mikel85 Posted January 30, 2017 Posted January 30, 2017 Hi guys, i need advice...there is all girl that is all over me...shes like too much texting me and saying like lovy dovy stuff and im not into that very early on like that...it kinda turned me off...but i still wanted to see her so i told her the truth about me not being serious cause shes like failling in love with me it seem like.... and the anwsers i got from her is really weird im not sure what she means? i posted the convo under here.... bold is her normal is me... is she trying to make me jealous ? like she is contradicting herself i feel like HELP ME I thought about us a lot yesterday...and i came to the conclusion that i dont think...i want anything serious at the moment...like it has nothing to do with u...its me... Just wanna be honest with u... Yea im chill wit that Cool so i wont bother u anymore Chill with that...what u mean? Wit ur decision I wana have fun in life We can still see each others but like it wont be serious its up to u Wat u mean not serious? As in i can sleep with other guys? Ur not gonna be my gf I wasnt expectin to be ur gf I thoug5hy u were Thought Nooo Just got out of ****ty relationship Then thats what i meant with my message Not lookin for that but im not into open relationship eithet Ok ok then its fine like we can date So yea u do ur stuff & ill do mine I dont get u Well i cant be seein 2-3 guys at sametime Yeah like i thought u werueu more into like being my gf Nope Ive a long list for a guy to become my bf Lolll Ok like i just got that vibe from u...and i dont wanna hurt u....thats why i msg this Cool thx No i dont want u to date multiples guys either and i wont do it either Well wen u say it in beginning that u r not going to be serious & the girl shudnt expect much from u well u clearly given me a sign that i can see othe guys as well I respect ur honesty Tnx Bc usually 1st step is 'seein' & then datin & then becomin gf-bf! But it i know rite now, that it wont go nowhere, well ill look around & see who is going to give me more than that. Its only normal Yeah ur right But for the moment u just got out of a relationship Exact U looking for serious right away...i dont think so No But also i wont just sleep around if i know the guy isn't serious abt me Ok yeah but i wont sleep around either if we are dating now... I could give u like stuff from other girls its stupid I guess we have different definition of dating & being serious Thats dating For u! Not m Me* So tell me what U want ? Lol At the moment, i mite be seeing u but im not dating anyone And what does it mean I want a guy who makes me smile, makes love to me, talk to me, dance wit me!!! So the research is on Hahaha i can do that And be exclusive to me! & someone i can call my man N do trips & activities wit him So ur looking for serious in other words lol That's not serious Serious is wen u wana meet his family & frds & wants the GF tag Ohhh then we on same page thats what i thought I dunno At the moment im lookin for my own happiness & the man who gives me all that will have me Simple Ok thats me After wat u said today, i wont say no if a guy asks me on a date Bc i feel & im single But b4 what i said what was the difference I DK See it doesnr change anything Ok No? Thats why i said u do ur stuff & ill do mine Ok as u want Yup Ciao Thats it lol But i wanna see u next wee Week Hmm depends if im not gona see someone else Who knows? Yeah i know...i hope i get lucky and no one ask u out Hmm i duno I thought u werent into open relationship Isnt that what ur doing? No Im still not into open relationship but at the moment im single & there are no shame to meet new ppl Only then ill know who do i rly like & wana date! Its simple logic Ok but b4 i told u i didnt want serious...u were still gonna do that anyways lol Huh? Cause u said u didnt want serious anyways Well not now, but eventually yes So i wud rather stay single & meet new ppl & start seein him & if it clicks i can date him Thats me? I duno What u described thats what i wanna do... I want a guy who makes me smile, makes love to