Why can't i get a girlfriend?

February 20, 2017

I would but to be honest i am to scared of rejection, and that wholes process just makes me feel like i am a piece of S**t and not worthy of anyone's love whatsoever

These aren't women who are likely to reject you though, these are the ones giving you the green light. They're basically inviting you to ask them out, why would they reject you? I understand if you've had bad experiences with other women or other underlying issues, but at some point you need to take a step outside your own head and deploy common sense. If they're indicating interest in you, they probably want you to reciprocate it. The only roadblock to getting what you want exists purely in your own head. Fortune favors the bold -- step outside your comfort zone and go after the things you want.

Personally i think the main problem is that i do not have money, and that's all women round here seem to be concerned about. You could be the nicest best looking person in the entire world but unless you have a large wallet, a career, nice car and everything else by the age of 21 you might as well be invisible

Shouldn't that make you feel good? Better men be respected by women for their successes and achievements rather than how good looking they are, don't you think? Success is largely within your control. Being the best looking person in the entire world most certainly is not. So, the good news is that it's never too late to do what's necessary to start on a path towards success. I'm not saying it's easy, as most things worth doing aren't, but being able to provide is something that can be done by anyone with the will and determination.

February 21, 2017

Personally i think the main problem is that i do not have money, and that's all women round here seem to be concerned about. You could be the nicest best looking person in the entire world but unless you have a large wallet, a career, nice car and everything else by the age of 21 you might as well be invisible

You know that's nonsense?

I would but to be honest i am to scared of rejection, and that wholes process just makes me feel like i am a piece of S**t and not worthy of anyone's love whatsoever

That right there is you're problem.

Social anxiety and fear of rejection mixed with a spoonful of self loathing will poison the well every time.

February 21, 2017

I think the only thing for you to do is chill. There is no rush for having a GF or Wife. Might as well do things that you won't have time to do in the near future.

I have a friend that is on yr 4 with his GF. He went to calling the shots on his life, to not being able to have anytime to himself. He has 3 dogs/2 stepkids. 2 bio kids with her now. He has a GF. I would never trade places with him.

Sometimes we have to just be happy with what we got.

For me. I think I could only handle a GF that is single or one kid. Thats it.

February 21, 2017

I would but to be honest i am to scared of rejection, and that wholes process just makes me feel like i am a piece of S**t and not worthy of anyone's love whatsoever

Okay, so the issue isn't that anyone has rejected you, the issue is that you won't even try to ask anyone out of fear of rejection.

Edited February 21, 2017 by angel.eyes

February 21, 2017

Yes your right that i need to feel good about myself first, But i am extremely lonely and i have forgot what it feels like to feel affection and to feel wanted and important to someone. It really is eating me up to the point that i am becoming very bitter.
As i mentioned i have no family or anything and no real friends,and when it comes to the point that you are of absolutely no importance to anyone it is crushing it really is, it makes me want to die

I can relate heavily to this.

The issue I guess is realistically some of us are simply misfits in the grand scheme of things, either embrace or try get rid of the stigma. I chose the former, why must I change who I am in the hope someone will like me more. If you are caring good person then why change?

The only small consolation I can give you is that there are always good things about, small things which can keep one going, yes its incredibly tough to be alone, I know the feeling well and its equally tough seeing life pass you by.

February 21, 2017

I don't that some of us are misfits. Its elusive. For example. I have two friends that are friends with me, but not each other. Most of the women that embrace me in their lives are mostly attached. The ones that are single come off as way more aloof.

My Mother and Grandmother were both cheated on by their husband and stayed together with them. There was no Divorce or real separation. Yet all my Mom's siblings are Divorced. I love my Dad but towards my Mother. I don't see that he has any charm towards her. Its like they are Roomates that sleep in the same bed. They never do anything fun together. Just Family obligations and thats it. I have more deep conversation with them, than they do with each other.

For some reason. 90% of life us Dynamic and fluid. 10% is cut and dry. Good luck meeting a woman that it just all works out with, and not have major bumps.

February 23, 2017

Yes your right that i need to feel good about myself first, But i am extremely lonely and i have forgot what it feels like to feel affection and to feel wanted and important to someone. It really is eating me up to the point that i am becoming very bitter.
As i mentioned i have no family or anything and no real friends,and when it comes to the point that you are of absolutely no importance to anyone it is crushing it really is, it makes me want to die

I think you're focusing too heavily on the negative; unhealthy and obviously it's making you more miserable than you should be.

You have hobbies that you enjoy and friends you connect with, enjoy it!

Maybe branch out and try something new to change your perspective a bit.

You realize that while there are lots of great things a relationship brings into your life, there are also many complications and issues that come along for the ride, right?

Since you're driving yourself crazy trying to determine why you aren't with someone, you're overlooking the simplest explanation: You have not met a suitable partner, yet.

Would you rather have a crappy relationship with someone you're with so you don't have to be alone or have a solid relationship with someone you care for who cares for you, too?

