JKeel88 Posted January 28, 2017 Posted January 28, 2017 I have been seeing a 28 year old woman for about 2 months. We first met at a party and she was quite drunk, she initiated sex however I turned it down because I didn't want to start off that way. I took her home and left, making sure to contact her again. Since then we seem to be progressing well, except in sex. We go out 2-3 times a week. A close mutual friend told me that she has only had sex with 1-2 men. Normally on dates she will get flirty, we'll kiss, tension builds up, then she pulls back and it's like a wall goes up. And repeat on the next date. Build up, build up, build up, and then nothing. When she has had some alcohol she would jump into bed with me right away. I'm not having sex with her when she's been drinking though, if she isn't interested when she is sober. We've talked about it, she says that she wants to but "isn't ready", "is nervous", "next time", etc. It doesn't add up to me. She is a really nice woman and great to be around. She is gorgeous, has a good body (so she shouldn't be self-conscious), she's smart, educated, funny, athletic, very "go with the flow" type personality, incredibly kind. If she really has only slept with 1-2 men (which came from her best friend, not her) it seems odd that she threw herself at me when she was drunk and I was a stranger. I'm attractive and comfortable with myself, but not a "panty dropper".
ThisisIt606 Posted January 28, 2017 Posted January 28, 2017 First, good for you for not having sex with her when she's drunk. That's showing you have good morals, respect, and clear boundaries- yay! If she expressed that she's anxious/nervous... maybe as why? Should could be worried about things such as STDs, Pregnancy, etc. Maybe suggest getting tested together or sharing your most recently results with her. Asking if she's on any contraceptives, buying condoms etc. Certain things even with all the flirting and building up can't be rushed. I think the best thing now is just to be receptive to what she does, make her feel comfortable and make sure your both clean ( as she may be anxious about STDs but too afraid to ask)
ASG Posted January 28, 2017 Posted January 28, 2017 I've had sex with much more than 1 or 2 guys and the same holds true every time... first time sex is scary. I'm much more up for it if I'm drunk than sober. it lowers the inhibitions and gets me to not think too much about things. Maybe she feels the same? 1
Author JKeel88 Posted January 28, 2017 Author Posted January 28, 2017 She hasn't said why she is nervous "just because" or "I don't know" tend to be her answer to that. Everything else we have no problems communicating. I have had an STD test recently and I have told her that I've had that done. I thought that might be a reason for concern for her, but it didn't seem to help.
CaliforniaGirl Posted January 28, 2017 Posted January 28, 2017 This is weird...I wonder if she was ever sexually abused? 2
GCar Posted January 28, 2017 Posted January 28, 2017 If her only issues are sexual, I'd ponder if she has been raped in the past. The stats are something like 25% of women have been raped. She may not have told this mutual friend about it, or that friend might know but understands it's none of her business to tell you. Sleeping with 1, maybe 2 men at 28 is quite low, unless it was a very long relationship. If she isn't ready then she isn't ready. If she was sexually assaulted pushing her isn't going to help at all. When she drinks it probably helps her loosen up a bit.
123Cupcake123 Posted January 28, 2017 Posted January 28, 2017 If she doesn't want to have sex with you yet then she just doesn't. You don't know how long she was with those other guys before she had sex with them, maybe she just needs time to feel more comfortable with you
Articher Posted January 28, 2017 Posted January 28, 2017 Maybe the answer to this is actually super simple? I think she is right out telling you why she is like this... Two years ago I had only had sex with 2 people. I was newly divorced and back in the dating world. Inevitably I started dating a guy with whom I had incredible physical chemistry. I wanted to have sex with him but I was super nervous! Like literally felt anxiety when I thought about it. I'm fit and attractive so it didn't have anything to do with being self-conscious. I just wasn't very experienced and was basically use to only having one long-term sex partner. Eventually it got to the point where I was worried he'd think I was not into him and bolt. I mean, you can only make out and do heavy petting for so long. We both wanted each other and I knew it was my own personal issues that were getting in the way. Soooo I decided to invite him over for a sleep over. He seemed very surprised and immediately grabbed his pjs and headed my way. I had armed myself with several bottles of wine and a whole lot of determination. I literally drank a whole bottle of wine by myself before having sex with him. I am pretty sure he knew what I was doing (since I was downing it like mothers milk) but luckily he rolled with it. After that first time I was fine. I no longer felt nervous with him and we had an incredible sex life (while it lasted). I'm not recommending this method for everyone but it worked for me. I do admit I was a little sad that our first night together was a little fuzzy but I had to find a way to break through my nervousness at that time. Buzzed, uninhibited sex was much, much better than starting our relationship with nervous, anxious sex. That first time allowed me the (liquid) courage to face my fears. Things didn't work out with him but interestingly enough I have had the opportunity for many more "first time" experiences since and have not had to use alcohol to get through ANY of them. So maybe when she tells you that she is just really nervous about it then she just really is nervous about it. Just my two cents. 1
