steenerz Posted July 21, 2005 Posted July 21, 2005 My friend and I were talking about relationships last night...and cheating came up. We all know so many people who have cheated/been cheated on....and it seemed most common in men. So...just wondering...any guys in here who haven't cheated...and who don't think they will ever cheat in their life? And if you did...what made you do it?
CHAZ87 Posted July 21, 2005 Posted July 21, 2005 I have never cheated. Never thought about it. My feelings for my wife and the way my conscience wouldn't let me hide it, would make it difficult to cheat. So, "no" I have never done it, but my wife has been for the last month.
alphamale Posted July 21, 2005 Posted July 21, 2005 Originally posted by steenerz ....and it seemed most common in men. this is a totally ridiculous stmt STEENERZ. Both men and women cheat at the same rates. Only thing is that women get busted much less often cause they hide the cheating better and are basically better liars than men. So it looks like men cheat more when they really do not.
IhavenoFREAKINclue Posted July 21, 2005 Posted July 21, 2005 Originally posted by alphamale this is a totally ridiculous stmt STEENERZ. Both men and women cheat at the same rates. Only thing is that women get busted much less often cause they hide the cheating better and are basically better liars than men. So it looks like men cheat more when they really do not. I agree 1000% Double standard crap! I've cheated before....Never got caught.....Which just proves women are smarter than men
d'Arthez Posted July 21, 2005 Posted July 21, 2005 Originally posted by IhavenoFREAKINclue Which just proves women are smarter than men It proves that you were not caught. Nothing more.
A Fly onThe Wall Posted July 21, 2005 Posted July 21, 2005 I have never cheated on either my ex-wife or any girlfriends Edited .. corrected spelling
d'Arthez Posted July 21, 2005 Posted July 21, 2005 Originally posted by A Fly onThe Wall I have never cheated on either my e-wife or any girlfriends e-wife? Do wifes exist in an electronic format?
scratch Posted July 21, 2005 Posted July 21, 2005 Originally posted by steenerz So...just wondering...any guys in here who haven't cheated...and who don't think they will ever cheat in their life? I will never cheat, because I won't agree to have an exclusive relationship with someone where I am not sure that it's exactly the kind of relationship I want.
A Fly onThe Wall Posted July 21, 2005 Posted July 21, 2005 Originally posted by d'Arthez e-wife? Do wifes exist in an electronic format? Typo .. you can read typonese can't you ?? Although now that I think about it maybe it was all a dream .. and she wasn't real
blind_otter Posted July 21, 2005 Posted July 21, 2005 Originally posted by A Fly onThe Wall I have never cheated on either my e-wife or any girlfriends What's an e-wife? I've cheated. It's a nasty habit that usually come from being an emotionally unfulfilling relationship. And yeah the only time my partner at the time found out was when I outright TOLD him. Now I think if you simply avoid situations where youa re presented with temptation it's better for your relationship. Some people are just tempted more often than others. Hell, if you never get any offers there's a lower chance you'll cheat, ya know?
ThumbingMyWay Posted July 21, 2005 Posted July 21, 2005 Originally posted by CHAZ87 I have never cheated. Never thought about it. My feelings for my wife and the way my conscience wouldn't let me hide it, would make it difficult to cheat. So, "no" I have never done it, but my wife has been for the last month. this is my stance too....never did, never will.....but my wife DID cheat...had an emo affair for about 1.5 years...with the last 8 months being a phy affair......but she told me and its been 5 months since.....things are OK... Originally posted by alphamale this is a totally ridiculous stmt STEENERZ. Both men and women cheat at the same rates. Only thing is that women get busted much less often cause they hide the cheating better and are basically better liars than men. So it looks like men cheat more when they really do not. I TOTALLY AGREE WITH THIS STATEMENT....
CHAZ87 Posted July 21, 2005 Posted July 21, 2005 TMW- were you and your wife able to reconcile. If so, how long did it take for you to begin to have any kinsd of trust for her?
sanne Posted July 21, 2005 Posted July 21, 2005 people who cheat are likely to cheat their whole lives, it's a sad reality. for someone to cheat it shows me a complete lack of willpower, interest in the relationship, and character.
alphamale Posted July 21, 2005 Posted July 21, 2005 Originally posted by sanne people who cheat are likely to cheat their whole lives, it's a sad reality. for someone to cheat it shows me a complete lack of willpower, interest in the relationship, and character. I disagree SANNE....there are a few circumstances where cheating is justified. For instance....if a man's wife does not want sex anymore and refuses to have sex then I think it is ok for a man to cheat. If a dude has a wife and he has not had sex with her for 5 years because she does not want it then he can go ahead and get it elsewhere and I think it is ok.
scratch Posted July 21, 2005 Posted July 21, 2005 Originally posted by alphamale I disagree SANNE....there are a few circumstances where cheating is justified. For instance....if a man's wife does not want sex anymore and refuses to have sex then I think it is ok for a man to cheat. If a dude has a wife and he has not had sex with her for 5 years because she does not want it then he can go ahead and get it elsewhere and I think it is ok. I agree if and only if he tells her he is going to do it beforehand. Of course, then I wouldn't call it cheating.
alphamale Posted July 21, 2005 Posted July 21, 2005 Originally posted by scratch I agree if and only if he tells her he is going to do it beforehand. Of course, then I wouldn't call it cheating. naah SCRATCH...I think it would be OK whether he told her or not. No one should have to go without sex for 5 yrs in any circumstance.
