Gingerlocks Posted January 29, 2017 Posted January 29, 2017 hey. quick question. how often do you guys text your SO? Reason im asking is because I'm in new relationship after being single for 2 years. (Last girl cheated on me, so i've been scared of dating) Anyways. Things are going great, and we LOVE spending time together, we sleep at each others house once or twice a week however - I just overthink things such as; If she doesn't text me for some hours. I'm worried she might find me boring, or be with someone else. (I know, crazy) Now, I think all of this is because I was cheated on before, and I remember how much it hurt me. But then i think to my self. She wouldn't say that she was in love with me, and we wouldn't be doing all the things we do, if she didn't mean it. How can I stop overthinking this, and just enjoy it!
Miss Spider Posted January 29, 2017 Posted January 29, 2017 1x a day. Even less if I could. I just don't like texting much. 1
Author Gingerlocks Posted January 29, 2017 Author Posted January 29, 2017 1x a day. Even less if I could. I just don't like texting much. Wish it was that simple. 1
Redhead14 Posted January 29, 2017 Posted January 29, 2017 hey. quick question. how often do you guys text your SO? Reason im asking is because I'm in new relationship after being single for 2 years. (Last girl cheated on me, so i've been scared of dating) Anyways. Things are going great, and we LOVE spending time together, we sleep at each others house once or twice a week however - I just overthink things such as; If she doesn't text me for some hours. I'm worried she might find me boring, or be with someone else. (I know, crazy) Now, I think all of this is because I was cheated on before, and I remember how much it hurt me. But then i think to my self. She wouldn't say that she was in love with me, and we wouldn't be doing all the things we do, if she didn't mean it. How can I stop overthinking this, and just enjoy it! Have a conversation with her to tell her what your needs are and, if you need to, come to a compromise. Talk to her. How long have you been seeing her? 3
Jj66 Posted January 29, 2017 Posted January 29, 2017 Since we had sex together and certainly since we became exclusive I don't know if we have ever gone more than a day apart without texting or talking when we both had phone service available. Doesn't mean we had an actual conversation every day. Sometimes it's just a goodnight text or good morning text the whole day. Other times we get involved in longish text conversation. If I find us getting involved in a text conversation and I'm not in some noisy place I always ask if I can call her. I don't like text conversations at all but they are pretty good at sending short messages or passing on information. 3
Author Gingerlocks Posted January 29, 2017 Author Posted January 29, 2017 Since we had sex together and certainly since we became exclusive I don't know if we have ever gone more than a day apart without texting or talking when we both had phone service available. Doesn't mean we had an actual conversation every day. Sometimes it's just a goodnight text or good morning text the whole day. Other times we get involved in longish text conversation. If I find us getting involved in a text conversation and I'm not in some noisy place I always ask if I can call her. I don't like text conversations at all but they are pretty good at sending short messages or passing on information. I like this!
losangelena Posted January 29, 2017 Posted January 29, 2017 How much would you like to be texting? I will say though, that texting in order to assuage fears (is she with someone; does she find me boring) often backfires. If you're feeling insecure like that, there's not enough texting in the world that will make you feel better. 4
dumbass2 Posted January 29, 2017 Posted January 29, 2017 Once in an exclusive relationship, probably at least contact of some sort once a day either in person, call or text. Try to be yourself, don't try to assume things and I know it's hard, but this is a different girl so try real hard not to analyze things too much too soon.
hercules22 Posted January 29, 2017 Posted January 29, 2017 it really depends on the person i try not to text to often as i dont want to come off clingy so i will sometimes wait for the girl to text me first
Author Gingerlocks Posted January 29, 2017 Author Posted January 29, 2017 Once in an exclusive relationship, probably at least contact of some sort once a day either in person, call or text. Try to be yourself, don't try to assume things and I know it's hard, but this is a different girl so try real hard not to analyze things too much too soon. This made me smile. You are right.
basil67 Posted January 29, 2017 Posted January 29, 2017 Messenger...texts...they are the bane of my life. I don't mind a single message, but dislike conversational ones. You just start doing something and then 'ping'. Reply to the message, go back to what you were doing and get interrupted again. I'd turn them off, but I do want them for single messages. I would definitely ask a partner what their preference is. Some people seem to enjoy these interruptions, but others dislike it.
