Update: I see him everywhere

[Brokenhearted0310]

Hi there,

 

I'm new to posting I just really need input and advice so I'm going to put my story here.

 

I met my now ex in April. And we entered into a whirlwind relationship. We saw each other everyday and it was basically the best, most supportive relationship I've ever had.

 

Flash forward to a few weeks before summer. He would have an internship in a far away city during summer and then in the fall as well. I would be studying abroad in the fall (as a junior), while he (a senior) was at his internship. We vowed to make it work.

 

This, ensues me visiting him once in the summer and then me going off abroad. The long distance was hard but I kept on plugging away. A month into my trip, he starts acting weird. I ask him what's up and he says he's been thinking about the future.

 

Our future is complicated. When we are both back in school in January, he will graduate 3 months later, most likely moving to a different city. I still have basically a half a year of school left after that-- which would mean more distance.

 

We said I love you for the first time as we were breaking up and the process was kind of drawn out a month because of debating. It's been a month and I feel like **** all the time. I think I invested a lot emotionally into this six month relationship. It's making me sad on study abroad which sucks. Then, once I'm almost over it is when I'll see him again. Do u think we could ever make it work? Or is this right?

[AMTHNK3R]

I remember being in your shoes: I had a whirlwind romance with the girl whom I thought I'd end up spending the rest of my life with. The best thing you can do right now it is just let the situation air out; give him some space to make sure that he wants to fix the relationship as much as you do.

 

Enjoy your study abroad trip! This is an amazing opportunity and you will never be able to experience these exact moments again! Grow for yourself and just keep working to become in the best person you can be. If he comes back, you want him to come back on his own. There is nothing worse then begging or trying to convince someone that you're the right person.

 

I'm not saying that you and him may not get back together, but don't live each day with that hope. You continue to live, and if he comes back, that's when you know. You'll rack your brain and drive yourself nuts trying to figure out what you could've done differently or waiting.

 

Just know that it isn't you. As long as you weren't abusive in any kind of way or had any other unhealthy behaviors, it's not you. Things just fall apart sometime for no reason. Then again, some things fall apart to come back together stronger. Either way, just know that you're young, life after college is so different and you have so many more people to meet. Enjoy your life. I know this seems rough now, but I laugh at college me and realize that once time passes, you'll see things differently. You cannot predict the future, but you can sure control your present.

 

I hope this helps some. I know what you're going through. A month ago, my fiancée of six years left me during my first semester of law school over the phone without an explanation...just know that you might be saved from heart break further down the road. Everything happens for a reason. Just keep smiling.

Edited November 6, 2016 by AMTHNK3R
Typo

[Brokenhearted0310]

My boyfriend broke up with me in the midst of a long distance relationship. We had been dating for two months, and then four months of long distance, before he ended due to the time difference and eventual different life paths. We said I love you for the first time as we were breaking up. But, once we get back to school, he will be graduating in 3 months and moving somewhere most likely far away. I still am a junior in college.

 

I will see him in one month for the first time since the breakup as I'm coming back from my study abroad experience. The break up has been SO SO HARD abroad, and I still miss him so much. I called no contact, but then ended up reaching out to him a few times during this time anyway.

 

I keep on thinking that when I get back, we're just going to be back together again. I don't know if this is possible or not and I don't know what to do. I'm looking for a reason of why this has to happen. Is he not worth it? Or is he being realistic? I don't know what to do. I can't imagine school without him. Also he was my first real love and I keep getting flashbacks and am so sad.

[travelbug1996]

Well he broke up with you and not because of you. Therefore, you have to keep your distance and let him come back to you on his own. Live your life, take up some new hobbies, exercise become a happy person without him. Make suere he sees you're ok and not a mess. He may or may not realize what he had.

 

Either way focus on you and your happiness. His loss.

[Brokenhearted0310]

So me and my bf of six months broke up around 2 months ago now. He's a senior I'm a junior. We broke up a month into my study abroad because he was doing an internship and it just wasn't going to work with timing. Also, once we get back, he's most likely moving away after 2 months (he's graduating). He wants to focus on his career and doesn't think he can be in a relationship right now.

 

It's been really tough as we literally said I love you for the first time as we were breaking up. I said strict no contact, but I kind of have blown that and reached but out to him a few times, including with an intense letter.

 

In a few weeks we will both be back in school and IM SO NERVOUS TO SEE HIM. I don't know if he's going to want me back. Everything is up in the air in terms of where we will both be in the months after march. We are both each other's first loves and like is he worth maybe getting back together with? Or is the fact he didn't make me a priority in his life a sign that we arent meant for each other?

