donnacas Posted January 30, 2017 Posted January 30, 2017 Do you believe that men and women can genuinely just be platonic friends? Or is there always one person who would be interested in being more? I've been reading a lot of conflicting things about it. Some say yes, opposite sexes can be genuine friends with nothing more in between them. More say no, that most times one or the other has romantic interest, even if it never comes to light. As someone who tends to find herself more in the 'gal pal' zone to men than date material, I'm interested in knowing what everyone thinks and why.
d0nnivain Posted January 30, 2017 Posted January 30, 2017 I have several platonic friends. It really is just platonic. I enjoy talking to them. I find them interesting but I don't want to date them. This has become much easier I have grown older. It's all less hormone driven. 4
JamesM Posted January 30, 2017 Posted January 30, 2017 TBH, one can truly never know. You can only know how you feel. I have had several female friends that are just that, and I have zero interest in more. I assume that they feel the same based on what they say and do. We have great conversations, and we are able to help each other in many areas of life. BUT...I have had female friends that appear to be just that, and yet inside...if more were offered, then it would be incredibly tempting. I know of a female friend in the past who was just that, but I found out (after she moved) that she made comments indicating she was attracted to me. Whether she meant anything by that, I don't know. The friendship continued until we moved on to different locations. I am glad I never knew how she may have felt. So, IMO, yes it can be platonic, but we can only know how we feel...truly. 1
Mr. Lucky Posted January 30, 2017 Posted January 30, 2017 I'm interested in knowing what everyone thinks and why. I'm happily married and have a number of female friends and tennis partners with zero drama and games, it's never been a problem. That doesn't mean I haven't met a few women who I've instinctively understood might present issues in a platonic relationship. So discretion comes into play - I don't allow myself to become friends or spend time with them. Lead me not into temptation... Mr. Lucky 2
central Posted January 30, 2017 Posted January 30, 2017 I have several opposite sex platonic friends. Most I have no other feelings for. There are one or two I would have sex with (but not want a romantic relationship), but I'll never act on that or in any way indicate to them that I have such thoughts - unless they ever express them first. It is simply a matter of choice to keep things clearly platonic, because that is the greater good in these cases. 2
CaliforniaGirl Posted January 30, 2017 Posted January 30, 2017 I do actually think it's possible, yes. I've known so many men I just plain adored personality-wise, for whom I did not have the slightest physical and/or romantic inclination. It was more the way I'd adore a brother.
preraph Posted January 30, 2017 Posted January 30, 2017 I've had platonic male friends, but it is true that it seems like one person or the other is more likely to be interested while the other is not. My friends and I had a lot in common, so that gave us a good environment for being friends.
lovebirds Posted January 31, 2017 Posted January 31, 2017 Some thoughts: I found that it was easy to have platonic friendships with men when I was in a serious committed relationship. After I broke up with that guy, things became more strained. My best guy friend and I couldn't seem to be friends in the same way, our usual banter (sometimes teasing/humorous/sexual) that we had been doing for years just didn't seem to go over the same way. We're not really friends anymore now, although nothing ever happened. I noticed that, when newly single, I started judging most new men I met as potential partners instead of potential friends. I guess deep inside I was needy, still trying to get over the rejection of the break-up, subconsciously looking for attention/male confirmation. A few years later, I do less of the judging and seem to be able to have more meaningful platonic relationships with guys again.
