Mkn1010 Posted January 30, 2017 Posted January 30, 2017 Oh and no need to mention the profile change thing! A guy did that with me and I perceived it to be a little bit insecure as he hadn't even broached exclusivity
Author NCAC Posted January 30, 2017 Author Posted January 30, 2017 It likely means that he is still looking/chatting to or dating others! It may be his way of dealing with fear and not wanting to invest too soon or he just may not want to be in an exclusive relationship with you. But without having that chat with him, you really don't have a leg to stand on! So you can decide to simply deal with it (and probably internally combust by the sounds of things) or chat to him? Thanks for your reply! So I don't think I should mentions that tinder thing. I was thinking of maybe saying I don't really want to be a rebound or that girl, what's your views on this all, he geuinally seems like this nicest guy ever I find it hard to think he's dating others. I'm going to try take a step back and see. I'm so stressed over this - fecking men and all there mixed messages and drama
Author NCAC Posted January 30, 2017 Author Posted January 30, 2017 Oh and no need to mention the profile change thing! A guy did that with me and I perceived it to be a little bit insecure as he hadn't even broached exclusivity Sorry tht reply send twice I know I have no grounds to stand on with the profile change. How did you approach it with him when he did that to you? I'm A paro and insecure at the best of times just because of recent guys ****ing me over and I do not want to be ****ed over again that would be a serious knock to my confidence
Mkn1010 Posted January 30, 2017 Posted January 30, 2017 I was the one who updated my profile is what I meant, and he asked me why. And I didn't like his approach in asking like that since we hadn't discussed exclusivity and his profile was still obviously active. Had he have suggested exclusively like a mature adult, I probably would have agreed. But he turned out to be a fruit loop anyway. The point is, you can't just expect someone to act in the manner you want them too as they could be none the wiser! Who knows, your guy may feel the same and be anxious to ask you and he may have seen your profile still there so he could be seeing if you'll notice/mention it. I think discussing your expectations if the only way to go with this, and if he is 'scared' off, it is better to know now, it'll save you future heartbreak believe me! I seriously doubt anyone would think an exclusivity chat is too full on 7 dates in. But that's me!! It's not like you're asking to be his gf
Author NCAC Posted January 30, 2017 Author Posted January 30, 2017 I was the one who updated my profile is what I meant, and he asked me why. And I didn't like his approach in asking like that since we hadn't discussed exclusivity and his profile was still obviously active. Had he have suggested exclusively like a mature adult, I probably would have agreed. But he turned out to be a fruit loop anyway. The point is, you can't just expect someone to act in the manner you want them too as they could be none the wiser! Who knows, your guy may feel the same and be anxious to ask you and he may have seen your profile still there so he could be seeing if you'll notice/mention it. I think discussing your expectations if the only way to go with this, and if he is 'scared' off, it is better to know now, it'll save you future heartbreak believe me! I seriously doubt anyone would think an exclusivity chat is too full on 7 dates in. But that's me!! It's not like you're asking to be his gf Thanks for this - it's nice to see it from the view of you being the one to change your profo pic. Maybe I am just looking into this too much. I know I have no ground to stand on considering. I'd rather just know what direction it's going instead of giving myself false hope or setting myself up for failure. I don't think he is after updateding it so I would notice though, I purposely haven't updated any of my pics on it since we chatted. TBH maybe it's his way of slowly withdrawing and calling it a day with me so he has a fall back option. Or maybe he was just being the lad and changed it when he was on a lads trip to have the banter with the boys. Who knows . Really scared to address it. Might see if we meet this week and see how things are then ?
Redhead14 Posted January 30, 2017 Posted January 30, 2017 (edited) NCAC, you need to stop dwelling and checking up on him and being in his head. Be in your own head so that you can effectively and objectively evaluate what he is actually demonstrating to you and be in the moment. You aren't being fair to yourself. If you are operating from a place of anxiety, you aren't being clear headed. Forget about Tinder for now. You are not in a relationship with him -- yet, he has made no declarations with you so he is free to look. And, be careful about Tinder-stalking. If he sees you on there, what's he going to be thinking? It's OK to tell him you're not seeing others and let him talk. You owe that to yourself since you are being intimate, but you just need to sit back and observe. It's also OK for you to do some initiating as well. You can and should invite him on a date that you pay for, etc. A woman needs to reciprocate at some point, not just be receptive. You have a date with him soon, if I remember correctly. Go on the date and enjoy it. Since you are so full of anxiety, I'd say wait a little bit longer before bringing this up. Give it another week or so of observation and then have a conversation. If he maintains consistent contact and arranges more dates, you have that conversation. If things seem to be slowing/dropping off, you let it happen. Don't chase him. Edited January 30, 2017 by Redhead14
