OntarioBoy Posted January 27, 2017 Posted January 27, 2017 So I have a question for the people of this forum. I am a man in my early thirties who has struggled with anxiety/confidence issues ever since I was teenager. In my twenties I finally decided to seek help for my issues and it has definitely helped. Now needless to say I don't have the most experience in the dating world, but I am at the point now where I am trying but don't seem to be getting very far. I've tried the whole OLD thing and well, I feel like its left me very drained. And not in a good way, lol. So my question is how do you flirt with women? Is there anything in particular that I should be doing, or not doing? Also, what constitutes as a strong sign of interest or even how to tell if she is flirting back? I'll totally admit that I can be completely oblivious sometimes. And subtlety, well I don't pick up on at all, lol. And also how do you tell if the person is just being nice or is showing actual interest.
Fhsjkfjrhsdh3646 Posted January 27, 2017 Posted January 27, 2017 (edited) You need to learn how to approach Women and not be nervous -- best thing to do is just go up and talk to random Women in your everyday life. Can start up as simple as smiling and saying Hi, and then maybe making some small talk,etc. I like to think of flirting as playful teasing. For example on one of my last dates, she thought 1.5*4 was 9, and when I told her it was 6, she tried to rationalize it for a second, and then went red and laughed. I playfully poked fun at her about it that evening, and we laughed about it. Flirting can get mildly physical as well. For example if I'm getting a lot of strong signals I might brush her hand and hold it, or a light touch on the shoulder. As long as you have a connection and she feels comfortable, she will usually be receptive. Breaking the touch barrier is important for escalating things beyond being "Just Friends". Just remember that Women aren't delicate creatures, you don't need to put them on a pedestal or shower them with compliments. Laugh, have fun, don't overcompliment her (this is big), and take a few risks. The most important thing is that you need to seem confident in everything you say/do. I used to fake it until I could make it, I suggest you do too Edited January 27, 2017 by barcode88 2
d0nnivain Posted January 27, 2017 Posted January 27, 2017 Stop putting too much pressure on yourself with labels. Flirting is really just lighthearted banter / talking. Smile. Make eye contact. Genuinely listen. Break the touch barrier if you can after a few minutes. If the women is mirroring what you are doing -- smile back, listening to you, making eye contact -- you are good. Try to remember that everyone is nervous. You aren't the only one. 3
Fhsjkfjrhsdh3646 Posted January 27, 2017 Posted January 27, 2017 Stop putting too much pressure on yourself with labels. Flirting is really just lighthearted banter / talking. Smile. Make eye contact. Genuinely listen. Break the touch barrier if you can after a few minutes. If the women is mirroring what you are doing -- smile back, listening to you, making eye contact -- you are good. Try to remember that everyone is nervous. You aren't the only one. I think what really separates flirting from normal communication is that it evokes laughter from the other person. If you want to win a girl's heart, you need to make her laugh. If they're a real winner, they'll dish it right back at ya. Everyone is nervous, it's all about keeping it in check. 4
JuneJulySeptember Posted January 27, 2017 Posted January 27, 2017 (edited) So I have a question for the people of this forum. I am a man in my early thirties who has struggled with anxiety/confidence issues ever since I was teenager. In my twenties I finally decided to seek help for my issues and it has definitely helped. Now needless to say I don't have the most experience in the dating world, but I am at the point now where I am trying but don't seem to be getting very far. I've tried the whole OLD thing and well, I feel like its left me very drained. And not in a good way, lol. So my question is how do you flirt with women? Is there anything in particular that I should be doing, or not doing? Also, what constitutes as a strong sign of interest or even how to tell if she is flirting back? I'll totally admit that I can be completely oblivious sometimes. And subtlety, well I don't pick up on at all, lol. And also how do you tell if the person is just being nice or is showing actual interest. You don't have to 'flirt' to get women. Just be yourself. If you want to let a woman know you are interested, then ask her out whether there's signs or not. The times that I thought a woman was flirting with me, with eye bats, and fingers in the mouth, and giggles, I was wrong every time. The times I was able to hook up or get into relationships with women, there was no indication. This is where OLD is convenient. When I think of guys who 'flirt', I think of my old friend from my bar-hopping days. We'd be in a private karaoke or club room and he say something like, implying the girls should get up on the table and dance for us. And they would laugh. Or he would imply sexual things without actually blurting out "Hey let's have sex." But it was natural for him. That's not natural for some guys, and it would come out awkward. Just being yourself and joking around I don't consider flirting. I call it joking around. Especially if you are looking for a relationship, being something other than yourself is not condusive. If you are looking for tail, then maybe you could try and learn some player type stuff. It'd be a process though. Edited January 27, 2017 by JuneJulySeptember 1
