Unsure of what went wrong?

[mandylev]

Hello all,

 

I posted here before regarding my situation and got great advice which I tried to implement. Here I am a few months later, and I am again stuck.

 

Long story short, I met a guy on a dating app about 4 months ago. We dated and in the beginning especially, he was amazing. He introduced me to his friends right away and took me out a lot. Then, I felt he started to get a bit more distant and as a result, my energy also wasn't laid back or fun. Anyway after spending time for a few weeks, I had to go back to the city I live in. He did hint at this point that he didn't want commitment. (I spend time in 2 different cities for work).

 

We kind of kept in touch for the month I was gone and when I went back we met again right away and he said he couldn't wait to see me. We saw each other a lot but at one point, I saw a text on his phone and got visibly upset to which he said 'I don't want you to think I'm ready to be exclusive'. I got very upset and then he messaged me after apologizing saying he is so sorry and hasn't felt this way for anyone in a long time and he wants to see me again. I forgave him and we met again. Then, I felt again the distance on his side and the negative emotion on my side since there was no commitment even though we were spending so much time together as well as getting physical. He then admitted randomly he still was very hurt over his ex. They dated for several years then she gave him an ultimatum to propose and they broke up. She has since moved on with someone else.

 

We then had an emotional talk and he cried about it and said he doesn't know if he is over it yet and that he wants to me with me but hes not ready. Also, I know he is still talking to girls on the dating app. Anyway, I left again and cut him off completely for the month I was gone until he messaged me on new years. Throughout all this time though, I was secretly hoping he would contact me, I was not over it at all and always had him in the back of my mind.

 

I came back to his city 2 weeks ago and we met again. The first few times were amazing. We connected, had a great time, I was confident and laid back and fun and I can tell he was developing all those feelings for me again. We acted like a couple and connected a lot on our dates. Then, we met up again 2 days ago as I was leaving again for a month the next day. Things got sour again mainly because I was getting upset again that our status hadn't changed and of things he said. He was also a bit distant and I got very cold, had an attitude on the date. We could both feel the tension and he said he felt uncomfortable and embarrassed because I looked disinterested and on my phone. I told him sorry but I am stressed with all my traveling and also have mixed feelings about us. He was like 'yeah I get it.' He then said that I should decide where I want to be permanently and I shouldn't let him influence my decision. I took that as he didn't care if I lived in his city or not..

 

We then went back to my place and he stayed the night. I asked whether he would communicate with me when I was gone and he said that hes really bad with communication, even with his friends.

 

Essentially, it just ended on a bad note.

 

I kind f blame myself because I felt like I let my insecurities and expectations spoil our time and create a tension of negativity and neediness. Where as when I am confident and fun, we end up connecting a lot, getting closer and I can feel him mention subtle hints of wanting to be in a relationship.

 

Maybe if I played it cool and we continued having a great time connecting, he would have really wanted to be with me?

 

Either way, I am hurt but deep inside think for my own sanity, I need to walk away.

 

Any thoughts?

 

Thanks so much

[Ieris]

You want a relationship but he doesn't even know what he wants so let him make up his mind on his own time, not yours. Simply walk away, he knows what your want and until he can give you that keep on walking. No point making him your priority, when you are only an option to him.

[d0nnivain]

Yep you need to walk away.

 

IMO you did everything right except listen to him when he told you two very important things: 1). he's not over his EX and 2). he's a bad communicator.

 

You can't fix those & both will drive you crazy. This didn't work because he wasn't in a place where he was ready to do the work to make it work. When it was easy & fun, he was there. As soon as you expected effort, he was out. Unless you don't think you're worth the effort or you enjoy being his rebound, why stick around?

[mandylev]

Yes I agree- I think I will cut him off completely even though it's hard at first