New GF ditched me to party with her friends

[gotsarzes]

So I met this great girl recently and we hit it off from the first date. She's 22 and I'm 28. She is very understanding and nice and would send me good morning and good night texts and constantly touch me every chance she would get. We also have an amazing sex life and the chemistry is great. She introduced me to her dad within the first month as her date. My only gripe with her is she never sets up dates and I always have to ask and set it up, even now 2.5 months in to the relationship.

 

A month into the relationship and she brought up the exclusivity talk and I agreed with her that we should be BF and gf. It has been 2.5 months now since we started going out and our chemistry is still strong. However this week she has not seen me for 3 days straight now. I did not act needy or weak and didn't say it bothers me or anything. She just told me that she is meeting old friends. She also told me that on Friday night (tomorrow) these friends from university days are coming to party at her friends house and she's looking forward to meeting this guy who is really cool and good at setting up parties and getting girls drunk. I was a bit alarmed at first, specially since she doesn't drink but acted like it didn't bother me at all and told her she should definately go to this party! She replied that I should join but I told her I'm not really interested in getting drunk specially with people I don't know. She seemed fine with my answer. Now If she goes to this party Friday night it will be the 4th night in a row we have not seen eachother...and it's not because of anything serious, it's due to the fact that she's meeting friends. She also hasn't come up with any alternative data to meet. I'm thinking this is not normal? But it bothers me that she prefers friends over BF. Should I move on ? What should I do? Thank you in advance.

Edited January 27, 2017 by gotsarzes

[basil67]

She didn't ditch you for the party - you chose not to go.

[preraph]

No one is going to stop seeing their friends just because you are exclusively dating or even if you were married. People have a right to keep their friends and see them and do things with them. She invited you and you said no, and that is fine, but now you can't expect her to cancel plans just because you didn't want to do what she wanted to do. Is that why you said no, hoping she'd blow them off and stay home? If so, now you know that doesn't work and it will also cause a fight if you take an attitude about this. She has done nothing wrong. If you want to go on a date, ask her on a date over the weekend.

[smackie9]

This is where you are incompatible. She's young and still wants to party....she is only 22! You want someone to be with you with everything she does, then you need to find that person. she ain't it.

[gotsarzes]

Ok I think I left some important information behind. I apologize.

 

She told me that we were going to meet Friday night since she misses me so much after not seeing me for 3 days. I agreed and I set up a date for 6pm. Then she called me today and said she really wants to see this guy who is the life of a party and she wants to go to the party: "you can come if you want..." To which I replied with "I would love to meet your friends but it sounds like everybody is going to get drunk and that's not really my thing, plus I'm driving". So the "ditching" comes from the part where she backed out of our date to go to this party.

 

I know she's young but she's a geek inside, she never drinks and rathers to read a book and sip on tea. Ie. She has never gone clubbing in her life.

Edited January 27, 2017 by gotsarzes

[smackie9]

Sounds to me she wants to be with the popular kids.....now you know where her priorities are.

[gotsarzes]

Sounds to me she wants to be with the popular kids.....now you know where her priorities are.

 

That was what I thought. Should I bring this up to her or just move on? I mean I will have to break up with her , can't just walk away...

[smackie9]

That's up to you.............

[gotsarzes]

Any advice would be appreciated thanks!

[Simple Logic]

So I met this great girl recently and we hit it off from the first date. She's 22 and I'm 28. She is very understanding and nice and would send me good morning and good night texts and constantly touch me every chance she would get. We also have an amazing sex life and the chemistry is great. She introduced me to her dad within the first month as her date. My only gripe with her is she never sets up dates and I always have to ask and set it up, even now 2.5 months in to the relationship.

 

A month into the relationship and she brought up the exclusivity talk and I agreed with her that we should be BF and gf. It has been 2.5 months now since we started going out and our chemistry is still strong. However this week she has not seen me for 3 days straight now. I did not act needy or weak and didn't say it bothers me or anything. She just told me that she is meeting old friends. She also told me that on Friday night (tomorrow) these friends from university days are coming to party at her friends house and she's looking forward to meeting this guy who is really cool and good at setting up parties and getting girls drunk. I was a bit alarmed at first, specially since she doesn't drink but acted like it didn't bother me at all and told her she should definately go to this party! She replied that I should join but I told her I'm not really interested in getting drunk specially with people I don't know. She seemed fine with my answer. Now If she goes to this party Friday night it will be the 4th night in a row we have not seen eachother...and it's not because of anything serious, it's due to the fact that she's meeting friends. She also hasn't come up with any alternative data to meet. I'm thinking this is not normal? But it bothers me that she prefers friends over BF. Should I move on ? What should I do? Thank you in advance.

 

You have been dating a 105 days (1 month + 2.5 months) and this is the first time you spent 4 consecutive days without seeing each other? No wonder she opted to go without you.