February 23, 2017

John, that is utter nonsense about women not dating anyone without money by the time they're 21. I never once had a date with anyone who had any money or even a full-time job until I was well into my 20s. Students are poor. Young people are poor in general. Money was never my motivation for dating anyone. It's nice if they are at least as solvent as I am, but it was never a requirement. As long as they didn't leech off me, I was fine.

You are just making up excuses for why it would never work to justify the fact that you have problems you won't deal with to be able to function normally and be social.

February 23, 2017

John, that is utter nonsense about women not dating anyone without money by the time they're 21. I never once had a date with anyone who had any money or even a full-time job until I was well into my 20s. Students are poor. Young people are poor in general. Money was never my motivation for dating anyone. It's nice if they are at least as solvent as I am, but it was never a requirement. As long as they didn't leech off me, I was fine.

You are just making up excuses for why it would never work to justify the fact that you have problems you won't deal with to be able to function normally and be social.

I totally agree with John. Never underestimate a sizeable number of young ladies who are drawn to success and money. They will dates years older to accomplish that.

February 23, 2017

I totally agree with John. Never underestimate a sizeable number of young ladies who are drawn to success and money. They will dates years older to accomplish that.

But those aren't "young ladies." Those are wannabe prostitutes. Yes, who isn't drawn to success and money? But in reality, no one is even AROUND that when they are young unless their parents are rich.

This is truly not an issue unless you are trying to date a prostitute or someone who herself has been successful and wants to date someone who is her match, which you can't blame her for -- but that does NOT happen at 21!

February 23, 2017

I totally agree with John. Never underestimate a sizeable number of young ladies who are drawn to success and money. They will dates years older to accomplish that.

What does it matter what a sizeable number of young ladies want? No one, except for perhaps the anointed few, are wanted by everyone or even most people. The majority of women don't like me either, but rather than worrying about it or whining about it or blaming society for it or my looks for it, or whatever, I just looked for the ones that did.

February 24, 2017

I would but to be honest i am to scared of rejection, and that wholes process just makes me feel like i am a piece of S**t and not worthy of anyone's love whatsoever

Boo-hoo.

It sounds counterintuitive, but go get yourself rejected. A lot. Experience it. Live it. Wear it out, and learn from it. Get good at it.

Your problem is that you avoid that. You don't take chances, you don't put yourself out there, for fear of the consequences. I know all about that. I know all about how to lose that. Trust me, this is exactly what you need to do. Do it while you're young, because the longer you're afraid of it, the worse it will get.

I can't tell you how many girls have shut me down. A lot. At some point, it lost its potency. Then things got real easy, and my biggest problem was choosing. You can't escape problems, you can only decide what kind you're going to have.

Look around. There are plenty of ugly guys with girls. Nerdy guys. Fat guys. Awkward guys. Shy guys. Guys who can't dance, or throw a ball or whatever. It has very little to do with who you are on the outside. You keep and lose women by who you are on the inside, but there's only one way to get close enough. You have to learn how to lose before you can learn how to win, so get to it.

It's really not all that bad if you embrace it. Grow a cantaloupe skin. When you get that, you'll have some swagger.

Edited February 24, 2017 by mightycpa

February 24, 2017

What does it matter what a sizeable number of young ladies want? No one, except for perhaps the anointed few, are wanted by everyone or even most people. The majority of women don't like me either, but rather than worrying about it or whining about it or blaming society for it or my looks for it, or whatever, I just looked for the ones that did.

Glad you liked the ones that liked you.

February 24, 2017

But those aren't "young ladies." Those are wannabe prostitutes. Yes, who isn't drawn to success and money? But in reality, no one is even AROUND that when they are young unless their parents are rich.
This is truly not an issue unless you are trying to date a prostitute or someone who herself has been successful and wants to date someone who is her match, which you can't blame her for -- but that does NOT happen at 21!

Its hard to debate this without bringing age into it. Unfortunately I maintain that put two guys next to each other and the one will resources will ALWAYS be picked over the one with less resources. Its a simply reality and an over simplification.

In the world of social media one doesn't need to by physically around success to want it.

February 24, 2017

Its hard to debate this without bringing age into it. Unfortunately I maintain that put two guys next to each other and the one will resources will ALWAYS be picked over the one with less resources. Its a simply reality and an over simplification.

More nonsense.

I've been with plenty of women, that chose me over other men with greater resources, height and educational qualifications.

I've also never lacked for attractive, educated and accomplished female suitors, despite not having much in the way of resources.

February 24, 2017

More nonsense.

I've been with plenty of women, that chose me over other men with greater resources, height and educational qualifications.

I've also never lacked for attractive, educated and accomplished female suitors, despite not having much in the way of resources.

Everything is subjective. if the OP believes what he believes and has seen its first hand, like I have you really cant say it is nonsense.

I am glad you have enjoyed almost universal success.

February 24, 2017

Unfortunately I maintain that put two guys next to each other and the one will resources will ALWAYS be picked over the one with less resources. Its a simply reality and an over simplification.

No, that is not true.

It all depends on the woman and what SHE is looking for.

Yes, some women will choose basically on wallet size, but others will choose on looks, others on humour, others on intelligence, others on personality, others on sex appeal etc. etc.