me, talk to me, dance wit me!!! Bc u already decided that u dont want to be serious If i told u Mike i dont wana be serious abt u, it means ill prolly go n dance wit other guys, ill go for movies, n ill probably text other guys! If thats ok wit u, then its ok wit me Yeah but we could date and be exclusive like not date other people at the moment until u decide ur ready for something serious and will see when we get there... Like u never know Huh Lol u r funny It takes 2 ppl to be ready! Ur not ready Anyways And im not either As i said im single & ill take 1 day at atime Like im not gona do everything wit u & if after 4 months i want serious & u dont! Then ill just end up hurtin myself So we shall see Yeah me too 1 day at a time...but im not saying i dont wanna see u and enjoy being with u... Like we never dated for long...who knows what will happen too...like is my anwser definite probably not... We have never dated ever Mike! We only were seein for like a month in july Well im not gona give a guy decide for my life or my relationship! Sorry We were pretty much dating But u left 3 weeks Hmm im not gonna decide anything for u Well hun 1st of all we need to be on same page which we are not at the moment Its sunday & honestly i dunt wana get into all this weirdness. So have a good sunday Whats same page? Weirdness? Loll Ur confusing me Ok
LostOnes05 Posted January 30, 2017 Posted January 30, 2017 This is why dating is difficult. In fact, this is probably the most absurd and confusing conversation I've ever read. 1)You don't want a serious relationship....she might 2)But you want to be exclusive but "not like date?...that's incredibly confusing 3)She doesn't want an open relationship, but wants to keep the opportunity to see other guys open because you guys probably won't last long If you're dating and exclusive... that's your girlfriend. That's it. No subcategories to/around/through/about it. Keep it simple. 2
surferchic Posted January 30, 2017 Posted January 30, 2017 This is the stuff I hate about dating. People talk sideways and need to protect their hearts... making them sometimes say and do dumb stuff. OP, this sounds like game playing.
dumbass2 Posted January 30, 2017 Posted January 30, 2017 If you don't want anything serious and not a girlfriend, then you can't ask someone to date only you. That is how your conversation with her came off to her and me. That is delusional. I don't think you know what you want. Bottom line here is that she is going to date other people and may date you once in a while if it works for her, but she will not let herself get too invested in you because you are confusing as heck. Probably best to have these types of conversations in person or on the phone and not through text. 2
Author mikel85 Posted January 30, 2017 Author Posted January 30, 2017 yeah like shes the more confusing one... i think seriously what i want is keep her around for S.E.X but now i think i am done cause i was talking with a friend and he made me realize that she is trying to give me a hard time...and is being very childish specially when now she unfriended me on FB and insta.... to like act like she doesnt want me to see what she does to play games !! i dont need that **** in my life !!
preraph Posted January 30, 2017 Posted January 30, 2017 I guess what I find hard to reconcile is the tenor of her texts compared to you saying she was saying all lovey dovey stuff. Because she's not in these texts, but I guess because she was on the defensive. Anyway, I don't see anything wrong with this situation, you or her. If she was jumping way in with the unwarranted lovey dovey mush, I think that's a legit red flag and turnoff because it's too soon. So I think it's just fine you told her that's not what you are doing. And then I think it's fine she is kind of trying to maintain her dignity with this round of texting, too, because she probably does feel a little rejected, and probably trying to cover that up. Probably this is not going to go forward, though, because if she started out lovey dovey, she is really hoping for that in her heart.
