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Day 28 of No Contact, Not a So Much as a Single Breadcrumb

SorrowfulHuman

By SorrowfulHuman
in Breaks and Breaking Up

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SorrowfulHuman New Member

SorrowfulHuman

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I must have really messed up and/or sucked. I know, I know - "that's not the point of No Contact". Nevertheless, I can't believe I wasn't worthy of so much as one "check up" text or something similar. That's almost more heartbreaking than the end of the relationship itself :(

  • Like 2
jamili Established Member

jamili

Posted
Posted
I must have really messed up and/or sucked. I know, I know - "that's not the point of No Contact". Nevertheless, I can't believe I wasn't worthy of so much as one "check up" text or something similar. That's almost more heartbreaking than the end of the relationship itself :(

 

Day 28 is the beginning. I wouldn't be expecting anything for many more months. Try ~6months IMO. You are still in the very early stages of NC.

Hoosfoos Established Member

Hoosfoos

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Trust me, they don't help.

  • Like 3
Sweetfish Established Member

Sweetfish

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Posted
I must have really messed up and/or sucked. I know, I know - "that's not the point of No Contact". Nevertheless, I can't believe I wasn't worthy of so much as one "check up" text or something similar. That's almost more heartbreaking than the end of the relationship itself :(

 

Start working on your self worth.;)

  • Like 2
niji Established Member

niji

Posted
Posted (edited)
I must have really messed up and/or sucked. I know, I know - "that's not the point of No Contact". Nevertheless, I can't believe I wasn't worthy of so much as one "check up" text or something similar. That's almost more heartbreaking than the end of the relationship itself :(

 

A person who broke up with you but still respects you will not give you breadcrumbs. She stays with you when she loves you, and leaves you when she no longer does. She wants you to move on, not keep you on the backburner or be her pawn.

 

The fact that she broke up with you already shows she doesn't love you enough. Breadcrumb only shows said person is disrespectful. It does not prove worth, nor does it prove there's love involved. Breadcrumbs = self-validation; when someone sends breadcrumbs, they're looking for, "Do you still miss me?" (aka I'm really important and am the s*it right?). It's not, "Hey I still have feelings for you.

Edited by niji
  • Like 8
Blanco Established Member

Blanco

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Posted
Day 28 is the beginning. I wouldn't be expecting anything for many more months. Try ~6months IMO. You are still in the very early stages of NC.

 

This isn't incorrect, but as a community, we should do what we can not to provide false hope. It's true exes pop up months down the road, if they do at all, rather than in the weeks after the breakup.

 

But when we mention this to new members, I think it's important to also mention that they shouldn't be waiting for or expecting anything from our exes. Because, rare as it might be, some exes truly don't reach out again. It's best to proceed with life under the assumption that our ex is one of those rare instances.

basil67 Established Member

basil67

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What's the history here? Why did you break up? Did you request NC? Was the breakup acrimonious?

 

If you requested NC, then she's simply respecting your request. It's unrealistic to complain about someone respecting you. If you want to remain in contact, make sure to leave communication lines open.

LargoLagg Established Member

LargoLagg

Posted
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I must have really messed up and/or sucked. I know, I know - "that's not the point of No Contact". Nevertheless, I can't believe I wasn't worthy of so much as one "check up" text or something similar. That's almost more heartbreaking than the end of the relationship itself :(
Contacting you would just make you start over. Count your blessings. I know it doesn't feel like a blessing, but at some point, the cessation of contact will make you believe it's over, and I mean REALLY BELIEVE IT. Like, to your core you'll believe it. Sometimes when they break up with you, they really, really mean it, and they never come back.

 

Once every bit of you knows it's true, healing is right around the next corner.

umirano Established Member

umirano

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I'm broken up three months now. Haven't gotten a single breadcrumb either. The last thing we spoke to each other was

 

"Ok, this is it then. Bye." "Bye"

 

A bit later she emailed that she'd send her friend to pick up her belongings to which I replied curtly and to the point. This made her ask me "So do you not want any contact?" to which I replied "No, I do not. I'll be able to get over you much easier if we are not in contact."

 

She sent one more email thanking me for packing hee things and telling me to contact her anytime I want to.

 

Believe me, you don't want to be contacted. This is the best way. Appreciate the fact that she respects you enough to not inject herself into your life on a whim and let's hope it stays that way.

  • Like 1
fairyfloff Member

fairyfloff

Posted
Posted

its been 3 months now and I had bits of breadcrumbs given within the first 1.5m, (calls I don't pick up, sms and prank calls) but it has now stopped.

I too rather not have any unless its a reconciliation (but I know it will never happen).

 

As much as I'd love to talk to him again, I remind myself that I meant nothing to him and he wanted me out of his life and cares for noone but himself.

 

It is for the best that they don't contact, as much as you want them to. It will hurt more, and it will hurt again once the bread crumbs stop too.

Been Established Member

Been

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They ALWAYS contact you when you least expect it. Or you bump into them.

Consider yourself lucky. Bread crumbs in essence mean they have no respect for you-they don't want you but they wanna still keep you hooked.

My ex cheated on me so we broke up. I stopped talking to her.

I all the sudden would get random texts from her like- why am I avoiding her/how she lays in bed crying but knows it's for the best(keep in mind I live in a small town and I already knew the man she cheated on me with had already moved in with her). So finally I text her basically saying leave me alone. Don't want anything from her. Then block her.