Michelle ma Belle Posted January 31, 2017 Posted January 31, 2017 TBH, one can truly never know. You can only know how you feel. I have had several female friends that are just that, and I have zero interest in more. I assume that they feel the same based on what they say and do. We have great conversations, and we are able to help each other in many areas of life. BUT...I have had female friends that appear to be just that, and yet inside...if more were offered, then it would be incredibly tempting. I know of a female friend in the past who was just that, but I found out (after she moved) that she made comments indicating she was attracted to me. Whether she meant anything by that, I don't know. The friendship continued until we moved on to different locations. I am glad I never knew how she may have felt. So, IMO, yes it can be platonic, but we can only know how we feel...truly. I think this is key. We can only know how WE truly feel about them. I too have many platonic male friends. Most of them I have zero interest in bedding but I can't say with any certainty that if given a chance, they wouldn't accept more, even if it's just sex. A couple of my male friends are men who, if showed any interest in me romantically, I'd welcome it but we continue to tow the line for whatever reasons, and probably for good reason. Taking a closer look at my male friendships, the best ones are with men who used to be more at one point but didn't work out. I guess it's one of those things where we got the relationship and sex piece out of the way which made room to salvage what remains and carve out a really unique authentic friendship in spite of things not working out romantically. I know that's not the case for everyone but it seems to be a common occurrence in my life for some reason. At the end of the day, we can only know how WE truly feel about our friends of the opposite sex. 1
salparadise Posted January 31, 2017 Posted January 31, 2017 Is it possible, yes. Is it probable, no. We are hardwired with the urge to merge, and expression is often contextual. People with firm boundaries can usually manage it, others may have feelings on one side and not the other, and some are just in plain denial as to what motivates interest. It's not coincidental that people tend to choose opposite sex friends by similar criteria as potential partners. The true motivation may often be concealed from conscious thought. What I do feel strongly, and don't understand how others fail to see, is when people have opposite sex best friends that they are in touch with every day and frequently spend alone time together, are willing to risk primary relationships to protect... these aren't platonic, they're backups or secondary mating strategies. 3
BluesPower Posted January 31, 2017 Posted January 31, 2017 You know I have thought about this... I guess it can happen. I have some friends that are female but they are gay so it is kind of not the same thing. And frankly if one of them wanted a taste I would give it to them in the right circumstances. But for the most part they are kind of like guy friends to me. This is kind of hard to answer for me...
Mr. Lucky Posted January 31, 2017 Posted January 31, 2017 What I do feel strongly, and don't understand how others fail to see, is when people have opposite sex best friends that they are in touch with every day and frequently spend alone time together, are willing to risk primary relationships to protect... these aren't platonic, they're backups or secondary mating strategies. Agreed. I've also known single people who've slotted opposite sex friends into faux partner roles - "he's my date!" - and then been surprised when more was desired or expected (pretty much the plot of every RomCom in the last 10 years). These are also the people asking "why can't I have platonic friends"?... Mr. Lucky
thefooloftheyear Posted January 31, 2017 Posted January 31, 2017 I do actually think it's possible, yes. I've known so many men I just plain adored personality-wise, for whom I did not have the slightest physical and/or romantic inclination. It was more the way I'd adore a brother. Sure, but did you know really how they felt??? My guess is probably not... IME, if you ask most heterosexual men, they will likely say no(if they are being honest)....On the other hand women usually love to have a bunch of orbiter type men they call "friends"...Sometimes its the guy they keep around in case the car breaks down, the other guy that has a pickup truck, or helps them with their taxes. etc...It could even be for none of those reasons other than they like having men in their circle..I just don't see the same kind of "need" out of guys...Not any of the guys I know, anyway...I mean, they may have an acquaintance, but its no one they would call and chat or hang out and watch a game, work on a project, or have a pizza and some beers.. TFY 1
carolann Posted January 31, 2017 Posted January 31, 2017 The only way it's truly platonic is if there is no physical attraction on either part and even with no physical attraction, I know several friends that have hooked up with an OS friend that they "weren't attracted to" (alcohol inspired). I've also noticed most of the guys I know aren't friends with unattractive women. I think it can happen, but truly platonic friendships are less common.
SwordofFlame Posted January 31, 2017 Posted January 31, 2017 It depends if there's any sexual attraction there. If there's none on both ends, than sure it's platonic only.
CaliforniaGirl Posted January 31, 2017 Posted January 31, 2017 Sure, but did you know really how they felt??? My guess is probably not... IME, if you ask most heterosexual men, they will likely say no(if they are being honest)....On the other hand women usually love to have a bunch of orbiter type men they call "friends"...Sometimes its the guy they keep around in case the car breaks down, the other guy that has a pickup truck, or helps them with their taxes. etc...It could even be for none of those reasons other than they like having men in their circle..I just don't see the same kind of "need" out of guys...Not any of the guys I know, anyway...I mean, they may have an acquaintance, but its no one they would call and chat or hang out and watch a game, work on a project, or have a pizza and some beers.. TFY I don't ask my friends, male OR female, to do any of these things. Full stop. I have been in a car that broke down. I called AAA or when I didn't have AAA, I called a tow truck. When my taxes needed doing, I did them. I do not consider any male friends I've ever had "orbiters" or people to use. That's not a friend.
