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Husband planning a solo vacation

Ally767

By Ally767
in General Relationship Discussion

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Ally767 New Member

Ally767

Posted
Posted

I need some feedback... My husband and I have been married for almost 3 1/2 years - second marriage for both us. We dated for several years and during that time he did some things that caused me not to trust him. I've worked on it and tried to believe he wouldn't cheat. He does however consistently say what a good guy he is because he "doesn't cheat". That it is just something all men want to do.

 

Soooo, I recently started working full time (he wanted me to quit my decent sales job about two years ago so we could travel more- he works in anesthesia and makes a very good income). My new job is in the local court system and I will have nowhere near the time off that he does. He has wanted me to get a job for a while and I have consistently been trying to find something comparable to what I had previously, before I quit so we could travel together. Needless to say I had to lower my expectations and take something that paid quite a bit less- but I did get a job ? Soooo, he starts talking about vacations a couple of weeks ago and I let him know I would not have anywhere near the time off he does- he has almost three months of vacation. He then proceeds to say he will just go alone. Now... I didn't immediately jump up and say "no way in hell are you going to the Dominican for a week half a dozen times a year ALONE". I tried to express my concern, and that "I "certainly wouldn't want to go on vacation alone. That maybe we could find some more local places that we could use our annual vouchers at that the resort gives us.

 

Am I wrong to not feel comfortable with him travelling alone for a week to the Dominican? On a side note, he is obsessed with threesomes and every time we are there he wants to hire a Dominican prostitute - it is legal there. Are my concerns valid? He told me I just have to trust him or we should get a divorce.

  • Like 1
Sweetfish Established Member

Sweetfish

Posted
Posted
I need some feedback... My husband and I have been married for almost 3 1/2 years - second marriage for both us. We dated for several years and during that time he did some things that caused me not to trust him. I've worked on it and tried to believe he wouldn't cheat. He does however consistently say what a good guy he is because he "doesn't cheat". That it is just something all men want to do.

 

Soooo, I recently started working full time (he wanted me to quit my decent sales job about two years ago so we could travel more- he works in anesthesia and makes a very good income). My new job is in the local court system and I will have nowhere near the time off that he does. He has wanted me to get a job for a while and I have consistently been trying to find something comparable to what I had previously, before I quit so we could travel together. Needless to say I had to lower my expectations and take something that paid quite a bit less- but I did get a job ? Soooo, he starts talking about vacations a couple of weeks ago and I let him know I would not have anywhere near the time off he does- he has almost three months of vacation. He then proceeds to say he will just go alone. Now... I didn't immediately jump up and say "no way in hell are you going to the Dominican for a week half a dozen times a year ALONE". I tried to express my concern, and that "I "certainly wouldn't want to go on vacation alone. That maybe we could find some more local places that we could use our annual vouchers at that the resort gives us.

 

Am I wrong to not feel comfortable with him travelling alone for a week to the Dominican? On a side note, he is obsessed with threesomes and every time we are there he wants to hire a Dominican prostitute - it is legal there. Are my concerns valid? He told me I just have to trust him or we should get a divorce.

 

 

I really don't mean to be harsh... but he will cheat 110% Dominican republic...lol.. yeah he will cheat. I personally have a co-worker who is married and goes there and tells me he cheats and its so hard to smile at her knowing he does this to this poor lady.

  • Like 5
aileD Established Member

aileD

Posted
Posted

If you have to ask strangers, you already know he answer

  • Like 5
Poutrew Established Member

Poutrew

Posted
Posted

If you can's stop him, then play his own game... when it is time for your vacation, plan on taking a Cruise ship alone to the Caribbean, or perhaps Rio for Carnival, or New Orleans for Mardi Gras. Then go. Have fun. Just like he is going to do.

 

By the way, his statement, that all men either want to cheat or are cheating, is utter Bull. But, it offers a window to the inner workings of your husband's mind... and your dude's a dud, I am sorry to say. Maybe you will meet up with your next husband on your travels...anything is possible.

  • Like 1
SoleMate Established Member

SoleMate

Posted
Posted

It seems he manipulated into a situation where he'd just have to vacation without you. Interesting.

