Blind date - Eventually meet up, but still no kisses or holding hands

January 29, 2017

I am new to this forum, but want to seek advise from you guys.

I'm a 35 y.o male. I have not been in a serious relationship in my entire life. What I mean by "serious" relationship, is romantic relationship with sex. I've only had two platonic relationship in life.

Anyhow, I recently moved to a new city couple thousands of miles away from my home state. This relocation was due to my new job and training which I couldn't find at home.

I moved here as a single guy.

I usually go to a hair stylist whom both we got to know one another. One day, she asked me if I was single, which I told her yes. Two months later, this was around November, the hair stylist asked me to write down my phone number and pertinent info so that she can connect me with someone.

Well she did, and I'm quite happy and surprised she was able to find one of the daughters of her clients, who is allegedly single, to start texting me.

She was the one who initiated the text message, and at that time, I was out of town visiting my parents. So I told her that I would get back to her when I returned to town, ...this was around the second week of December. Fast forward, we agreed upon a day and time to meet up at a nearby Starbucks for coffee.

We met up and chatted a lot about our family, our jobs, where we grew up, etc.

After that coffee meet up, I hugged her and we parted ways. I thanked her for showing up to the coffee meet up, and we continued to send text messages to one another that week. I wanted to meet up with her for lunch that upcoming weekend, so I sent her a text message asking to meet up for lunch. She responded that she was too busy and that she was going to meet up with her co-workers for lunch. I then texted her back and asked "how about Sunday?" Couple hours later, she texted me back stating that she was going to spend Sunday doing Christmas shopping.

I then text her on the following Tuesday asking her how her day was, etc.

this is what got me upset and depressed. She did not bother to text me back. No response at all. I sent another text message to her the following day, because I wanted to meet up with her on Christmas eve for dinner or lunch. Still no response....None at all for the next EIGHT (8) days!

I got upset and depressed, and had to work my night shifts at my job.

I also needed another hair cut, so I went back to the hair stylist a week later, and thanked her for introducing one of her clients' daughter to me, and that we've met up for coffee, etc. I then told her that the daughter has stopped texting me, and that maybe, she was not interested in meeting up with me, or interested in any relationship with me at all! My hair stylist felt bad for me, and said that she will ask the girl's mom.

Three days after my hair cut visit, the girl sent me a text message along the lines of "sorry, I was so busy, my grandma was sick, happy holidays and happy new years."

1/4 of me was happy and joyful to see a text from the girl. But the other 3/4 of me was pissed off, confused, and annoyed at the same time.

I didn't immediately respond to her text message. I waited 24 hours, because I didn't want to sound desperate, before I messaged her back. I told her that I thought she didn't like me and was not interested in me, etc.

So from New Year's Eve day onward, we re-started the flow up text messages to one another.

We both finally made schedule to meet up for dinner that would take place the following two weekends after new years day. Hence, that would be our "2nd date" or get-together, so to speak.

We had dinner together, and I wanted to hold her hands, but man, stupid me, I didn't reach out to hold her hands when walking from the parking lot to the restaurant. F--k!

Anyhow, we parted ways after dinner, and kept texting each other, which led up to a lunch get-together yesterday.

Hence, that would be our "3rd Date" or 3rd time seeing each other face-to-face.

I would think by now, this girl would like me.

I mustered up the courage to ask her what she thought of our relationship status.

I asked her "so do you think we can be in a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship?"

Guess what? She said "oh, I think we're good friends, yeah."

She then talked about her ex-BF whom she dated for three years, until he moved back to California.

She then asked me about my dating history, and I was honest with her that I never dated in high school or even during my undergraduate college years.

I told her that I had a platonic girlfriend back in my homestate, but things didn't work out, so we broke up. I then told her that I had some short stints of dating with female foreign exchange students from Korea and China (I'm Korean guy BTW, not a white dude with yellow fever).

All in all, what do you guys think of this relationship status with her?

I really do like her, find her attractive, imagine myself f--king and procreating with her in bed, she's smart, has a college degree, and we're from similar racial and ethnic backgrounds.

I'm just upset and disappointed that she told me that "we're still friend" so I'm guessing that she f--king friend zoned me?

January 29, 2017

Ah, I'm sorry. But yeah, you misread this one.

When she blew you off for lunch and the Sunday, you should have just deleted her. She gave you a first date, didn't feel any connection and had decided not to take it further.