Miss Spider Posted January 30, 2017 Posted January 30, 2017 (edited) Jesus ***** that text exchanged hurt my head.. I must be getting old. None of it makes sense because both of you are just using words (kind of) but aren't saying what you mean. You told her u didn't want a relationship and "ur not gonna be my gf" then you said something like "let's just date exclusively until ur ready for a relationship". C'mon. You're trying to shift it onto her there. You guys are not on the same page. You want to keep seeing her, but she wants to be your gf. If you have no intention of being her bf leave her alone now and let her find what she wants. Edited January 30, 2017 by Cookiesandough 6
OnlyHonesty Posted January 30, 2017 Posted January 30, 2017 All of that text made perfect sense to me. The guy wants to have his cake and eat it, so each time the girl pulls away, he attempts to downplay his position and qualify himself to her to pull her closer. The girl has clearly shown signs that she wants something serious but when noticing the guy is stating the opposite, she tries to save face by pulling away, passive aggressively shuts down a bit, he qualifies in response due to ego and wanting to have his cake and eat it (attempt to pull her back in). Neither are being honest, both are trying to protect themselves, both are trying to be cool, both are operating from the ego, but both are completing the push from each others pull. I will call it the push and pull of dishonesty. Good luck with that... 6
Author mikel85 Posted January 30, 2017 Author Posted January 30, 2017 yeah ur absolutely right cause she like downplaying the fact that ohhh i never said i wanted something serious its a big time lie... she was ready to take a taxi 3days ago to see me cause my car had an issue and she already talking about valentine days and future plans... like shes such a liar she wants to make me jealous and act like its all cool... also the insta and fb thats like for me the dealbreaker...shes full of DRAMA i feel like !! now i wont text her and she will crawl running after me !! for sure ! cause she loves me... the story is that i saw her in july 1 month 4dates she came back like 2 weeks ago and ever since shes almost telling me she loves me !! and like i saw her 2 days ago no sex....i had did her b4.... like if ur not gonna give me sex act like this has no car...ill go get a better FWB !! what u guys THINK?
Jj66 Posted January 30, 2017 Posted January 30, 2017 yeah ur absolutely right cause she like downplaying the fact that ohhh i never said i wanted something serious its a big time lie... she was ready to take a taxi 3days ago to see me cause my car had an issue and she already talking about valentine days and future plans... like shes such a liar she wants to make me jealous and act like its all cool... also the insta and fb thats like for me the dealbreaker...shes full of DRAMA i feel like !! now i wont text her and she will crawl running after me !! for sure ! cause she loves me... the story is that i saw her in july 1 month 4dates she came back like 2 weeks ago and ever since shes almost telling me she loves me !! and like i saw her 2 days ago no sex....i had did her b4.... like if ur not gonna give me sex act like this has no car...ill go get a better FWB !! what u guys THINK? Telling you what I really think would both offend you and violate the terms of service. Peace out. 13
Miss Spider Posted January 30, 2017 Posted January 30, 2017 (edited) All of that text made perfect sense to me. The guy wants to have his cake and eat it, so each time the girl pulls away, he attempts to downplay his position and qualify himself to her to pull her closer. The girl has clearly shown signs that she wants something serious but when noticing the guy is stating the opposite, she tries to save face by pulling away, passive aggressively shuts down a bit, he qualifies in response due to ego and wanting to have his cake and eat it (attempt to pull her back in). Neither are being honest, both are trying to protect themselves, both are trying to be cool, both are operating from the ego, but both are completing the push from each others pull. I will call it the push and pull of dishonesty. Good luck with that... I agree. If you were to take this text at face-value it doesn't make much sense and there's a ton of doublespeak/contradiction, but it's pretty clear why. The girl is hurt, especially at first, and trying to save face/play it cool, but she's all over the place, naturally. Then he keeps trying to pull her in back in to what he wants, while throwing her the bone of 'exclusivity' (he doesn't want anything serious with her, but for now she's better than nothing and he wants her all to himself, so this an easy compromise to make) Then by the end, she's sort of getting herself together and I think she started to make more sense/be more honest than him. She basically said that she doesn't see how it's fair that she wait around for him, get more attached, in the slight chance he'll change his mind down the road. She doesn't want to get hurt or let a guy "decide for my life or relationship" = give him all the power. I think she was pretty candid there. I wonder if she'll stick to it, though. I hope. Edited January 30, 2017 by Cookiesandough 1