salparadise Posted February 1, 2017 Posted February 1, 2017 Sure, but did you know really how they felt??? My guess is probably not... IME, if you ask most heterosexual men, they will likely say no(if they are being honest)....On the other hand women usually love to have a bunch of orbiter type men they call "friends"...Sometimes its the guy they keep around in case the car breaks down, the other guy that has a pickup truck, or helps them with their taxes. etc...It could even be for none of those reasons other than they like having men in their circle..I just don't see the same kind of "need" out of guys...Not any of the guys I know, anyway...I mean, they may have an acquaintance, but its no one they would call and chat or hang out and watch a game, work on a project, or have a pizza and some beers.. TFY It's consistent with asymmetrical mating strategies. Men are looking for an opportunity to cast a seed in someone else's garden for some duty-free proliferation, whereas women are setting up multiple resource streams and a selection of handy-dandy backup daddies lest her's gets eaten by the saber-tooth one day. It's all very logical and practical based on internal vs. external fertilization... IOW, biology. 1
ZayKayWill Posted February 2, 2017 Posted February 2, 2017 It depends if there's any sexual attraction there. If there's none on both ends, than sure it's platonic only. Even then they can still be friends. I have a few female friends who are at least 8/10 attractive and have no interest in sleeping with them. If they offered then sure why not I guess but I'm not gonna stop being friends just because they won't offer more. Honestly I find it pretty insulting when people say guys and girls can't just be friends. It indicates that no guy can be mature enough to control himself and be respectful to women.
thefooloftheyear Posted February 2, 2017 Posted February 2, 2017 I don't ask my friends, male OR female, to do any of these things. Full stop. I have been in a car that broke down. I called AAA or when I didn't have AAA, I called a tow truck. When my taxes needed doing, I did them. I do not consider any male friends I've ever had "orbiters" or people to use. That's not a friend. That;s terrific for you ...but I didn't say you did.... But the reality is that you likely have no idea truly why these guys hang around...I mean, sure, they can be your friends....but they'll never tell you that they are just hanging around if the possibility of one day getting you at a weak moment, or whatever... Yes, they can easily just be orbiters...you just don't know...guys are pretty good at playing this game...I wouldn't in a million years.., but many guys would.. Want to find out quickly and easily.??...test them...Id bet you realize you have less male "friends" than you thought... TFY 2
hotpotato Posted February 2, 2017 Posted February 2, 2017 I dont have male friends unless they live far away. I find that most men talk to a woman bc they are sexually attracted to her. If a guy just wanted platonic friends, he can hang with his boys. Ive never had a guy friend be satisfied with a strictly platonic relationship. 1
hotpotato Posted February 2, 2017 Posted February 2, 2017 I do actually think it's possible, yes. I've known so many men I just plain adored personality-wise, for whom I did not have the slightest physical and/or romantic inclination. It was more the way I'd adore a brother. Yet they may not feel that way about. Ime if a guy is hanging around, he wants some kind of sexual contact or relationship. At some point he may burst with sexual frustration. Re other posts: if it were so easy for men and women to be platonic, relationship status wouldnt matter.
MrDuck Posted February 2, 2017 Posted February 2, 2017 I've got some girl mates, that i think is completely platonic. I assume it is on there side too, particularly the ones i knew in my single days, because if they wanted more they'd of had no reason not to let me know, right. Having always worked with animals, either wildlife conservation around the world or with dogs.. like, i meet, and work alongside a lot of girls. I think i'm quite a guys guy but i can get on with anyone and i definitely made some good friendships. Hotpotato: "Most men talk to a woman bc they are sexually attracted to her" i disagree, I'll talk to anyone, anytime!! Be it an attractive 20 year old, a 40 year old, or an 85 year old. I love to talk to people, and learn. Talking to people has always been my education. What i would say is theres a massive difference between casual friends who are girls, and best friends who are girls. Theres only three girls in my life who have ever hit 'best friend status'. 1) My ex, who became my fwb/travel buddy, and then my gf. 2) My current gf, who i was friends with and now date and live with. 3) And my friend, the only one of the three who is just platonic, we worked together on a orangutan conservation project, while i was travelling, she was the only person there from the UK, so we talked a lot, and she is just hilarious, really makes me laugh, but I'm not attracted too her. I was a bit of a Casanova back in my travelling days but there was never anything between us, no spark, no chemistry, just mates, just platonic. But out of 3 that's still was a 66% not platonic ratio, which is pretty high. I think if your hitting 'best friends' territory the chances of everyone feeling platonic are much lower.
