ExposedBrick Posted January 28, 2017 Posted January 28, 2017 I'm a little rusty on dating, just getting back into the scene after a 2+ year relationship and a few months to myself. Anyway, I went on a date with a girl I met on Tinder last night. There are signs it went well and signs it went poorly making me kick myself as I thought she was really attractive and cool. The worst imaginable thing is that I don't have her number. When we were setting up the date initially, I gave her my number with the date details but she did not reciprocate. I unfortunately did not think of it during our date as I was a bit anxious getting back into the game. When I got home, I tried to do a barometer check by asking her if she got home alright via the app. She replied: I did, had a good time thanks. I see no harm in asking for another date but I feel very awkward about having to use the app to attempt and set this up. What should I do?
angel.eyes Posted January 28, 2017 Posted January 28, 2017 Use the app to ask her out again. (You have no other choice.) If she agrees to another date, mention that she has your phone number but you don't have hers. See how she responds to that.
Author ExposedBrick Posted January 28, 2017 Author Posted January 28, 2017 What's a good second date idea? All we talked about were concerts but that's not really a good date if you don't know the person.
angel.eyes Posted January 28, 2017 Posted January 28, 2017 What did you do for your first date? What interests did you discuss other than concerts and music? What are your hobbies? Her hobbies? What do you know about her from your conversation on the date? A little more detail, and I'll throw out some suggestions. 1
Purepony Posted January 28, 2017 Posted January 28, 2017 I think your done She just closed the conversation and all 3
TheAntiHero Posted January 28, 2017 Posted January 28, 2017 If I were you, I'd look for reciprocity. Obviously, if she's not reciprocating, get the hell out of there. To me, she doesn't sound interested.
winny Posted January 28, 2017 Posted January 28, 2017 Dont worry so much. Ask her for her number first on Tinder. If she gives that to you, then initiate the second date thru text or call. If she doesn't share her number then either she isn't interested or something is fishy. Either way you will have your answer. 1
4kad Posted January 28, 2017 Posted January 28, 2017 I think your done She just closed the conversation and all Yeah that message didn't look too good after a date. 1
4kad Posted January 28, 2017 Posted January 28, 2017 This is why atleast one phone conversation is mandatory before a date because you want to have her number to update her if you are running late. I have never arranged a date through texting or emailing. OP next time request yall talk for 10-15 mins on the phone. What is so wrong with a phone conversation in 2017?
Grey40 Posted January 29, 2017 Posted January 29, 2017 I used to hate getting this advice, but it's just so true that every male should live by it. Just try and date other girls and have other girls lined up in the background because this kind of stuff happens all the time. DONT focus on just one girl. There are numerous reasons for this. When you put too much into one girl you A) put them on a pedestal B) get upset when things don't work out C) start blaming yourself for every little thing D) become more insecure and lose confidence which makes success with new women that much harder. Once I stopped caring about each individual women so much, things have seemed to really pick up a lot. I know it sounds terrible, but it's just a mindset thing. I'm not saying to disrespect or mistreat women at all, but you have to see them as just another number in the crowd until they seem like an actual viable mate. 2
chphan Posted January 29, 2017 Posted January 29, 2017 (edited) She replied: I did, had a good time thanks. If this is all you got for a reply back then it's game over. One word or one sentence reply when it comes to online dating means no real interest in the long run. This is a more polite answer and then walking away than anything else. If she really had a good time then she would be more talkative or ask if you had a good time too or even ask about when to see you next. Some sort of reply that give an opening for a response back. Looks to me more like she went out with you more of a it can't hurt and see what happens then any real interest in you. As you yourself state that you gave your number to her but she didn't return the favor. You pretty much got a polite fade away reply. You will get used to it as it is Tinder and online. Edited January 29, 2017 by chphan 2
4kad Posted January 29, 2017 Posted January 29, 2017 If this is all you got for a reply back then it's game over. One word or one sentence reply when it comes to online dating means no real interest in the long run. This is a more polite answer and then walking away than anything else. If she really had a good time then she would be more talkative or ask if you had a good time too or even ask about when to see you next. Some sort of reply that give an opening for a response back. Looks to me more like she went out with you more of a it can't hurt and see what happens then any real interest in you. As you yourself state that you gave your number to her but she didn't return the favor. You pretty much got a polite fade away reply. You will get used to it as it is Tinder and online. Years ago after a date I would come home and take my phone off the hook because I didn't want to be wondering if she was going to call. lol It was my way of escaping reality and not having to know if she was interested or not that particular night and just deal with it the next day.