BaileyB Posted January 28, 2017 Posted January 28, 2017 Maybe the answer to this is actually super simple? I think she is right out telling you why she is like this... Two years ago I had only had sex with 2 people. I was newly divorced and back in the dating world. Inevitably I started dating a guy with whom I had incredible physical chemistry. I wanted to have sex with him but I was super nervous! Like literally felt anxiety when I thought about it. I'm fit and attractive so it didn't have anything to do with being self-conscious. I just wasn't very experienced and was basically use to only having one long-term sex partner. Eventually it got to the point where I was worried he'd think I was not into him and bolt. I mean, you can only make out and do heavy petting for so long. We both wanted each other and I knew it was my own personal issues that were getting in the way. Soooo I decided to invite him over for a sleep over. He seemed very surprised and immediately grabbed his pjs and headed my way. I had armed myself with several bottles of wine and a whole lot of determination. I literally drank a whole bottle of wine by myself before having sex with him. I am pretty sure he knew what I was doing (since I was downing it like mothers milk) but luckily he rolled with it. After that first time I was fine. I no longer felt nervous with him and we had an incredible sex life (while it lasted). I'm not recommending this method for everyone but it worked for me. I do admit I was a little sad that our first night together was a little fuzzy but I had to find a way to break through my nervousness at that time. Buzzed, uninhibited sex was much, much better than starting our relationship with nervous, anxious sex. That first time allowed me the (liquid) courage to face my fears. Things didn't work out with him but interestingly enough I have had the opportunity for many more "first time" experiences since and have not had to use alcohol to get through ANY of them. So maybe when she tells you that she is just really nervous about it then she just really is nervous about it. Just my two cents. Same for me. He was ready to go but I was like... "Just let me finish this glass of wine first!" After the first time, it was fine. There is a difference between fall down drunk, and a glass of wine or two to take away some inhibitions and give you just a little more courage... 1
phineas Posted January 28, 2017 Posted January 28, 2017 Or she's a tease and wasting his time? All the over analyzing. i've wasted months on women who acted like this. When i got tired of spinning my wheels i told them to let me know when they were ready for something serious. a month later they were ready for something serious. It just wasn't with me. OP, i would of stopped talking to this woman after a few weeks. Wanted to sleep with you when drunk, doesn't while sober? the beer goggles are strong with that one and something else is wrong with her.
sydneysider1978 Posted January 29, 2017 Posted January 29, 2017 She likes you but isn't ready to sleep with you yet. Some women take a while to feel comfortable. Nothing more complicated or sinister than that. Take it easy as long as you're enjoying yourself on dates with her.
thecrucible Posted January 29, 2017 Posted January 29, 2017 You could tactfully ask what it is you could to help make her feel more comfortable? Obviously not out of the blue but when it comes up again. And then see what she says. I wonder if she really does like you and is nervous because of that. I mean to me even though I've slept with more guys, I'd be really nervous if I was really liking a guy because I'd be more worried about his impression of my body etc and everything else I did.
GemmaUK Posted January 29, 2017 Posted January 29, 2017 I think she wants you to lead a bit - you could certainly lead with the getting flirty in the same way she does with you. She is all flirty etc when having a drink so much and you are saying not to when she has had a drink why not progress when she is flirty and more relaxed (unless of course she is wasted - do not go for it then and not at 2 months in). Do you initiate sexy flirting? A very few men I have dated just seemed to not initiate sex at all..just never and then all they wanted and did when it came to it was penetration, no fun for me at all. One man in his forties 'informed' me that sex was only for men, not for women - it wasn't a need for women apparently - needless to say he was dropped Any foreplay and sexual initiation was down to me. It made it robotic and then I was never satisfied afterwards either. I like to take turns initiating, it's fun. If it all comes down to me I get bored. 1
thecrucible Posted January 29, 2017 Posted January 29, 2017 I think she wants you to lead a bit - you could certainly lead with the getting flirty in the same way she does with you. She is all flirty etc when having a drink so much and you are saying not to when she has had a drink why not progress when she is flirty and more relaxed (unless of course she is wasted - do not go for it then and not at 2 months in). Do you initiate sexy flirting? A very few men I have dated just seemed to not initiate sex at all..just never and then all they wanted and did when it came to it was penetration, no fun for me at all. Exactly. It's a long seduction which starts with building the mood outside the bedroom. Personally I hate initiating first time sex because I want the guy to seduce me. This could be what this lady is after. 1
OnlyHonesty Posted January 29, 2017 Posted January 29, 2017 She likes you but isn't ready to sleep with you yet. Some women take a while to feel comfortable. Nothing more complicated or sinister than that. Take it easy as long as you're enjoying yourself on dates with her. Yet she was happy to do so when drunk....
phineas Posted January 29, 2017 Posted January 29, 2017 Yet she was happy to do so when drunk.... which makes you wonder how many other guys weren't so chivalrous when she got drunk and came onto them.
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