 

Why D.R. of all places? Does he have a special interest in its culture or history? Or does he think that waving around some greenbacks will get him a "date"?

 

Now... I didn't immediately jump up and say "no way in hell are you going to the Dominican for a week half a dozen times a year ALONE"...

Why not?

 

On a side note, he is obsessed with threesomes and every time we are there he wants to hire a Dominican prostitute - it is legal there.

Oh.

 

That's not a side note....it's clearly the whole purpose of the trip.

  • Like 4
Imported Established Member

Imported

Posted
Posted

If it was like a hiking, fishing, hunting trip with buddies, I could understand.

 

A couple weeks in Dom rep on his own? Hhmm, that's more like a couples vacation or a singles 'adventure' tour.

  • Like 3
hotpotato Established Member

hotpotato

Posted
Posted
If you have to ask strangers, you already know he answer

 

Yes, my thoughts exactly.

 

Let's see:

fetish for Dominicans and going to the Domincan Republic

 

Just like sitting next to a fire wearing gasoline undies

 

*hugs* to the op

  • Like 2
Redhead14 Established Member

Redhead14

Posted
Posted
I need some feedback... My husband and I have been married for almost 3 1/2 years - second marriage for both us. We dated for several years and during that time he did some things that caused me not to trust him. I've worked on it and tried to believe he wouldn't cheat. He does however consistently say what a good guy he is because he "doesn't cheat". That it is just something all men want to do.

 

Soooo, I recently started working full time (he wanted me to quit my decent sales job about two years ago so we could travel more- he works in anesthesia and makes a very good income). My new job is in the local court system and I will have nowhere near the time off that he does. He has wanted me to get a job for a while and I have consistently been trying to find something comparable to what I had previously, before I quit so we could travel together. Needless to say I had to lower my expectations and take something that paid quite a bit less- but I did get a job Soooo, he starts talking about vacations a couple of weeks ago and I let him know I would not have anywhere near the time off he does- he has almost three months of vacation. He then proceeds to say he will just go alone. Now... I didn't immediately jump up and say "no way in hell are you going to the Dominican for a week half a dozen times a year ALONE". I tried to express my concern, and that "I "certainly wouldn't want to go on vacation alone. That maybe we could find some more local places that we could use our annual vouchers at that the resort gives us.

 

Am I wrong to not feel comfortable with him travelling alone for a week to the Dominican? On a side note, he is obsessed with threesomes and every time we are there he wants to hire a Dominican prostitute - it is legal there. Are my concerns valid? He told me I just have to trust him or we should get a divorce.

He told me I just have to trust him or we should get a divorce -- That is controlling, dismissive and manipulative. If he finalizes plans for going there, tell him, "Ok, I'll file while you are in the Dominican Republic" and then do it.

 

A partner who loves and respects your feelings and knows that your level of trust is "broken", will not do anything to further bolster that distrust. You tell him that you have a specific reason for not trusting this situation -- every time we are there he wants to hire a Dominican prostitute. You aren't having these feelings for no reason.

  • Like 2
WaitingForBardot Established Member

WaitingForBardot

Posted
Posted

Sometimes I think loveshack is a bit quick to jump to conclusions, many times unwarranted, and now I'm going to do the exact same thing... ..lol.. Although there is a non-zero probability that this is all innocent, I think not...

 

OP, you know exactly what your husband is planning. You have my sympathies...

  • Like 1
Simple Logic Established Member

Simple Logic

Posted
Posted
I need some feedback... My husband and I have been married for almost 3 1/2 years - second marriage for both us. We dated for several years and during that time he did some things that caused me not to trust him. I've worked on it and tried to believe he wouldn't cheat. He does however consistently say what a good guy he is because he "doesn't cheat". That it is just something all men want to do.

 

Soooo, I recently started working full time (he wanted me to quit my decent sales job about two years ago so we could travel more- he works in anesthesia and makes a very good income). My new job is in the local court system and I will have nowhere near the time off that he does. He has wanted me to get a job for a while and I have consistently been trying to find something comparable to what I had previously, before I quit so we could travel together. Needless to say I had to lower my expectations and take something that paid quite a bit less- but I did get a job ? Soooo, he starts talking about vacations a couple of weeks ago and I let him know I would not have anywhere near the time off he does- he has almost three months of vacation. He then proceeds to say he will just go alone. Now... I didn't immediately jump up and say "no way in hell are you going to the Dominican for a week half a dozen times a year ALONE". I tried to express my concern, and that "I "certainly wouldn't want to go on vacation alone. That maybe we could find some more local places that we could use our annual vouchers at that the resort gives us.