Author ExposedBrick Posted January 29, 2017 Author Posted January 29, 2017 Dont worry so much. Ask her for her number first on Tinder. If she gives that to you, then initiate the second date thru text or call. If she doesn't share her number then either she isn't interested or something is fishy. Either way you will have your answer. Is this a consensus? Should I just be blunt and ask for the number? I am tempted to just ask for a second date as it seems a no lose situation. I offered my number before the date not after. Not exchanging numbers is atypical but why bother going on the date to begin with. I actually don't really care that much but it would be nice to get a heat check. I have about 5 or 6 other women lined up if needed, but she seemed like she had some potential.
angel.eyes Posted January 29, 2017 Posted January 29, 2017 There are quite a few women who refuse to give out their numbers until after a first or second date. I think it's nuts to be so overly cautious, but that's the way they operate. Rather than pressure her for something she's not comfortable giving out just yet, I would first ask for a date via the dating site. If she answers positively, then point out that you don't have her phone number. She'll give it to you when she's ready. Most women don't show a lot of initiative in very early dating. It has nothing to do with how excited they are about a guy. It's just a common approach to dating with many women. She hasn't said no or declined your dating offers so far. So keep going for now.
angel.eyes Posted January 29, 2017 Posted January 29, 2017 If you want second date suggestions, please respond to this.... What did you do for your first date? What interests did you discuss other than concerts and music? What are your hobbies? Her hobbies? What do you know about her from your conversation on the date? A little more detail, and I'll throw out some suggestions.
4kad Posted January 29, 2017 Posted January 29, 2017 There are quite a few women who refuse to give out their numbers until after a first or second date. I think it's nuts to be so overly cautious, but that's the way they operate. Rather than pressure her for something she's not comfortable giving out just yet, I would first ask for a date via the dating site. If she answers positively, then point out that you don't have her phone number. She'll give it to you when she's ready. Most women don't show a lot of initiative in very early dating. It has nothing to do with how excited they are about a guy. It's just a common approach to dating with many women. She hasn't said no or declined your dating offers so far. So keep going for now. And those are the dates i set up near my apartment just in case I get stood up. I normally don't go to meet anyone and have no way to contact her
Grey40 Posted January 29, 2017 Posted January 29, 2017 I think every girl is different. Some don't give out their numbers before a date because there are guys who will bug the crap out of them and they don't want to deal with it. But there's nothing wrong with asking, if they don't want to give it out, they'll tell you. I've also had times where I didn't ask a girl her number until after the first date and she thought that it was really weird and not normal and that I should have asked for it. So really depends on their experience. In my opinion, I don't think you can lose if you ask for her number. It shows initiative and if she is being defensive and not open to giving it to you, maybe she's not worth pursuing anyways, and you do yourself a favor
Author ExposedBrick Posted January 29, 2017 Author Posted January 29, 2017 What did you do for your first date? What interests did you discuss other than concerts and music? What are your hobbies? Her hobbies? What do you know about her from your conversation on the date? A little more detail, and I'll throw out some suggestions. We met for about 1.5 hours, which seem to go quickly. We talked about the concerts and music festivals a lot since we seemed to have some similar interests there. We also both work in the health care field so we related about that. We also talked about the usual background info such as where we were from, colleges, etc. We also talked about some other random news stories and stuff. It actually went quickly, so I'm honestly not sure what else she does. I try to avoid making things to interview-ish, that just makes people feel on the spot. My gut feeling is that it shouldn't really matter much what we do for a second date. If she's interested, she would probably do anything that's not obscure.
