heyall Posted January 29, 2017 Posted January 29, 2017 (edited) I've been dumped 1 week ago, at this same exact day. Bf came to my home and iniciated break up... We were having a lot of weird moments lately, not talking to much with each other because of discussions we had had and differences. He didn't give me a clean motive...he said I was too insecure about myself (not the jealous type), and stopped half way through, maybe to protect my feelings. He said even though we are too alike we are too different at the sametime, he couldn't see us together in the future the way we are. He also said he didn't want to reach the point of intense conflict before break up, he wanted it to be amicable one. He cried as he broke up with me... and he also bought a portable video game for me, because he knew how much I wanted to play certain games. But here is the thing, he actually traded off one of portable video game so he could let me borrow it. This nice gesture made me doubt if this is was really a break up. So after 3 days of NC, I decided to meet him up and discuss. He was very different from the day he broke up. As I talked with him, he barely looked at me face, and kept staring at the horizon with a stoic expression. Very different composure from the same guy, who a few days ago, tearfully stared into my eyes and hugged me as we broke up. I told him I thought it was still fixable, he said "can't fix something that already happened", and then I asked if he still felt anything, he said he no....he also said he thought I was something I wasnt? We dated for 8 months... we talked daily, it was the best connection we both ever had (he said to his mutual friend, the first few months ). My friends always commented how they could see his love stare towards me. Other than the few differences we had, we always had had great time together, he was always respectful, barely even talked with the opposite sex. So...I iniciated NC again after this...but really makes me wonder why even go through the trouble of getting something I wanted, just to be friends? He also told me he was LENDING it, so is this a way to keep me as a second option? to lessen his guilty? is this a way to tell me he didn't give up, til I fix myself(I feel very lethargic due to depression problems)? Do men turn off their emotions like this after a break up? Even if they still like the person but sees major flaws in them? Should I even try after a few months? Thank you for reading this, it has been a tough week for me. Edited January 29, 2017 by heyall
umirano Posted January 29, 2017 Posted January 29, 2017 Sorry you're just broken up. Happens to everyone. Things will be fine in a few months. I'm three months past. Feeling tons better. As for this game business: Give it back to him if you're not sure it's a gift. Give everything else back to him that's not a gift. Keep the gifts if you like them. Throw them in the trash if you don't. Spending a few bucks on a game may well be worth it over him reinjecting himself into your life whenever he feels like it. It will sabotage your healing. So it's best to eliminate any possibilities of this happening.
Author heyall Posted January 29, 2017 Author Posted January 29, 2017 Sorry you're just broken up. Happens to everyone. Things will be fine in a few months. I'm three months past. Feeling tons better. As for this game business: Give it back to him if you're not sure it's a gift. Give everything else back to him that's not a gift. Keep the gifts if you like them. Throw them in the trash if you don't. Spending a few bucks on a game may well be worth it over him reinjecting himself into your life whenever he feels like it. It will sabotage your healing. So it's best to eliminate any possibilities of this happening. I know it's not a gift. But I dont know if I could handle asking him to see me again. And also it sucks to have this as a symbol of hope.
umirano Posted January 29, 2017 Posted January 29, 2017 I know it's not a gift. But I dont know if I could handle asking him to see me again. And also it sucks to have this as a symbol of hope. Then return it. Mail is said to work quite well for transferring small objects such as a computer game, without having to face the recipient.
Jj66 Posted January 29, 2017 Posted January 29, 2017 Then return it. Mail is said to work quite well for transferring small objects such as a computer game, without having to face the recipient. Exactly what I'd do.