[Miss Spider]

She's 22 and wants to experience one of the dank parties this guy supposedly throws. She has the opportunity to see you at any Friday. She doesn't get to experience things like this with her friends from uni just any time. I think you should break up with her and tell her the reason. Like Smackie9, said, it looks like an incompatibility. Personally, I could not date a guy that couldn't go 4 days without seeing me without considering breaking up with me. It'd be different if he could not see me, like I went where he was not invited at all...but I want to go on a vacation with my friends and he hates vacations/refuses to go and subsequently gets angry with me for it....yeah, it's not gonna work. If he broke up with me and that was the reason he'd be doing us both a favor.

[OnlyHonesty]

..she never sets up dates and I always have to ask and set it up, even now 2.5 months in to the relationship.

 

 

 

Above says it all. It's a one way street and you let it remain this way. At the end of the day, you are dating a girl and she is behaving like one (as she should).

 

There may be the odd exception but I don't think you can have anything serious with a girl at that age. One day you will be the best thing sinced sliced bread and the next day you won't exist.

 

You are wasting your time.

[ElizabethIII]

Any advice would be appreciated thanks!

 

This is one of those times when we cant advise you.

 

Either you want to keep seeing her, or you dont.

[PogoStick]

I did not act needy or weak and didn't say it bothers me or anything.

 

Now If she goes to this party Friday night it will be the 4th night in a row we have not seen eachother...and it's not because of anything serious, it's due to the fact that she's meeting friends. But it bothers me that she prefers friends over BF. Should I move on ? What should I do? Thank you in advance.

 

That's pretty needy. Better breakup with her and find a gf who doesn't have friends.

[gotsarzes]

You have been dating a 105 days (1 month + 2.5 months) and this is the first time you spent 4 consecutive days without seeing each other? No wonder she opted to go without you.

 

No it's not the first time. Our first 3 dates were actually a week apart. But I guess they weren't really dates because I didn't officially ask her out until 4th time I went out with her which was 2.5 months go. We don't see each other every day. Usually there is a 2 day space since we became exclusive.

 

She's 22 and wants to experience one of the dank parties this guy supposedly throws. She has the opportunity to see you at any Friday. She doesn't get to experience things like this with her friends from uni just any time. I think you should break up with her and tell her the reason. Like Smackie9, said, it looks like an incompatibility. Personally, I could not date a guy that couldn't go 4 days without seeing me without considering breaking up with me. It'd be different if he could not see me, like I went where he was not invited at all...but I want to go on a vacation with my friends and he hates vacations/refuses to go and subsequently gets angry with me for it....yeah, it's not gonna work. If he broke up with me and that was the reason he'd be doing us both a favor.

 

I have no problems with not seeing her 4 days in a row, So I'm totally fine if she goes on a 2 week vacation without me. I just don't want her to cancel dates to see other guys, that just made me lose all attraction in a snap...specially after the way she was describing him. I mean I trust her and I know she won't find anyone better than me but I also know that guy is an ******* and a womanizer and will proly try to get her drunk to bang her. I have never been angry with her and as I said I told her "she should definately go to that party".

 

I suggested breaking up as per advice I got. I have dated lotta women in my life and never met someone describe another guy to me like she did on the phone when she called to cancel our date...specially when we are exclusive.

 

Above says it all. It's a one way street and you let it remain this way. At the end of the day, you are dating a girl and she is behaving like one (as she should).

 

There may be the odd exception but I don't think you can have anything serious with a girl at that age. One day you will be the best thing sinced sliced bread and the next day you won't exist.

 

You are wasting your time.

 

Yes I totally agree the guy should lead and set dates. But I think after a 6 weeks the girl should also bear some of the initiative? Say 25% of dates should be planned by her once you are BF and GF.

Edited January 27, 2017 by gotsarzes

[bubbaganoosh]

Before you move on, if it was me I would wait until this big time party with old friends goes over. If you notice that she's even more distant then before then it might be in your best interest to move on and without a lot of fan fare.

 

At least you have something to go on when you make your decision.

[Miss Spider]

You told her "you should definitely go to that party" then you come on here and brainstorm if/how you should dump her. It almost as though you're looking for an excuse to do it. I obviously don't know how untoward how she described the guy was, you should trust her not to get drunk and have sex with another guy no matter how attractive or how much of a jerk womanizer he is. That shouldn't even be an issue.

[fireflywy]

Before you move on, if it was me I would wait until this big time party with old friends goes over. If you notice that she's even more distant then before then it might be in your best interest to move on and without a lot of fan fare.

 

At least you have something to go on when you make your decision.

 

This is good advice. I wouldn't bail right now though. You invited her for a date but a special circumstance arose, you wer invited, and you decided not to go. Now you could have gone and handled things like a boss (being sociable and respectful of course) and being a presence by her side which waves off other potential suitors, or do what you did and give her a night away (which is good for relationships).