Telling the hairdresser about it had the net effect of having the mother of this girl guilt her into seeing you again. She didn't actually want to see you, but felt obliged to do so.

Asking a girl who really isn't interested in being with you to be your girlfriend was only ever going to fail.

She didn't "friendzone" you. She simply doesn't want to date you.

January 29, 2017

Ah, I'm sorry. But yeah, you misread this one.

When she blew you off for lunch and the Sunday, you should have just deleted her. She gave you a first date, didn't feel any connection and had decided not to take it further.

Telling the hairdresser about it had the net effect of having the mother of this girl guilt her into seeing you again. She didn't actually want to see you, but felt obliged to do so.

Asking a girl who really isn't interested in being with you to be your girlfriend was only ever going to fail.

She didn't "friendzone" you. She simply doesn't want to date you.

Wow, that's a tough pill for me to swallow with what you've told me. But heck, looks like the truth to me.

Because yesterday was the 3rd time we've met up. I wanted to get confirmation about our relationship, so I asked her how our relationship was, whether we're in a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship, and she said that "we're still friends getting to know each other."

Yup, oh well, it's the way dating here in America works against me.

I guess I should cancel my planned upcoming activity with her? We were going to go hiking next weekend.

:mad::mad:

January 30, 2017

any other opinions on this issue?

January 30, 2017

>>Yup, oh well, it's the way dating here in America works against me<<

Please try and avoid doing the victim thing - it won't help you. This is the way dating works for everyone. American dating not a ploy to stop your chances.

Should you see her again? If you're wanting romantic interest only, I wouldn't bother. She made it clear at the outset that she's not interested in romance with you.

Edited January 30, 2017 by basil67

January 30, 2017

1. People are BUSY during the holidays. I would not take it personally that things got pushed until after the holidays.

2. I thought things were going along very well until you asked her to be your girlfriend before you've even kissed her or held her hand! You need to do those things first and establish some intimacy and/or connection (that is different from a friend) before asking for a commitment.

3. Her response to you after asking her to be gf/bf could have been because she too is a bit awkward like you. Or it could be because of what I said above. She did add "yeah" at the end. She wouldn't have added that if she didn't want to be with you. I think she's just awkward and a little confused because you haven't kissed. I say forget that happened, ask her out again, show some genuine intimacy and closeness on the date, then ask her again after a couple more dates like that.

January 30, 2017

She wasn't really interested anymore after that first date, that's why she was "busy" when you tried to meet up again. The other women probably pressured her to give you another shot when you mentioned it.

Also don't bring up becoming her boyfriend when you haven't even kissed yet, way too soon. She barely knows you. Too late now, but don't make that same mistake with the next girl.

You could go hiking with her if you go in with zero expectations, and are okay with likely just being friends.

January 30, 2017

The best thing for you to do is to ask as many girls out as possible, even ones that are just ok looking to get experience. Dude your game sucks and you know it. You need to get some practice in. You have no confidence or swagger. It's one thing to be polite, but don't over do it, and never go full guns about "relationship status" when you haven't even slept with the chick yet.

And you never tell then you NEVER had a relationship, just tell them you had a couple, but nothing to write home about.

Now start dating lots!

January 30, 2017

The best thing for you to do is to ask as many girls out as possible, even ones that are just ok looking to get experience. Dude your game sucks and you know it. You need to get some practice in. You have no confidence or swagger. It's one thing to be polite, but don't over do it, and never go full guns about "relationship status" when you haven't even slept with the chick yet.

And you never tell then you NEVER had a relationship, just tell them you had a couple, but nothing to write home about.

Now start dating lots!

This. Tough love from a woman but 100% true.

You have no chance unless you learn. There are so many mistakes you made I would need to be on my Pc to do a full analysis.

You gotta start somewhere though. Learn and keep practicing.

January 30, 2017

I am new to this forum, but want to seek advise from you guys.

I'm a 35 y.o male. I have not been in a serious relationship in my entire life. What I mean by "serious" relationship, is romantic relationship with sex. I've only had two platonic relationship in life.

Anyhow, I recently moved to a new city couple thousands of miles away from my home state. This relocation was due to my new job and training which I couldn't find at home.

I moved here as a single guy.

