Is it weird for an unattractive guy to go to a club alone?

January 30, 2017

a) Because I was doing errands - therefore he was bothering me.
b) He doesn't know me. Therefore, he must be asking me out based on my appearance. I did not want to be dated for my looks.
c) I don't know him. Why would I date a guy who I haven't had an engaging conversation with?
d) I just find the whole concept icky.

I'd have been much more likely to date someone who I got talking to at a party or social venue. A friend of a friend would be ideal.

Do you have women in your social circle?

No, I don't have a social circle. That makes sense and I can see why it has a high failure rate.

Edited January 30, 2017 by mar96

January 30, 2017

No, I don't have a social circle. That makes sense and I can see why it has a high failure rate.

You keep saying your ugly... very curious what you consider ugly...

January 31, 2017

You keep saying your ugly... very curious what you consider ugly...

I grew up.thinking I was ugly. It was not even close to the truth.

January 31, 2017

what is your opinion on cold approaching? I've never asked out girls in high school at all, so I regret it. I want to know how women would respond if I just approached them in a supermarket, library, the gym, or any place that is casual.

As someone recently pointed out, 80 percent of people you would approach are already taken, so your chances of that working is very low. But when I hear "cold approach," I am assuming you're talking about just asking for their number or asking them out. I say no to that before you've seen them around a bit. But if by "cold approach," you mean just being friendly and chit chatting about how long the line is or how pretty the weather is and just initiating light conversation, than that is just being friendly and is fine. I will warn you that it is very hard to get anywhere in the short time you have to chat up a stranger. That's why you need activities that put you into a repeating group of people. Bowling, kayaking, music gigs, social activities.

Most women aren't going to offer their contact info to a guy that talks to them at the store that they've never seen before. But if you, say, take your dog to the dog park regularly, the dogs will force you to follow them to keep them out of trouble and you'll end up meeting people you will see over and over. Just walking a dog is a great way to meet people, but don't get one unless you can provide well for it. And it's always better to have two or more because they're pack animals who will be less anxious with another dog.

Use your imagination, but try to have a conversation starter. Go to Starbucks and sit for an hour every certain day at a certain time and read or bring your computer, but try to have something on the table as a conversation starter, something silly or something interesting.

January 31, 2017

You keep saying your ugly... very curious what you consider ugly...

I mean physically and I'm not tall to make up for it. I just never asked out girls in high school and I regret to know how girls would respond if I asked them out. I'm always wondering. As a guy, it should have been my responsibility to reach out and try. I feel that assuming that girls would respond negatively would just make me feel I'm being too harsh on myself. I hear often that cold approaching girls is also kind of a numbers game, so I want to know what most girls' perception of me is.

January 31, 2017

I think it's weird for any guy to go to a club alone

January 31, 2017

I used to be socially awkward. In my younger 20s I went out to the bars with my friends/coworkers and slowly worked my way out of my comfort zone.

January 31, 2017

I think it's weird for any guy to go to a club alone

your still just a young pup. I travel all over the world and dont feel weird at all. I go to 1st world countries and get hit on as well as 3rd world. i have no problem going to the movies by my self if I have too. I have plenty of friends and family I can go with.. this is how you get comfortable in your own flesh.

I go to areas by my self and scope it out.. walk around talk to people. When I go on a date I know exactly where to park.. the waiters name.. and know exactly where im going and doing.

Most women if they like you... don't just want to go to a bar or dinner.. they want a 2-3 course date. Dinner + a walk in the park. Bar + indoor go karting.

Cold approach is not a numbers game its a confidence game.. you build up confidence and your skill. How about a warm approach or friendly approach.

As you fiddle with rockets in your room.. BTW I've own rockets, rc airplanes, and helicopters you are stripping your self with interacting in the real world. You need to balance your hobbies and interaction with the outside world or merge them together.

Women just like cool **** I have a book in my room of the solar systems and planets. A book of all marvel comics characters. Really bad *** electronic stuff. Women like this stuff. They have seen plenty of video games or fancy stuff in a mans house or room to make her eyes roll back into her head. They might not care how it works... but if you take a female on a lunch date to a park... set up the rocket explain to her how it works and let her fire the rocket... thats a pretty bad *** date in my opinion..

Where guys mess up is thinking that the girl is the last girl on the planet and become clingy and not give her space to think about the wonderful date..

You best bet is to make friends with guys... the guys will open you up to girls.. now you have a network of people.. thats how its works.

January 31, 2017

I was once very shy.

I think the best way is to practice talking with more random people. Focus on talking to girls you have no interest in, and start with small talk.

Practice this. Keep building yourself up.

This is what I did and how I overcame my fear.

I think bars and clubs are the worst. Take it from me - I used to live in then.