 

I can't decide if his decision was realistic or just like immature.

[Philosoraptor]

Well people treat you exactly how they value you. If you weren't treated like a priority, he doesn't value you as such.

 

You need to find your own happiness right now and not worry so much about him. As it stands, without taking the time for your own self growth after a relationship ends... if you jump back in you'll be in the exact same place. How'd that work out last time?

[Brokenhearted0310]

Thanks for the response! The issue in this situation is that like there's a real possibility of us having two months together and then indefinite long distance. So it's not so much of a priority thing as a reality thing. And it just hurts a lot because the timing was really messed up. In terms of self growth, I have been traveling and growing in those ways abroad. Our relationship didn't end because I wasn't self-developed by any means.

[Brokenhearted0310]

Additionally I just think there was so much hope banked on this relationship. We were together for 2 months and planned to do 7 months of long distance and it just feels like we failed. And like I don't know, I think it felt very high stakes which has made it harder for me. Plus I have been very lonely abroad.

[Brokenhearted0310]

Hi. My ex and I have been broken up for three months now, but we broke up over FaceTime and I have not seen him since as I was studying abroad. I'm back in the U.S and will see him in one week. I messaged him to meet as I need the final closure.

 

I feel so pathetic because I've been crying over this every night and I'm so anxious to see him. We broke up because the ldr wasn't feasible (he was working a ton and the time difference made everything near impossible). And now he's graduating in 2 months and leaving and I'm still a junior. He doesn't want to do ldr after he graduates so that was his explanation for ending it. He said it's him, not me.

 

The breakup has been prolonged because I kept on reaching out to him which was bad on my part but I was having a really hard time abroad. But yeah, at this point, I have a hope (even though I know it's toxic) that we will get back together. Our 3 months before the 4 months of ldr were the best three months I've ever had in a relationship. I just feel so pathetic for wanting it back, and want to seem super strong and indifferent when I meet him, but the reality is that I don't see why we shouldn't get back together. What should I say to him? am I being delusional?

[madjac74]

Why on earth would you guys meet up again????

[Brokenhearted0310]

If I don't meet up with him, I'm going to see him randomly on campus so I'd rather have it in a controlled setting rather than a bar or on the streetZ

[Been]

It does not matter when you see him-it's going to hurt either way.

It's you making an excuse to see him. You don't get closure-it's not like if you meet face to face afterwards your going to feel better.

All your going to do is end up begging him which will make it worse.

It's shows the other person that you are an option if they need someone.

The more you beg the further you push him away.

[Been]

Think of it as those people that need to know the "truth"before they move on. It's not like when they find out what exactly happened that all of the sudden they can just move on. It's an excuse to hold on to something.

If you meet face to face then what? Will it all the sudden make you feel ok?

Or will you look for something that will give you a sliver of false hope?

[basil67]

the reality is that I don't see why we shouldn't get back together. What should I say to him? am I being delusional?

 

I went back to your first post after the breakup and found this >>Our future is complicated. When we are both back in school in January, he will graduate 3 months later, most likely moving to a different city. I still have basically a half a year of school left after that-- which would mean more distance.<<

 

This is a reason you shouldn't get back together. He wasn't OK with this distance, so it stands to reason he won't be OK with more distance.

 

Have you considered that he may have found someone else? It's a very common outcome for long distance relationships.

[ExpatInItaly]

You might not see why you two can't be together, but he obviously doesn't share your view. I know it hurts OP, but you need to accept his reasoning so you can move on. Long-distance doesn't work for many people and he doesn't want to try. That should be all you need to know.

 

To answer your question, yes - I think you are fooling yourself by holding out hope. He is leaving, he doesn't do distance, thus there won't be a reconciliation. I feel meeting for closure is going to be a mistake, since you still have feelings and he doesn't share those. Closure doesn't come from someone else. It comes from you accepting the break-up. Unfortunately, I think you are going to find this meeting very painful and I would strongly advise you against it. What is it you intend to say to him, or that you need to hear?

[ExpatInItaly]

I went back to your first post after the breakup and found this >>Our future is complicated. When we are both back in school in January, he will graduate 3 months later, most likely moving to a different city. I still have basically a half a year of school left after that-- which would mean more distance.<<

 

This is a reason you shouldn't get back together. He wasn't OK with this distance, so it stands to reason he won't be OK with more distance.

 

Have you considered that he may have found someone else? It's a very common outcome for long distance relationships.[/QUOTE]

 

This is also an important consideration, OP. Are you really prepared to hear whether he's been seeing other people?

 

Don't do this to yourself, girl.

[Brokenhearted0310]

Thanks for all the responses, they mean so much!

