Rabbitrabbitrabbit Posted January 28, 2017 Posted January 28, 2017 My boyfriend and I are in a long distance relationship. We were bestfriends and have been together for a year. I'm 19 and he's 26 and I recently graduated and wanted to find a career but without luck. We've always dreamed of getting married and spending our lives together but just last month he suddenly told me that I really need to come with him because he feels like he's getting tempted to cheat on me with some cashier and promodizer at the grocery store. Of course, my reaction was really bad, I got angry with him and we started arguing. But we agreed on telling my parents that we will get married and go to the country where he's working at. I asked my mom but she didn't want for me to get married so young and my boyfriend and I fought more because of that. (I also really thought that I wasn't going to be allowed) so, I think he feels like I'm uninterested with being with him or fighting for our love with my parents... Because he initially asked for us to just run away, to just elope but I didn't want to do that because I really wanted my parent's permission. Also, I think, one reason that was keeping me from being with him at the time was that, I was really ambitious and I wanted to be on the media industry so bad in my country and felt like I wouldn't be able to exercise my passion in his country where there is not much media industry. I also worked part time in an administrative office so prior to this argument, I failed to go at their house to have (cybersex) for three weeks (we have cybersex once a week) and I was really busy so I understand that he must have felt lonely. We have always been transparent with every aspect in our lives that I didn't expect for him to be using this other account he has on Facebook (I knew of this account but I was blocked on that account so I couldn't see it but (knowing his password on his main facebook account) I saw a group chat that had his other account and they were talking there (along with his friends and his lady friend which I was not fond of and was jealous of because they had history) that I shouldn't know about his other account. His profile pic there is even more updated than his main facebook which has lead me to presume that he must have been more active there and I just got even angrier with him then that I was the one to ask us to break up (because I really thought he was cheating on me) and I even told him I would give back all the things he had given me. And that really hurt him. So he blocked me on facebook, and all of my family members, and then I finally asked my father if I could just be with my boyfriend and get married and he said yes. (I couldn't ask my father at the time because he was out of town) and I told my boyfriend that I was allowed to be with him already but he didn't care anymore. I have told him a great many hurtful words like, he must have been fantasizing about the other girls and I also told them that he should **** everyone he likes because I was really angry but I really regret it and I even sent him hundreds of apologies on other social media and it's like he's given up on me. At first, he said that if we really are for each other, fate will bring us back. And he told me that he has given me enough chances and that he's now too tired to give me another chance. And before he even said that maybe we should just try being away from each other or give each other space. But now, I just feel like he's quit on me. I do not want to lose him but we have broken up. He has broken up with me. I do not know what to do? Help me. I'm willing to give up everything I have just to be with him now, even my ambition, or my family's approval. What should I do for us to get back together?
ExpatInItaly Posted January 28, 2017 Posted January 28, 2017 Good heavens, where to start... There are many red flags here. 1) I agree with your mom, OP. 19 is far too young to uproot your whole life to get married. Where does he live? Do you speak the language? Do you know anyone there? This is such an unwise idea, particularly for someone who doesn't yet have much life experience. Listen to your mom on this one. 2) Have you met your boyfriend in person? You didn't mention where or how you two met, or how much time you have spent together offline. 3) He is clearly hiding parts of his life from you. You being blocked on his social media is an obvious sign there are thing he didn't want you to see. 4) This guy sounds utterly manipulative. He wants you to come to him so he doesn't cheat? No decent guy would say such a thing to you, and blame his wandering eye on you. That is absurd. Has he ever offered to come to you? 5) In my opinion, he was looking for a way out of the relationship so he presented you with a ridiculous ultimatum: marry me or get out. Come on, now. You're barely an adult and you two don't even live in the same country. Surely he knew the chances of that actually happening were slim to none. So it makes it look like your fault that the relationship is ending. Girl, you are too young to be dealing with malarkey like this. Don't waste your prime years in what is clearly a toxic situation. You should not want to get back together with a guy who toys with you this way. Take it from those of us who are older and more experienced - he is bad news for you. 1
kasabanz Posted January 28, 2017 Posted January 28, 2017 Please. Forget about this guy and focus on your career. HE'S NO GOOD! AT ALL! Trust me. You're still very young, you will eventually take off the rose tinted glasses and realize that this guy is absolutely ridiculous. Go no contact. It's so difficult but the harm will continue to drag on if you don't 1
Author Rabbitrabbitrabbit Posted January 29, 2017 Author Posted January 29, 2017 Good heavens, where to start... There are many red flags here. 1) I agree with your mom, OP. 19 is far too young to uproot your whole life to get married. Where does he live? Do you speak the language? Do you know anyone there? This is such an unwise idea, particularly for someone who doesn't yet have much life experience. Listen to your mom on this one. 2) Have you met your boyfriend in person? You didn't mention where or how you two met, or how much time you have spent together offline. 3) He is clearly hiding parts of his life from you. You being blocked on his social media is an obvious sign there are thing he didn't want you to see. 4) This guy sounds utterly manipulative. He wants you to come to him so he doesn't cheat? No decent guy would say such a thing to you, and blame his wandering eye on you. That is absurd. Has he ever offered to come to you? 5) In my opinion, he was looking for a way out of the relationship so he presented you with a ridiculous ultimatum: marry me or get out. Come on, now. You're barely an adult and you two don't even live in the same country. Surely he knew the chances of that actually happening were slim to none. So it makes it look like your fault that the relationship is ending. Girl, you are too young to be dealing with malarkey like this. Don't waste your prime years in what is clearly a toxic situation. You should not want to get back together with a guy who toys with you this way. Take it from those of us who are older and more experienced - he is bad news for you. We met personally. I am from the Philippines, we both are. We've been friends for a year before we got into a relationship. So, that's two years. He went to work abroad and decided for me to come there. I know some friends there but not close ones. I don't know what to do because I really love this guy. My friends tell me that he might have been saying that he's being tempted so as to pressure me more into coming with him.
ExpatInItaly Posted January 29, 2017 Posted January 29, 2017 We met personally. I am from the Philippines, we both are. We've been friends for a year before we got into a relationship. So, that's two years. He went to work abroad and decided for me to come there. I know some friends there but not close ones. I don't know what to do because I really love this guy. My friends tell me that he might have been saying that he's being tempted so as to pressure me more into coming with him. I realize that, but he treats you like crap, hon. I am guessing your friends don't have a lot of relationship experience, either. Guys who say things like he did are manipulators and not to be taken seriously. He's obviously got no intentions of staying faithful to you anymore, and he is going to blame it on you when he actually does cheat. That's what's actually happening here. Let this go. You are nearly guaranteed to get hurt even more if you keep in contact with him.
basil67 Posted January 29, 2017 Posted January 29, 2017 On top of being far too young to marry, you're playing your parents off against each other. Getting a 'no' from one parent and then asking the other is so very childish.
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