Most need a collection of good qualities that mark a guy out as special FOR HER. I emphasis FOR HER as the next woman may not find him attractive at all.

You* may tick the rich box, the good looking box, even the personality box too, but if she is not attracted to you and you do not click with her, then she will pass.

There is no formula that guarantees success.

* (gen.) you

February 24, 2017

No, that is not true.
It all depends on the woman and what SHE is looking for.
Yes, some women will choose basically on wallet size, but others will choose on looks, others on humour, others on intelligence, others on personality, others on sex appeal etc. etc.
Most need a collection of good qualities that mark a guy out as special FOR HER. I emphasis FOR HER as the next woman may not find him attractive at all.

You* may tick the rich box, the good looking box, even the personality box too, but if she is not attracted to you and you do not click with her, then she will pass.

There is no formula that guarantees success.

* (gen.) you

I'll agree with most of this, however...

It also Depends on the woman as well.....

IME, Smart and good looking women with good bodies, generally don't settle for low achievers...IN fact, some will actually trade looks(in the guy) for success..

TFY

February 24, 2017

I'll agree with most of this, however...

It also Depends on the woman as well.....

IME, Smart and good looking women with good bodies, generally don't settle for low achievers...IN fact, some will actually trade looks(in the guy) for success..

TFY

It is not just looks and bodies, is it class, education and potential too. A woman with those advantages, if she is sensible, is not usually going to look at a low achiever or someone with little potential for a long term relationship, as he will drag her down.

People tend to match up as they find they are most comfortable with people who are like themselves.

Similar class, similar background, similar friends, similar education, similar outlook on life, similar goals...

Of course you get exceptions, but in general it works best if there are similarities. Less hurdles to leap over.

February 24, 2017

No, that is not true.
It all depends on the woman and what SHE is looking for.
Yes, some women will choose basically on wallet size, but others will choose on looks, others on humour, others on intelligence, others on personality, others on sex appeal etc. etc.
Most need a collection of good qualities that mark a guy out as special FOR HER. I emphasis FOR HER as the next woman may not find him attractive at all.

You* may tick the rich box, the good looking box, even the personality box too, but if she is not attracted to you and you do not click with her, then she will pass.

There is no formula that guarantees success.

* (gen.) you

Point taken. But there are ways to stack the odds more firmly in your favour and most of those are highly superficial in nature.

February 24, 2017

It is not just looks and bodies, is it class, education and potential too. A woman with those advantages, if she is sensible, is not usually going to look at a low achiever or someone with little potential for a long term relationship, as he will drag her down.

People tend to match up as they find they are most comfortable with people who are like themselves.
Similar class, similar background, similar friends, similar education, similar outlook on life, similar goals...

Of course you get exceptions, but in general it works best if there are similarities. Less hurdles to leap over.

The bold is worth a new thread on its own. So basically you are telling the OP to find someone like him? What happens if as is human nature he doesn't want someone like him?

I was chatting to K the other day "its best if people have common interests", that I agree with as it gives something to do together but people like themselves seems a far stretch to me.

If you are indeed right that could be the sole reason why many people are never able to find dates.

February 24, 2017

Point taken. But there are ways to stack the odds more firmly in your favour and most of those are highly superficial in nature.

The superficial things, are designed to attract a mate on a first impression.

They are your advert to the world, and show if you are worth getting to know or not.

First impressions go a long way. We then all construct our own narrative about what that person is like. We may be totally wrong, but we usually need a bit of time to change our minds. Something that in dating situation is not usually available.

February 24, 2017

The superficial things, are designed to attract a mate on a first impression.
They are your advert to the world, and show if you are worth getting to know or not.
First impressions go a long way. We then all construct our own narrative about what that person is like. We may be totally wrong, but we usually need a bit of time to change our minds. Something that in dating situation is not usually available.

Which is exactly my point. "I cant find a girlfriend" without being nasty and I would be being to myself, is it possible that people who cant aren't superficially nice enough?

Is this the fundamental problem perpetually unsuccessful people have and why those with much don't battle as much.

February 24, 2017

If you are indeed right that could be the sole reason why many people are never able to find dates.

Yes, because they want someone who isn't attracted to them, often on a very basic level. They search and search but the incompatibilities are just too great and may be glaringly obvious to all but themselves.

OLD gives everyone the impression that anyone is available to them, that all they need go do is pick. They get frustrated when the object of their desire does not pick them back, but IRL they would not even have considered that person as being an option for them, as they would known their place in the pecking order.

February 24, 2017

Which is exactly my point. "I cant find a girlfriend" without being nasty and I would be being to myself, is it possible that people who cant aren't superficially nice enough?

Is this the fundamental problem perpetually unsuccessful people have and why those with much don't battle as much.

The problem John has here is that by his own admission, superficially he looks like a thug.

His advert to the world says, "Here am I, a thug, you get to know me at your own peril."

WE know he is really a nice guy, but someone would really need to get very close to him to find that out, but his appearance scares them off.

Unless he gets known as that really nice bloke with the scary looks, ie by volunteering or joining groups or making loads of friends, then he will always scare people away.

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