January 31, 2017

I was once very shy.

I think the best way is to practice talking with more random people. Focus on talking to girls you have no interest in, and start with small talk.

Practice this. Keep building yourself up.

This is what I did and how I overcame my fear.

I think bars and clubs are the worst. Take it from me - I used to live in then.

Why don't you recommend going to a bar?

January 31, 2017

As a quiet guy myself it doesn't seem like a good idea. Somewhere that is mostly about physical appearances where you literally have to yell to talk to the other person, just doesn't seem like the right situation for you.

Although maybe if you are a really good dancer, it's a good way to woo women without having to use a lot of talking...

January 31, 2017

Bar is better if you have a friend(s) that you can go with.

If you're doing something yourself it's better to join a club/group activity. Try the meetups app, good way to meet people and socialize.

That being said, if you're feeling adventurous you can go to the bar yourself. Just focus on making friendly (but interesting) conversation with people first, before you start asking for numbers or hitting on girls.

Another good thing is whenever you go out (to the store, mall,etc.) just smile at people as you walk by, and if they make eye contact or smile back, say hi.

January 31, 2017

I go to bars sometimes alone... sit at the bar and strike up conversations with people just sitting there.

I find if you are there to meet people, bringing friends isn't a great idea. Your friends can distract you from starting up conversations with others, as well as make you seem less approachable if you are in a group.

January 31, 2017

I go to bars sometimes alone... sit at the bar and strike up conversations with people just sitting there.

I find if you are there to meet people, bringing friends isn't a great idea. Your friends can distract you from starting up conversations with others, as well as make you seem less approachable if you are in a group.

I disagree -- friends are a good safety net especially when you're stepping out of your bubble. OP is a guy, so people won't approach him anyways. Your advice is more tailored for Women.

Going to the bar with friends opens him up to socializing within their group (and people who may come into it), which will improve his general social skills.

January 31, 2017

Back when I was in middle school and high school, even freshman year of college, I had difficulty reaching out to women. I had poor confidence, like to keep to myself. But, I was active, I had friends because I was active and the hobbies I was involved in.

When I got to college, I left the "old" me behind. I didn't have that high of confidence, so I started hitting the gym. I noticed my body changing, feeling better about myself. I held myself higher. Girls started noticing this. They noticed I gave off this pleasant "glow" of confidence, something women can tell within seconds of looking at you.

Another thing I did was I read the book "The Game" by Neil Strauss. My cousin gave it to me Freshman year of college. Now, I'm sure I'll get some hate on here to tell you to read it, but its actually a very good "how to" and "help your confidence book". It involves approaching and hitting on women. many of the "techniques", such as "negging" get a lot of hate on here. Which I agree, its kind of dumb when you get older. But hey, in college it worked for me every now and again.

I got about halfway through the book I put it down and never picked it back up again. Why? Because I finally understood that confidence is the key. Its not about what you say to women, its how you say it and how you carry yourself.

Now, I definitely grew up and matured quite a bit since elementary school and high school. I started hooking up with the "hottest" girl from high school - a girl who I thought was way out of my league. First night we hung out she said "you're not as shy as you were back then". I replied "That's because I stopped giving a **** what people thought of me". Turned out she wasn't even as "hot" as I thought and I ended up cutting things off with her.

Moral of the story:

1) start with conversation, the rest will come later. Don't try to "hit on girls" because you're setting yourself up for failure. Try to learn to strike up a random conversation with someone. Male/Female, it doesn't matter. Having the confidence to start up a random conversation with a stranger will increase and you'll start to do it without even noticing it. That's when directing these conversations towards women will improve.

2) Hit a gym. Its exercise, its another easy spot to approach strangers, "hey man, you using this?" "-nah, you need a spot?", get a spot, introduce yourself, now you just made a friend at the gym.

3) Confidence. Fake it until you make it. It'll come naturally in time, but like I did, stop caring what others think. Let them make up their mind if you're unattractive or not. If you really feel this way, maybe go to a male hair salon and ask them about styles that would better suit you, and give yourself a makeover. I go to this one salon which is run my all women, and just say, what do you think would work well on me? Maybe go in get a trim, and ask your stylist to look up some styles for you for next time. Give her a good tip and she'll remember you and be more inclined to help you.

January 31, 2017

^^ I always suggest The Game to people who have trouble interacting with women and dating. But yeah a lot of the PUA stuff is bull****.

February 1, 2017

Hi mar96!

Firstly, beauty is in the eye of the beholder. A guy that may not be attractive to one woman is attractive for another

Secondly, I know another poster mentioned she doesnt like cold approaches but I would love it if a guy struck up a convo with me! I may act shocked at first because it never happens to me but a lot of women wish men would just be friendly and say hi!