 

Am I wrong to not feel comfortable with him travelling alone for a week to the Dominican? On a side note, he is obsessed with threesomes and every time we are there he wants to hire a Dominican prostitute - it is legal there. Are my concerns valid? He told me I just have to trust him or we should get a divorce.

 

Tell to enjoy his vacation and you take care of the divorce while he is down there.

  • Like 3
preraph Established Member

preraph

Posted
Posted

He's going to cheat, but if cheating is what he wants to do, there is ample opportunity for him to do it right there where you live. So your dilemma isn't whether he can go on vacation alone; it's whether you are going to stay with him knowing he wants to cheat. If you are, then just let him go. He could do the same thing during his lunch break, so if he's going to do it and you're going to stay anyway, just accept that. If not, then find a new man who isn't focused on that at least.

  • Like 2
tommy.tiedup New Member

tommy.tiedup

Posted
Posted

I don't think it is necessarily unhealthy for married people to want to take a solo vacation once or maybe even twice a year. I would be concerned about his desire for a 3-some, especially with a prostitute, as that is an indicator it is all about his own pleasure. If he thought it would be fun for you, he would have invited a 2nd guy into the mix, but I don't think he has that level of maturity. Despite the various inherent dangers of bringing an unknown third person into sexual relationship, I think most guys fantasize about 3-somes, but only a small handful actually work to bring the evolution into the marriage. I don't know if there is anything I can write that might assuage your misgivings, but I think if he goes without your blessing, then there is a high degree of likelihood he will engage in infidelity, and upon his return, you will have to take measures to ensure your health and safety thereafter.

  • Like 1
Popsicle Established Member

Popsicle

Posted
Posted

He wanted you to get a job so he doesn't have any alimony risk, yet he wants a frequent travel partner as well. He can't have both. You're going to have to let him go travel by himself. The trust issue? Well, that's going to be there no matter what. This is the guy you picked to marry!

  • Like 2
Larryville Established Member

Larryville

Posted
Posted
I don't think it is necessarily unhealthy for married people to want to take a solo vacation once or maybe even twice a year.

 

I’m sorry but maybe this is one of those circumstances where the phrase

“different strokes for different folks” comes in.

 

I honestly don’t understand the married with separate vacations thing. I have never wanted to be separated with anyone I was with.

 

With both exes, we each would share work/vacations meaning the primary reason for the trip was work related and we would each tag along.

 

Now if the primary purpose of the trip was like what I did recently met up with some old Air Force buddies I had not seen in 30 years, if I were married and my SO could go, yes I would have informed her that I’m gonna hang out with these guys, but each of my exes would have understood.

 

But flat out saying I’m going and you are not going/not welcomed to come, that is as big a red flag to me as you can get.

 

I’ve been to Vegas enough to see these old dudes, at the bar chatting up young (escort looking hotties) and you sure as hell know what that is all about.

 

he did some things that caused me not to trust him.

 

He then proceeds to say he will just go alone. Now... I didn't immediately jump up and say "no way in hell are you going to the Dominican for a week half a dozen times a year ALONE". I tried to express my concern, and that "I "certainly wouldn't want to go on vacation alone. That maybe we could find some more local places that we could use our annual vouchers at that the resort gives us.

 

Am I wrong to not feel comfortable with him travelling alone…

 

Hell no!

  • Like 1
VeveCakes Established Member

VeveCakes

Posted
Posted

yes, he is def going to hook up with Dominican sex workers.

 

Get an STD screen OP.

 

What are you going to do about it?

  • Like 1
Robert Established Member

Robert

Posted
Posted

Looks like a drive-by threadstarter so we'll close this up. ~6

  • Like 1
While the thread author can add an update and reopen discussion, this thread was last posted in over a month ago. Want to continue the conversation? Feel free to start a new thread instead!
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