So at least yours has the respect to leave you alone and allow you to heal. You should be thankful of that.

elaine567 Established Member

elaine567

Posted
Posted
I must have really messed up and/or sucked. I know, I know - "that's not the point of No Contact". Nevertheless, I can't believe I wasn't worthy of so much as one "check up" text or something similar. That's almost more heartbreaking than the end of the relationship itself :(

 

Well it all depends on the circumstances of the dumping and the personalities involved.

 

Some dumpers never reach out as they know if they did they would weaken and perhaps give in, but they know that is not in their best interests, so they choose to stay away.

 

Some never reach out as they are too angry annoyed or upset with the dumpee. They NEVER want to hear or speak to them again.

 

Some never reach out as they compartmentalise their lives well and once "done" they almost immediately forget and move on.

 

Some never reach out as they just do not want to get involved in the mess that was the relationship before they left. They just do not want to get involved in circular arguments and craziness ever again.

 

Some never reach out as they do not want to see the misery and heartache that they "caused".

 

Some never reach out as frankly they do not give a damn, they did all their grieving before they even suggested they were leaving, so on the day they left they feel very little and once left they just get on with their lives.

 

Some never reach out as they are already involved with someone else and the new relationship is their priority now.

 

Some never reach out as they are having a great time being single again.

 

I am sure there are many many more reasons for not reaching out but if the dumper is done and never reaches out, then the dumpee just needs to accept that and stop harking back to a relationship for whatever reason did not work out.

 

Onward and upward.

  • Like 1
Bromeo Established Member

Bromeo

Posted
Posted
I must have really messed up and/or sucked. I know, I know - "that's not the point of No Contact". Nevertheless, I can't believe I wasn't worthy of so much as one "check up" text or something similar. That's almost more heartbreaking than the end of the relationship itself :(

 

Try getting crumbs for almost 6 months, going no contact for two months, getting more crumbs, never any forward progress. It broke me in two.

 

Really, read my tale for what not to expect or do.

 

Ironically, today I am at the end of my breadcrumb journey with this particular ex. Two weeks of flakey texts is enough for me.

 

Summary? "Want to meet up and chat? No? Never contact me again, for any reason, whatsoever."

 

Chins up. Welcome to the lonely hearts club.

jamili Established Member

jamili

Posted
Posted
Try getting crumbs for almost 6 months, going no contact for two months, getting more crumbs, never any forward progress. It broke me in two.

 

Really, read my tale for what not to expect or do.

 

Ironically, today I am at the end of my breadcrumb journey with this particular ex. Two weeks of flakey texts is enough for me.

 

Summary? "Want to meet up and chat? No? Never contact me again, for any reason, whatsoever."

 

Chins up. Welcome to the lonely hearts club.

 

Glad you finally threw sand on that fire bromeo... she seemed to be very clearly screwing with you at this point. Now, i wouldnt respond at all unless she makes it abundantly clear that she wants you back. Show her you are f***ing serious!

 

OP... breadcrumbs suck.... the only communication you want is an "i want you back, i messed up", but that is different than breadcrumbs and you you might get someday or you might never get it, but you wont know until after a longggggggggg period of NC, maybe even years from now, after you both move on and growas people.

MeadowFlower Established Member

MeadowFlower

Posted
Posted

Chins up. Welcome to the lonely hearts club.

Can I join that club too.

 

 

OP, I agree with what others have said, breadcrumbs may be nice at the time, but they can do harm if it isn't a genuine effort. So as hard as it seems now just try and focus on you and your life, your goals. At the same time allow yourself to go through the grieving process.

  • 3 weeks later...
Maldives Established Member

Maldives

Posted
Posted
Well it all depends on the circumstances of the dumping and the personalities involved.

 

Some dumpers never reach out as they know if they did they would weaken and perhaps give in, but they know that is not in their best interests, so they choose to stay away.

 

Some never reach out as they are too angry annoyed or upset with the dumpee. They NEVER want to hear or speak to them again.

 

 

Some never reach out as they compartmentalise their lives well and once "done" they almost immediately forget and move on.

 

Some never reach out as they just do not want to get involved in the mess that was the relationship before they left. They just do not want to get involved in circular arguments and craziness ever again.

 

Some never reach out as they do not want to see the misery and heartache that they "caused".

 

Some never reach out as frankly they do not give a damn, they did all their grieving before they even suggested they were leaving, so on the day they left they feel very little and once left they just get on with their lives.

 

Some never reach out as they are already involved with someone else and the new relationship is their priority now.

 

Some never reach out as they are having a great time being single again.

 

I am sure there are many many more reasons for not reaching out but if the dumper is done and never reaches out, then the dumpee just needs to accept that and stop harking back to a relationship for whatever reason did not work out.

 

Onward and upward.

 

 

Wells said

Maldives Established Member

Maldives

Posted
Posted

My ex wife went hot n cold and trust me all the mths of progress went down the drain and took yrs to finally get over her it messed wth my head.. but having said that another ex never contacted me it was equally as painfull exactly how u feel u wonder wether they ever loved u to begin wth. To be honest coming bac sux but it's harder wen they never ever contact u again it takes a bigger blow to ureself esteem that's b3en my experience. Currently going thru a split aftrr 6 yrs no contact for 5 mths officially split 2.5 mths ago and it just feels like she's such a cold bitch fkn cold so me n u share something in common here its actually probably worse the cold cut it does leave ur self esteem in tatters

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