I usually go to a hair stylist whom both we got to know one another. One day, she asked me if I was single, which I told her yes. Two months later, this was around November, the hair stylist asked me to write down my phone number and pertinent info so that she can connect me with someone.

Well she did, and I'm quite happy and surprised she was able to find one of the daughters of her clients, who is allegedly single, to start texting me.

She was the one who initiated the text message, and at that time, I was out of town visiting my parents. So I told her that I would get back to her when I returned to town, ...this was around the second week of December. Fast forward, we agreed upon a day and time to meet up at a nearby Starbucks for coffee.
We met up and chatted a lot about our family, our jobs, where we grew up, etc.

After that coffee meet up, I hugged her and we parted ways. I thanked her for showing up to the coffee meet up, and we continued to send text messages to one another that week. I wanted to meet up with her for lunch that upcoming weekend, so I sent her a text message asking to meet up for lunch. She responded that she was too busy and that she was going to meet up with her co-workers for lunch. I then texted her back and asked "how about Sunday?" Couple hours later, she texted me back stating that she was going to spend Sunday doing Christmas shopping.

I then text her on the following Tuesday asking her how her day was, etc.

this is what got me upset and depressed. She did not bother to text me back. No response at all. I sent another text message to her the following day, because I wanted to meet up with her on Christmas eve for dinner or lunch. Still no response....None at all for the next EIGHT (8) days!

I got upset and depressed, and had to work my night shifts at my job.

I also needed another hair cut, so I went back to the hair stylist a week later, and thanked her for introducing one of her clients' daughter to me, and that we've met up for coffee, etc. I then told her that the daughter has stopped texting me, and that maybe, she was not interested in meeting up with me, or interested in any relationship with me at all! My hair stylist felt bad for me, and said that she will ask the girl's mom.

Three days after my hair cut visit, the girl sent me a text message along the lines of "sorry, I was so busy, my grandma was sick, happy holidays and happy new years."

1/4 of me was happy and joyful to see a text from the girl. But the other 3/4 of me was pissed off, confused, and annoyed at the same time.

I didn't immediately respond to her text message. I waited 24 hours, because I didn't want to sound desperate, before I messaged her back. I told her that I thought she didn't like me and was not interested in me, etc.

So from New Year's Eve day onward, we re-started the flow up text messages to one another.

We both finally made schedule to meet up for dinner that would take place the following two weekends after new years day. Hence, that would be our "2nd date" or get-together, so to speak.

We had dinner together, and I wanted to hold her hands, but man, stupid me, I didn't reach out to hold her hands when walking from the parking lot to the restaurant. F--k!

Anyhow, we parted ways after dinner, and kept texting each other, which led up to a lunch get-together yesterday.

Hence, that would be our "3rd Date" or 3rd time seeing each other face-to-face.

I would think by now, this girl would like me.

I mustered up the courage to ask her what she thought of our relationship status.

I asked her "so do you think we can be in a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship?"

Guess what? She said "oh, I think we're good friends, yeah."

She then talked about her ex-BF whom she dated for three years, until he moved back to California.

She then asked me about my dating history, and I was honest with her that I never dated in high school or even during my undergraduate college years.

I told her that I had a platonic girlfriend back in my homestate, but things didn't work out, so we broke up. I then told her that I had some short stints of dating with female foreign exchange students from Korea and China (I'm Korean guy BTW, not a white dude with yellow fever).

All in all, what do you guys think of this relationship status with her?

I really do like her, find her attractive, imagine myself f--king and procreating with her in bed, she's smart, has a college degree, and we're from similar racial and ethnic backgrounds.

I'm just upset and disappointed that she told me that "we're still friend" so I'm guessing that she f--king friend zoned me?

Sorry this happened, it's never fun to be in this kind of situation. Take it as a learning point on how to read some women. Maybe the next time will be different. Good luck.

January 30, 2017

I find it better to let the girl bring up the "relationship" type talk and definitely don't bring it up if you haven't even kissed.

Don't be mad at yourself so much. I wouldn't cancel your next activity. Just go out with her and have fun and not focus so much on what you "are" or "aren't". If the opportunity arises and you feel there is chemistry then you go go in for a kiss or whatever but don't overthink things too much.

I think you are putting too much importance on this one girl. You are putting her on a pedestal. I think you are better off having lower expectations.

