Volarycarter Posted January 29, 2017 Posted January 29, 2017 Hi guys, newbie here so apologies if I've done anything wrong.. So me & my ex girlfriend were together for about 16months, split up 7 weeks ago, mainly due to me & her mum not getting on, but also I was working 24/7 so didn't get much time with her & I wasn't welcome round their family home etc & she ended it(maybe slightly influenced by her mum). ANYWAY.. the point in this thread, I tried to fight to get her back with no luck, I went out with an old friend (female) a few weeks after the break up just for a catch up.. ex girlfriend went crazy, do I sense some jealousy..? So we didn't speak for a couple of weeks, then settled things and now we are seeing each other a few times a week (for sex).. she doesn't want anyone to know, we've spent nights in hotels because "nobody can find out" (mainly her mum I guess).. She's going travelling for 7weeks in a couple of months time, I'm not over her, still love her etc.. but she doesn't say much on her feelings as she likes to keep them all locked up (always has done) My point being.. what should I do..? Is it a good idea..? Is she over me..? Is the sex helping her get over me..? It makes me feel closer and stronger with her..? My head is clearly all over the place..
Marc878 Posted January 29, 2017 Posted January 29, 2017 If you just want done one for sex once in awhile it's ok. If you want a relationship she's either all in or you move on. IMO she wanted to see me but keep it secret I'd go no contact and move on.
dumbass2 Posted January 29, 2017 Posted January 29, 2017 "It makes me feel closer and stronger with her.." Family is a big deal in a relationship. If her mom doesn't want her with you and she is hiding it from her, then no it will never work relatioship wise. Never. You are not emotionally able to be a FWB, so that's out. Best to tell her you can't do this any more and if she's not willing to be in a relationship and not keep it secret from her family, then nothing else will work for you.
Jj66 Posted January 29, 2017 Posted January 29, 2017 All the hassles of an affair and you're only seeing one person. Doesn't seem too fulfilling to me.
Author Volarycarter Posted January 30, 2017 Author Posted January 30, 2017 Thanks guys.. she has said that because she's going travelling it's not fair on both of us to get back together, she did say that if she wasn't going away then she could see us back together.. but she has also said let's see what happens when she's back.. (See why my heads a mess) Her going away will either make her miss me or get over it all completely, I just think whilst she's still sleeping with me I'm still on her mind.. then when she goes away it will be like no contact..
Miss Clavel Posted January 30, 2017 Posted January 30, 2017 ask her for what you want. or, go round and see her mother, without spilling the beans and ask her what you need to know. and yes, absence makes the heart grow fonder. the way to find out if she will miss you is to be away from her. good luck
BluesPower Posted January 30, 2017 Posted January 30, 2017 Here is the thing... Don't chase, ever. If she wants to be with you she will find you and chase you. So let her decide. I would go out with whoever I wanted to go out with. If she wants a relationship she will find you and let you know...
Author Volarycarter Posted January 31, 2017 Author Posted January 31, 2017 Trouble is, I feel she is chasing me.. if I don't speak to her for a couple of days she starts messaging me and calling me for a chat etc.. which tells me she still wants to be with me.. I think it may just be bad timing right now, maybe it's a good idea to let the dust settle with her mum & let her go away and work out what she really wants..
PegNosePete Posted January 31, 2017 Posted January 31, 2017 she has said that because she's going travelling it's not fair on both of us to get back together Hum, really? Plenty of people in relationships go travelling and it is perfectly "fair" to both parties. What she means is that she's going travelling and wants to act like a single person which probably means spending time with other guys. Trouble is, I feel she is chasing me She is keeping you on the back burner in case she doesn't find a better option. work out what she really wants.. She knows exactly what she wants. She wants to look around for better options and go travelling as a single person and enjoy spending time with other guys, but she wants you to be waiting at home with a bunch of flowers and home cooked meal ready for when she gets back, just in case she doesn't find better. Dude. Don't be the backup guy.
NTV Posted January 31, 2017 Posted January 31, 2017 She's downgraded herself from girlfriend to booty call for you. It's like asking for a demotion lol. And if that's what she wants to be treat her like that. Or if you don't want a booty call drop her and find someone else. Either way don't waste a lot of investment in this woman. 2
elaine567 Posted January 31, 2017 Posted January 31, 2017 She's downgraded herself from girlfriend to booty call for you. It's like asking for a demotion lol. And if that's what she wants to be treat her like that. . NO. She has demoted him from boyfriend to fwb. He is the one with the feelings here, she is the one who is using him for sex at a hotel, until she flies away on her trip. She likes to keep him around, but on her terms only. As Pegnose Pete put it so well. She knows exactly what she wants. She wants to look around for better options and go travelling as a single person and enjoy spending time with other guys, but she wants you to be waiting at home with a bunch of flowers and home cooked meal ready for when she gets back, just in case she doesn't find better. He is just her safety net. As soon as she finds someone better, he is gone. Few really want to go against their family's wishes and as this is no great love story, she will never ditch her family for the OP. He is on a hiding to nothing here. 1
myra_abad Posted January 31, 2017 Posted January 31, 2017 Hi, I’m so sorry that you are going through this situation. Have you tried to talk to your girlfriend about how you feel and let her know that you really love her? Communication will be a big help in your relationship. I think it’s also great if you both will agree to let her family be aware of your relationship. Maybe the reason that your girlfriend doesn’t talk much about her feelings is that she is not showy of how she feels but the truth may be is she loves you also just like you do but still having sex outside marriage is not healthy for either of you. Here is an article that might help you. Why Wait for Sex? | Focus on the Family I hope things will get better. Thank you for sharing.
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