thefooloftheyear Posted February 2, 2017 Posted February 2, 2017 (edited) I've got some girl mates, that i think is completely platonic. I assume it is on there side too, particularly the ones i knew in my single days, because if they wanted more they'd of had no reason not to let me know, right. Having always worked with animals, either wildlife conservation around the world or with dogs.. like, i meet, and work alongside a lot of girls. I think i'm quite a guys guy but i can get on with anyone and i definitely made some good friendships. Hotpotato: "Most men talk to a woman bc they are sexually attracted to her" i disagree, I'll talk to anyone, anytime!! Be it an attractive 20 year old, a 40 year old, or an 85 year old. I love to talk to people, and learn. Talking to people has always been my education. What i would say is theres a massive difference between casual friends who are girls, and best friends who are girls. Theres only three girls in my life who have ever hit 'best friend status'. 1) My ex, who became my fwb/travel buddy, and then my gf. 2) My current gf, who i was friends with and now date and live with. 3) And my friend, the only one of the three who is just platonic, we worked together on a orangutan conservation project, while i was travelling, she was the only person there from the UK, so we talked a lot, and she is just hilarious, really makes me laugh, but I'm not attracted too her. I was a bit of a Casanova back in my travelling days but there was never anything between us, no spark, no chemistry, just mates, just platonic. But out of 3 that's still was a 66% not platonic ratio, which is pretty high. I think if your hitting 'best friends' territory the chances of everyone feeling platonic are much lower. I think that's the key.... I mean, sure...There are tons of women I know....but I consider a friend someone who is "in the circle" and no women have gotten to that level...Not that they didn't try, but it was usually for something that benefits them(as I stated earlier in the thread).well, no thanks...lol...... In all the years of adulthood, and I have a wide circle of people that I know and guy friends, no one ever just brought along a female "friend" on one of our "guy things"...Id think it would be hideously awkward if they did, or the first thing someone would say, is she is only there so he'd have someone to cuddle up with at night..... Sure, I could see that maybe this happens among say....Millenials....but I don't know enough about them and the way they interact among the sexes to say, only to observe that there is much more gender neutrality/ambiguity and mixing among those folks than there is with my generation.. .02 TFY Edited February 2, 2017 by thefooloftheyear 1
mikeylo Posted February 2, 2017 Posted February 2, 2017 I've got some girl mates, that i think is completely platonic. I assume it is on there side too, particularly the ones i knew in my single days, because if they wanted more they'd of had no reason not to let me know, right. Having always worked with animals, either wildlife conservation around the world or with dogs.. like, i meet, and work alongside a lot of girls. I think i'm quite a guys guy but i can get on with anyone and i definitely made some good friendships. Hotpotato: "Most men talk to a woman bc they are sexually attracted to her" i disagree, I'll talk to anyone, anytime!! Be it an attractive 20 year old, a 40 year old, or an 85 year old. I love to talk to people, and learn. Talking to people has always been my education. What i would say is theres a massive difference between casual friends who are girls, and best friends who are girls. Theres only three girls in my life who have ever hit 'best friend status'. 1) My ex, who became my fwb/travel buddy, and then my gf. 2) My current gf, who i was friends with and now date and live with. 3) And my friend, the only one of the three who is just platonic, we worked together on a orangutan conservation project, while i was travelling, she was the only person there from the UK, so we talked a lot, and she is just hilarious, really makes me laugh, but I'm not attracted too her. I was a bit of a Casanova back in my travelling days but there was never anything between us, no spark, no chemistry, just mates, just platonic. But out of 3 that's still was a 66% not platonic ratio, which is pretty high. I think if your hitting 'best friends' territory the chances of everyone feeling platonic are much lower. Lol ! The contradiction. So you wouldn't talk to a woman who wasn't attractive. Lol
hotpotato Posted February 2, 2017 Posted February 2, 2017 Lol ! The contradiction. So you wouldn't talk to a woman who wasn't attractive. Lol Yes, and first on his list is the attractive 20 year old. Hmmm! Lets be honest. If theres a 20 year old woman somewhere and guys are talking to her esp cold approach, its not for friendship. I was gonna say maybe it could be platonic if the guy is like 20 and the woman is like 60. However, this doesnt work the other way around at all! I was casual friends with a man who was 70, and he asked me out. Also if the woman is straiggt and the man is gay. That ups the chances of them being just friends. 2
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