What my dumper did before asking to reconcile

[Aly101]

My ex from a couple years back dumped me. He said he fell out of love (On my other thread I had I talked about my father falling out of love with my mother, it's a good story) He went pretty cold, but we saw each other almost daily. The first or two he totally ignored, extremely cold. After those few months he started acting rude, judging all of my actions and being a Debby Downer to me. We had the same social circle, and he would make plans with my friends in front of me all the time, and if I proposed to do something he would say it was dumb or boring. I had enough and started to hate him. I wouldn't even make eye contact with him. I also never talked to him, even if it was a response to his comments, I wouldn't never talk to him. After about 5-6 months of this rudeness, he contacted me asking to go out on a date, he was sorry and wanted me and all of this. I was over it. I knew he was doing all of this to get my attention. He said he was sure he would never come back and he didn't love me...look how that turned out. If he wasn't rude to me all that time I might have concidered, being rude isn't a good way to get someone's attention, even if you are the dumper or dumpee. I hope he learned a lesson from this and treats his next one a lot better. Feel free to share your thoughts or similar stories.

[MeadowFlower]

Although I've heard that the opposite of love isn't hate, it's indifference. So maybe the way he was acting towards you was a reaction, his feelings for you may not have been completely gone. Still not the way to treat you of course. My ex on the other hand has been in the past more on the indifferent side, which isn't a hopeful sign.

[MeadowFlower]

Did he send any other communication prior to asking you out and saying he wanted you back?

[springy]

Aly, I am curious - what is your story? You have posted a lot of threads about dumper's coming back. Is this post about what's happening with you right now?

[jamili]

Aly, I am curious - what is your story? You have posted a lot of threads about dumper's coming back. Is this post about what's happening with you right now?

 

Check out that 20 page thread on the first page of this subforum, it's hers, and she (dumper) is in the process of reconciling with her ex (dumpee) right now. Its an interesting thread worth reading to get an inside peek at the stages a dumper often goes through , and the importance of strict NC.

[HeartCease]

My ex from a couple years back dumped me. He said he fell out of love (On my other thread I had I talked about my father falling out of love with my mother, it's a good story) He went pretty cold, but we saw each other almost daily. The first or two he totally ignored, extremely cold. After those few months he started acting rude, judging all of my actions and being a Debby Downer to me. We had the same social circle, and he would make plans with my friends in front of me all the time, and if I proposed to do something he would say it was dumb or boring. I had enough and started to hate him. I wouldn't even make eye contact with him. I also never talked to him, even if it was a response to his comments, I wouldn't never talk to him. After about 5-6 months of this rudeness, he contacted me asking to go out on a date, he was sorry and wanted me and all of this. I was over it. I knew he was doing all of this to get my attention. He said he was sure he would never come back and he didn't love me...look how that turned out. If he wasn't rude to me all that time I might have concidered, being rude isn't a good way to get someone's attention, even if you are the dumper or dumpee. I hope he learned a lesson from this and treats his next one a lot better. Feel free to share your thoughts or similar stories.

 

 

 

I wish I could get to a point of being "over it". But I am apparently an endless well of forgiveness and if he apologized, wanted to try again, and showed a genuine desire to try to work things out correctly ... I can't say that I would not be tempted.

 

Unfortunately, that is not his style. He'd much rather try to make it seem like I single-handedly ruined everything.

 

Anyway, he says he does not love me. So finally reaching the point you refer to as "over it" would be incredibly freeing. The only reason I have put up with his crap all of this time is because I do love him. I believe love is patient, forgiving, and always willing to try again. But that seems like a waste when it's being used on someone who is perfectly fine living their life without you.

 

I have made mistakes that people treated as "unforgivable". I know how terrible it is to feel like you can't even be human. Because of that ... I simply cannot bestow that punishment upon someone I love. People deserve the chance to grow and change.

 

But when they use this knowledge to manipulate you ... what choice are you left with but to find a way to get "over it"?