January 30, 2017

Here's what you missed up on the second date you should've try to have her hold her hand on the third day you should just had a good time why did you ask about good boyfriend or girlfriend material without even holding her hand ?

You moved too fast and you put on the spot don't get depressed if she doesn't message you back sometimes people are busy

Here's what I would do if I were you and I really liked her I would go hiking with third just to have a good time don't expect anything just have a good time if she doesn't text you after that or initiate conversation then walk away

I've been out with a few girls who have not been into me but once we hang out and do a couple things here or there then they change their mind so it is possible just stay positive, be cool and don't bring up any commitments

January 30, 2017

Yeah, you were only ever friends for her.

And, she doesn't know after just a coffee and lunch if she wants to be your girlfriend. Relationships are about a series of steps... Slowly, as you spend time together you decide if this is someone you want to spend more time with and get more intimate with... Asking her after the third "date" if she wants to be boyfriend/girlfriend is a little forward and unsettling. You need to relax and let the relationship unfold naturally... It's hard, because it's unpredictable, but it's what you need to do.

Good luck in future dating adventures.

January 30, 2017

Never bet the whole wad before you've seen the cards.

January 31, 2017

Live and learn OP. It happens.

When she blew off your second date request I wouldn't have kept asking for other days, it came off as desperate.

It sounds like your interactions never became flirty or romantic and she wasn't super invested.

Asking her on a 3rd date to be in a relationship when there's been a lot of mixed signals and you're not on solid ground with each other, was also not a good idea.

When she started talking about her ex, and asking you about your dating partners, that was the final nail in the coffin to friend zone you. There is no coming back from this. Don't worry though there's more girls out there.

Also - Lunch might be OK for a first meet, but it's really not that romantic or date-like. It gives more of a friends vibe. Dates should take place after 6pm.

Suggestion: spice up the dates a bit. A series of lunches and dinners is kind of boring. I usually do drinks for a first date, ice skating or another activity for a 2nd (plus dinner maybe), and a museum or something for a 3rd.

This. Tough love from a woman but 100% true.

You have no chance unless you learn. There are so many mistakes you made I would need to be on my Pc to do a full analysis.

You gotta start somewhere though. Learn and keep practicing.

Yeah this is a chore on my iPad :/

Edited January 31, 2017 by barcode88

January 31, 2017

Ah, I'm sorry. But yeah, you misread this one.

When she blew you off for lunch and the Sunday, you should have just deleted her. She gave you a first date, didn't feel any connection and had decided not to take it further.

Telling the hairdresser about it had the net effect of having the mother of this girl guilt her into seeing you again. She didn't actually want to see you, but felt obliged to do so.

Asking a girl who really isn't interested in being with you to be your girlfriend was only ever going to fail.

She didn't "friendzone" you. She simply doesn't want to date you.

This really sums it up perfectly

Sorry, you need to forget her, date others. Don't ask if they like you or what your relationship status is. As a guy, you shouldn't be thinking that way anyway.

And next time someone else asks about past relationships I'd say it's not something you like to discuss on first dates.

January 31, 2017

I am new to this forum, but want to seek advise from you guys.

I'm a 35 y.o male. I have not been in a serious relationship in my entire life. What I mean by "serious" relationship, is romantic relationship with sex. I've only had two platonic relationship in life.

If you are inexperienced it may make you desperate. It's OK to latch onto someone when you get to know them better (I am guilty of this). But you should date multiple people early on so you have options and can truly make the best choice, and not a desperate one.

Anyhow, I recently moved to a new city couple thousands of miles away from my home state. This relocation was due to my new job and training which I couldn't find at home.

I moved here as a single guy.

I usually go to a hair stylist whom both we got to know one another. One day, she asked me if I was single, which I told her yes. Two months later, this was around November, the hair stylist asked me to write down my phone number and pertinent info so that she can connect me with someone.

Well she did, and I'm quite happy and surprised she was able to find one of the daughters of her clients, who is allegedly single, to start texting me.

She was the one who initiated the text message, and at that time, I was out of town visiting my parents. So I told her that I would get back to her when I returned to town, ...this was around the second week of December. Fast forward, we agreed upon a day and time to meet up at a nearby Starbucks for coffee.
We met up and chatted a lot about our family, our jobs, where we grew up, etc.