Sweetfish Posted January 29, 2017 Posted January 29, 2017 I've been dumped 1 week ago, at this same exact day. Bf came to my home and iniciated break up... We were having a lot of weird moments lately, not talking to much with each other because of discussions we had had and differences. He didn't give me a clean motive...he said I was too insecure about myself (not the jealous type), and stopped half way through, maybe to protect my feelings. He said even though we are too alike we are too different at the sametime, he couldn't see us together in the future the way we are. He also said he didn't want to reach the point of intense conflict before break up, he wanted it to be amicable one. He cried as he broke up with me... and he also bought a portable video game for me, because he knew how much I wanted to play certain games. But here is the thing, he actually traded off one of portable video game so he could let me borrow it. This nice gesture made me doubt if this is was really a break up. So after 3 days of NC, I decided to meet him up and discuss. He was very different from the day he broke up. As I talked with him, he barely looked at me face, and kept staring at the horizon with a stoic expression. Very different composure from the same guy, who a few days ago, tearfully stared into my eyes and hugged me as we broke up. I told him I thought it was still fixable, he said "can't fix something that already happened", and then I asked if he still felt anything, he said he no....he also said he thought I was something I wasnt? We dated for 8 months... we talked daily, it was the best connection we both ever had (he said to his mutual friend, the first few months ). My friends always commented how they could see his love stare towards me. Other than the few differences we had, we always had had great time together, he was always respectful, barely even talked with the opposite sex. So...I iniciated NC again after this...but really makes me wonder why even go through the trouble of getting something I wanted, just to be friends? He also told me he was LENDING it, so is this a way to keep me as a second option? to lessen his guilty? is this a way to tell me he didn't give up, til I fix myself(I feel very lethargic due to depression problems)? Do men turn off their emotions like this after a break up? Even if they still like the person but sees major flaws in them? Should I even try after a few months? Thank you for reading this, it has been a tough week for me. Is he an introvert? I suspect he caught on to something that contradicts what you say vs. what you do. Im very interested to know what did you guys discussed and what were the weird situations before giving any advice. The gift is a sign that he loves you...men are providers so that is our method of showing love without saying it. His breaking up with you looks like he is protecting him self (this is assuming there isn't another person)
Author heyall Posted January 30, 2017 Author Posted January 30, 2017 Is he an introvert? I suspect he caught on to something that contradicts what you say vs. what you do. Im very interested to know what did you guys discussed and what were the weird situations before giving any advice. The gift is a sign that he loves you...men are providers so that is our method of showing love without saying it. His breaking up with you looks like he is protecting him self (this is assuming there isn't another person) Yes he is an introvert, so am I. Our worst fight: Well our last arguement...was because he still had nudes of his ex's/flings and didnt see anything wrong with it. I got pissed and ignored him for a 2 days...then we started talking again, then a few days later he broke up with me, ...but our conversations during those few last days...were fine, so I was a bit surprised but not so shocked, because we had a lot of petty fights. Petty fights: ..I also kinda neglected (appearance) myself during our relationship, I should have taken better care of myself. Also the fact that sometimes I just didn't want to go out, sometimes I would hangout at some events that I would find boring, I'm very transparent, so you can clearly see I'm not enjoying...he complained a lot that I didn't put effort into the relationship, that his roommate would find me rude. How am I supposed to fix this if he doesn't give me a chance?...I guess we lost each other because of fixable but stupid things... It doesn't help that he shares an apartment with another guy that doesn't like me, and this guy is a psychologist... so I wonder if he didn't influence him. You said this "gift" is a way to show love...so why doesnt he say anything when I ask him what he feels for me? He even turns me down saying "I dont know what I felt and I feel nothing now" is this so hard for men to say it?
Jj66 Posted January 30, 2017 Posted January 30, 2017 Release his power over you by sending the "gift" back and going no contact. You can do better.
Sweetfish Posted January 30, 2017 Posted January 30, 2017 Yes he is an introvert, so am I. Our worst fight: Well our last arguement...was because he still had nudes of his ex's/flings and didnt see anything wrong with it. I got pissed and ignored him for a 2 days...then we started talking again, then a few days later he broke up with me, ...but our conversations during those few last days...were fine, so I was a bit surprised but not so shocked, because we had a lot of petty fights. Petty fights: ..I also kinda neglected (appearance) myself during our relationship, I should have taken better care of myself. Also the fact that sometimes I just didn't want to go out, sometimes I would hangout at some events that I would find boring, I'm very transparent, so you can clearly see I'm not enjoying...he complained a lot that I didn't put effort into the relationship, that his roommate would find me rude. How am I supposed to fix this if he doesn't give me a chance?...I guess we lost each other because of fixable but stupid things... It doesn't help that he shares an apartment with another guy that doesn't like me, and this guy is a psychologist... so I wonder if he didn't influence him. You said this "gift" is a way to show love...so why doesnt he say anything when I ask him what he feels for me? He even turns me down saying "I dont know what I felt and I feel nothing now" is this so hard for men to say it? Well you clearly said you didn't care about your appearance nor the relationship and you didn't have fun going out with him. So he had every right to end the relationship. The question is do you care about him?