Jj66 Posted January 29, 2017 Posted January 29, 2017 If you didn't have her number before the date, you HAVE to ask for it during the date if you are interested in seeing her again. If she doesn't give it to you then she isn't interested in seeing you again. At least not interested enough to take the risk of giving you her number. I got numbers before setting up an initial meeting whenever I could. If they weren't comfortable with giving out their numbers that was fine. I respected that and would continue to use the OLD messaging system and set up the meeting there On the day of the meeting I'd touch base to see that we were still on. I'd send them my number so that they could contact me "in case something came up." Almost all of them followed suit by messaging me their number or by texting me at my number. I can really only remember a few times when I did not have her number before the initial meeting and not even once did I not have the number of someone I went on a second date with before the end of the first date. 1
4kad Posted January 29, 2017 Posted January 29, 2017 If you didn't have her number before the date, you HAVE to ask for it during the date if you are interested in seeing her again. If she doesn't give it to you then she isn't interested in seeing you again. At least not interested enough to take the risk of giving you her number. I got numbers before setting up an initial meeting whenever I could. If they weren't comfortable with giving out their numbers that was fine. I respected that and would continue to use the OLD messaging system and set up the meeting there On the day of the meeting I'd touch base to see that we were still on. I'd send them my number so that they could contact me "in case something came up." Almost all of them followed suit by messaging me their number or by texting me at my number. I can really only remember a few times when I did not have her number before the initial meeting and not even once did I not have the number of someone I went on a second date with before the end of the first date. Since the guy is expected to pay there should be no second date if a guy does not get the number during the 1st date
SevenCity Posted January 29, 2017 Posted January 29, 2017 Women who like you make it easy for you. She's not going to ask you out but would likely show more interest than she did. I would wait a week then message her on tinder asking when she is free to get together. If she likes you it won't matter what you do but keep if fun and cheap like bowling, pool, min golf (weather permitting). As mentioned, this is why you have to date multiple women. Often times a girl with mild interest will go out with you to see if something develops. You could have turned her off or she wasn't feeling it. Sometimes a girl with no interest will go out because it's a freebie and beats sitting home. You have no idea of the back story (other guys, an ex in the picture, emotionally unavailable, etc) so you have to keep dating until you find one that is worthy of your attention. I make it a habit of talking to a girl for 10-15 min on the phone to decide if I want to go out with her. I remember this one who was so nice via messaging and so unbelievably nasty on the phone I ended the call in 1 minute! Saved me from a bad date. You'll find that women who have a high level of interest in you are A LOT more fun to go out with. Try and limit your time to them. You need to practice dating to get good at it. Always go for the kiss at the end of the date and you'll have your answer if she likes you or not.
Author ExposedBrick Posted January 29, 2017 Author Posted January 29, 2017 Women who like you make it easy for you. She's not going to ask you out but would likely show more interest than she did. I would wait a week then message her on tinder asking when she is free to get together. If she likes you it won't matter what you do but keep if fun and cheap like bowling, pool, min golf (weather permitting). As mentioned, this is why you have to date multiple women. Often times a girl with mild interest will go out with you to see if something develops. You could have turned her off or she wasn't feeling it. Sometimes a girl with no interest will go out because it's a freebie and beats sitting home. You have no idea of the back story (other guys, an ex in the picture, emotionally unavailable, etc) so you have to keep dating until you find one that is worthy of your attention. I make it a habit of talking to a girl for 10-15 min on the phone to decide if I want to go out with her. I remember this one who was so nice via messaging and so unbelievably nasty on the phone I ended the call in 1 minute! Saved me from a bad date. You'll find that women who have a high level of interest in you are A LOT more fun to go out with. Try and limit your time to them. You need to practice dating to get good at it. Always go for the kiss at the end of the date and you'll have your answer if she likes you or not. You're probably right. I'm definitely very rusty, it's been about three years since I've been in this process. I have several irons in the fire, but how many is too many?
SevenCity Posted January 29, 2017 Posted January 29, 2017 You're probably right. I'm definitely very rusty, it's been about three years since I've been in this process. I have several irons in the fire, but how many is too many? Try it after 17 years! No such thing as having too many women. It's like saying you have too much money lol. I backed off a lot out of sheer disappoint with the women I was dating (psychos, emotional problems, selfish, ect.) but I was at the point where some weeks was Thursday-Fri-Sat booked with dates. It gets tiring and expensive. I'm in NY so a simple outing with pool or bowling, and something to eat would be minimum $70. X3 it adds up quickly. You'll have a portion that flake on you, others that fizzle, and yet others that aren't what you want. It's important to keep searching until you find one that is gf material. The only way to do this is sheer numbers. OLD for my age group is not fun. I want a woman without kids and most of the ones I've found show me pretty quickly why they are still single. Don't get hung up on one chick until she has earned it.
Jj66 Posted January 29, 2017 Posted January 29, 2017 Don't get hung up on one chick until she has earned it. ^^^^^ ding ding ding. Same advice goes for women. Make him earn your favor.
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