Author NCAC Posted January 30, 2017 Author Posted January 30, 2017 NCAC, you need to stop dwelling and checking up on him and being in his head. Be in your own head so that you can effectively and objectively evaluate what he is actually demonstrating to you and be in the moment. You aren't being fair to yourself. If you are operating from a place of anxiety, you aren't being clear headed. Forget about Tinder for now. You are not in a relationship with him -- yet, he has made no declarations with you so he is free to look. And, be careful about Tinder-stalking. If he sees you on there, what's he going to be thinking? It's OK to tell him you're not seeing others and let him talk. You owe that to yourself since you are being intimate, but you just need to sit back and observe. It's also OK for you to do some initiating as well. You can and should invite him on a date that you pay for, etc. A woman needs to reciprocate at some point, not just be receptive. You have a date with him soon, if I remember correctly. Go on the date and enjoy it. Since you are so full of anxiety, I'd say wait a little bit longer before bringing this up. Give it another week or so of observation and then have a conversation. If he maintains consistent contact and arranges more dates, you have that conversation. If things seem to be slowing/dropping off, you let it happen. Don't chase him. Thanks for this red, I think I'm over analysing this way too much. We've been having our usual chats today etc he's his usual self he changed his what's app pic and I was like who you trying to impress haha and he goes I needed a change ha ha.. so not sure what to take from it cause that's the pic from his tinder. Should I mention this weeks date to him? I have initiated and paid for dates I on no terms would let a guy pay for the whole date. He's either paid for good and I get drinks etc etc it's equal. Fair is fair. He won't know I'm active on tinder even though I'm not but al my pics are the same as when I started chatting to him. I just can't get this out of my head. Work is slow today too so it isn't helping at all... initially we had said Tuesday it somthing for the date but no mention of if yet, I might say it later on this evening to him, did he wana leave it tullamore during the week or was tomor ok? I really do appreciate your advice. Never realised how much aniexty I have in these Situations, always feel there is someone much better out there than me and I feel he's prob just getting bored of me or something
Redhead14 Posted January 30, 2017 Posted January 30, 2017 Thanks for this red, I think I'm over analysing this way too much. We've been having our usual chats today etc he's his usual self he changed his what's app pic and I was like who you trying to impress haha and he goes I needed a change ha ha.. so not sure what to take from it cause that's the pic from his tinder. Should I mention this weeks date to him? I have initiated and paid for dates I on no terms would let a guy pay for the whole date. He's either paid for good and I get drinks etc etc it's equal. Fair is fair. He won't know I'm active on tinder even though I'm not but al my pics are the same as when I started chatting to him. I just can't get this out of my head. Work is slow today too so it isn't helping at all... initially we had said Tuesday it somthing for the date but no mention of if yet, I might say it later on this evening to him, did he wana leave it tullamore during the week or was tomor ok? I really do appreciate your advice. Never realised how much aniexty I have in these Situations, always feel there is someone much better out there than me and I feel he's prob just getting bored of me or something Was the upcoming date made with specifics - when/where? If there were specifics, just go ahead and confirm with him. If they were "loose" plans and he initiated let him firm them up. If he doesn't firm up by the morning of the date at least, you may have other plans . . . up to you. always feel there is someone much better out there than me -- The better way to frame it for yourself is: "I always feel there is someone better FOR me". he's prob just getting bored of me or something -- that's being in his head . . . stop it Be you always. Even if he gets bored or something, nothing you do should be about trying to "fit" him. A good partner will be one who sees the real you and likes what he sees. If he's seeing someone who is trying to be a "chameleon" to fit what you think he wants/thinks, you both will find yourselves disappointed at some point when the "facade" gets dropped. Be confident, be observant, be in control of your emotions and thoughts, be you, and be focused on what he is or isn't bringing to your table and evaluate objectively. Most of all, enjoy dating and be in the moment.
Author NCAC Posted February 1, 2017 Author Posted February 1, 2017 Was the upcoming date made with specifics - when/where? If there were specifics, just go ahead and confirm with him. If they were "loose" plans and he initiated let him firm them up. If he doesn't firm up by the morning of the date at least, you may have other plans . . . up to you. always feel there is someone much better out there than me -- The better way to frame it for yourself is: "I always feel there is someone better FOR me". he's prob just getting bored of me or something -- that's being in his head . . . stop it Be you always. Even if he gets bored or something, nothing you do should be about trying to "fit" him. A good partner will be one who sees the real you and likes what he sees. If he's seeing someone who is trying to be a "chameleon" to fit what you think he wants/thinks, you both will find yourselves disappointed at some point when the "facade" gets dropped. Be confident, be observant, be in control of your emotions and thoughts, be you, and be focused on what he is or isn't bringing to your table and evaluate objectively. Most of all, enjoy dating and be in the moment. Thanks for this red. I postponed our date until the weekend I was too busy with work and other commitments I didn't want to get distracted. Briefly mentioned this to him. Just was he seeing anyone else etc. He said he wasn't or hasn't been out on a date with anyone else only me since he broke up with his ex. That's he wasn't a player basically and that he was into me. He's hard to give stuff away. I was like tbh I don't want to be a the rebound gal either, and he goes don't worry you're not. We're meeting on sat after work at 3pm he suggested food and to hang out so possible some food and drinks. My minds more at ease but the. Again who knows eh. I was joking being like jeeze I wonder will we be talking then this was when I mentioend something about us going to his beach house. I was like wonder will we be talking then ha ha and he's goes unless you kill me, so I don't think he's any intention on really going anywhere at the moment but then again. I'm not sure. We had the chats as usual last night etc. He texted me the goodnight etc etc I was asleep and only saw it this morning. So I didn't bother to wb. Haven't heard from him at all today on snap or what's app and it's 3pm. I'm going to wait and let him inniate contact today. Hoping he does soon! Still a bit confused but a little clearer, wish I known more on the tinder thing though as I didn't bring that up!
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