I'm not saying you need to ask for a woman for her number every time, just be open and strike up a convo. Just look at it like you're making a new friend and not a potential gf

I think starting a new hobby would be a great idea! I actually think a bar is a good idea too because alcohol loosens people up. It might be easier to break the ice after a drink

You're also not the only person that's awkward! I had a guy say hi to me a week or two ago and I was so shocked I looked like a total idiot lol

And please dont think that just because a woman is pretty that she's above you or that shes taken...I always get put on blast for saying this but its revelant, I'm very attractive but guys rarely say hi to me and I'm not taken. It would make my day if a guy was friendly started a convo! Dont put women on pedestals. We're not Gods. We're women. Most of us arent going to bite you. And if a woman is a b**** to you then you probably dont want her anyway

February 1, 2017

Back when I was in middle school and high school, even freshman year of college, I had difficulty reaching out to women. I had poor confidence, like to keep to myself. But, I was active, I had friends because I was active and the hobbies I was involved in.

When I got to college, I left the "old" me behind. I didn't have that high of confidence, so I started hitting the gym. I noticed my body changing, feeling better about myself. I held myself higher. Girls started noticing this. They noticed I gave off this pleasant "glow" of confidence, something women can tell within seconds of looking at you.

Another thing I did was I read the book "The Game" by Neil Strauss. My cousin gave it to me Freshman year of college. Now, I'm sure I'll get some hate on here to tell you to read it, but its actually a very good "how to" and "help your confidence book". It involves approaching and hitting on women. many of the "techniques", such as "negging" get a lot of hate on here. Which I agree, its kind of dumb when you get older. But hey, in college it worked for me every now and again.

I got about halfway through the book I put it down and never picked it back up again. Why? Because I finally understood that confidence is the key. Its not about what you say to women, its how you say it and how you carry yourself.

Now, I definitely grew up and matured quite a bit since elementary school and high school. I started hooking up with the "hottest" girl from high school - a girl who I thought was way out of my league. First night we hung out she said "you're not as shy as you were back then". I replied "That's because I stopped giving a **** what people thought of me". Turned out she wasn't even as "hot" as I thought and I ended up cutting things off with her.

Moral of the story:

1) start with conversation, the rest will come later. Don't try to "hit on girls" because you're setting yourself up for failure. Try to learn to strike up a random conversation with someone. Male/Female, it doesn't matter. Having the confidence to start up a random conversation with a stranger will increase and you'll start to do it without even noticing it. That's when directing these conversations towards women will improve.

2) Hit a gym. Its exercise, its another easy spot to approach strangers, "hey man, you using this?" "-nah, you need a spot?", get a spot, introduce yourself, now you just made a friend at the gym.

3) Confidence. Fake it until you make it. It'll come naturally in time, but like I did, stop caring what others think. Let them make up their mind if you're unattractive or not. If you really feel this way, maybe go to a male hair salon and ask them about styles that would better suit you, and give yourself a makeover. I go to this one salon which is run my all women, and just say, what do you think would work well on me? Maybe go in get a trim, and ask your stylist to look up some styles for you for next time. Give her a good tip and she'll remember you and be more inclined to help you.

Thanks! I will look into PUA stuff and I will look into getting a gym membership. I just can't get over the feeling of regret I have of not interacting with girls at all in high school, not even one. Its got me so down that I've just missed out and am still a virgin. I heard in high school, its easier, but here I am after high school, where its much harder. I've also missed out on a lot of other things too.

February 1, 2017

Step 1, make friends. When you make friends you meet people.

Step 2, have a social life with said friends

Step 3, Build substance. Get hobbies and interests that women would be involved with like, hiking, yoga, working out, cooking, sports, music. Learn to play guitar.

Step 4, get some game. Learn to be witty, charming and confident with women.

Step 5, learn to trust people and let them be a part of your life.

February 1, 2017

Hi mar96!

Firstly, beauty is in the eye of the beholder. A guy that may not be attractive to one woman is attractive for another

Secondly, I know another poster mentioned she doesnt like cold approaches but I would love it if a guy struck up a convo with me! I may act shocked at first because it never happens to me but a lot of women wish men would just be friendly and say hi!