Coffee is a solid first date. You want to make sure that you keep conversation rolling. Try to make it interesting, and if you can inject some humor/flirting to get her to laugh. If she is super receptive, you can always try a light hand grab or something to break the touch barrier (i try open the date with a hug usually too, sometimes). If a girl is wearing a cool ring or something and has her hand on the table I might grab it if it's not out of reach and comment on it for example. At the end of the date you want to give her at LEAST a hug goodbye, but based on signals you are receiving, escalate to holding hands or a kiss goodnight too. If the date ends with just a hug, that is fine, some girls don't move fast physically.

After that coffee meet up, I hugged her and we parted ways. I thanked her for showing up to the coffee meet up, and we continued to send text messages to one another that week. I wanted to meet up with her for lunch that upcoming weekend, so I sent her a text message asking to meet up for lunch. She responded that she was too busy and that she was going to meet up with her co-workers for lunch. I then texted her back and asked "how about Sunday?" Couple hours later, she texted me back stating that she was going to spend Sunday doing Christmas shopping.

After you part ways on the first date, I will usually text them saying "Thanks I had fun, sleep well!" or something to that effect. The next day I will ask them if they want to go out again "Next Weekend" or "Later this week". If they say yes, then we will hash out a time. If they say they're "busy" and don't offer an alternative I'll take it as they're not interested.

You went all in suggesting a date/time, and when she blew you off, you kept offering alternate times. It wasn't the time/date that was inconvenient, she just wasn't interested in seeing you again, and you dug yourself into a deeper hole even by coming off as desperate. In the future if she does the same thing, I would cool things off a bit.

I then text her on the following Tuesday asking her how her day was, etc.

"How's your day?" is a pretty boring/generic text. I would spice it up a bit and say something flirty/teasing. You can tack on How's your day at the end if you want I guess.

this is what got me upset and depressed. She did not bother to text me back. No response at all. I sent another text message to her the following day, because I wanted to meet up with her on Christmas eve for dinner or lunch. Still no response....None at all for the next EIGHT (8) days!

This is why you need to give yourself other options. You won't be as upset or depressed if you're seeing other women as well. Also goes to reinforce the fact that she wasn't very interested.

I got upset and depressed, and had to work my night shifts at my job.

I also needed another hair cut, so I went back to the hair stylist a week later, and thanked her for introducing one of her clients' daughter to me, and that we've met up for coffee, etc. I then told her that the daughter has stopped texting me, and that maybe, she was not interested in meeting up with me, or interested in any relationship with me at all! My hair stylist felt bad for me, and said that she will ask the girl's mom.

You're 35 and this is tantamount to tattling to the teacher about another kid who isn't playing nice. You're an adult and have this girl's phone number -- if you had something to say you could have said it to her. The dresser probably talked to the girls mom, who guilt tripped her daughter into reaching back out to you. If the dresser asked I would have said "Thanks for the setup, but I don't think we're going to pursue things further, I don't think we're compatible." or something to that effect. I would have left out that you were interested but she didn't text back. Which leads us to...

Three days after my hair cut visit, the girl sent me a text message along the lines of "sorry, I was so busy, my grandma was sick, happy holidays and happy new years."

Confirms her Mom coerced her into giving you a "chance". The daughter might have figured out that you talked to someone, and it got back to her Mom. She probably didn't think too highly of you at this point for manipulating her. If that happened to me and my family coerced me into going back out with someone, I would NOT be happy.

1/4 of me was happy and joyful to see a text from the girl. But the other 3/4 of me was pissed off, confused, and annoyed at the same time.

You realized at this time that your chat with the hair dresser is the only reason you heard back right?

I didn't immediately respond to her text message. I waited 24 hours, because I didn't want to sound desperate, before I messaged her back. I told her that I thought she didn't like me and was not interested in me, etc.

Playing games is stupid, and you'll usually end up losing at your own game if you want to play. If you are interested, respond. Of course it's OK to let it sit for a couple hours if you're busy, but you don't need to do a 24 hour countdown. In the grand scheme of things 24 hours isn't bad though, but waiting any longer and it will come across as blowing her off.

So from New Year's Eve day onward, we re-started the flow up text messages to one another.

Were they flirty? You should cut to the chase and schedule dates, texting should only be to check in, or lightly flirt in between dates.

We both finally made schedule to meet up for dinner that would take place the following two weekends after new years day. Hence, that would be our "2nd date" or get-together, so to speak.