 

I'm almost positive he doesn't have anyone else as he was adamant about the fact that it was circumstantial only. We even said I love you for the first time as we were breaking up.

 

My campus is small so I kind of saw this as a way to just get over seeing him in a controlled setting. He also wants to meet up which I think shows he's not seeing anyone. Wouldn't it be worse if I saw him on the street and was caught off guard?

[Brokenhearted0310]

Additionally, I don't know if this changes anything but even though he will have graduated I have a required internship in summer and fall, so there's a chance we could end up in the same city which is killing me.

[Brokenhearted0310]

I told him I don't want to meet up with him because I know the decision is right.

 

I'm just so upset. I thought we were going to be together for a while.

 

Like I said, I"m almost positive he hasn't been seeing any other girls as it was a career-caused break up. The thought of being with anyone else or him seeing anyone else just hurts a lot.

[mammax3]

It is so hard, I get it. And I agree with the poster who said that closure has to come from within yourself.

 

You're mourning the lost possibilities. The loss of the hopes and dreams you had for him, for you, and your relationship. It hurts and feels awful and uncomfortable.

 

I don't have an easy answer for how to ease the pain. It's a combination of acknowledging that you're hurting (sounds like you're doing that) and figuring out what you need in those moments. I like meditating when I feel my mind/heart is spinning. Just focusing on my breath helps me chill out.

 

There's something to the idea of accepting that he doesn't want to try/do ldr. He gets to do what feels right for him, as do you. They just don't align right now. Neither of you are 'bad' or 'wrong' ... it's just a mismatch right now.

 

hth

[Brokenhearted0310]

Thanks everyone for the help and kind words!

[Pugwash]

Hi. My ex and I have been broken up for three months now, but we broke up over FaceTime and I have not seen him since as I was studying abroad. I'm back in the U.S and will see him in one week. I messaged him to meet as I need the final closure.

I feel so pathetic because I've been crying over this every night and I'm so anxious to see him. We broke up because the ldr wasn't feasible (he was working a ton and the time difference made everything near impossible). And now he's graduating in 2 months and leaving and I'm still a junior. He doesn't want to do ldr after he graduates so that was his explanation for ending it. He said it's him, not me.

 

The breakup has been prolonged because I kept on reaching out to him which was bad on my part but I was having a really hard time abroad. But yeah, at this point, I have a hope (even though I know it's toxic) that we will get back together. Our 3 months before the 4 months of ldr were the best three months I've ever had in a relationship. I just feel so pathetic for wanting it back, and want to seem super strong and indifferent when I meet him, but the reality is that I don't see why we shouldn't get back together. What should I say to him? am I being delusional?

 

I never got the closure I wanted unfortunately, despite my ex getting her previous partners before I was with her to give her closure.

 

It's a tough one to call, because if the other person was deeply into you and you broke up they will feel like they don't owe you anything (just like in my case and to be fair she doesn't owe me anything) but it would be nice to get closure.

 

The cynic in me thinks if she met up with me face to face she would start crying and get upset, not because I'm amazing or anything but because I broke her heart.

 

Does he still love you and want to be with you? If he does than the ball is in your court but don't leave yourself open for more heartache if you know deep down he doesn't want you no matter how hard it is to admit it.

[Brokenhearted0310]

I was on here a while back. My ex and I dated 2 months last spring before embarking on 7 months of long distance. We made it through four months of long distance until he broke it off because now we're back at school. But he will be leaving soon, and I still have a year left, so it didn't make sense to keep going.

 

In short, he's a senior, I'm a junior. He was supposed to leave in March to somewhere across the country. I would be moving around and still at school until next March. But, now, it's changed and he isn't leaving until June, but he still is leaving so he says that it doesn't make sense to get back together after the breakup because the reason we broke up is still there.

 

I hope that makes sense.

 

I was abroad when we were doing ldr and it was really hard to deal with breakup alone, but it's almost worst being back because I see him everywhere. We're like cordial and everything but every time I see him my heart breaks even more. One week, I literally saw him three days in a row. Today we were in the same space for two hours and it was horrible. He works for the same thing I do research for, so it's rough because I am bound to see him at least once a week. As soon as he walks in the room I can literally just feel the horrible tension weighing down on me. Also, I see his friends everywhere which sucks too.

 

I know he feels really awkward about it too. I just don't know how to move on. Like it's been four months and I still can't talk to any other guys. I feel like I've met all the guys at my college at this point and I'm just a washed up junior. There are other things in my life that are very stressful as well that might be contributing to this, I just don't know what to do. I feel like I'm in this hole I'll never get out of.