 

Pay attention to what happens as noted by the poster above and pay attention to next time. If the next time you make plans and then she drops them in an emerging pattern, THEN you have a red flag and can walk because it isn't worth wasting your time.

 

Honestly though, I think the age gap means you aren't compatible. As you get older and BOTH people merge into the adult working world then 6 years is nothing but, right now you're a young professional and she's still basically college. Doesn't bode well for a long term prospect.

[GemmaUK]

Good grief!

 

1. These people are in town just now, they aren't always s going to be here.

2. She invited you, it's your choice whether you drink or not - she invited you therefore there is no ulterior motive.

3. This guy will be a spectacle to watch - that is why she wants to go and see him.

4. You sound very needy I'm afraid.

 

Why don't you make plans for yourself with your friends?

Give her space while her pals are around and have trust in her. Please don't come back saying it's him you don't trust - you either don't trust her or you lack respect for her as you don't expect her to make a choice of her own and not get plied with alcohol by this guy.

Saying she should absolutely go and then sulking having said it is not an attractive quality and sure enough she will suss that you are doing it.

 

Chill the heck out and quit pouting about it! Go off with your friends and have some fun yourself and catch up with her the in the next day or so.

[niji]

I mean I trust her and I know she won't find anyone better than me but I also know that guy is an ******* and a womanizer and will proly try to get her drunk to bang her. I have never been angry with her and as I said I told her "she should definately go to that party".

 

Sorry my eyes just rolled a little bit. What did you say?

 

If someone cancels a date with me to go see a guy who's " good at getting girls drunk", I would consider that core incompatibility because they speak an alien language I do not understand. However that's just me, you have to assess for yourself whether that type of lifestyle is compatible with yours. Yes she's 22, at 22 I was very different from 28. Consider how big the age gap and where you are in life will affect the relationship (hence 10 & 16, 22 & 28 then 44 & 50 are all same age gap, but the difference is huge).

[Grumpybutfun]

IMHO, you are jealous and afraid she is going to get with the life of the party guy. If that is the case, then this is about you, not her. However, If this isn't the case then there are other considerations. If you trust her, which you said you did, then maybe you just didn't like the way she described this guy and became possessive of her and her time. You are 28 so you know that feeling insecure is a byproduct of fear of being vulnerable, getting hurt, etc. if you have been cheated on or bypassed in the past by someone, you might just be projecting these insecurities in her and this situation. It never feels good to be a second choice. That is what you are feeling. You feel she is amazing, she feels you are disposable enough to cancel and as an afterthought invite you to a party which doesn't sound like your thing. She may just be a thoughtless 22 year old girl, but the fact still remains that you weren't a high enough priority for her that she didn't want to spend the time with you.

It has been my experience that people who are really into you want to be with you as much as possible, do not cancel plans and while loving time with friends, wouldn't cancel if you are a priority. As the old saying goes, she just isn't as into you as you are into her.

Best of luck,

Grumps

[VeveCakes]

If you want to date a 22 year old, it's time for yourself to work through some things you don't like.

 

Go to the party with her if you are worried. Step out of your comfort zone. This is a chance to show her friends how cool of a bf you are.

 

Or you can stay home and mope and wonder if your gf is getting banged by the life of the party.

 

The choice is obvious to me.

[gotsarzes]

I see two main points one is age difference and other is my insecurity. None of these is a concern. My dad is 7 years older than my mother and they met when she was 21 and he was 28. They have a 30 year anniversary this year and are very much in love. The other is I'm not insecure at all, as I said I know I have nothing to worry about because I know what I have to offer and I know that guy is not going to steal her from me but this doesn't mean he won't try. I'm only concerned because she blew me off 4 nights in a row over her friends. Does this mean I should move on? Most the answers here are split.

 

In any case she messaged me this morning (our last conversation being me agreeing that she should definately go to the party and her asking me to come). She says she changed her mind and wants to see me instead. I insisted that she should go but she is still going to see me. I think this situation was a good test for her.

[preraph]

I think she will resent you for making a deal out of it and you two won't last long.

[VeveCakes]

I see two main points one is age difference and other is my insecurity. None of these is a concern. My dad is 7 years older than my mother and they met when she was 21 and he was 28. They have a 30 year anniversary this year and are very much in love. The other is I'm not insecure at all, as I said I know I have nothing to worry about because I know what I have to offer and I know that guy is not going to steal her from me but this doesn't mean he won't try. I'm only concerned because she blew me off 4 nights in a row over her friends. Does this mean I should move on? Most the answers here are split.

 

In any case she messaged me this morning (our last conversation being me agreeing that she should definately go to the party and her asking me to come). She says she changed her mind and wants to see me instead. I insisted that she should go but she is still going to see me. I think this situation was a good test for her.

 

Well age is only an issue when the age matters, for example 22 and 28 are on totally different planes of life status. What worked 30 years ago does not usually work now. Just an FYI.

 

I still think you should have sucked it up and went to the party with her.