tilby Posted January 29, 2017 Posted January 29, 2017 What are your thoughts on this situation... Met a guy online. We hit it off immediately, met up and have been seeing each other for a month. He now asked to be exclusive and I refused as I'm getting this bad vibe from him. He texts over calling, ignored my messages for days, goes MIA at night, says he's living with his sister and her kids so I can't go to his place. There's places around town he will not go to and won't stay the night at my place. I called him out gently on the night thing and his response rate and I got dumped. Ok, I'm not too cut up by this because i wasn't sure about us toward the end anyway, but I'm looking for other people's opinions here. Was he already taken or not? He asked for exclusivity afterall.
morrowrd Posted January 29, 2017 Posted January 29, 2017 I'm not sure what you need advice on. You did everything right here; saw some red flags, confronted him, and ended things. Asking for exclusivity; part of his game. Was he taken; probably. There, do you feel better?
Author tilby Posted January 29, 2017 Author Posted January 29, 2017 I'm not sure what you need advice on. You did everything right here; saw some red flags, confronted him, and ended things. Asking for exclusivity; part of his game. Was he taken; probably. There, do you feel better? No need to be rude. This was a valid question. Was he taken or not? Sometimes we don't see things for what they are and need a little reassurance. That's what this forum is for, advice right?
morrowrd Posted January 29, 2017 Posted January 29, 2017 No need to have hurt feelings. When people ask questions that they already know the answers to, it makes me wonder why they're asking in the first place. You asked for clarity, yet you did everything right. This guy used lies that were so obviously lies, then asks you to be exclusive, it's laughable. I'm glad you didn't fall for it, then posted questions here, because your responses would have been rude. I started dating after my divorce after 24 years of being faithful to a horrible marriage. I had zero dating experience before I married (young) and began online dating immediately once separated. I was shocked at all the games and lying - and with zero experience, it was so easy (sometimes) to see through these ridiculous behaviors. 30 and 40 year old's coming up with lies worse than a 4th grader. Anyway, back to you. Your dates excuses were pitiful...and you had plenty of clarity to do the right thing.
C.JunioR Posted January 29, 2017 Posted January 29, 2017 My hunch is that he is probably married with children or in a LTR with his gf living in the same house, thus he can't call or let you come to his house. It also explains the MIA at night and for days at times as he risks being caught. He avoids parts of town as his partner or people who might see him might be there. Just my guess, but i reckon its pretty accurate. Even if its not, you would not want to get into a relationship with a person who would go MIA for periods in the first months of the relationship. Good luck, move on, and look forward to meeting the man who deserves you and treats you right.
Gaeta Posted January 29, 2017 Posted January 29, 2017 Been there and yes he was living with his long term girlfriend. He had told me he was living with this brother and brother's wife and kids and that is why I could not visit him.
Fruitee Posted January 29, 2017 Posted January 29, 2017 Yes he is cheating on her and looking for some side piece and action. Block him and forget him.
Redhead14 Posted January 29, 2017 Posted January 29, 2017 What are your thoughts on this situation... Met a guy online. We hit it off immediately, met up and have been seeing each other for a month. He now asked to be exclusive and I refused as I'm getting this bad vibe from him. He texts over calling, ignored my messages for days, goes MIA at night, says he's living with his sister and her kids so I can't go to his place. There's places around town he will not go to and won't stay the night at my place. I called him out gently on the night thing and his response rate and I got dumped. Ok, I'm not too cut up by this because i wasn't sure about us toward the end anyway, but I'm looking for other people's opinions here. Was he already taken or not? He asked for exclusivity afterall. During the first month, at least, you are simply evaluating whether that person is meeting your early dating needs "organically" -- without "calling them out". If they aren't then you simply tell them you're moving on. You can tell them why, but you aren't going to wait around to see if they start doing better with it all because they will likely do better for a little while and then stop. I'm glad you refused exclusivity if you've been being intimate with him, but you should have just walked away at that point. All of the things you mentioned are signs that a man is taken or at least not very invested in you. He asked for exclusivity because he knows that women need "a sign" that things are moving in the right direction at least when they are sleeping with a man and/or they just want to know that she isn't sleeping with others even though they may be. They want YOU to be exclusive. The guy ditched you because he doesn't want a/another "girlfriend", he wanted a side piece that was "exclusive" that didn't require "maintenance" . . . you were accepting no phone calls, ignored texts, MIA at night, etc. for a month, so he thought "cool, she doesn't need much". Yeah, I might have asked about texting/calling, because some people just don't like phone calls and some people don't text so finding out if it's a preference thing would be fine, but the other stuff, I wouldn't even bother with talking about, I'd just identify him as someone who just doesn't meet my dating needs. You dodged a bullet.
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