I'm not saying you need to ask for a woman for her number every time, just be open and strike up a convo. Just look at it like you're making a new friend and not a potential gf

I think starting a new hobby would be a great idea! I actually think a bar is a good idea too because alcohol loosens people up. It might be easier to break the ice after a drink

You're also not the only person that's awkward! I had a guy say hi to me a week or two ago and I was so shocked I looked like a total idiot lol

And please dont think that just because a woman is pretty that she's above you or that shes taken...I always get put on blast for saying this but its revelant, I'm very attractive but guys rarely say hi to me and I'm not taken. It would make my day if a guy was friendly started a convo! Dont put women on pedestals. We're not Gods. We're women. Most of us arent going to bite you. And if a woman is a b**** to you then you probably dont want her anyway

Thanks! I think all women have different feelings about being approached randomly. How would you feel if a guy you had no physical attraction to at all cold approached his intentions being obvious, but not being fast, but had a nice conversation and asked you to go on a date?

Edited February 1, 2017 by mar96

February 1, 2017

Step 1, make friends. When you make friends you meet people.
Step 2, have a social life with said friends
Step 3, Build substance. Get hobbies and interests that women would be involved with like, hiking, yoga, working out, cooking, sports, music. Learn to play guitar.
Step 4, get some game. Learn to be witty, charming and confident with women.
Step 5, learn to trust people and let them be a part of your life.

You make it sound so simple.

Steps 1-4 will get lots of women into your bed if that's what you want.

The hardest part for me has been step 5.

February 1, 2017

Thanks! I will look into PUA stuff and I will look into getting a gym membership. I just can't get over the feeling of regret I have of not interacting with girls at all in high school, not even one. Its got me so down that I've just missed out and am still a virgin. I heard in high school, its easier, but here I am after high school, where its much harder. I've also missed out on a lot of other things too.

Don't think of it as being a PUA, just think of it as being a way to approach someone and helping you get comfortable with it. It could just be bull****ting to some guy about whatever, doesn't have to be just women.

I went through the same thing, regretting not talking to more women in high school. To be honest, I think it gets easier out of high school. Not only guys, but girls too tend to be shy. When you grow up, you mature not only physically, but socially. Don't get down on it. Just see it as a spot to improve on. High school means nothing, don't stress about it.

As Disillusionment said, don't put women on pedestals. Hell, even I get cold feet and don't approach women because of how attractive they are or think they may be taken already. Its just something I do subconsciously because I've done it before. I pick up on myself doing it, and go after the next one. Anytime you see yourself shying away from a situation, embrace that moment. Realize what you're doing, flashback to high school and tell yourself "I'm past this". Then go and approach someone. The trick is to realize that you're doing this and make a decision to go against what you've told yourself for so long.

February 1, 2017

Don't think of it as being a PUA, just think of it as being a way to approach someone and helping you get comfortable with it. It could just be bull****ting to some guy about whatever, doesn't have to be just women.

I went through the same thing, regretting not talking to more women in high school. To be honest, I think it gets easier out of high school. Not only guys, but girls too tend to be shy. When you grow up, you mature not only physically, but socially. Don't get down on it. Just see it as a spot to improve on. High school means nothing, don't stress about it.

As Disillusionment said, don't put women on pedestals. Hell, even I get cold feet and don't approach women because of how attractive they are or think they may be taken already. Its just something I do subconsciously because I've done it before. I pick up on myself doing it, and go after the next one. Anytime you see yourself shying away from a situation, embrace that moment. Realize what you're doing, flashback to high school and tell yourself "I'm past this". Then go and approach someone. The trick is to realize that you're doing this and make a decision to go against what you've told yourself for so long.

Thank you very much, I appreciate your advice!What do you think about going to a bar alone? I probably won't be going to college at all, so I don't have many places to practice this and meet girls.

February 2, 2017

I'm in the same boat man, but I'm 29 years old...I'd say yes, actually I go to bars/clubs solo at times to try meeting someone, but in your case since you're younger and can't drink it may be difficult for you if you have social anxiety...almost every female in there will be with a group of friends so without some liquid courage it might be tough to break out of your shell let alone offer a lady a drink.

Regardless, realize what I said above and give it a shot...once you're over 21 and can have a few beers to loosen up, it's an easy way to meet people.

Lastly, big tip.....make sure before you even leave for the club, you promise yourself you will talk to the first attractive girl you see when you enter. Give yourself only one minute once you enter to talk to someone...if you wait longer than that you will talk yourself out of it the rest of the night, especially solo. My friend gave me suggestion years ago, and I'd watch him enter like a king (he wasn't attractive) and talk to some random girl within a minute which ended with a number usually. It works trust me. I personally know, if I don't follow this, the rest of the night I sit and watch everyone having fun/can't muster up the courage to talk to anyone. Don't give yourself time to think. Good luck

February 2, 2017

One thing that I saw at the club was a physically fit guy dancing by himself and girls just laughing at him. It was very disheartening.

Another was a guy dancing well and women just geting in there and dancing with him.

IMHO find some friend that is single and go out together to meet girls.

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Is it weird for an unattractive guy to go to a club alone?

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