swim808 Posted January 27, 2017 Posted January 27, 2017 I reinitiated contact with an ex that I still care about. Although our break up was mutual at the time, I guess he considers me the dumper since I went NC shortly after even though he wanted to stay friends. He's really angry at me now for cutting contact. From my perspective I just needed some time and space before I could just be friends with him, but I understand why he's upset. I guess I should have talked that decision out with him first to make sure we were on the same page. This feeling that I had done wrong is part of what made me reach out again via text (we're separated by distance at the moment) and I apologized profusely. He didn't forgive me, but he said he was willing to talk about how we can move forward towards being friends. I asked to call him and he said no. So I told him I was ready to talk when he was, to which he responded positively and I left it there. Since then we've been texting a bit, just making small talk. He hasn't seemed overly enthusiastic, but has given enough signals that he does want to hear from me to some degree that I keep up with it. We even made some vague plans to meet up when I'm in his town next week. Then a few days ago, it came out that I had deleted and blocked him on social networks way back when I originally went NC. I had assumed he knew about it this whole time, but apparently he was just finding out. I understand this is a major blow to a guys pride in his relationship with a girl (not my intention of course, just needed to do it for proper NC) and I'm horrified that it's coming up now when I'm trying to make amends. I tried to kind of make light of it, joking a bit and just adding him back but I can tell he's furious. He ignored my text, so I waited the whole day, then texted him again in the evening with a more serious tone apologizing that this was coming up now and that it was never intended to be hurtful. Two days later and he read it but never answered me. My question now is how do I proceed? He just keeps getting more and more angry with me over just texts. I do think it would be good for us to talk face to face next week while I'm in town, but don't know how to bring up the subject again since he's ignored my last two texts. I know that's usually a sign that a guy is not interested in talking to or seeing you, but I'm afraid to make the wrong move here by not reaching out when he knows I'll be around, because going NC was what caused all this resentment in the first place. We were really good friends before we ever even dated, so I really do want to do all that I can to make things right. I'm down to a couple options: 1. I can text him in the next couple of days, asking him if I can fix things and what I need to do to make things right. I don't know what level of communication he's ready for at this point so I just need to hear from his mouth what he needs from me for this to have a shot at being better. 2. I can wait a whole week, just to see if he simmers down and texts me. If he doesn't, I can text him the day before I come to town, asking if we can talk in person while I'm around.if he agrees, we can hopefully smooth the most serious wrinkles then agree to primarily communicate via phone calls after that instead of texts. 3. I can just wait. Not text him, go to town and do my thing, and leave with my job. This one just scares me because it's dangerously similar to the NC I did before. Of course there's always the possibility that he will continue to ignore me even after I pursue one of the above options. At which point I guess it really would be acceptable for me to just stop reaching out anymore since I'm getting nothing from him? Basically switching to a NC on his terms? I'm going to his town next Thursday, and after that my job takes me away for 4 months and I definitely won't see him face to face for at least that long. Opinions on what I should do?
d0nnivain Posted January 27, 2017 Posted January 27, 2017 Unfortunately you walk away. He's still too angry to reconcile. Him ignoring you is a form of payback for you breaking up with him & blocking him. Last ditch effort you can tell him that you will be in town, you want to talk face to face but warn him that for this to work he needs to put all past resentment & hurt behind him. I don't think he can do that. Do you?
Author swim808 Posted January 28, 2017 Author Posted January 28, 2017 Thank you for reading all this and providing some input. It is appreciated! Ultimately, I agree with you. I don’t think he can put the resentment behind him at this point and I think the only way our talking will be productive is when he reaches a point when he can do that. Maybe then we can really work towards being friends. For now, I guess what’s important is that I expressed my remorse for what happened and showed I still care. He knows where I stand, and I suppose that’s really all I can give him until he’s ready to move past what happened (if he ever is). Just to clarify, when you say I walk away, do you mean I just don’t reach out anymore? Or should I send him one last text despite the fact that he’s ignoring me, explaining that although I will be in town it may not be a good idea for us to see each other unless he’s ready to put those things behind him. And tell him if he can’t, which I do understand, I think we should just go our separate ways for now, and my door will always be open if he’s ever ready/wants to move past what happened between us. Will that just anger him more?
d0nnivain Posted January 28, 2017 Posted January 28, 2017 I'd just fade away. You already tried. That one last gasp isn't going to change anything. He has your contact info if he wants to get in touch.
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