soulforge Posted January 29, 2017 Posted January 29, 2017 (edited) Hi guys i recently got back with my ex.. she called me after 2 weeks NC we talked, and now seeing each other long distance again.. We actually lived together, but over a stupid argument, she packed her things and left back to her home town.. Here is the thing, it took us nearly 18months of seeing each other long distance, before we lived together.. and now we are back to square one again!! Deep inside i know this relationship will not work.. she is building her life separately from me.. we will never marry, and will probably never live together again. Unless.. I leave everything and move to be with her.. but this is someone who could end it with again, and i would lose everything. She has a her good points, but there are many bad points.. she has stopped telling me she loves me, since we broke up.. She has a past record of being rude and disrespectful sometimes.. and i have gotten angry, and shouted at her on a couple of occasions!! I'm at the stage where I don't feel like i have a future with her, and i should end it.. But i fear being alone.. and not finding anyone i will love again.. Would you keep fighting in this situation and hope for the best.. and work on the relationship? Or would you walk away from a relationship like this one??? Edited January 29, 2017 by soulforge
losangelena Posted January 29, 2017 Posted January 29, 2017 I would rather be by myself than in a bad situation. Don't catastrophize and assume you'll never meet anyone else. That rarely happens, and even if it does, being alone is indeed better than being in a doomed relationship, because that will tear down your self esteem and make resentment grow. You both deserve more than that. 1
Author soulforge Posted January 29, 2017 Author Posted January 29, 2017 I am now 42 years old... time is ticking and i feel like i am wasting my life away with her.. I have already put my life on hold for her, so we could live together.. and now we are back to long distance again, and she is more concerned with her career and promotion.. Gut instinct tells me, at some point she will dump me.. Here is the thing.. I Love Her.. but cannot see anyway to be with her.. and i do not feel safe in this relationship with her.. She has proven so far, that she can and will walk away at anytime. Will i end up living with regret??? If i end it.
preraph Posted January 29, 2017 Posted January 29, 2017 I would much rather be by myself than in a bad relationship or even a boring one. But I do know people who seem never to be satisfied without a partner, no matter how bad they are.
TheWoman Posted January 29, 2017 Posted January 29, 2017 I just had a look at your past posts. This has been going on for four years and you have broken on five other occasions. It should not be that hard. This is not healthy. You will move on and find someone else. You are at a great age to do so. But you have to give yourself a chance. Please focus on loving yourself a bit more, set some goals and set about achieving them. Go no contact and be strict about it.
Author soulforge Posted January 29, 2017 Author Posted January 29, 2017 I just had a look at your past posts. This has been going on for four years and you have broken on five other occasions. It should not be that hard. This is not healthy. You will move on and find someone else. You are at a great age to do so. But you have to give yourself a chance. Please focus on loving yourself a bit more, set some goals and set about achieving them. Go no contact and be strict about it. No this lady is someone who i have been seeing for 18 months or so... only the posts in the last 2 years are related to this woman
Author soulforge Posted January 29, 2017 Author Posted January 29, 2017 But i agree, the relationship has been somewhat rocky.. and now everything seems so much worse.. The worst part is.. i cannot carry on doing long distance all over again.. and leaving everything to be with her, seems so risky She hasn't exactly been a rock by my side lol
Sweetfish Posted January 29, 2017 Posted January 29, 2017 I am now 42 years old... time is ticking and i feel like i am wasting my life away with her.. I have already put my life on hold for her, so we could live together.. and now we are back to long distance again, and she is more concerned with her career and promotion.. Gut instinct tells me, at some point she will dump me.. Here is the thing.. I Love Her.. but cannot see anyway to be with her.. and i do not feel safe in this relationship with her.. She has proven so far, that she can and will walk away at anytime. Will i end up living with regret??? If i end it. Hmmm almost 2 years wasting your life away.... I have a question... what did the LDR consist of? What is the dynamics of your relationship
umirano Posted January 29, 2017 Posted January 29, 2017 Do You Choose Lonliness Over A Bad Relationship?? Yes any day. Besides, technically I it's not loneliness that I'm choosing. I have friends and family. They're always there.
Blanco Posted January 29, 2017 Posted January 29, 2017 I've learned that it's possible to regularly feel lonely while IN a bad relationship. 4
Author soulforge Posted January 29, 2017 Author Posted January 29, 2017 I've learned that it's possible to regularly feel lonely while IN a bad relationship. The reason i feel lonely and stay stuck in a not so great relationship is because.. My mum and dad both passed away, when i was child.. my brother and sister both do not speak to me.. I have one sister who i speak to, but she rarely ever visits me.. i don't have any uncles, aunts etc.. I do not have any immediate family around me at all.. i have a couple of friends, not anyone very close to me.. I become somewhat co-dependent in a relationship.. How do i deal with being in a situation like man.. and how do i deal with leaving her.. then being completely alone????
Jj66 Posted January 29, 2017 Posted January 29, 2017 Being alone and is not the same as loneliness. Feeling like you are all alone while in a relationship is true loneliness. It's one of the reasons I don't do long distance relationships anymore (one was enough).
Author soulforge Posted January 30, 2017 Author Posted January 30, 2017 Being alone and is not the same as loneliness. Feeling like you are all alone while in a relationship is true loneliness. It's one of the reasons I don't do long distance relationships anymore (one was enough). What would you consider as a long distance relationship?? She is 50mins drive away?? And maximum we can see each other... is twice a week??? Would you guys consider this long distance...
surferchic Posted January 30, 2017 Posted January 30, 2017 What would you consider as a long distance relationship?? She is 50mins drive away?? And maximum we can see each other... is twice a week??? Would you guys consider this long distance... Op ....50 mins ? That's hardly long distance. I understand how you feel though. I lefty my ex-fiance about 2 years ago. Hurt like hell but I had to leave him in order to keep my sanity. You will leave or stay when you are truly ready...
Jj66 Posted January 30, 2017 Posted January 30, 2017 What would you consider as a long distance relationship?? She is 50mins drive away?? And maximum we can see each other... is twice a week??? Would you guys consider this long distance... No, I do not consider 50 minutes long distance. It'd be ideal to be closer but a relationship can progress pretty far before twice a week becomes too little, in my opinion. When you are ready to take it to the next level you could possiblly move in together half way between your jobs. My personal definition of long distance: too far to go to her place after work, spend some time with her, get a decent night's sleep, and drive to work the next day. In my book 1 hour isn't long distance but 5 hours definitely is.
Recommended Posts