Thunderbears Posted January 29, 2017 Posted January 29, 2017 I would like some opinions on this matter. I would just like to make sure I am being rational In our late twenties and dating/living together for several years. My boyfriend is a kind and caring man however he still LIVES to drink and party on weekends with his friends. I am always invited which isn't a problem however I am usually not up for three day cottage weekend benders every weekend anymore as most of his friends are about an hour away, so he goes without me, usually every weekend. I usually work until very late Friday so what extra bothers me is that he will not wait to leave with me early the next morning, I always end up having to meet him there if I want to go at all. We have talked about it and he is still very much into hanging out with these people and doesn't understand how I'm upset about him going when I'm invited everytime. Now I love about 2-3 of his friends however the other majority are heavy drinkers, cocaine users and make questionable decisions. They brag about drinking and driving One has even almost killed two of the friends from rolling his car while drinking. Just in general not a big fan. My bf has never done drugs or drink and drive I should add as a side note. I have been getting very bitter about this lately as talkingdoes notseem to work and friends tell me he needs to get it out of his system. I am over the party lifestyle and okay with staying in or going to the museum or a sports game and drinking etc, not getting drunk off my head every weekend with a large crowd of people. What should I do?
Redhead14 Posted January 29, 2017 Posted January 29, 2017 I would like some opinions on this matter. I would just like to make sure I am being rational In our late twenties and dating/living together for several years. My boyfriend is a kind and caring man however he still LIVES to drink and party on weekends with his friends. I am always invited which isn't a problem however I am usually not up for three day cottage weekend benders every weekend anymore as most of his friends are about an hour away, so he goes without me, usually every weekend. I usually work until very late Friday so what extra bothers me is that he will not wait to leave with me early the next morning, I always end up having to meet him there if I want to go at all. We have talked about it and he is still very much into hanging out with these people and doesn't understand how I'm upset about him going when I'm invited everytime. Now I love about 2-3 of his friends however the other majority are heavy drinkers, cocaine users and make questionable decisions. They brag about drinking and driving One has even almost killed two of the friends from rolling his car while drinking. Just in general not a big fan. My bf has never done drugs or drink and drive I should add as a side note. I have been getting very bitter about this lately as talkingdoes notseem to work and friends tell me he needs to get it out of his system. I am over the party lifestyle and okay with staying in or going to the museum or a sports game and drinking etc, not getting drunk off my head every weekend with a large crowd of people. What should I do? Tell him that you are over the party scene and that this lifestyle doesn't work for you. And, if he is not ready to "grow up", you end the relationship. When you express a need or a concern, you do it in a non-confrontational/not controlling way and then sit back to observe whether the partner wants to and at least begins making the attempt to accommodate/address your needs/concerns. You don't rehash and rehash. You've been with this guy for several years . . . he's not growing up. You should not be in a parent/child relationship. You should send him home to his parents so they can finish the job they started. 1
Author Thunderbears Posted January 29, 2017 Author Posted January 29, 2017 Tell him that you are over the party scene and that this lifestyle doesn't work for you. And, if he is not ready to "grow up", you end the relationship. When you express a need or a concern, you do it in a non-confrontational/not controlling way and then sit back to observe whether the partner wants to and at least begins making the attempt to accommodate/address your needs/concerns. You don't rehash and rehash. You've been with this guy for several years . . . he's not growing up. You should not be in a parent/child relationship. You should send him home to his parents so they can finish the job they started. Can I add that he has a very good job and is good at saving, which is the part that doesn't make sense to me.
Lilyana76 Posted January 29, 2017 Posted January 29, 2017 If you find his partying every weekend unacceptable you need to talk to him about it. The fact that he has a good job and is saving means very little if he doesn't respect your needs or wants in a relationship. Tell him its time to grow up.. where does he see your relationship going in the future? He seems very immature and not ready to be nailed down to commitment or ready to grow up any time soon. We've all that "want to party all the time" moment. But most outgrow it, or grow tired of it. If he hasn't at this stage, hes going to have some other immaturity issues in the future.
d0nnivain Posted January 29, 2017 Posted January 29, 2017 The behavior is unlikely change. If you don't like it, You either have to decide you are going to deal with it & stop letting it bother you or you have to get a new BF who makes lifestyle & entertainment choices you enjoy.
basil67 Posted January 29, 2017 Posted January 29, 2017 Can I add that he has a very good job and is good at saving, which is the part that doesn't make sense to me. I know plenty of people who work hard and party hard. It's not at all unusual. Anyway, his life choices would drive me nuts. As conversations have not solved the issue, I'd be citing incompatibility and getting myself out of the relationship.
Redhead14 Posted January 30, 2017 Posted January 30, 2017 Can I add that he has a very good job and is good at saving, which is the part that doesn't make sense to me. IQ and EQ are not always equal . . .
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