mbee Posted January 27, 2017 Posted January 27, 2017 Hi All, My boyfriend of 5 months broke up with me 2 days ago. I have not contacted him since the breakup and plan not to. I'm 28 and he's 24. I'd written a post about this in the past, but I was his first relationship. He's usually had one night stands and he casually dated a girl for 6 months, but it was nowhere near the seriousness we had as they never had sex, slept together and mostly had dates that ran for 3 hours. He told me he lost his virginity at 21 on a contiki tour with some girl who randomly hooked up with people, so he had been feeling kind of ashamed lately and reevaluating his past relationships. I told him he had nothing to be ashamed of, it's in the past. I've been very patient and kind with him as I know he's inexperienced with relationships and he seemed to be thinking a lot about his life. Anyway we were long distance for 6 weeks. The first 3 weeks were fine. We skyped once or twice a week, messaged each other, stayed in touch. Then around NYE we started having some issues. He stopped saying he missed me and when we skyped he seemed unenthusiastic about seeing me again. He would say he missed me back, but I could feel a difference in the tone. He'd say let's skype Monday, and then never bring it up again until I brought it up. About a few days before I got back home (we live 15 minutes walking from each other) his texts became more enthusiastic and it seemed like a good sign. I got really sick before the flight and we talked and I told him that, and mentioned we should meet at each other's homes since I just want to see him and probably won't want food. He did not contact me the day my flight departed, not even to wish me well. I was down about that but know that he is really bad with time so let it go. The day I flew in, he texted me 4 hours later, saying let's meet at a restaurant. This upset me as he knew I had a stomach flu and I had specifically mentioned I did not want to meet at a restaurant. He wrote me a text saying he;s hungry, how I'm being ridiculous, difficult and asking what was wrong with me. He's never acted like that before, anyway I said I'll just see him at his house. We saw each other and everything was 100% great. Lots of kissing, talking, holding each other, just being together. I let the text thing go cause I figured maybe it was an anomaly, plus he was really stressed with work last week and things were wonderful when we were together. We went on another date a few days later, and he was sick but we had a great time together and he seemed really happy. The following week, something felt off. I live in Australia (I'm American though) and it was Australia day. We were supposed to do a pub crawl with his friends and then spend the evening together. The night before he said he was going to watch a tennis match with his friends that ran till 11pm. I called him and said I was confused as I thought we'd spend time together, and he got irritated and said he hasn't spent much time with his friends (which isn't true as he was at a concert with them the night I called and he saw them a few days before that too) and that he refused to miss the game (I was not asking him to miss it, just was surprised he planned it without talking to me). I let it go as we had a date on Saturday, but then he asked if we could cancel it so he could buy furniture. When I said I wasn't free Sunday, he said, okay he was still going to buy furniture but our date would start at 5-6pm instead of earlier in the day. I asked him if he was losing feelings for me cause it seemed like he didn't want to make time for me and I'd been away for 6 weeks. He got really angry with me and said it was clear I was having doubts, he was having doubts too, couldn't make me happy, felt unhappy, felt like he lost feelings for me. I told him that he did make me happy, that I love him, want things to work, I just want quality time with him. And he said he was unhappy cause the relationship didn't fit his ideals. I know it was his first relationship so I told him that we are both not perfect, I want this to work and we can talk about it and work through this, compromise, figure it out and that I just got back and we can see how things go. He was crying a ton and basically said he just likes his own space and wants to be single. So I said I cannot convince him to stay even though I want him to, and I let him go. I realize maybe the timing was off, especially with his age. I was a great girlfriend to him. The relationship was going pretty well. We had disagreements but never any arguments, even our breakup was amicable and there were no dramas. It's possible his feelings diminished with the distance, but when we saw each other, everything felt wonderful and he would always talk about prior memories with me and he seemed happy. I do know that I was probably a bit too available. Over the distance, I was usually the one initiating conversations, asking if we could skype, checking in and so on. It's possible that turned off his attraction and he views me as too available, too nice, etc. Or took me for granted and didn't value me or what we had. Just need support. And is this a lost cause? I will not contact him. I've been here before in the past, and realize the biggest mistake I made was trying to be friends or staying in touch.
d0nnivain Posted January 28, 2017 Posted January 28, 2017 Sounds like being in a relationship was more of a commitment then he wanted. let him be. You don't really have another choice. Sorry. 2
kasabanz Posted January 28, 2017 Posted January 28, 2017 I wanna say that he thinks that because he has always only done dates and one night stands but it's hard to say for sure. It's possible that he may think about getting back together during no contact but for now, regardless of what happens, you gotta focus on yourself! I have seen couples go through similar situations but I don't want to give you too much hope. Only time will tell. Regardless, the relationship was only 5 months. You deserve someone that's into you as much as you are to them! 1
Author mbee Posted January 28, 2017 Author Posted January 28, 2017 I wanna say that he thinks that because he has always only done dates and one night stands but it's hard to say for sure. It's possible that he may think about getting back together during no contact but for now, regardless of what happens, you gotta focus on yourself! I have seen couples go through similar situations but I don't want to give you too much hope. Only time will tell. Regardless, the relationship was only 5 months. You deserve someone that's into you as much as you are to them! You are right. I'm trying to move on. It's just so hard. I wish he had ended it during or before the distance. Just tough as I was looking forward to us being together again.
preraph Posted January 28, 2017 Posted January 28, 2017 When things start out passionate and full-on and then fizzle, I think it's because some people have this "ideal partner" in their head and they kind of fall in love with the idea of that and project it onto new people. Then because that ideal person doesn't even exist, the longer they are with the person and get to know them, the more obvious it is that this isn't who they hoped it was. Then it fizzles. Now, that is kind of immature and naive behavior, but it seems to happen a lot. Besides you not being whoever the girl in his head is (and I bet she's a doozy, probably laughable that he could get her), you now have to realize that he too wasn't who you hoped he was. And realizing that he just isn't should help you move on. You're social and I know you'll meet some new guys or just stay busy socially and have fun and be just fine. So get in your car or some private place and put the pillow over your face and scream out the frustation and then wash your hands of him. Good luck. 2
Author mbee Posted February 2, 2017 Author Posted February 2, 2017 When things start out passionate and full-on and then fizzle, I think it's because some people have this "ideal partner" in their head and they kind of fall in love with the idea of that and project it onto new people. Then because that ideal person doesn't even exist, the longer they are with the person and get to know them, the more obvious it is that this isn't who they hoped it was. Then it fizzles. Now, that is kind of immature and naive behavior, but it seems to happen a lot. Besides you not being whoever the girl in his head is (and I bet she's a doozy, probably laughable that he could get her), you now have to realize that he too wasn't who you hoped he was. And realizing that he just isn't should help you move on. You're social and I know you'll meet some new guys or just stay busy socially and have fun and be just fine. So get in your car or some private place and put the pillow over your face and scream out the frustation and then wash your hands of him. Good luck. I've read this countless times the last few days to remind myself of the situations. Thanks again for this. What I needed to hear
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