Was there any reason to believe it wasn't a date? She might have been sending signals that it wasn't a date. Dinner isn't a bad idea for a first/second date. However I won't usually do two "Sit down" dates in a row, and I will plan an activity. May be more appropriate for you guys since you had such a long hiatus though.

We had dinner together, and I wanted to hold her hands, but man, stupid me, I didn't reach out to hold her hands when walking from the parking lot to the restaurant. F--k!

Don't overthink things, when you're walking by her side, just bump her hand with yours, and start wrapping your fingers into hers. If she is interested, she will grasp back before you fully grab her hand. If she is not interested, it should be obvious, and I would pull away.

Anyhow, we parted ways after dinner, and kept texting each other, which led up to a lunch get-together yesterday.

Who suggested Lunch? For a 3rd date Lunch is very platonic, and three sit down dates in a row isn't a good idea either IMO. Would have planned an activity.

Hence, that would be our "3rd Date" or 3rd time seeing each other face-to-face.

I would think by now, this girl would like me.

You need to gauge the signals she's giving you. If she suggested Lunch, I would have taken that as a sign of disinterest.

I mustered up the courage to ask her what she thought of our relationship status.

You only went on three dates, and she has a history of blowing you off. Where did you really see this going?

I asked her "so do you think we can be in a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship?"

If you asked her where things are going, it should have been pretty clear she wasn't interested. But you went forward and asked her to be BF/GF, very desperate. And because you put her on the spot...

Guess what? She said "oh, I think we're good friends, yeah."

She friendzoned you. Yeah. You probably didn't really screw things up anymore than they already were, because that was most likely the inevitable outcome. You should have waited until she gave you strong signals that she liked you, holding hands, kissing, makeout/sex (depending on the girl), constant contact. These are signs she might be into a relationship with you.

She then talked about her ex-BF whom she dated for three years, until he moved back to California.

When a girl talks about her ex's on a date with you, it is the biggest red flag. It is literally their way of saying that "We are now friends, and you do not have a shot with me". A girl will NEVER talk about her ex's in detail with anyone she is romantically interested in. Just another nail in the coffin known as the friendzone. It sounds like she went to extra lengths to make sure you knew that you stood with her as a friend.

She then asked me about my dating history, and I was honest with her that I never dated in high school or even during my undergraduate college years.

I told her that I had a platonic girlfriend back in my homestate, but things didn't work out, so we broke up. I then told her that I had some short stints of dating with female foreign exchange students from Korea and China (I'm Korean guy BTW, not a white dude with yellow fever).

She then asked you about your dating situation, putting another nail in the coffin known as the friend zone. Two people won't sit and talk about their ex's and dating life if they want to date each other.

All in all, what do you guys think of this relationship status with her?

What relationship? Right now you have a friend. And she might not want to even be that, she probably just wants to part ways and go on with her life.

I really do like her, find her attractive, imagine myself f--king and procreating with her in bed, she's smart, has a college degree, and we're from similar racial and ethnic backgrounds.

Well, you probably should stop seeing her then, because she doesn't feel the same about you. It's impossible to be friends with someone who you want things to be more than friends with.

I'm just upset and disappointed that she told me that "we're still friend" so I'm guessing that she f--king friend zoned me?

Yes she did. You don't need to get angry or upset that she rejected you, she CLEARLY let you know where you stand, even from early on. You just chose not to read the writing on the wall. Live and learn, move onto the next one! Read some of the advice on the forums here and you'll do much better next time.

OP, you made a LOT of mistakes and misread things a ton. Tried to point it all out for you. Not going to sugarcoat things, but I think if you read some of the advice from posters here, and work on improving yourself, that you can do much better with the next girl. Good luck!!

February 1, 2017

1. People are BUSY during the holidays. I would not take it personally that things got pushed until after the holidays.

2. I thought things were going along very well until you asked her to be your girlfriend before you've even kissed her or held her hand! You need to do those things first and establish some intimacy and/or connection (that is different from a friend) before asking for a commitment.

3. Her response to you after asking her to be gf/bf could have been because she too is a bit awkward like you. Or it could be because of what I said above. She did add "yeah" at the end. She wouldn't have added that if she didn't want to be with you. I think she's just awkward and a little confused because you haven't kissed. I say forget that happened, ask her out again, show some genuine intimacy and closeness on the date, then ask her again after a couple more dates like that.