Fhsjkfjrhsdh3646 Posted January 27, 2017 Posted January 27, 2017 You don't have to 'flirt' to get women. Just be yourself. Don't confuse the poor guy! Yes you do... Flirting is a natural way of establishing attraction with the other person. If you just talk about the weather all night and can't make them laugh, there will be no spark. 1
mightycpa Posted January 28, 2017 Posted January 28, 2017 MAINTAINING EYE CONTACT AND A SMILE will get you started. I'm sure you know how uncomfortable eye contact feels. Recognizing signs of interest will allow you to approach. The ability to hold a conversation will keep you in the game. Recognizing when women aren't flirting back will keep you from wasting your time. Asking women out will keep you in dates. How do you learn anything? By doing it until you get good at it. 1
spiderowl Posted January 28, 2017 Posted January 28, 2017 As a woman who hates it when all a guy can do is flirt, I am probably not the best person to give you advice. I prefer to get to know the guy first before getting into all that innuendo stuff. But, things that do make a difference are if he is attentive, friendly, and fun. If he is quite light-hearted but interested, that is a nice mix. It is possible to say something that indicates you are attracted without it being sleazy. For example, that you find her very appealing, then be sweet and fun. Guys who never smile but just look and then make suggestive comments are plain creepy, so avoid that at all costs. Just be the fun friend you would like to have around. Being a gentleman helps too, not too soppy or overly perfect, but good manners and consideration. Making sure she has a chair, offering a drink, generally being thoughtful. It will not go unnoticed that you are paying her attention and she will understand that you may be interested in more than friendship. After all, if you single someone out for a bit more attention, it then becomes obvious. If a woman is interested, she will be happy to spend lots of time with you. She will be willing to go places with you, like the cafe, the pub, for a walk, to a concert. If she is not interested, she will be careful about how she accepts any invitations from someone she sees as a friend rather than potential lover. If she is not interested, she will tend to avoid one-to-one time or be polite, but will not suggest any. If you suggest anything that sounds remotely like a date, she will be busy. If she likes you a lot, she will smile and not be concerned about sitting near to you. She will most likely flirt a bit with you, maybe subtle maybe more obvious. If you take her hand, she will probably not withdraw it until you let go. These are little signs but helpful. 1
thefooloftheyear Posted January 28, 2017 Posted January 28, 2017 Be a dick....eh...don't knock it, works for me... But really..... Its kind of an odd question.... You are who you are...If you are an introvert, you will probably look like a jackass if you try to be the life of the party...Flirting for men comes in the form of confidence...Self assuredness, Looking good and having a good physique...That kind of stuff does all the heavy lifting, so to speak... The reason you probably haven't had any luck is that women pick up on insecurities like you can't believe..They don't get mesmerized by a nice rack like guys do, to the point where they don't see anything else...They see the anxiety and insecurity from a mile away...You need to try to get out from under that, or it's going to be a rough go.. Good luck, man... TFY 2
Chris2016 Posted January 28, 2017 Posted January 28, 2017 Don't be hard on yourself. It also depends on the woman. If she is receptive, reciprocate (even if there is no romantic interest from either party), then it's fun to flirt and banter with her. If she is NOT receptive, doesn't reciprocate, doesn't smile, for whatever reason; not interested, shy, that's her personality, then it's hard to flirt, banter, be witty with her. My older co-worker, her personality is girly girl. Would be nice to hit that, but nothing is going to come of it, from either party. I enjoy chatting with and teasing her, because she'll chat and tease me back. 1
Author OntarioBoy Posted January 28, 2017 Author Posted January 28, 2017 Wow. Thanks for all the replies I'll admit that I tend to be bit of an introvert so I probably wouldn't take the life of the party approach. As for being a gentleman, I've always been a bit more old school so that isn't a problem. Only thing is I can sometimes go a bit overboard on the niceness/decency part. Which sometimes can be perceived as having ulterior motives or being desperate. I guess the big one for me is building up confidence and taking risks.
mightycpa Posted January 28, 2017 Posted January 28, 2017 Wow. Thanks for all the replies I'll admit that I tend to be bit of an introvert so I probably wouldn't take the life of the party approach. As for being a gentleman, I've always been a bit more old school so that isn't a problem. Only thing is I can sometimes go a bit overboard on the niceness/decency part. Which sometimes can be perceived as having ulterior motives or being desperate. I guess the big one for me is building up confidence and taking risks.Take the risks first. Little by little, doing that will build up the confidence.
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