ThumbingMyWay Posted July 21, 2005 Posted July 21, 2005 Originally posted by CHAZ87 TMW- were you and your wife able to reconcile. If so, how long did it take for you to begin to have any kinsd of trust for her? Sorry this should have been in PM...but CHAZ dont have it....so here ya go Yes we are in recovery right now. My story is complicated.....I had 2 d-days. A false one which started us into MC....then the real truth came out 8 months later (4-1-05). I started to trust her in the false 8 months.....I was really doing well.....but she was a master.....a coniving calculating liar....she duped me pretty good over those 8 months before she finally told me the truth. From that day......I really had some bad times......and still do today. I mean she lied the whole time during 8 moths of MC.....it was tough on me. But to answer your question...I still dont trust her 100%...but I can say it took me at least 4 moths to get over the hump and start accepting the fact that I either need to trust her or not trust her....and I am still working on that trust. She is doing alot to earn the trust back...and she gets frustrated when I ask alot of questions....but she also knows that she needs to 100% honest and upfront with everything, every detail...regardless how trival she may think it is....it may be HUGE for me on the inside..... trust is something that will come in time...you just need to work at it....
CHAZ87 Posted July 21, 2005 Posted July 21, 2005 Sorry about not having PM, I don't know how to get it to work. My wife and I are not in recovery. She still doesn't know who she wants to be with. I don't blame her, I was a pretty lousy husband. I guess since we are not reconciling, I should probably stop grilling her with questions. She will only admit somethinig now if I ask her. She won't volunterally give me any info. Has what you have gone through done anything for your marriage(i.e made it stronger or put a strain on it.) I guess what I am trying to ask, is it worth working it out for you and your wife? Good Luck
ThumbingMyWay Posted July 21, 2005 Posted July 21, 2005 Originally posted by CHAZ87 Sorry about not having PM, I don't know how to get it to work. My wife and I are not in recovery. She still doesn't know who she wants to be with. I don't blame her, I was a pretty lousy husband. I guess since we are not reconciling, I should probably stop grilling her with questions. She will only admit somethinig now if I ask her. She won't volunterally give me any info. Has what you have gone through done anything for your marriage(i.e made it stronger or put a strain on it.) I guess what I am trying to ask, is it worth working it out for you and your wife? Good Luck YES it is worth it.....we will have a strain, cuase the "A" always looms in my head....but it should disapate over time and letting it go. Your wife is still in a fog.....I suggest you go to marriagebuilders.com and seek advice on what is called Plan A and Plan B. Good luck with you too...
griftymcgriff Posted July 21, 2005 Posted July 21, 2005 I've never cheated, and i know i never will!! I Mean, my gf wanted to be in a threesome with me and her friend. but i didnt feel comfortable with another woman so i told her no way. I would only have devotion towards the person i love.
alphamale Posted July 21, 2005 Posted July 21, 2005 Originally posted by griftymcgriff I've never cheated, and i know i never will!! one cannot predict their behaviour until they are actually in the situation. I cheated once on my ex-wife and she never found out. I generally will not cheat but would instead dump her ass first and then have sex with the other chick-a-dee. I Mean, my gf wanted to be in a threesome with me and her friend. but i didnt feel comfortable with another woman so i told her no way. WHAT! have u lost your mind?! the other chick must have been ugly...
griftymcgriff Posted July 21, 2005 Posted July 21, 2005 LOL "chic-a-dee" Love the word mate But seriously i just dont have that sorta mind. maybe your right tho one cannot predict! No i havent lost my mind, i just dont fancy 3somes..or moresomes then my partner :S its very uncomfortable. If she tries to MAKE me again i think i'd just leave the room, not speak a word, get in the car and go for some drift! (ofcourse i'd put some clothes on before exiting)
Pyro Posted July 21, 2005 Posted July 21, 2005 I have never cheated on any of my past GF's nor would I ever. I could never bring myself to do something like that. To me cheating is very selfish, disrespectful, and cowardly. In the past there had been situations where my GF at the time and I were not hanging out together and a girl would be around that had interest in me. I had plenty of times to cheat but have held out. BTW, there is NO justification for cheating. If you are not happy in your relationship, then end it.
CHAZ87 Posted July 21, 2005 Posted July 21, 2005 Originally posted by The Riddler BTW, there is NO justification for cheating. If you are not happy in your relationship, then end it. I totally agree with this. Even though my wife did cheat on me and my mom is telling me about single women she works with. I am still married, I still love my wife, and no way in h_ll I would put somebody through that pain. Call me old fashioned, but I just couldn't bring myself to justify that.
lindya Posted July 21, 2005 Posted July 21, 2005 Originally posted by alphamale I disagree SANNE....there are a few circumstances where cheating is justified. For instance....if a man's wife does not want sex anymore and refuses to have sex then I think it is ok for a man to cheat. If a dude has a wife and he has not had sex with her for 5 years because she does not want it then he can go ahead and get it elsewhere and I think it is ok. Ultimately people have to do whatever works best for their own particular marriage. The problem with "going elsewhere" is that whether the celibate spouse turns a blind eye, or whether the extra-marital sex is part of an open agreement, it allows both partners to ignore whatever problems resulted in the cessation of sex within the marriage. I can see that an open marriage might seem to be the simplest solution, but there's often an inherent dishonesty in those situations. Or, perhaps more correctly, a fear of facing the truth. That truth might be that the marriage has become a passionless, sterile thing of convenience. Or it may be that the "celibate" spouse's lack of interest in sex masks pain, insecurity or hostility that's insidiously infecting the marriage in numerous ways (sex simply being one of the more obvious ones). If the parties don't respect the marriage - or eachother - sufficiently to explore such a huge problem, then one would wonder why the hell they choose to trundle on in their shared misery. Convenience isn't everything.
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