Hey Popsicle. I concur, and dayum, your responses are similar to what a counselor has recently told me. I have been seeing a counselor recently due to having relocated/moved away from home due to my job, but also feeling "doomed" and depressed because of lack of finding a girlfriend.

People do get very busy during the holiday season, and that's probably what happened.

I also should have specified that her grandma was no just plain sick. Her grandma was diagnosed with stage 4 bladder cancer which metastasized to the uterus and lower abdominal area. Unfortunately, her grandma passed away during the 2nd week of January. So I'm guessing she focused more on her grandma's battle with cancer, which is more important than texting a guy whom she has recently met.

I didn't ask her to be my girlfriend. I should have been more clear. I only asked her how our relationship was at the time of our third get-together during lunch time.

Sounds like for now, since we have been introduced together via my hair stylist, we are just friends.

However, certain people need more time to get to know the other person well, before making the boyfriend/girlfriend commitment.

I'm guessing she's slow to progressing because she admitted to me that she has not started dating until age 27.

Plus you have to take cultural factors into consideration. We are both of East Asian ancestry (she's Korean, I'm Korean/Japnaese) so perhaps our friendship will be about two months before progressing to a higher level.

*cross fingers*

Edited February 1, 2017 by HandsomeAndLonely

February 1, 2017

OP, you made a LOT of mistakes and misread things a ton. Tried to point it all out for you. Not going to sugarcoat things, but I think if you read some of the advice from posters here, and work on improving yourself, that you can do much better with the next girl. Good luck!!

Barcode, would you mind sharing specifically where I have messed up.

I'm not talking about not reading the cues when she didn't respond to my text messages.

But what went wrong during the first meet up? The first meet up was at a coffee shop near my apartment. In fact, this girl used to live in my town so she's familiar with all of the restaurants and coffee shops in the area.

Basically what I'm saying is that I thought our conversation during our first meet-up went well.

We talked about our jobs, our family, our hobbies, my former pet dogs, and our cultural background.

Yes, I'm guessing that me telling my hairstylist that the girl didn't respond to my text messages may have prompted the girl to further contacting me.

I don't care! I'm going to be AGGRESSIVE and I think she's the one for me.

In fact we're meeting up against this weekend to take a food-tasting tour in the downtown area.

This is a GREAT opportunity for me to hold her hands.

Do you think though, that I can give her a rose flower this coming weekend when we meet up? I want to give her a rose flower and a valentine cards. I don't care what you think!

In fact, I'm due for another hair cut this coming Friday, and I'm going to tell my hair stylist that the girl and I should be tying the knot by the end of this year! (nah nah, just kidding! LOL!)

February 1, 2017

This really sums it up perfectly

Sorry, you need to forget her, date others. Don't ask if they like you or what your relationship status is. As a guy, you shouldn't be thinking that way anyway.

And next time someone else asks about past relationships I'd say it's not something you like to discuss on first dates.

I didn't specifically ask her about her past relationships.

I asked her what is her opinion about our relationship status at the time of our third get-together.

She said that we're still friends, and she's still getting to know me. It's not like we knew each other prior to meeting up. She was introduced to me by my hairstylist, who knows her mom, as a client.

She then went on to ask me about my dating history, and then she revealed her own dating history.

I didn't mention this in my original post. But she also asked me if I am going to stay and live here.

Because I relocated to my current town, 2500 miles away from home, for my job and career advancement.

Her ex-BF was from out-of-state, and he eventually moved away, and basically left her in the dust.

I'm going to say I'm going to give it another 1-2 months and see if our "friend" relationship can advance to a more higher level.

I did talk to my counselor recently, and like what popsicle said, she may have been very busy during the Christmas holiday season, and her grandma being affected by cancer may have shifted the girl's attention more towards grandma and family issues, rather than texting me.

We'll see.

February 2, 2017

I didn't specifically ask her about her past relationships.

I asked her what is her opinion about our relationship status at the time of our third get-together.

She then went on to ask me about my dating history, and then she revealed her own dating history.

I never said you did. If someone starts grilling you on a first date about your "dating history" move it on to lighter topics.

Again don't ask what your "status" is until you have been dating someone for a long time. Personally, I never would ask that. Let her do it eventually.