ThisisIt606 Posted January 29, 2017 Posted January 29, 2017 Don't text out of a place of anxiety or fear. Texting used to give me A LOT of stress (omg... so much). Now, i honestly don't put that much weight into it. All the over analyzing I've done in the past, was insane, not worth it and very stressful. Often times if the relationship sucked, it was evident in real life... text didn't make or break it. The person I'm seeing now... we generally just text to make/confirm plans. He will occasionally ask me how my day is going, and we'll chat briefly. For me texting ( in the beginning of a relationship) was a way to make me feel secure. If we have a date lined up, I don't really feel the need to text a lot in between (if at all other than to confirm plans). Try to focus more on your in person time together and making sure that's of quality. No harm in texting good luck if you know they have something impt coming up or asking about their day... but just don't over think it or put so many focus on the "hours or silence". Make plans to see each other in person instead. 2
Author Gingerlocks Posted January 30, 2017 Author Posted January 30, 2017 (edited) I've been talking to some friends about it today. They all say its pretty normal. That in the beginning you text "like crazy" but after sometime it settles down. Still text now and again, but not as much. Does that make sense or? Edited January 30, 2017 by Gingerlocks
d0nnivain Posted January 30, 2017 Posted January 30, 2017 If she doesn't text me for some hours. Texting is a convenience. It is not a basis for a relationship. Her not texting for hours probably means she is busy. Nothing more. Especially if she has a job, she's not available all the time. All the other stuff you are doing together is what is important. Don't fret about the texting. It's a few HOURS. People used to go days without hearing from each other in the early stages. Calm down. 1
Ronnys93 Posted January 30, 2017 Posted January 30, 2017 Don't text out of a place of anxiety or fear. Texting used to give me A LOT of stress (omg... so much). Now, i honestly don't put that much weight into it. All the over analyzing I've done in the past, was insane, not worth it and very stressful. Often times if the relationship sucked, it was evident in real life... text didn't make or break it. The person I'm seeing now... we generally just text to make/confirm plans. He will occasionally ask me how my day is going, and we'll chat briefly. For me texting ( in the beginning of a relationship) was a way to make me feel secure. If we have a date lined up, I don't really feel the need to text a lot in between (if at all other than to confirm plans). Try to focus more on your in person time together and making sure that's of quality. No harm in texting good luck if you know they have something impt coming up or asking about their day... but just don't over think it or put so many focus on the "hours or silence". Make plans to see each other in person instead. This omg. I used to be so anxious to text or overanalyze over text. It gave me so much stress and it's really not worth it. I'm in a long distance situation so our majority of communication method is text messaging. I have to admit that the best thing to do is to keep it simple, no matter how much you want to spill your guts or over-communicate, it's best not to. The security that we feel from texting is really just a way to confirm our feelings, and a way to test their feelings. It's chaotic, but I agree that making plans to see each other instead and focusing all of your interactions on what happens in person is more reliable than worrying about the text messaging.
winny Posted January 30, 2017 Posted January 30, 2017 There are no rules. People are different. Some people need to be in constant touch and some are okay talking every alternate day etc. Thing is - you never should have to wonder. I dont text daily with my best friends, sometimes weeks go by. But I dont get anxious cause I know they are there. Its a level of comfort you develop. With a BF/GF also it's about trust and level of comfort more than how often you need to text. Whatever amount makes you feel good, do that. I don't like to text if there is no topic to text about. He is fine, I am fine... what is there to talk about?! Over communication kills a relationship. These days just because we have a phone, we feel like we should constantly text... thats really not needed. 1
Author Gingerlocks Posted January 31, 2017 Author Posted January 31, 2017 Awesome advice! I really don't know why I "panic" as I do. Because I've been going through my messages to see how much me and my girlfriend would text on a daily basis, before I started overthinking this, and it's about the same as now... What makes me think the way I do? Is it because I really like her or?
mammasita Posted January 31, 2017 Posted January 31, 2017 As often as is comfortable for the both of you. It should be effortless, don't overthink it. 1
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