would want to go with her because

D) I'm her boyfriend and I want to be part of her life, and I believe that part of that is getting to know her friends

E) however the senator is so unbelieveable that it frankly is ridiculously it would be like me rocking up like "babe, I'm going out with these 4 girls I met in Tesco yesterday, see ya" why would she suddenly have 4 new guy friends I don't know? Plus she hates doing stuff like that hence why she always makes excuses to get out of nights out.

 

So he uses other women to make the time fun , as spending time with a guy is boring !

this is just dumb! It's basic English comprehension! I never said "girls have to be there cause spending time with a guy is boringgg". I said it was better for them being there which it was. I believe in more the merrier. I believe that every indervidual brings something to the table and you should value everybody's presence!

 

And his gf is okay with this situation? He is either lying to her or gaslighting.

Please enlighten me as to what I'm lying about exactly

 

Or she knows and will break up. Who knows ?

Of course she knows! She's works at the same place, she's bloody invited!!!! but she moved in with me just the other week so I'm taking that as a sign she's not about to break up with me because she could of saved herself a lot of packing!!

 

Anyway, the way he is making it sound, it's all about him having fun at the cost of his gf. A healthy , respectful relationship wouldn't have this. It's all about him.

WHERE? How the **** is it all about me!? I appreciate that you don't know us but think what you like, I have never done anything, anything that is to her detriment!! I do everything to make her happy! I cook for her every evening, I make her pack lunch and i put a postit note in her lunch every day with a new bad joke that she always prefeces to hate because I know it makes her smile. I'll give her a massage when she's stressed and ill even go clothes shopping with her cause she doesn't like going by herself. When her car didn't work she took mine and I cycled in the ******* rain for 50 mins there and back. When she wasn't well I laid in bed with her and watched back to back pretty little liars, and yeah I caught her bug, but I didn't care!! When we first started dating I waited like 6 months to sleep with the girl and all I ever said was that I loved her and I didn't care how long it took her to feel ready!! Her mums really not well at the moment and if I could take that pain away I would, I'd do anything, I'd walk through fire, because it absolutely KILLS me to see her so cut up. She's the love of my life!

 

But yeah, clearly I don't give a bloody damn about her! It's all about me right!

[4x4storm]

I ended a relationship with my girlfriend of 2 months when all of sudden a "Close Guy Friend" entered the scene. She was the second girl I have been with and i'm only 20 so I had never faced that situation before so I didn't really know how to react.

 

I can only say I have one female friend that I share personal information with. I went on 3 dates with her and found she was one of nicest girls I have ever met she even offered to take care of me when I was sick. But I was not attracted to her physically at all. So I decided to keep her around as a person to talk with

 

I guess the main difference is we don't hang out at all we shoot just a few messages maybe one a month to each other to get opinions on issues. That's it

[mikeylo]

I still don't agree with you. You are good at defending yourself. So be it. Some people learn the hard way.

[MrDuck]

I still don't agree with you.

You don't have to. You simply have to find a partner that matches your idea of what works and what doesn't.

All I'm arguing against is the blanket statement, because blanket statements are always wrong! There will always be exceptions, in people, in lions, in turtles, the worlds full of exceptions, that's one of my favourite things about it!

Maybe you don't think you could have a platonic friendship, maybe you wouldn't want your partner to have one, maybe people are having platonic friendships that turn out to be not so platonic, but there will also be people quietly, steadily, maintaining decent platonic friendships.

 

You are good at defending yourself. So be it.

Maybe! I've had practice. Its not about me, thought, you dont have to believe me, it doesnt effect my life. The point resides though, different isnt always wrong.

 

Some people learn the hard way.

The only way to learn is the hard way! After all everything is difficult until it becomes easy.

One thing I've learnt thought is if you try and hold on to something too tight, you'll suffocate it!

I trust my gf 100%, if that gets me hurt, it gets me hurt, but if i didnt have that kind of confidence in her and us then what would be the point in our relationship! I honestly hope she feels she can trust me just as much!