Author heyall Posted January 30, 2017 Author Posted January 30, 2017 (edited) Well you clearly said you didn't care about your appearance nor the relationship and you didn't have fun going out with him. So he had every right to end the relationship. The question is do you care about him? I didn't say I didn't care... we had moments which I enjoyed a lot, but I didn't like going everywhere, especially to clubs.. But I guess I was a negative source for him... I do care a lot about him, but I think it might be too late to do something. It feels terrible to have such relationship end, we had so many topics to chat, we always had something to talk. Edited January 30, 2017 by heyall
umirano Posted February 1, 2017 Posted February 1, 2017 Sometimes a break up is really a blessing in disguise. I've always had great conversations with my ex but there was something under the surface that always caused friction, distrust, concern or upset. It ended despite both of us claiming to love the other. To this day I can't put my finger on why exactly we broke up, but at the same time I'm fairly sure it wouldn't have gotten better by simply staying together. I don't know. Sometimes things just have to end, you feel it instinctively. Even though we prefer to be in a relationship, it's actually better to be single, than to be in a forced relationship. I doubt that we always can find out why it ended or how it could be fixed. I think we don't understand our subconscious emotional mechanisms well enough. At some point trying to think harder and understand more is not going to yield more information, but will prolong the healing process. Good luck
Author heyall Posted February 2, 2017 Author Posted February 2, 2017 Sometimes a break up is really a blessing in disguise. I've always had great conversations with my ex but there was something under the surface that always caused friction, distrust, concern or upset. It ended despite both of us claiming to love the other. To this day I can't put my finger on why exactly we broke up, but at the same time I'm fairly sure it wouldn't have gotten better by simply staying together. I don't know. Sometimes things just have to end, you feel it instinctively. Even though we prefer to be in a relationship, it's actually better to be single, than to be in a forced relationship. I doubt that we always can find out why it ended or how it could be fixed. I think we don't understand our subconscious emotional mechanisms well enough. At some point trying to think harder and understand more is not going to yield more information, but will prolong the healing process. Good luck This was very helpful. It sucks how it ended but maybe it was for the best. About the ps vita... I've hidden it out of sight, and now out of reach. I can't bring myself to mail it. It has been 1 week of NC this exact day, and I feel so much better, I actually feel very good at the moment...not sure if it will last. I've been going out more and working on improving myself, I've very little free time(college and internship ;x)', and I'm trying the best to fill the idleness with stuff I was procastinating, so I'm actually improving myself and not dwelling on the break up itself, it helped alot. I've almost no friends...but this one friend of my...has been the best cheerleader ever. She has motivated me a lot, even when I was very depressing to be around haha. I hope this new desire doesn't flame out.
PegNosePete Posted February 2, 2017 Posted February 2, 2017 Send the Vita back. Otherwise it will be sitting there in the back of your mind forever, preventing you from moving on. Or ask a friend to return it to him. Or whatever. Just get it back to him, however you see fit. You don't want to end up on Judge Judy in 6 months time trying to prove it was a "gift" whereas he is saying it's a "loan"... Just bite the bullet and do it, you'll feel a lot better afterwards.
Author heyall Posted February 6, 2017 Author Posted February 6, 2017 (edited) I was weak...I decided to check facebook and see if he was doing anything... I found out he's being clubbing a lot, he added a girl he met in a club. I'm quite happy I found out about this. Even though it's clearly a rebound, I lost all the respect I had left for him. On the side note, I was asked out by a long term crush/friend I had (although i got over it when i started dating)... that I thought never liked me that way, I might be delusional about it, but it he is being very insistant in going out with me, he told me I could pick anywhere, even offered himself to watch my favorite movies trilogy... Not sure how to proceed...he was once my best friend but things happened that made us apart (our bfs/gfs hated our friendship) Edited February 6, 2017 by heyall
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