planb1973 Posted January 28, 2017 Posted January 28, 2017 Three years ago I dated this woman for about half a year. At the time I was fresh out of a long horrible relationship with a borderline that left me damaged and scared. I never opened up and was guarded the entire time we dated. At the end she suggested we just be friends as intimacy never really developed. Come to find out later she had also just come out of a long horrible relationship and had been in the same place as me. We went on to become good friends, going to happy hour or brunch once a month or so, attending birthday parties and other events. I went on and had a couple more serous relationships, whom she met, and she a year later met a great guy that she eventually moved in with. I was genuinely happy, never jealous, for her to have met someone who who treated her with the love and respect she deserved. Through the years I have done a lot of work on myself, mainly leaning why I always seem to attract and am attracted to "crazy." During this time of introspect, and some therapy, this woman had become a benchmark of normalcy to me. While we dated I had grown so used to crazy volatile relationships I really did not know how to handle "normal", it felt awkward, and somewhat boring. I have since worked through my draw to "crazy" and seek much more healthy women to date, though still striking out. I do often think of what could have happened between us had I been in a better place when we dated. Her boyfriend unexpectedly died a month ago. He had gone to the hospital complaining of stomach pains, found out he had cancer, and passed away the next month. My heart went out to her. I was so sorry for her loss, that she had finally found a great guy who was now gone. That and I know first hand what it is like to watch someone tortured to death by cancer. Heartbreaking all around. As any good friend would do I have been there in what ever capacity she needed, bringing food, and helping with the funeral. Last night to took her out for a nice dinner and a play. We had a great time and she was very thankful to get out of the house. I walked her to her car gave a kiss on the cheek and made plans to go out again next week. My dilemma... I do love her... Frankly she is the best woman I have ever known, and would date her again in a heartbeat. I also know she is sad, grieving, lonely, and now is not the time to express how I feel about her.
angel.eyes Posted January 28, 2017 Posted January 28, 2017 Just keep being a source of support and thoughtful friendship for now. Everyone deals with the death of a loved one differently, so it's hard to have a timeline when you can declare your feelings. Obviously, now isn't the right time. Her recovery will determine when. Go with the flow, be patient, and let things develop organically. It sounds like you have an amazing friendship together and the foundation (with time of course) for a potential romance. Best of luck! 1
Purepony Posted January 28, 2017 Posted January 28, 2017 At the risk of sounding cold and heartless things happen for reason and I will take that as a sign and you know what maybe it's meant to be
preraph Posted January 28, 2017 Posted January 28, 2017 Now is definitely not the time. In fact, no time is time because you already dated and broke up. Do NOT exploit her emotional confusion and vulnerability. If you feel you cannot offer "just friendship," you need to let someone else take care of her. In fact, even if she got needy and confused and reached out sexually, you should tell her no. This is going to be a big mess if you don't stop thinking you can get her back after it didn't work the first time. 1
angel.eyes Posted January 28, 2017 Posted January 28, 2017 Normally, I would agree. But they have both evolved as daters and are now much healthier in their approach to dating. This is no longer two damaged people returning to the comfort of a dysfunctional relationship. They have developed a solid friendship over the years since their breakup. OP, I say give it time. Take your cues from her, and in time, see where it goes.
dumbass2 Posted January 28, 2017 Posted January 28, 2017 Keep doing what you are doing and let her lead the way. Let it be up to her right now. Try not to change anything you are currently doing because she may be vulnerable and you may lose her even as a good friend by trying to make it any thing other then friendship for the time being. 1
QueenDafine Posted January 29, 2017 Posted January 29, 2017 It's good to know that you're understanding of her feelings and knowing where not to cross the line of taking advantage of her emotional vulnerability. All I can say is just give her he time she needs, don't rush anything and make sure that you're both comfortable with taking things yo the next level when the time comes. It's great that you're there for her and supporting her, shows how much you really care for her and have grown from your past.
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