[ex girlfriend recently contacted me after I went nc for about a month]

[Kdog123]

hey all, my ex girlfriend recently contacted me after I went nc for about a month. I know recently she has been hanging out with a guy, the thing is she keeps saying this guy is someone her friend is seeing. The other day she asked if I was seeing anyone and I told her no. I then said that I knew she was seeing this guy and she denied it over the phone and claimed it was her friend that is seeing him though I know this isn't the case. Anyway do you think she is keeping me on the back burner or trying to rub my face in it or even possibly trying to get me to fight for her?

 

thanks:)

[preraph]

What proof do you have that she is seeing him?

[mightycpa]

hey all, my ex girlfriend recently contacted me after I went nc for about a month. I know recently she has been hanging out with a guy, the thing is she keeps saying this guy is someone her friend is seeing. The other day she asked if I was seeing anyone and I told her no. I then said that I knew she was seeing this guy and she denied it over the phone and claimed it was her friend that is seeing him though I know this isn't the case. Anyway do you think she is keeping me on the back burner or trying to rub my face in it or even possibly trying to get me to fight for her?

 

thanks:)

What does she say she wants from you? Why did she contact you in the first place?

[mystificatecg]

Don't question her like that. You are stroking her ok. She is testing you and you are failing big time.

 

From now on, every reply must imply you. are happy she is moving on and you want the best. DO NOT say anything that evokes jealousy if it's not true. Nor should you ever show jealousy towards her. Delay your replies and keep them short.

[jamili]

Definitely testing your frame. You cracked and showed her you still care. Attraction shoots down. She wants a man who can walk away from her and be strong, move on, and not let what's she is or isn't doing affect your frame. Be that guy. She's not trying to get you to fight for her, she's testing to see if you're man enough to walk away. When you started asking about who she is seeing, it makes you look insecure and needy.. it will reinforce her decision to leave you. Have to act happy and moved on.

Edited February 5, 2017 by jamili

[dumbass2]

Listen to what others have posted

[alterest]

She is just testing the field. She is probably seeing someone, but she doesn't want to see you move on from her, maybe for ego, maybe for another reason. The point is: It's make no sense at all and you going to be hurt if you take her bait.

For you: She is still your ex and her life doesn't care for you, or atleast show her it. And don't overthink about it, cause this sip you into a loop of bad emotions.

[Been]

You know why. She is seeking attention from you in anyway. And you took the bait.

[Been]

When you allow someone to come in and out of your life whenever they please you become a doormat. Also you are feeding their ego without knowing it.

I'm all for second chances.But in order to successfully implent that boundaries have got to be set. You have to send the message that this is what I want in a SO other and if you can't respect that I have no time for you. And you have to STICK to that.

[Bromeo]

Jam and I go back and forth on the testing thing.

 

Personally, if someone wants to "test" me, I guarantee you I'll fail spectacularly. Lol

 

I went through this too. I chased for months, went nc. She reached out a month later, same games. Only made it two weeks before I cut her off. Whether my ex was testing me or not, I wasn't about it. I'll take clear communication over games on any day that ends in y.

 

I agree that boundaries must established and stuck to in order to promote healing and self love.

 

In ops case, it sucks, but I concur with everyone here.

[jamili]

Jam and I go back and forth on the testing thing.

 

Personally, if someone wants to "test" me, I guarantee you I'll fail spectacularly. Lol

 

I went through this too. I chased for months, went nc. She reached out a month later, same games. Only made it two weeks before I cut her off. Whether my ex was testing me or not, I wasn't about it. I'll take clear communication over games on any day that ends in y.

 

I agree that boundaries must established and stuck to in order to promote healing and self love.

 

In ops case, it sucks, but I concur with everyone here.

 

In your case Bromeo, I think she was probably consciously playing games. But in OP's case, I think the "games" were subconscious. It's her biological instinct to feel out whether he is a suitable mate or not, by testing his frame and masculinity. The way he responded revealed he was still needing her, broken by her, hurting, and jealous... hence the "test" failed. I doubt the girl was even aware that she was doing it, tbh.

[Chi townD]

This is really simple. She is having guilt. Not because she lost you, because she did something with someone else. I mean, think about it. What girl that you were in a loving and caring relationship with would want to hear about you being cozy, intimate and caring for someone else? NOBODY!!!!

 

So why ask? Because she did something with someone else and she feels guilty about it. So, if she asks you and she discovers that you have been affectionate towards someone else, she doesn't have to feel so guilty about what she did. Dude, she's look for you to ease her guilt. Ignore it and go back to NC. You don't need this.