I did talk to my counselor recently, and like what popsicle said, she may have been very busy during the Christmas holiday season, and her grandma being affected by cancer may have shifted the girl's attention more towards grandma and family issues, rather than texting me.
We'll see.

Please don't wait around for a girl that I'd say 95% has no interest.

Yes it's possible she was just too busy, but if so then she should be following up with you now.

Go date others.

February 2, 2017

Barcode, would you mind sharing specifically where I have messed up.

He has replied in bold in the post doing just that.

February 2, 2017

Barcode, would you mind sharing specifically where I have messed up.

I'm not talking about not reading the cues when she didn't respond to my text messages.

But what went wrong during the first meet up? The first meet up was at a coffee shop near my apartment. In fact, this girl used to live in my town so she's familiar with all of the restaurants and coffee shops in the area.

Basically what I'm saying is that I thought our conversation during our first meet-up went well.

We talked about our jobs, our family, our hobbies, my former pet dogs, and our cultural background.

Yes, I'm guessing that me telling my hairstylist that the girl didn't respond to my text messages may have prompted the girl to further contacting me.

I don't care! I'm going to be AGGRESSIVE and I think she's the one for me.

In fact we're meeting up against this weekend to take a food-tasting tour in the downtown area.

This is a GREAT opportunity for me to hold her hands.

Do you think though, that I can give her a rose flower this coming weekend when we meet up? I want to give her a rose flower and a valentine cards. I don't care what you think!

In fact, I'm due for another hair cut this coming Friday, and I'm going to tell my hair stylist that the girl and I should be tying the knot by the end of this year! (nah nah, just kidding! LOL!)

Read the bold, she expressed many signs of disinterest.

Holding her hands isn't going to suddenly make her into you. In fact I am confident she probably won't let you hold her hand or get touchy with her.

Don't give her a rose, it screams of LOVE. You two aren't there yet.

What cultural background do you share? I guess if "arranged" situations are the norm in your culture you might stand a chance.

February 5, 2017

Read the bold, she expressed many signs of disinterest.

Holding her hands isn't going to suddenly make her into you. In fact I am confident she probably won't let you hold her hand or get touchy with her.

Don't give her a rose, it screams of LOVE. You two aren't there yet.

What cultural background do you share? I guess if "arranged" situations are the norm in your culture you might stand a chance.

^^ Okay, so I get it. She doesn't like me. I guess it's a hard pill for me to swallow.

I haven't even sent her a text message since we last texted each other on Tuesday. No communication after that. Why should I initiate the text messages?

Well, I guess I will go on the weekend tour with her....I have to ....I purchased the tickets for the both of us three weeks ago, and they're non-refundable.

Fine, then, no roses for her.

I'm part Korean and she's full Korean.

We were introduced to each other via my hair stylist, and the girl's mom is one of the hair stylist's clients.

So question is, what should I do when I pick her up for our walk-in-the city wine tour this coming weekend?

I sure don't want to throw her away. I do see a future for the both of us.

February 6, 2017

I never said you did. If someone starts grilling you on a first date about your "dating history" move it on to lighter topics.

Again don't ask what your "status" is until you have been dating someone for a long time. Personally, I never would ask that. Let her do it eventually.

.

We never talked about previous dates or relationship on our first coffee date.

Since we've met for the 3rd time last weekend, I decided to ask her about "relationship" status. Because usually, you start holding hands and kissing after the second or third date, right?

I know different girls mature or "open up" at different rates.

When she told me that "we're still friends trying to know each other" it's either 1) I'm just a friend and friend zoned or 2) she is the type of girl who usually wants to really know a guy (esp since we didn't know each other before meeting) so she will be friends with him for one to two months before opening up to a more romantic relationship.

We'll see what happens.

Sign In

Blind date - Eventually meet up, but still no kisses or holding hands

Recommended Posts

HandsomeAndLonely

basil67

HandsomeAndLonely

HandsomeAndLonely

basil67

Popsicle

Erik30

smackie9

SevenCity

amurb

Lansing

Purepony

BaileyB

Jj66

Fhsjkfjrhsdh3646

joseb

Fhsjkfjrhsdh3646

HandsomeAndLonely

HandsomeAndLonely

HandsomeAndLonely

joseb

joseb

Fhsjkfjrhsdh3646

HandsomeAndLonely

HandsomeAndLonely

What's New

My Activity Streams

More...