LostOnes05 Posted January 30, 2017 Posted January 30, 2017 Well if she is blocking you after being lovey dovey, you can bet your bottom dollar that you guys are done. I see now that you just wanted a FWB situation. Unfortunately, those usually end with the same kind of confusion when feelings get involved (observational experience). Now, if you guys had a clear conversation it would have made a world of difference. You: Hey, I don't want to hurt you at all. I wanted to get on the same page so that we both understand what's going on between us. Her: OK. You: I'm just looking for an exclusive FWB right now, as I don't want to have a full-fledged relationship right now. Her: Well, that's not what I want. I don't want to develop feelings and then have the rug pulled from under me. I want to date someone exclusively with the idea of working toward a long term relationship. You: OK, I respect that. I can't commit to that right now. I'm sorry if there was any confusion on my part. I really appreciated getting to know you and hanging out. 2
winny Posted January 30, 2017 Posted January 30, 2017 You are just agitated coz this gal isn't giving you what you want on your terms. And that is - No strings attached exclusive sex for an infinite period of time. I actually kinda like her responses. LOL She should definitely date other guys and find someone with whom she sees relationship potential. She definitely wants that eventually. You have been dumped. Move on. 2
Author mikel85 Posted January 30, 2017 Author Posted January 30, 2017 (edited) I have not been dumped...trust me if i talk to her i can get her back!!! I got her number Like her bahavior as been unacceptable alos her attitude and drama im done with it....its lot of fights like that and we started seeing each others...makes no sense [] Edited January 30, 2017 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Language ~6
Bunnymblume Posted January 31, 2017 Posted January 31, 2017 Once you get physically intimate, the relationship is no longer casual. You're only kidding yourself. The purpose of DATING is to get to know someone to see if you want to get more involved. The reason why you're BOTH so confused is because you think that sex without strings is part of a healthy relationship. Hope that you can find someone lovely that you would like to be in a serious relationship with some day. Until then, become the kind of man who a lovely woman would be attracted to!!
Fhsjkfjrhsdh3646 Posted January 31, 2017 Posted January 31, 2017 (edited) OP you basically rejected her and then can't figure out why she's leaving you in the dust... Like what? You can't tell her you don't want something serious then expect her to date only you. You opened a can of drama by calling her out on being lovey dovey. Yes she dumped you OP. That texting was really hard to read also. Ugh. Edited January 31, 2017 by barcode88 3
GemmaUK Posted January 31, 2017 Posted January 31, 2017 Yeah, you can likely get her back 'into another text conversation' probably because she'll wonder what the hell you'll say this time. You have zero respect for her and from her messages it sounds like she knows that already. Move on and stop bothering her.
Author mikel85 Posted February 1, 2017 Author Posted February 1, 2017 You guys are all dissing me when its all her fault it went that way after i sent the first message !! the thing is that she said im okay with that...like being open relationship...she lied...and then she lied again about like i never wanted serious !! she was talking to me about valentines day already after 1 date!! like i would have kept her if she wasnt so crazy texting me 100times a day...and the convos were always the same thing....cant wait to hug or kiss you...cant wait to see you...we should go dance...go to a chalet !! like i had to give too much of my time...to this drama queen chick that was insanely crazy.... i feel like this was poppy love for her... i told her that she was all over me...and to cold down a bit... like 1week ago and she got super pissed.....drama drama drama !!
smackie9 Posted February 1, 2017 Posted February 1, 2017 She wants someone to take her seriously and value her with the promise of a serious relationship down the road and she thought she had that with you UNTIL>>>>. You got overwhelmed with her moving on you too quickly so you say the wrong thing.... pretty much having no real interest in being serious with her, just OK with hanging out BUT you put in these rules she can't date others. She is saying no relationship, you don't get your rules. She is right...if you have no interest in committing, she has every right to date other until otherwise. So suck it up! You can't have your cake and eat it too. 2
lionlover1973 Posted February 1, 2017 Posted February 1, 2017 If you don't want a relationship with her, now - or someday - what is the point in being exclusive? I understand the STD factor, but, surely that's not a good enough reason for two people to be 'exclusive' with one another. Nor, is it romantic: Guy: "Hey, let's be exclusive so we don't catch an STD". Girl: "Cool". I'm sure that is every girl's dream. 1
Author mikel85 Posted February 1, 2017 Author Posted February 1, 2017 Even if she dates other guys and i agree with it...it was still over....she wanted super serious...and act like its all cool...im telling u get 50texts per day from her gets a toll on u until i was like lets end this ****....very childish too...marurity level is around 18yrs old im not joking
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